Atsuki: I'm back people! This time with something a little different!
Ryo: Yeah, be afraid, she's attempting proper angst.
Atsuki: Yep! My first one-shot too!
Ryo: Get ready for boredom
Atsuki: You get to kiss Jenrya
Ryo: What! Then why didn't you say so! Hurry up then, on with the fic! (pauses and then turns to her) And why no lemon!
Atsuki: (shakes her head) Horny bastard
Title: My Future
Pairing: Ryrya/Jenryo/RyoxJenrya
Summary: Is Ryo really always so laid back and happy? A sneak peak into the angsty part of Ryo's mind.
"Hey, isn't that Ryo Akiyama!"
"Yeah! He's so cool!"
"He's not just cool, he's legendary!"
Nothing.
They mean nothing to me.
They're voices, a continuous hammering in my head.
Them, who continue to follow me every were I go. The people who may think their standing only a few feet away, when the distance between us seems endless, the ones who desperately seek my approval, my respect, my love…
Pathetic
Don't they realise? Don't they see? No-one can be this damn happy! No-one can smile with sincerity after witnessing what I have, living through the events I have, being used by people I once trusted and called friends.
Why do I keep up this charade! Why do I torture myself like this!
…
…
I already know the answer.
It wouldn't make a difference. They wouldn't understand, couldn't ever understand the pain I've been through. I don't want their pitying looks or meaningless consolations. I'm still alone. I'd still be alone. A lone figure walking down a never ending path to…
To what?
What am I looking forward to? What is there in my future to keep going for? Do I even have a future? If so, will it be as meaningless as the life I've lived so far? What kind of a future is that?
I'm a tool, nothing more.
People have called me a hero, an inspiration but that's a lie.
Someone to protect the digital world, someone to hold the fort until the real heroes arrive, someone whose lives only to follow orders. I'm no hero; I just do what's expected of me.
I was there to partner Agumon and help Tai and the others when they slipped up but I wasn't Agumon's real partner. I wasn't Tai. I was a sidekick that got a lucky break. They were the heroes.
I journeyed with Ken and his partner Wormmon and my new partner, Veemon. I wasn't Veemon's real partner either. His partner was the hero that would come later. It should have been me who was used as a tool for evil, who had that dark seed growing inside me. Ken was meant to be a hero. Fate is fate though and Ken still became a hero along with his new friends. I was just another side character. He never really needed me.
I finally got my own partner and fought Milleniummon for the last time but I was still no hero. It was Cyberdramon that paid the ultimate price. He was the one that absorbed Milleniummon and changed, became almost uncontrollable in his perfect (ultimate level) form.
Some people might comment about how loyal I was, staying with him in the digital world all that time, looking after him but I owed it to him. There's was nothing amazing about staying with him, despite his violent moves he was still my only friend. So I suppose in a way, it was my selfishness that kept me with him, my fear of being alone again.
Then the tamers came along and I suppose the time finally came when I became one of the main characters and maybe even a sort of hero but being a hero wasn't important. Having people acknowledge me for myself was even important.
Well, actually that's a lie. There is one person I want recognition from, to be accepted by.
To the outside world that would be Ruki. The way people see me, it would make perfect sense for the strong, at times arrogant and charming Ryo Akiyama would find a way to melt the heart of the skilled, cold, proud Ruki Makino.
She's not the one though.
The one I seek my approval from is that blue haired beauty with a sharp calculating mind and wisdom far beyond his years.
I love him. It seems silly to say that but that's the only thing I can come up with to identify this unknown emotion. I want to take him in my arms, shield him from the world and protect him with my life if I have to.
For once, I actually want to protect someone. Not out of duty, not because I'm expected to and not because it's my responsibility but because I care, because I want to open my heart and share everything with him.
But I can't burden him. I won't allow him to worry about me.
Because I know one day I'll do something to hurt him, something unforgivable that will drive him away forever.
"That won't happen,"
Of course it will; that's why I have to keep my distance. Friendship is as close as I can allow myself to get and even that's getting in too deep.
"Why?"
Because you'll hate me.
"How do you know that?"
I'm not good enough for you!
"And how am I in any way special?"
You're an angel.
"Angel? Then what am I doing here on Earth?"
Watching over a more deserving person.
"How do you know it's not you I'm watching over?"
…You're not.
"How can you be so sure?"
I just am.
"Wake up for me, Ryo"
No! I can't! I don't want to hurt you!
"You won't,"
…No…if I open my eyes I'll see that look and I couldn't bear that, not from you.
"What look?"
Disappointment, sadness, anger, unhappiness…
"That won't happen,"
Promise?
"I promise,"
In Shinjuku Park
Sky blue eyes opened and blinked unsurely.
"Thank god! I was about to call an ambulance,"
Huh? That voice sounded so familiar. Was it…? But it couldn't be him. Struggling the brunette tried to focus and turned his head in the direction of the voice.
"What the hell did you think you were doing? You could have frozen to death out here!" yelled Jenrya shaking the older tamer. Ryo looked up to see tears in the bluenette's eyes.
"I made you cry…" His voice was desolate. Jenrya didn't even bother to wipe them away instead enveloping the taller boy in a fierce hug. Ryo sat there shocked for a minute before responding by wrapping his arms tightly around the blue haired angel. It felt strangely right to have Jenrya in his arms like this.
"Bastard!" hissed Jenrya angrily, "Don't you ever do that to me again! If I hadn't found you…"
He trailed off, burying his face in Ryo's neck.
"I knew I shouldn't have woken up," sighed Ryo, "I knew I'd just hurt you,"
At this comment Jenrya snapped. He pulled back and tackled the older boy. Ryo felt his back collide with the snow covered ground. Looking up he saw Jenrya on top of him, glaring.
"Everyone says you're perfect. You're strong, good looking, charming and friendly but whoever told me you're smart is a moron!" growled the bluenette before crushing his lips against the lips of the boy below him.
This had to be a dream! There was no way his blue haired angel has just kissed him. He was currently pushing his tongue past Ryo's lips, wasn't stroking Ryo's tongue with his and coaxing it into a playful battle with his own. He wasn't- Ryo moaned. He couldn't help it. Never in his wildest dreams did he picture Jenrya having such a…talented tongue. When the younger tamer eventually pulled away for air, the brunette whimpered at the loss.
"Finally get it? I love you,"
I love you…
The three words Ryo had wanted to hear from this very boy for so long. The ones he thought he'd never hear.
Jenrya looked down at him nervously. Why was he nervous? Did he think the brunette would reject him? How could anyone reject someone so beautiful, so perfect?
"I love you too," Seeing those silver yes light up at his words made Ryo's heart flutter.
Smiling the two boys leaned in for another kiss.
It's weird how much brighter everything seems.
The never ending road I'm walking doesn't seem so long anymore. In fact, I think I've reached my destination. I know what it is now.
It's him.
Jenrya.
My life…
My love…
My future.
Ryo: Okay…
Atsuki: That was…weird.
Ryo: Yeah, I think that might have actually been possibly angst. Where the hell did this come from!
Atsuki: …I…don't…know……..R&R people!
For the people wondering what happened to Nobody's Perfect - I'm discontinuing that fic because I have no idea where I'm going with it however I'll try and find time to write up a lemon for it.