A/N: Okay, a few things before we get started. All right, all right, a lot of things before we get started...
1. I haven't been active for several reasons:
A) Writer's block
B) Migraines and tension headaches that lasted for weeks on end struck very quickly after the writer's block left. I missed several days of school because of those headaches, and almost had to go in for a CAT scan to make sure everything was okay
C) I felt that I couldn't give my all to the story, so I wanted to get everything else out of my system in order to come back to my true love (this is my first epic fic, I'd say it's my true love) with a pure mind
D) Two words: crunch time. As soon as I found the imagination/relaxation/peace of mind to write, school kicked into high gear, and I had four big projects all due by the same date. I went without sleep for two nights in a row to get those stupid things done, grrr…
2. This is extremely short. So short that it literally pains me to post it. But due to increasing (and rather impatient demand), I decided to punch myself through and post it anyway.
Now, those two things said, I have a couple of things to add regarding posts:
1. I will do my very best to post as often as I can. But we have to keep in mind that I won't have very much time: I'll have a full-time babysitting job this summer, and several of my weekends are already dedicated, because three of my best friends graduated this year, and we've decided that we all need to spend as much time together as we can before they have to go.
2. Knowing that, please be patient with me. I know I've already made a lot of demands, and I'm really sorry, but the way things have been going lately, life is hectic at best. Once things calm down, I'm hoping to sit down and punch out several chapters of all my current posted fics, and a few of my unposted ones. Please, please bear with me here, and I promise that I'll do my best to make it worth the wait.
Whew! That was a lot. Now, to tide things over, I have this mini-chapter for you. I can't stand it, mainly because it's WAAAY too short, but we've got to make compromises.
Another thing: there are memories involved in this chapter, and since my little symbol thingys won't work, I'm just going to italicize the memories. So the big chunks of italicized stuff are memories, 'kay?
Thanks for reading all that crap, and I hope this sorta-kinda makes up for my lack in updates... Ta!
..ooOOoo..
The Darkstar
Part Fourteen, Segment I
Enduring the Fire
Her sleep was not restful, nor was it true sleep. When she finally surrendered and struggled to her knees, she felt worse than she had when she began, and even the slightest movement sent a small wave of nausea to roll through her stomach. She knew it would only get worse.
She struggled to her feet once more, all of her weight on the stick. Not all of her sense, however, had left her, at least not entirely, and she surveyed the area for any obvious signs that she'd left, such as blood stains. There were some, and she nudged the leaves around until the blood was hidden away and scattered.
Adariel looked down at her right arm, surveying the blood-soaked fabric that had once been a part of her dress. The material was stiff with dried blood towards the outside of the wound and the area surrounding it, and closer to the center was damp, proof that she was still bleeding. Through the mush that her brain had become, she realized that the wound hadn't been cleaned, and that it would need to be. The odds that the injury was already infected were high, but at least she could prevent it from worsening.
Slowly, carefully, she began to make her way further east. Surely there was a stream or something up ahead, it would only be a matter of time before she found it. Yes, but how much time? a traitorous part of her mind asked, but she did her best to ignore the thought.
A sigh escaped her as she hobbled through the trees and undergrowth. So this is how an elderly human woman feels, she thought idly. I wonder if they begin feeling like this soon before they die, or if they feel like this for a long time before death.
Upon further consideration, Adariel decided that this was not at all a cheerful thought, and so she resolved to think of something else, anything but her situation and her physical condition. Her mind, aggravating thing that it was, first fell to Haldir - she resolved not to contemplate on him, as well, after she spared him one thought: Stupid Marchwarden.
Then her mind moved to the drama surrounding her lineage, and the fact that her surprise at the revelation had not been very great. Why had it not shocked her to the core? Perhaps it was that she always felt a bit more welcome in Elrond's home than her own. She frowned slightly. That was certainly part of it. In fact, the first time she had realized that she felt this way, she had wished with all her might to be Celebrían and Elrond's child. The occasion had been burnt into her memory.
"Adariel! That isn't how it goes!" Aradalien cried, stomping her foot in the dirt.
Adariel sighed recognizing the beginnings of another fight. "Yes, it is, Aradalien," she said patiently. "The daughter must do as the mother says, not the other way around. I'm the mother, remember?"
"So?" Aradalien screeched, and Adariel began to stand. "Why can't you just go swimming, like I told you to!"
"Because I am the mother," she reminded her sister, wishing that Aradalien would stop making up her own rules. "You wanted to be the little girl, remember? You wouldn't let me be the little girl."
"So?" she shrieked again. "My Mama would go swimming for me!"
"You mean our mother?"
"No! She's my mama, not yours, and you're horrible at playing this game!"
That comment was wounding, one of the worst Aradalien had ever said to her. Adariel blinked at her, tears welling in her eyes, then jumped up and started running for home. Terrified of being tattled on, Aradalien ran after her, shrieking for her twin to stop and come back.
"Mother!" Adariel cried, racing into their home, her sister in hot pursuit. "Mother, you're-"
"Mama, she won't play the game properly!" Aradalien interjected, turning the tables on her sister in an instant.
Adariel knew, without a doubt, that her chances had been dashed. Now Mother would only know Aradalien's side of the story, and Adariel would be in trouble. Avarlammeniel knelt before Aradalien, straightening the girl's dress. "How so, Aradalien?"
"She's the daughter, and she's supposed to do what I say, but she keeps bossing me instead. She keeps making up her own rules."
Adariel nearly cried in relief. That wasn't at all what she wanted to talk about! The fact that her sister had just told one of the most obtuse lies she'd ever uttered in her life mattered not at all to Adariel. "No, Mother, that's not at all why-"
"Is this true, Morelen?" Avarlammeniel asked severely, eyeing Adariel with a suspicious eye.
"No, but-"
"Are you telling me that Aradalien is lying?"
What was she to say? The truth would be to say, "Yes, Aradalien is lying, Mother." But Adariel doubted that her mother would believe her, because Mother never believed her when Aradalien was involved. But that wasn't the issue Adariel had in mind. She bit her lips, and settled for a quick outburst of the truth before she moved on to her question.
"Yes, but I want to know if-"
Her mother's face was tight and angry. "Do not speak, child, for you will not like the consequences."
Adariel shut her mouth quickly.
"Aradalien, go wait for me outside. I will speak with you in a moment."
Her twin looked as if she might have regretted the blatant lie, but didn't dare correct herself, for fear of upsetting their mother. Aradalien sulked out of the house, watching her sister over her shoulder. Adariel, however, kept her eyes glued to the ground.
Once Aradalien was safely out of earshot, Avarlammeniel said caustically, "Speak now, for my patience to hear you may not endure."
Adariel ran her tongue over her lips nervously and scrubbed her hands on her skirt. "I only wanted to know if you're my mother, too," she said, shifting slightly from foot to foot.
Avarlammeniel's face crumpled with sadness for an instant, but then suddenly darkened. "No," the she-Elf said, clearly furious. "No. Now leave."
"But Mother-"
"Leave!"
Adariel stumbled back a step, then, with tears in her eyes, whirled around a flew out the door.
"Adariel, wait!" Aradalien cried, but the Morelen did not stop, did not even acknowledge that her sister was there. She ran straight to Lord Elrond's home and, upon finding the Lady of Rivendell reading out on a balcony, flung herself at Celebrían, sobbing with her whole being.
The wonderful thing of it was, Celebrían never once questioned the impetus behind Adariel's tears. She didn't demand reasons, or that Adariel cease her crying, only held her until the tears finally slowed and stopped, and then held her a bit more.
"Please don't tell Father," Adariel begged, her voice thick with tears and muffled by Celebrían's gown. "I don't want to tell him what Mother said. He was so upset last time."
"Last time?"
"Yes," she explained, smearing her sleeve across her eyes as she straightened. "The last time Mother said that I wasn't her daughter. Last time, Father told me that she was just grumpy because Nurar had been out on boarder duty again, but Nurar was at the archery ranges this time."
Celebrían was silent for a moment as she gently pushed Adariel's arm away and began to tenderly wipe the tears away, using a soft linen handkerchief rather than her sleeve. "I'll not tell Nimrómen." The Lady of Rivendell cuddled Adariel to her, rubbing her hand soothingly along the girl's back, and Adariel sniffled as she clung to Celebrían's dress. "You'll stay here tonight, I think," Celebrían said, smoothing Adariel's dark hair away from her face. Adariel nodded, feeling truly loved for the first time in a very long time.
Yes, that was the first time she had truly wished to be Elrond and Celebrían's daughter. The irony of it was that she'd been their child all along. How many could claim that their wish had been real their whole life? The numbers were few, she was sure.
She paused and leaned against a nearby tree, regaining her bearings: the dizziness was increasing. Adariel peered around her, taking in her surroundings. The sun was shining, warm against her skin, but not hot, shimmering down through the leaves and giving the surrounding woods a glowing appearance. It was very beautiful, the sort of day she would have spent riding Gil-luin or reading by the river.
Instead she was limping through the woods, in fear of her life.
Adariel sighed as she resumed her walking. Really, all she wanted was a quiet life with her healing, her books, and her loved ones. She knew of some who wanted adventure, great journeys or tales of valiance and grandeur, but she was certainly not one of them. She wanted no drama.
And yet, that was exactly what her life was, as of late. One large, dramatic event. Her lineage had been completely realigned, her livelihood destroyed, her one-time sister had come to hate her, and she'd managed to… become fond of… one of the most opaque Elves she'd ever met.
"You needn't play hero."
"It is my duty, my lady."
"Hmm, is that so, Marchwarden?"
"It is so."
Adariel sighed and shook her head, but then the world spun at the small movement as her head roared, and she stilled instantly as her hand flew out to steady herself. Curse her loss of blood! Perhaps she needed some sort of sustenance. This was a very probable possibility, but unfortunately, it was something she was distinctly unable to do. Her lack of weapons, speed, strength, and altogether clarity made the process of gathering any sort of food, vegetation or otherwise, a very dangerous and difficult business.
She struggled on, forcing herself not to think of her extremely deplorable condition and even allowing herself to think of the Marchwarden rather than her wounds and hunger and illness.
..ooOOoo..