Mirfein: My author's notes are meant to interest, and fill in the gaps left by the journal entries. Tolkien intended on killing Amras off at the burning of the ships, however his son could not find a way to work it in and so left it out all together. Stupid boy! Of course J.R had already left for Valinor by that time and so could do nothing about it.
Annamariah: I know what you mean, everyone assumes that they were exactly alike in character when they as unlike as night and day. Tolkien said I should really highlight this in my recordings. Glad you like reality.
Whenever I think on my sons I can remember so much about each one. Their special likes and dislikes, their favorite food and favorite place; their best friends. And yet….and yet there is among my boys one whose heart I never fully understood. My mysterious dark son.
My Caranthir….
From the moment of his conception I knew him not; I could not touch him with my mind and feel his fea as I had with all the other's. A separate body unto himself from the beginning, I did not even know you were a son until your birth. You burst into the world pink and rosy, unlike all my other babies. You had a ruddy glow to your cheeks and were crowned with a mop of black curls.
You were a silent baby, you never cried, not once! From the beginning you would keep utterly to yourself and would merely wait for all your needs to be met. While Maglor had kept up an almost continual mental communication with me as a baby, you did not. I know you were never close to Feanor either; it was as if you wished to distance yourself from our family.
What thoughts churned in your mind behind your black eyes Caranthir? What feelings did you always hold away from me? What fear kept you from confiding in our family?
And why did men, Edain draw you so much?
Unless you turn from your father's course I may never know. I feel my spirit goes with you everyday and it dwells more on you, my silent one. For I may hope for the other's return based upon their personalities, but I do not know you. Do you know that I pray to Eru for you and your brother's safe return?
Caranthir a shadow of what you were as a baby.
A little boy playing with his toys, or riding across the glades and plains of Valinor. The only time I really saw you open up was when you took Amrod under your wing. You taught him so much, all you ways of solitude and quiet. You encouraged his interest in the coming of men.
"And when men come shall we go together and welcome them Caranthir?" Amrod asked hopefully.
"Yes, I hope they will come soon, I long to meet the second born." you answered.
I remember this so well, because for a moment I saw your heart's desire. Your black eyes shone, and your cheeks flushed pink as only they could.
Other times you worked in the forge with your father and Curufin, bending and shaping the glowing metal into some precious object. You showed such skill that your father praised your work continually. Did this approval mean anything to you? You never gave any sign….
….no, you did. Anything that your father praised you kept carefully in your room. I found them after you had left, all lined up on a shelf. As I touch each one I wonder what was going through your mind as you shaped them.
You….of all my boys, were the only one to look back before you left me. I searched your black eyes, begging you to stay, and for a moment you lingered, hesitated. Then as you turned away you touched my mind with yours.
"Farewell Mother."
And that is my most precious gift of all.
Nerdanel, Wife of Fëanor.
Author's Note: Caranthir went on to become the friend of men in middle earth "looking with favor upon them." As we know Caranthir never returned to Valinor and was slain in the fall of Doriath.