Chapter Eleven
Teach Me Kindness, Teach Me Cruelty...
Usagi smiled as she got dressed for the day, reflecting happily on the conversation she had with Draco the night before.
"I view you as someone I could possibly..." His words had trailed off, before he decided to continue regardless. "Perhaps, someone I could come to reciprocate to feeling for in such a way."
She giggled slightly, unable to help the 'school-girl crush' feelings that arose within her. He wasn't such a bad person, she tried to tell herself. He did some very cruel things... But beneath the thickened, blackened layers of ice that encased his heart resided a kind, pleasant, and sexy person to be around.. she blushed slightly at thinking of the last describing adjective, though felt it held quite an adequate amount of truth.
They had come to the strangest agreement, she remembered..."You teach me the ways of love... and I'll teach you the ways of lust." Quite a peculiar arrangement, she mused, trying to figure out what aspects of love and kindness she should work on explaining...
...and wondering with a secret sort of excited anticipation, just what aspects of lust he would work on demonstrating.
x-x-x-
Draco watched as Usagi entered the kitchen, surprised at how early she had awaken on her own. "I would have waited on having breakfast had I known you weren't going to sleep well through lunchtime," he said almost apologetically.
Usagi shook her head, a small yawn escaping her mouth. "It's okay," she replied, her small smile deepening upon seeing Dobby. "Good morning Dobby," she greeted warmly, watching him do the dishes from the large stool he stood on.
Dobby gave her a hesitant smile, his eyes saddened slightly. "Good morning to Miss Usagi," he responded in a quiet, shaky tone before finishing up the last dish.
Usagi tilted her head, a troubled expression coming across her face. "If you need any help with the cleaning—"
"That won't be necessary," Draco interrupted coolly, his eyes flickering with slight disgust to the house elf. "You'll be keeping me company today."
So it was back to that, Usagi thought dimly. Perhaps it was a good start in the right direction. "Okay," she agreed with a small smile. To Draco's relief, it wasn't the plastered smile she had begun to mask herself in, but a real one that held a lingering hint of happiness.
"You may have breakfast first. I'll be waiting in my room."
Usagi frowned slightly. "Ya know," she spoke softly, "keeping someone company is a nice thing to do, even if it doesn't benefit you in any kind of way."
Draco raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Is this my first lesson in the ways of amiable kindness?" he asked mockingly.
Usagi thought about it for a moment before nodding slightly. "I suppose it is," she said softly, giving a warm smile to Dobby at the plate of food he prepared for her. He kept his eyes averted from hers, though his cheeks turned darker as she patted his head with affection. Taking the proffered plate, she proceeded into the dining area, taking a seat at the table.
She was mildly surprised, yet quite relieved, when Draco did indeed join her at the table. He took a seat across from her, his gaze settling upon her as she ate. "Another good thing to do is start up a friendly conversation with someone." His expression remained impassive. "Ya know, like... asking how someone's day was," she supplied.
A frown hinted across his lips. "That's a ridiculous question; I already know how your days have been," he retorted, not seeing her logic.
She rolled her eyes, swallowing another mouthful of food. "That was just an example! Fine..." She paused for a moment as she took another bite, contemplating what to ask. "Well, getting to know someone is a very important part of any type of relationship, whether it be friendship or..deeper," she stumbled out, glancing at him quickly. "So I'd like it if you told me about yourself."
Draco was growing slightly annoyed; her pattern of thinking was not making any sort of sense to him. He gave her a sarcastic little smile. "Well, my name is Draco Malfoy... I attend Hogwarts... Currently, I have an indentured servant by the name of Usagi––"
Usagi groaned. "Not like that!" she said with exasperation. "For example..." She thought another moment, feeling slightly saddened they weren't really getting anywhere. "I'm still really not sure what I'd like to do with my life after Hogwarts.. as far as what career to take. My grades are kinda lousy," she admitted with a sheepish smile, twirling her fork against the pile of eggs on her plate. "And even that is an understatement. Regardless of what I wanna do, I'm afraid of not being good enough to really accomplish getting there."
Draco smirked slightly. "Snape isn't all too passing fond of you because of your exceptionally lousy grades," he agreed. "You should ask for extra help from him."
"Oh I have," she moaned pitifully. "He said," she began, lowering her voice to imitate the scowling professor's, " 'Why, Miss Tsukino, would you stay at 'this' point in time? No amount of extra tutoring from me will salvage your grade enough to pass.' " She shook her head sadly. "I'm thinkin' it's in part because I'm in Gryffindor.. and such good friends with Harry and all, since he seems to have such a big personal grudge against him."
Draco frowned. "Professor Snape is smart to have a personal grudge against Potter. Perhaps one day you'll wise up and do the same."
Usagi looked a little sad for a moment. "He's a good friend," she spoke softly, "someone I truly trust and confide in. He's really not a bad person. He offers me kindness, friendship, trust, and all of the positive qualities I could ever dream of having in a friend."
Draco smiled sarcastically. "Then why not date the little perfectionist, hmm? He has quite an interest in you."
Usagi's eyes widened slightly before she laughed uneasily. "Don't be ridiculous!" she exclaimed, shifting in her seat uncomfortably. "We're just friends... I could never view him as anything further than that, and I don't think—"
"Why?" he interrupted abruptly.
Usagi tilted her head. "Why what?"
He pursed his lips lightly, sitting up a little in his seat. "Why could you never view him as anything further than 'a friend'?"
She considered the question for a moment, sighing sadly at having finished all of the food on her plate. "Well, there's several things. I care for him too much like... I dunno, a brother I guess. And," she continued, her voice growing more steady and sure, "you just know when you feel something for someone, you know? Love, or even just forming a little crush on someone... those things you just feel without having to try and make sense of."
Draco looked genuinely interested now. "What do you mean, exactly?"
Usagi smiled a little, unable to help the tint of color that graced her cheeks. "Well... like you, for example," she mumbled. "I can't rationalize why I feel something for you.. but... when I look at you, I get that little feeling of giddiness, where for just a few brief moments nothing else is wrong in the world." Her eyes grew a little dreamy, as if forgetting he was even there. "That feeling of excitement and happiness, apprehension and anticipation... fearing what will happen next, but wanting to know so desperately."
Draco couldn't help but notice the stirring feeling that churned inside of him as she spoke. Maybe there was a bit of truth to her words. "Maybe you speak out of lust, rather than love," he replied in a quiet tone.
Usagi broke out of her daydream. "Huh...?" She frowned slightly. "It's not just physical attraction," she answered in a soft voice, her eyes averting. "I don't think of you in...that way...not solely," she admitted with a blush.
Draco laughed softly, the sound causing her heart to skip a slight beat. "Ohh, so you do think of me in such a way at times?" he inquired, tilting his head. "Admit it, Usa...You want to do more with me than give comforting hugs and kisses..." He couldn't help his own deepened desire for her at seeing the shy look of confirmation upon her face. "It's okay to want those things, you know," he continued in an almost gentle tone.
Usagi shifted again, clasping her hands in front of her. "You should only want to do those kind of things with someone that you love and who loves you back," she stated firmly.
Draco sighed, shaking his head. "That's such an idealistic mindset, that I'm hard pressed to believe is always the case."
"It isn't always the case," Usagi agreed in a plaintive tone, "and that's how feelings get hurt and hearts get broken."
Draco leaned forward a little, his gaze studying her carefully. "Do you fear of me breaking your heart, little Gryffindor?" he asked quietly.
Usagi could not bring herself to respond.
x-x-x-
Harry flipped through the book in front of him at the table he sat at in his dormitory, holding little interest in its content. The days seemed to drag by in agonizingly slow-paced seconds. He never dreamed he'd be anxious for a vacation to come to an end, but that was sincerely how he felt at the moment. Usagi... He hadn't received a quick reply to his owl, and that made him more than a little apprehensive. Was she truly doing alright...? He didn't really have any way of finding out for sure.
He set the book down slowly, pinching the bridge of his nose as a small yawn escaped his lips. He picked up the small stack of letters he had received over his break thus far, leafing through the papers slowly. Ron was having an enjoyable time with his family on a vacation, and Hermione simply asked how things were going with him. Both had asked if he had received any word from Usagi...
Usagi. No matter how much he tried to stray his mind from thinking in that direction, it seemed his thoughts always went back to thinking of her.
He sighed softly, laying down in his bed and closing his eyes. Just another week... one more week and he'd see her again and be able to confirm for sure that everything was alright. He drifted off to sleep rather quickly, pleasant dreams greeting his subconscious mind.
x-x-x-
"I'm tired," Usagi murmured sleepily, a yawn drawing slowly from her mouth as if to give truth to her statement.
"So go to sleep," Draco replied indifferently, glancing at her briefly before returning his gaze to the letter in front of him.
She frowned slightly, rising from her seat on his bed to stand quietly over his shoulder. She began reading the letter he held:
Hey Draco-man,
Just wanted to drop a line and asked how things were going with you and your little sex slave (just kidding!.. i think..)... did ya guys get it on yet? Tell her I said heya and I hope she's doing alright... That little get-together was fun; we should have another before break is up. I have to ask though.. Why didn't ya finish letting her answer Mamoru's question? Was the desire to get it on with her THAT bad? I gotta say, it's made me even more curious why such a pretty, innocent girl would agree to do something so devious with you... does she have the hots for ya? Speaking of which... do YOU have the hots for her? C'mon, ya gotta spill man...
Yours for sure,
‡ Duo Maxwell ‡
Usagi smiled somewhat, thinking of Duo. He seemed like a very nice person, the kind of person to attract the friendship of nearly anyone around him.
Draco stood from his chair, glancing at her smiling expression with a slight frown. "Having fond thoughts, hmm?" he inquired sarcastically, setting the letter down. "You've caused me a bit of a complication with your little fiasco."
Usagi tilted her head. "How so?"
He shrugged slightly. "I never really told them why I have you under this arrangement...They think I'm blackmailing you for something but I never really went into details." He sighed softly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Lies can be such a hard thing, Usagi," he almost complained in a mocking tone.
Usagi frowned. "Well, if you hadn't done such a cruel thing neither of us would be facing this awful situation," she muttered.
Draco raised an eyebrow. "Awful, hmm? Is spending time with me really so awful?" He frowned as well when she didn't reply, her eyes downcast. He walked slowly behind her, circling his arms loosely around her waist and pulling her back against his chest. He rested his head against the crook of her neck, a pleasant smile returning to his face as her pulse quickened. "Is it really so awful?" he repeated in a murmur, holding her close.
Usagi opened her mouth to respond but quickly closed it again, not sure what kind of response was appropriate. "I don't like this situation," she replied after a long moment, her tone quiet and saddened. "I wish you hadn't done such an awful thing. I wish you weren't so cruel and vicious to everyone, especially to me... I wish you cared for me a little," she mumbled out.
"Oh, but I do," he whispered, turning her around to see her expression as he spoke. "I care for you greatly. You think I'd go through all of this trouble if I didn't care?" He watched the uncertain emotions flicker in her eyes, not certain of what to believe or disbelieve from his mouth. "My cruelty..." He paused for a moment, his tone growing soft. "I think it's my entire demeanor that makes me so attractive to you."
Usagi rolled her eyes. "Don't give yourself so much flattering credit," she retorted, a bit annoyed and embarrassed that he spoke so candidly of her being attracted to him when it was such a startling thing for her to deal with.
"Oh, I don't have to. You give me plenty," he responded smoothly, his lips curling into a faint smile as she began to blush. "You get flustered so easily... that's something we may very well have to work on. And," he began again, grasping her chin so she would look at him, "don't think it is one-sided." He kept his eyes locked with hers as he spoke in his quiet tone. "It's quite mutual, I assure you... physically, confusingly, I don't know what else... But I feel something for you that I am rather eager to try exploring a bit."
Usagi looked at him with a wondrous, disbelieving expression. "Really?" was all she could get out in a shaky resemblance of a word.
Draco smirked, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. "Yes, dearest Gryffindor," he murmured, though for once it sounded more affectionate than cruel. "I think we could both use some learning. Teach me kindness, and I'll teach you cruelty.." He pulled himself away from her, allowing her to leave if she so desired.
"Cruelty is not a nice thing," she said quietly.
"And kindness is not required in the means of gaining power," he replied.
Usagi frowned slightly. "Power isn't everything."
"Not everything," he agreed, "but enough to make up a large deal of importance in the stead of trivial things."
"Kindness isn't trivial!" Usagi exclaimed, shocked he could actually feel that way. "It can be so hurtful to be cruel to someone.. you can never be too kind."
Draco licked his lips slightly, his icy blue eyes gazing at her with intrigue. "Oh? Is that truly how you feel?"
She nodded firmly.
"Then tell me, dearest Gryffindor... if not for your over-abundance of kindness, would you have ended up in this little predicament of a situation? If only you had that little edge of cruelty, that small bit of indifference, you wouldn't have wound up here with the requirements I set for you."
Usagi remained silent, wishing he didn't always have to bring up his harsh behavior and the mean act he had committed. It showed a lot about his personality.. he was not one to come to terms with settling for anything less than what he did; he faced his faults and gave a self-disclosure she was slightly surprised of. "I'm sorry you feel that kindness is not an important thing," she replied after a while, her tone calm and passive, "but I think you're right. Maybe we truly do both have a lot to learn."
Draco smirked slightly, inclining his head. "Well perhaps we'll find out," he said softly, pulling off his shirt and chuckling as she blushed and turned away. "Nevermind. I can now firmly attest it as a certainty. Join me," he commanded slightly, beginning to get into the bed. Usagi followed wordlessly, her heartbeat quickening slightly as his strong arms pulled her close against him. "Sleep," he murmured against her ear, his warm breath tingling against her skin, preventing her in a way from doing just that. "Stop trembling so much," he whispered quietly, "it's having a rather pleasing effect upon me that I'm not all too sure you'd approve of." Draco tried quite hard not to laugh as he could practical feel the embarrassed blush and nervousness that radiated from her. "I'm teasing, Usa. Go to sleep."
Usagi squeezed her eyes shut, fearing most desperately that sleep would be an impossible feat for quite a while that night.
x-x-x-
The next day...
Draco's eyes narrowed slightly, a deep-set frown marring across his lips. "This is ridiculous," he muttered, casting a wary glance toward the kitchen. "I refuse to do it."
Usagi pursed her lips slightly, allowing an air of tranquility to settle over her. "Draco," she began patiently, sighing softly. "If you can't even be nice to Dobby, how can you ever expect to be nicer to other people?"
"But it's ridiculous," he repeated with emphasis, gazing at her almost hopefully, waiting for her to see his rationality. He was met with her crossed arms, her eyes patient and expectant. Gritting his teeth, he approached the house elf who was currently scrubbing the kitchen floor, cleaning up the mess of cooking breakfast for the two. "Good morning Dobby," he greeted steely, his voice holding no warmth.
The house elf jumped up from his scrubbing, yelping as he backed away in fear, his eyes widening. "D-Dobby is sorry," he wailed pitifully, "f-for anything the M-master Draco is m-mad about—"
"I'm not mad at you," he all but growled, his voice contradicting his words. "I merely wanted to say good morning and..." He glanced at Usagi, who gave an encouraging, enthusiastic nod. Trying to keep the sarcasm out of his voice, he cleared his throat. "And thank you for breakfast."
Dobby's mouth gaped open, his jaw brushing against the floor he had polished. He didn't say a word, watching in mystic fascination as Draco retreated, grasping Usagi's wrist and pulling her away with him. Usagi cast a quick glance to Dobby, beaming a smile.
Usagi couldn't contain her happiness, small giggles parting from her lips as he pulled her into his room. "There, you ridiculous woman, are you happy?" he asked with annoyance, confused by the happy smile that spread thuroughly across her mouth.
"Yes!" she exclaimed, clasping her hands together as her eyes grew wistful. "You took a big step in the right direction... Saying 'please' and 'thank you' are kind little acts that really go a long way with making a person happy to comply to doing something." Her gaze rested on him, the smile still tugging playfully. "But something tells me you're going to have a problem with the 'please' part, so I figured we'd work on 'thank you.' You did good," she enthused, proud of having a successful mental check with today's lesson of kindness.
He couldn't help the slight happiness he felt at her approval, marveling at how simple of an act brought her the greatest of hopeful excitement. "Well," he began crisply, closing the door and pressing her back against it. He couldn't help but smirk at the surprised expression that came across her face. "Time for your lesson."
Usagi gulped slightly. "Okay," she murmured uncertainly.
"I want you to kiss me," he instructed calmly.
Usagi took a small breath, her eyes widening slightly at the quick turn of the situation. She nodded firmly to herself, taking another breath of encouragement. Rising on her tip-toes, she pressed her lips to his, a mere brushing of a kiss. She pulled away rather quickly, not that she could go very far with her back pressed to the door and his body pressed quite close to her. "That wasn't a kiss," he said briskly, looking at her with slight disappointment.
Usagi frowned. "Yes it was," she defended. "There's different kinds of kisses..."
"And what kind would you categorize that one as?"
Usagi looked thoughtful for a moment. "A friendly kiss," she stated matter-of-factly with a small nod.
His eyebrow rose before a small smile hinted upon his mouth. "Well then. From this point forward, I'll clarify that we refrain from 'friendly kisses.' I meant, a real kiss, one that doesn't hold so much...kindness."
Usagi frowned slightly. "Kindness is important with all actions you do—"
"Not 'all'. Sometimes, Usa, it just isn't quite as fun with so many niceties as a necessity."
She rolled her eyes, looking at him skeptically. "So you want me to...kiss you?" she asked almost timidly.
Draco gave her a mocking look of contemplation. "Hmm... I do believe that is what I said."
Usagi began leaning toward him again before pulling away sharply. "This is ridiculous!" she exclaimed, growing rather uncomfortable at having to initiate things.
Oh, how sweet revenge could be sometimes. He crossed his arms briefly, giving her the same look of patient expectation that she had previously given him during her "lesson". She scowled slightly at this, giving a sigh of exasperation. "Fine, fine," she relented with a mutter, shaking her head.
His skin tingled lightly as her hand came to clasp softly against the back of his neck. She took a shaky breath as she began to lean forward. "Okay but... you have to... you know," she whispered quietly.
Draco tried to contain his smirk as he inclined his head somewhat. "Oh don't worry, I will," he promised in a low tone, his voice languid and sensual.
It started off much like the first; a chaste, subtle act of innocence. He breathed out slowly as he waited patiently for her to deepen it, parting his lips slightly against hers for encouragement. She squeezed her eyes shut as the blush stained upon her cheeks darkened. "Go on," he whispered against her, the sound of his voice causing her eyes to drift back open. His icy blue eyes locked briefly with her darker ones as she finally deepened the kiss.
Usagi's fears of him not responding were quickly dissipated as his arms wound around her tightly, pulling her body firmly against his. Her breath trembled out hot and shaky as his mouth caressed gently upon hers. Her hands lowered slowly to his waist, placing them against the hem of his shirt, not quite realizing her actions as she began to tug the thin material upward. As if breaking out of a reverie, she began to draw away.
"No," he murmured quickly, pressing his mouth to hers hard for a brief moment before distancing himself slightly. "Don't stop yourself. Do what you feel."
She shook her head vigorously, biting her lower lip softly. "We shouldn't... I shouldn't..."
Draco looked almost thoughtful for a moment. "So if I tried to move things further," he asked quietly, "would you stop me?"
Not waiting for a verbal response, he pressed her back to the door again, letting his lips rest fully against hers as she took a sharp intake of breath. His mouth trailed languidly to her neck, his soft kisses tingling warmly against her skin. Her breath quickened slightly as she felt a dizzying sensation spreading gradually through her.
"Tell me when to stop," he murmured against her ear before biting softly upon the tender flesh of her earlobe. She moaned a little against him, unconsciously brushing her fingers against the nape of his neck, running them through his hair slowly. He kissed his way back to her lips, his hands working to undo the tied buns of her hair. The long blonde tresses spilled down against her shoulders as he loosely weaved his fingers through the locks. He let his hands grasp her shoulders for a moment before sliding them to the first button of her pink top.
With careful fingers, he unbuttoned the first clasp with a deliberate slowness, his hand sliding purposely against the slight bit of bare flesh it exposed. His hands grasped the next button, slipping it effortlessly out of the loop and parting her shirt further. He felt her breathing quicken impossibly, could practically hear the loud beating of her heart. "Relax," he whispered softly, pulling away from the long kiss they had been engaged in. His fingers worked slowly on the next button, his forehead resting against hers.
Her lips were parted and trembling, quivering breaths of apprehension wavering out quickly. When his hands reached to undo the next button, her breath caught sharply as his fingers brushed against the silky material of her bra, a frown hinting across his lips for the added obstruction. Pushing the separation of her shirt apart, his sensual smile was the last image transfixed in her mind before her eyes drifted shut. He began kissing her again, his lips warm and soft against her own. As his hands finally undid the last button of her shirt, he felt her gasp softly against him as his hands came to settle warmly against the bare flesh of her slender waist.
With the same tactful slowness, he looped one arm carefully around her waist, feeling her arch slightly upon the initial contact. His other hand began sliding lightly upward, his fingertips brushing delicately across the soft flesh. As his hand began slipping slowly under the silky material of her bra, it was then that Usagi's eyes widened. "S-stop," she faltered.
"Are you sure?" he murmured, letting both of his hands rest comfortably upon her hips once again.
She nodded jerkily, having lost the ability for the moment to form any sort of rational thought. No... she didn't want him to stop. That was the problem... she wanted to continue things in the worst possible way.
"You did very well," he praised appreciatively, taking in her trembling, disoriented appearance with a smug sort of self-satisfaction.
"Shouldn't have gone so far," she mumbled, feeling the blush begin to rise ten-fold as she thought of her actions and realized her current state.
He grasped her chin firmly, leveling his gaze with hers. "Whatever may happen between us, I've come to only one way of rationalizing it. Do not hold any regrets. Regardless of what will happen after this little vacation is up, enjoy things for what this moment is, and not for the hope of whatever will transpire afterwards."
Usagi felt her heart sink painfully within her chest. "What..." She licked her lips slightly, trying to word the question adequately. "What will happen between us after we go back to Hogwarts, Draco-kun?" she murmured.
Draco knew this was an affectionate nickname, and could not help the small, stirring joy it rose within him. He kept his actions impassive however, his shoulders raising just slightly as he shrugged. "I can scarce tell you what will transpire between us tomorrow, much less another week..." Seeing her nod dejectedly, he rolled his eyes. "What I'm saying is, I don't know how far our..relationship will progress by that time..." His voice became rather quiet. "That is not to say I'm not hoping for something more stable that we can perhaps put a nice little title to."
Usagi smiled a little as he released the grasp upon her chin, pressing a small kiss to his lips before placing her hand on the door's knob, twisting it open and slipping wordlessly out of his room.
Draco smirked slightly, pulling off his shirt before lying down in the bed to contemplate his thoughts a bit. What did he want from that girl, anyway? At first, he thought perhaps he'd play it off as a lustful attraction with some pleasurable benefits... But now, he wasn't quite so sure. He didn't know half of the beginning of what anything to do with 'love' meant. But for now, he knew the thought of her doing these kinds of things with anyone besides him infuriated him. And, most surprisingly, the thought of him doing any of these things with anyone else didn't pique his interest quite as he'd think. He wanted her, and only her... after this little vacation ended, he would still want her, he knew.
Did these thoughts constitute for the possibility of 'love'?
x-x-x-x-x-x-
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To: Flame Ivy Moon, Miko11, MFlower49, Rayning, Draysa, TsukinoGoddess, Not a flame, iceprincesshime, sailorveggie, Ivy Tearen, Bambi Star, Lucilia-chan, Silver Moon Goddess1, S. Nestor, Usagi no Megami, fallen-anqel, Serenity Voldemort Riddle, Dark Universe, Invisible Rain, CosmosAngel1, samisweet, Kawaii Usa, Silver Moon Lit Goddess, liza, Sarina, Seren Lunar Echo, koldy... thank you all soo much! ;)