Disclaimer: Any recognizable character is owned by CBS, creators, producers, etc., not me.
The Perfect Place
Lulled now into a state of unexpected relaxation by the combination of the forward motion, the engine noise, the feel of the wind and the comfort of resting against Tim's solid, warm back, I close my eyes and enjoy the ride.
A month it has taken him to get me on the back of his Ducati and never did I think I could feel this relaxed and comfortable while flying down the highway, although my tight grip on his waist might tell a different story. Getting me to go for a ride with him has proven to be quite a challenge for Tim and thankfully he has been patient. That patience came in handy because every time I thought I was ready to get on, I chickened out at the last minute and he remained understanding, never made a big deal about it.
I'm not entirely certain why I've been so apprehensive of the bike, it's probably because motorcycles strike me as dangerous in general and, admittedly, sometimes I do worry about Tim on his, but he's a careful driver, putting the same concentration into driving as he does when he's processing evidence in the lab.
I don't think of myself as a fearful sort, my job is a testament to that, and aside of a slight fear of the dark, and well, ants, I'm a reasonably brave person who's usually not afraid to try new things. It wasn't imperative to our relationship that I conquer this anxiety, but since Tim loves his bike and it's important to him, then it's important to me. I wanted to try at least.
So what finally worked today? A kiss. He cheated. He kissed me, after asking if I trusted him, knowing he could probably get me to do most anything with a kiss, such is the power his lips have over me. Well, that, and the fact that I trust him implicitly, more than I've ever trusted anyone else. I may not trust the motorcycle, but I trust the man driving it and today is the day I decided once and for all to prove that to him and to myself.
Trust, that's the main thing, always the missing ingredient in my past relationships. More than trusting Tim enough to get on the bike with him, more than trusting him at work to watch my back, I trust this man with my heart and I've never done that before with anyone. It was a huge step for me to give him my trust, it's been something I've always struggled with, but for some reason, trusting him came naturally, instead of something I could only aspire to. For the first time, I'm with someone I don't want to push away, in fact the opposite is true, I've been able to open up completely with Tim.
Now with my initial anxiety abated and both arms tightly wrapped around Tim's waist, I find I'm actually enjoying the ride. Maybe I just like being this close to the driver! I can see why Tim loves being on his bike so much, it truly suits him and he does look quite fetching on it.
I have no idea where we are headed, he didn't give me a clue, I'm just happy to have some time off together while the sun is still shining. We don't often share the same days off, although we share the same hours, too long and too many to count. Today, after a really tough week, we managed to get all of our current cases wrapped and there were no new ones so we were both able to escape a bit early.
Tim, especially, seemed anxious to get out of the building this afternoon. He's been more fidgety than usual, I think this week has gotten to him. I know that's why he likes the bike so much, it allows him to feel like everything is rolling off him when he's got that sense of flying down the road in the wind.
He has a way of acting like he doesn't care about anything, so people assume that's who he is, but the truth is, he's a caring guy and feels things deeply, he'll just never let on. He opens up to me now, instead of keeping everything to himself, he gives me the same trust I give him. Surprisingly, I can read him pretty well, which sometimes bugs him a bit, but I remind him he has the same ability to read me, so we're even.
My eyes are still closed, I'm resting against his back and I'm lost in my thoughts when I feel Tim moving and realize we've stopped. I open my eyes to find we're at a red light and see Tim is turning to talk to me.
"You still OK back there?" he asks and although it's a bit hard to hear him, I can detect the concern in his voice. "You've been pretty quiet."
"Did you expect to hear screaming?" Raising my voice to be heard over the engine, I tease him with a grin on my face. "And how could you even hear me over the engine noise?"
He shrugs and gives me a smirk. "You've been holding on pretty tightly."
"Sorry. I'll try to loosen my grip," I offer.
"It's OK. I like knowing you're back there and in no danger of falling off," he teases me back and gives my hands a quick squeeze.
The light changes and we're off again. I know this area, we're near the lab, where our ride began. I hope we're not heading back into work, even Tim's not that dedicated. No worry, I can tell now he's not going toward the lab, a few more stops and starts and we pull into a familiar parking lot.
It's the restaurant where we went on our first real date just a month ago. How sweet, he knows I love this place and it's even more special to me now. We've been back here a few times, usually after leaving work late and needing dinner. That's how I initially discovered the place, it's close to work, looked kind of homey, is located in an older established neighborhood, so I was comfortable going in alone, and best of all, they have great burgers. He parks the bike in the middle of the lot, halfway between the road and the restaurant. It's not to crowded here this time of day between the lunch and dinner rushes.
"I hope you're hungry," he says turning to me after I reluctantly loosen my grip on his waist, but don't withdraw my hands from his sides completely.
"I'm starving, how'd you know?" I ask, leaning against his side, in no hurry to move, enjoying the close proximity to him.
"Could be I just know you. That and we worked through lunch again," he answers with a smug smile as he waits for me to get off.
"Could be you're right on both counts," I answer back with a satisfied smile of my own.
Finally I climb off the bike and remove the helmet allowing my hair to freely escape and cascade down my back. I shake my head a bit and run my fingers through my hair to smooth it. I can feel Tim's eyes on me and turn to see the approving look he's cast in my direction. Tim has the most expressive eyes and when he looks at me this way, with a combination of desire and adoration, my insides all but turn to jelly.
His eyes stay connected to mine as he climbs off the bike, walks over to where I'm standing and offers me his hand. I take his hand, then reach up to briefly meet his lips with my own. The smile I recieve in return makes my own widen.
It seems as if lately I've always got a smile on my face, at least that's what everyone tells me. All due to the man walking by my side with my hand tightly clasped in his as we make our way through the parking lot, and even he, who smiles infrequently, is smiling more these days.
"So, what did you think of your first ride?" he asks, stopping and giving my hand a squeeze, as he looks me over.
"Not bad, not bad," I reply and can't help noticing the smirk on his face. "Oh, don't give me an 'I told you so' look!" I plead, but he can't help it, just as he can't help chuckling right now, earning himself a smack on the arm as we continue walking.
"I just knew you'd like it if you gave it a chance," he tells me, still chuckling.
Kind of like I did with him I muse, however, he is right, I'm just a bit surprised that I liked it as much as I did. Of course, one month ago I never would've dreamed I'd have fallen in love with Tim, but that's exactly what happened, so not much should surprise me any more.
I'm still not completely certain what came over me, out of the blue, to ask Tim, my coworker of the past couple years, out on an actual date. I'm not sure either of us realized that's what I was doing, it is certainly nothing I had ever considered before, Tim wasn't even someone I saw very often outside of work. But that night, all I know is one minute I was spending my free Saturday in the ballistics lab catching up on paperwork, wondering how I would spend the rest of my evening and the next I was looking at Tim, who was also spending his free weekend night at work, and feeling as nervous as a schoolgirl, while I debated asking him to go out to dinner with me.
Honestly, I didn't even know he was around that night. I never expected to find him in the break room when I went to get myself a cup of coffee, let alone expect to find him in there sitting up, dozing on the couch. Anyway, there he was and he just struck me as looking so vulnerable. Now Tim can be described with a lot of different adjectives, smart, witty, caring, come to mind, as do sarcastic, laconic and pessimistic, but never 'vulnerable'. However, that's how he appeared to me and it just changed the way I thought about him. When I caught him gazing at me after he woke, I found myself unable to look away.
Something in his eyes, maybe it was just the way he looked at me, like he really saw me, just drew me in. I guess I should also give Alexx some credit in this, because her words from an earlier conversation were ringing in my ears as I looked at him. When I told her I was done looking for a relationship or even a date, after too many unpleasant ones, she matter of fact told me I was just looking in the wrong places and that maybe I ought to see what was right in front of me. Didn't quite make sense at the time, but it turned out that Tim was right in front of me, both figuratively and literally, and I think maybe Alexx knew that all along.
Tim confessed to me during our first night together that he had had feelings for me for a long time, but wasn't going to act on them because he didn't think I could ever reciprocate. How surprised I was to hear that, and did I ever prove him wrong! There was also the little fact that we worked closely together, which he thought might prove to be a hindrance. Wrong again! Fortunately for us, fate, a lonely Saturday night, hunger from skipping dinner, Alexx' advice and something in Tim's eyes all intervened and I decided to take a risk. Best and most impulsive decision I ever made.
To suddenly see Tim as more than a coworker, that was an eye opening experience. I always thought he was rather attractive in a scruffy kind of way, but suddenly I began to see him as more smoldering than scruffy, and well, he is! I wondered why I never saw him that way before, but it was probably just as well because the timing for us now is perfect.
It was a really long date that started with dinner and didn't end till it was time to get ready for work on Monday morning. And it was really, really nice. He kissed me for the first time after our dinner, in this very parking lot that we're walking through now, and it was a kiss not like any I had ever had. It's kind of hard to do justice to a kiss like that with mere words, let's just say there was more passion and emotion packed into that kiss l than I thought possible and it felt more right than I could have dreamed.
To think it took place in a parking lot! You'd expect a kiss like that to take place in a slightly more romantic setting, say, Paris, or at least on a moonlit beach, but for us, it was indeed, a parking lot, complete with wet pavement, litter, parking lot lights, road noise, and possibly other people around, although I wasn't paying attention to anything but Tim.
If falling in love is comparable to a free fall you make on a leap of faith, then with that kiss my descent had begun and I just kept falling. By the time we finally kissed 'goodbye' at the end of our date, I couldn't imagine ever wanting to be with anyone else, because even when he drives me crazy, which he can, and does with regularity, he still manages to bring out the best in me, understands and accepts the person I am, and loves me no matter what. Simply said, being with him makes me happy.
Walking to the door, I steal a glance at Tim, feeling overcome by the rush of emotions he evokes in me. I can't imagine my future without him in it and I'm grateful, once more, I was impulsive that night, because if I had waited for him to make a move, we wouldn't be together at all. This causes my grin to widen because I can't believe he hid his feelings for so long and was afraid to act on them.
"What?" he asks with a skeptical look when we approach the door and he takes a long look at me.
"Oh, just remembering the first time we came here and thinking how lucky you are I decided to ask you on a date, cause you were never going to make a move on me and if I didn't, who knows where we'd be today," I tease. I can't help but laugh remembering my nervousness and the questioning look in his eyes that night.
The look on his face turns pensive, more serious than my teasing words call for.
"I never forget how lucky I am Calleigh," he says with an intensity I don't expect.
"I'm just teasing you Tim," I cajole, baffled by his sudden solemn look and the emotion behind his words. He seems to have taken my words to heart and I don't mean him to. I want to explain, but he's turned from me and gone inside without saying another word. Well, that's odd. He normally doesn't respond that way to my teasing. Tim's moody with a lot of people, but usually not me, not since we've gotten involved, so I'm a little surprised by this.
Working together, we built a relationship over time based on trust and respect. Eventually our work relationship developed into a kind of friendship, although Tim is shy and kept himself closed off, never allowing me access to his true self. He also had a habit of acting exasperated and annoyed with me, which certainly kept me from guessing how he really felt. He admits now that was an act, which I thought was rather sweet.
Once we opened up to each other, our relationship very quickly grew into something much deeper. It's the kind of relationship neither of us has ever had before, and it happened in a very short amount of time.
My romantic history includes a bunch of fairly short-lived involvements that never really made me happy. I seemed to often find myself with guys who wanted me to be who they assumed I was, or who they just wanted me to be. That never works and I'd rather be alone than be with someone who couldn't appreciate the person I am. Tim's dating history is a bit sketchy, though not as colorful or voluminous as our pal Eric's, he certainly wasn't home sitting idle every night, he just never got serious about anyone.
On paper we don't exactly match up as a couple most people would put together and we did, indeed, surprise a lot of people because we are opposites in many ways, but we're more alike than even we realized. Physically, well, combustible comes to mind as a way to describe our compatibility. That very thought puts another grin on my face, which is certainly a contrast to the brooding man sitting across from me, but I love him, so I accept him, brooding and all, which just makes me smile more.
Tim hasn't said a word since we sat down, he's busied himself looking at the menu, which is unusual since he orders the same burger every time we're here. He realizes I've been staring at him, because he looks up and when he sees me smiling, his face softens and he puts down his menu. He looks ready to say something, but the waitress chooses that very moment to come and take our order. As I expected, Tim orders his usual and by the time the waitress leaves, so does whatever was on his mind to say to me, he's back looking solemn and distracted. He's also still acting a bit twitchy and fidgety, a sure sign something's on his mind, and I don't think it's my teasing words.
"You've been pretty quiet since we sat down and you seem preoccupied. Everything OK? Something on your mind?" I ask, hoping he'll open up.
"Yeah, everything is fine," he offers, not at all forthcoming. Then he adds, looking slightly annoyed, "it's nothing Cal," probably reading the disbelief on my face. I nod, but I don't believe him, I know something's up.
Despite his abrupt change in mood, I'm still happy to have some time to spend with him today. It's been a long week, with lots of overtime for one or both of us and we've both been coming home at night exhausted, wanting to just fall into bed. Maybe he's just tired and that accounts for his mood change, but no, I've seen Tim tired and that's not what this looks like, this looks like something's on his mind and it's bothering him.
Well, my worrying about it isn't going to help, so I decide to let it go and change the subject from Tim's distracted behavior to decorating, one of my favorite topics, in an attempt to lighten the mood. This comes as a surprise to people who think firearms are the only subject that gets me fired up, and although I do love my firearms, decorating comes a close second. Just ask my distracted boyfriend, he'll tell you I'm a closet interior designer.
Now that I've lived in my two bedroom, sort of close to the water apartment for awhile, I've got a feel for the place and I'm ready to do some redecorating. Since Tim's been spending all his time there, I figure he might be interested, especially since I'm going to enlist his help in painting.
We've not discussed living together, it has kind of evolved on it's own since we've been spending all of our nights together. My apartment is nicer, newer, bigger and probably cleaner than Tim's, so that's where we ended up and now quite a bit of Tim's stuff has accumulated there and I don't mind a bit. With that in mind I begin sharing with him the color palate I've chosen for the walls, along with an admittedly one sided conversation about stripes versus floral for the curtains, upholstery and pillows, while we wait for our food.
As I chat and eat, I can't help but observe that Tim has eaten almost nothing, and I know he was hungry before we got here. It would also be difficult not to notice that he has barely said anything during our meal, he's just nodded a lot, and only spoken if I've asked him his opinion. I love to talk and I've seen Tim's eyes glaze over before when I get going on something, but this usually only happens when we go shopping and I've asked him his opinion on one too many pairs of shoes. His eyes aren't glazed over today, they just seem a bit unfocused.
It takes him a moment before he realizes I've stopped talking and I use the time to contemplate what to say to him. He glances at me, sees me staring and is momentarily startled.
"I'm sorry Cal, what were you saying?" he asks with sincerity, reaches for my hand across the table and tries to look genuinely interested.
"Well, I wasn't saying anything, I stopped talking, you just haven't been paying much attention," I tell him with a smile so he knows I'm not upset and let him take my hand.
"I'm sorry, I guess you're right," he gives my hand a squeeze, and gazes directly at me for a change, but offers no explanation.
"Tim what's wrong? You've been acting distracted, fidgety and twitchy since we got here and you haven't eaten..."
"Twitchy?" he echoes, eyebrows raised, before I get a chance to finish my sentence.
"Yeah, when something's bothering you, you can get a bit twitchy," I answer his quizzical look. He forgets how well I know him and how well I can read his body language. I'm a CSI, I'm naturally observant and he's my favorite subject.
"Is there something you want to talk about?" I ask, hoping he'll talk to me.
He looks at me, back out the window to the parking lot, then back to me, finally holding my gaze, before he finally answers cryptically, "not here."
I nod in acknowledgment, not knowing what to say and having no clue what's come over him this afternoon. I just hope it doesn't have to do with us. I wonder if he thinks we're spending too much time together and he needs a break, but spending the afternoon together was his idea. Oh, here I go speculating, that never does me any good. I just have to be patient till he tells me what's on his mind.
We sit in silence waiting for the check and Tim just looks out the window and occasionally back at me, all the while his knee never stops jiggling. This isn't exactly how I imagined this afternoon turning out. I notice it's gotten more crowded in here, the beginning of the dinner rush, I guess. After we pay, we head out to where the bike is parked, the lot fuller now, but no one has parked right by the bike.
I follow him and wait for him to get on the bike first, but he stops abruptly and turns to me, takes the helmet from my hands and puts it on the ground, then places both his hands on my shoulders, which I'm not expecting and sighs deeply.
"Calleigh there is something on my mind." His face doesn't betray his apparent nervousness, but his voice does and that, in turn, makes me nervous.
I manage to block out all the noise and activity around me, after all, we are standing in the middle of an active parking lot, with cars pulling in and out, people around and the highway next to us is bustling this time of day, but the serious look on his face and the nervousness in his voice commands my attention.
"The first time we came here, I knew then that I loved you." He speaks very softly and pauses before continuing. His eyes have captured mine and I can't look away. I don't move or make a sound waiting for what comes next.
"Since then, I've grown to love you more than I thought possible." His voice catches, just a bit, and he removes his hands from my shoulders and gently places them on my cheeks, lightly caressing them with his thumbs, all the while I'm afraid to breathe.
"I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you, if you'll consider it."
Tim," I hesitate, my stomach is filled with the sensation of fluttering butterflies, "do you know what you're saying?" My voice is barely a whisper, I can't look away from his eyes, they're filled with so much love and I'm hoping he sees the same in mine. He nods his response.
"Are you sure?" I can't resist adding.
He tilts my chin up and places the softest, gentlest kiss on my lips before removing his hands from my cheeks and taking my shaking hands in his. I completely forget where I am, all my senses are tuned in to him only, as I wait for what's to come.
Again he nods, this time with an almost imperceptible smile on his lips. "I've been sure since the first time I kissed you in this parking lot." He pauses once more just briefly, as I hold my breath.
"Calleigh Duquesne will you marry me?"
I let out the breath I've been holding, reply with the only possible answer I can and I give it without hesitation. "Yes."
I begin to cry, my tears flowing easily, because at this moment I feel such complete surprise and happiness I don't know what else to do except cry, wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him passionately, right in the middle of the parking lot, on this sunny late afternoon, disregarding anything else that might be going on around me, except this man, who has just asked me to be his wife. He pulls away before I'm ready for him to.
"Cal wait, I've got something for you." He fumbles in his pocket and extracts a ring, no box, just a ring, he then slips on my shaking finger with slightly shaky hands of his own. I gasp, it's exquisite, an brilliant cut center diamond flanked by two, only slightly smaller, brilliant cut diamonds and it's a perfect fit. Sometime I'll have to ask him how he managed that.
"If you don't like it or it doesn't fit right, you can pick something else out," he offers.
I'm momentarily speechless, just staring at my hand. "Tim it's perfect! It's so beautiful! I'll never take it off. Thank you so much," I blurt out when I'm able to speak again, looking between him and this gorgeous ring, but having trouble seeing anything because my tears keep flowing.
"You OK?" he asks tenderly. I nod and he wipes the tears from my face and kisses me softly. "I liked this one, the way the diamonds caught the light. It had a lot of sparkle," he gives as an explanation.
"Tim, I would have loved anything you picked out, but this is truly special. I love it!" I exclaim holding it up to catch the light.
"You planned this, huh?" I ask, now smiling through the tears. This time it's his turn to nod and smile.
"So that explains why you were so distracted and preoccupied?" I can't suppress a giggle.
"Yeah," he answers sheepishly, his arms wrapped tightly around me. "I was starting to get a little worried you might think I was rushing things. But I knew what I wanted and hoped you felt the same. Life's too short to waste, you know?" I nod. "I didn't want to spend any more time without you in my life." He smiles and adds, "I kinda like having you around." With that he kisses me again, this time with a bit more passion, before continuing, "this just seemed like the right place to do it, even though it's not the most romantic setting, it'll always be the place where I got to kiss you for the first time and I'll always remember that kiss. Always."
His words are so meaningful they just make me cry more, who knew he was such a closet romantic. I remember now where we are and I recall the first time he kissed me in this very place, it's not a kiss I'll ever forget either. Who knew a parking lot would hold my most romantic memories.
There's no response I can give him except, "I love you Tim Speedle. This was the perfect place." I reach up to meet his lips. "So this means you're officially mine," I say after removing my lips from his.
"Looks that way," he gives me one of his lopsided smiles. "And Calleigh, I never forget how lucky I am," he says before kissing me again, this time with all the passion I remember that first kiss having.
"We should probably get out of the parking lot now," I tell him after I manage to pull away, needing to breathe and taking my arms from around his neck I grab his shirt collar, as I look around and notice a few people staring, "before we begin to draw even more attention."
"Yeah, let's go home, I'm starving." He gets my not so subtle message and winks at me before he kisses me once more and hands me the helmet.
"Tim, you're not supposed to be hungry, we just left the restaurant! " I climb on the bike after him, giving him a playful smack on the arm.
"I wasn't hungry then, I was too busy wondering what your answer would be," he complains. "But this was worth it, it's been a memorable afternoon, don't ya think? Then he whispers, in a rather sexy voice, "actually, I can't wait to get home and show you how very much I love you."
Mmmm, this causes a shiver to run down my back and I tightly clasp my arms around him. I like the way he thinks and I believe I'm going to enjoy that quite a bit. And later, I've got a wedding to plan, this is going to be much more fun than redecorating! Tim and I are getting married.
the end
