I'm so sorry! I tried to update by Friday, I really tried! My mom dragged me away from the computer at 12 o'clock last night saying that she truly didn't care if I got flamed, but that I needed sleep. Then, on Sunday, I had church, so I couldn't finish it in the morning. It totally sucks. I will not blame any of you if you flame me!
Ok, anyways, here are the replies to my reviewers. You all are probably pretty pissed off at me for that last cliffhanger, but I have to put these in the beginning because if I don't, I forget. I've got a problem with my short-term memory, I think…
WickedWicca: thank you! I tried to update ASAP, but my friend dragged me away from my computer on my day off from school, and after school today, I had to do this charity thing with my youth group. It gives me almost no time to keep up my promise to you guys!
CattyCat: yes, I agree. I had originally written this chapter differently, but when I uploaded it, it got totally screwed and I couldn't fix it! That's the last time I upload on this computer!
WickedWitchSistersMioneGin: yes, I know that I told you to flame me if I didn't get this out by Friday, so shame on me. But you did get part of that wrong, I didn't forget, in fact, I had it on my mind so much that it haunted me in my sleep. Congratulations to you for paying attention to when I posted the next chapter!
KTSweep08: WOW, thank you! I'm very glad that you like this fic! I'm sorry you found this chapter hard to read, I did too. You see, my family has 2 computers, and when I upload on one, apparently it gets messed up. Sorry for the inconvenience!
WritingsOfATeenageDramaQueen: yeah, sorry about that. I had the POV's pointed out originally, but when I uploaded it, it got totally screwed up! I have no idea how it happened, but I do know that I'm totally pissed off because of it. I had to stay up till practically 2:00 am to fix it, AN IT STILL DIDN'T WORK! I so hate this computer!
I'm sorry that my last chapter was so freakin' confusing, when I uploaded the chapter, all of the spacing that I put in to make this chapter fool proof got replaced by some stupid abbreviations, and it confused me so much! I stayed up till, like, 2:00 trying to fix it, and it didn't work out in the end! Sorry to those of you who thought it was confusing! Anyways, to those of my reviewers who are reviewing that aren't registered, could you possibly leave your email addresses? I mean, I'm not going to make you leave it, that's WAY to stalker-ish for me, but if you can, that'd be cool, so that I can email you.
Last chapter:
Lily was sitting in the rocking chair in Harry's room, waiting for him to fall asleep. If he wouldn't, she would just have to sleep in that chair. By the time that she heard Harry sigh, meaning he was finally asleep, Lily was already dozing. She woke up around 1 o'clock. She looked around to see what had woken her up. She saw nothing, but about a minute later, she heard the doorbell ring again for the second time.
Lily got up to open the door. She realized that all she had on were her pajamas and her bathrobe, but being barely conscious, she got up to open the door anyways. 'It's probably Amanda. I must have left my purse at her house again. Crap." She thought to herself.
When Lily opened the door, she ended up looking into gorgeous brown eyes. It took her subconscious mind a minute to comprehend that these eyes belonged to James Potter.
Earlier that night, James' POVI had waited several minutes for Lily to come back from the bathroom. First time I checked, she had been gone 20 minutes. Good lord, does it really take a girl that long to fix her hair… or whatever? I checked again… 40 minutes…. 1 hour… an hour and a half. Eventually, I got up to find one of her friends to go into the bathroom and see if she had not flushed herself down the toilet. After about another hour of searching, I finally found Scarlet. "Scarlet," I yelled out, "can you check the restroom to see if Lily's in there?" I asked her. "She left about 2 hour ago, James." She told me. I sighed and slumped back to the couch where I had been previously. She had left me… again. Well, I may have been the dumb ass that broke up with her, but she moved away not long after that. A family crisis is what I heard. Well, now she left me again. It had seemed like she was having a pretty good time… I guess that I just can't read girls. 'Well, that won't matter' I thought to myself, ' I won't ever see another girl again for as long as I live.' Lily is the only girl that I'll ever love, but if I broke her heart so much that she won't forgive me a year later, I guess that that means that she'll never come back.
And if lily's never coming back, then I may as well give up, lay down and die right on the spot, because my life is nothing without her. I used to say that I'd give up because of what other people would say, in school. "She hates you, just give up and move on." People would tell me. They never said this to me, but I could tell that Sirius and Remus were thinking something along those lines, but, hey? I ended up dating Lily and almost asked her to marry me. I had always had some hope of her giving in, and it got me what I wanted in the end, didn't it? But no, I just had to get in that stupid fight about who took more of the covers at night, and, well, one thing led to another, and Lily was living with her grandparents by that weekend.
She's the whole reason that the only piece of advice that I've ever given that was worth anything was "don't fight with women. If it's something simple she wants, just give it to her, because you'll just end up so mad that you'll say something really stupid that you end up regretting. She'll take it to hard, and you'll end up nothing without her." Ok, so the only time I said that was to a reporter who asked me "what is one thing that you would say to your ex-girlfriend?" That really pissed me off when he said that.
Oh, and yes, you heard me right; we broke up because she was complaining about how I'm a cover hogger. She didn't mean anything by it, I think that she was just pretending to complain, so I "pretended" to complain that she stole my roast beef sandwich when I knew perfectly well that Sirius stole it. Well, I guess one thing led to another, and we really were fighting. Isn't it amazing how a huge fight can start out from something so stupid?
In the end, I wasn't thinking straight and said something along the lines of "well, maybe we shouldn't be together anymore" and totally blew it before I even knew what was really happening. That's all I remember of the fight, I can't even remember anything that she said.
I really hope that she was telling the truth when she said she couldn't remember anything from that night, because, if she does, then she'll still think I'm a jerk, no doubt.
I bet that if I had known that this was going to happen all the way back in 5th year, I would have given up anyway, because now, I'll never end up with her. At least, if I had stopped trying to get her to date me then, I wouldn't have all of the good memories to look back on. All I'd have to remember was "you're just a bullying, arrogant toe rag. Go deflate your head." But no, now I have all of the good times that she wasn't yelling at me replaying at the back of my mind, and those images will probably never stop.
'Honestly, why do I have to be such an idiot? It's my fault that we didn't date earlier in 5th year, it's my fault that she left me a year ago, and it's my fault that she left me now. I'm an idiot, all right, and I don't deserve to live'. I was thinking. The party going on around me was really starting to annoy me, so I went to go find Sirius to tell him that I was calling it a night.
Sirius and Remus' POV's
They set out to go find one of Lily's friends before they left. I finally found Amanda talking to a person that I didn't recognize. "Amanda, come here for a minute?" Sirius asked her. She nodded and followed him to a corner of the room where they couldn't be heard.
"Amanda, you know that we all need to get Lily and James back together, right?" she rolled her eyes. "yeah, I know that. I've only been trying to convince her all along." She said. "Yeah, sure, well, Remus and I have a plan. Here's what we do. You see them over there on the couch having a good time, right?" he asked her. "Yes, but what…" Sirius interrupted her. "Well, what we need to do is, we need to get James to know about his son. In order to…"
"Wait a second, how do you know about Harry?" Amanda asked. "Oh, I was on the air plane they were on and heard every word you were telling her about how much, uh, Harry? Yeah, how much Harry looks like James. You really want to learn to keep your voice down when you're blabbing things out that you're trying to hide. That's not the point, though. The point is that we need James to find out.
"Now, we all know how hard it is to force Lily to do something, so we can't have her finding out. What we do is, since Lily's having a great time, she won't notice the time. We'll make sure that it's really late by the time that she does notice, and that James doesn't see her leaving. You need to give me her address so that by the time he does notice Lily's left, he'll come whining back to Remus and I, but we'll have her address so that he can find her. Can you help us with this?"
"Yeah, sure. Here, I'll write it down. There's just one problem with this. Do not let anyone see this. I can't explain why it's so important, not here, but if it falls into the wrong hands, both Lily and Harry are doomed." She said, pulling a piece of paper out of her purse.
It was about midnight when James came up to Sirius saying "well, that's another time that I blew it. I'm going to bed so that I can be haunted by the ghost of Christmas past. Keep your fingers crossed that I don't die in my sleep."
"What, is she gone again?" Sirius asked, already knowing the answer. James nodded. "Well, maybe the best person in the whole wide world could solve your problems." Sirius said, a smile spreading across his face. James shook his head. "No Sirius, she already left. She can't help me now." Sirius rolled his eyes. "When are you ever going to get this straight? I am the best person in the whole wide world, and I can help you. I just so happen to have her address." James' eyes lightened up. "You do? Give it to me, I need to find her before she leaves me for good." Sirius handed the slip of paper to James and watched him pushing people out of his way to get to the door. Sirius wondered if he'd ever seen his friend run so fast.
Back to James' POVI had her address. I would go to her house and see her again. Only this time, I wouldn't mess up, I couldn't. She would open that door and I would kiss her and never let her go. If I messed up, that was it. I would simply throw myself off a cliff so I would not have to see those green eyes glaring at me in my head anymore. But that wouldn't happen; I was going to hold her in my arms again, no matter what.
2 hours later
Well, I hope that I'll get to hold her in my arms again, because, at the rate that I'm reaching her house at, I'll get to see her again… when I'm 55. Her house is so far away; I could probably be in Australia and not even know it. Well, ok, that's not true, but it's taking me forever to get to her house.
A half an hour later, I was in her neighborhood, but I still had to find her house. Sirius had told me that it was blue, on the right side of the street, and would have her car in the driveway. When he had told me that, I just stared at him. Of course, her favorite color was blue and, well, unless she had gotten a new car, it was pretty obvious that her car would be in the driveway.
My anticipation was building up. I was going to see Lily again. Well, ok, so I had only seen her that night, but now I was going to tell her that I still loved her, and maybe she'd say that she loves me back. Oh, if would happen, I could ask her to go out with me again. I felt my stomach squirm as I turned onto a highway that had been near the house that we used to live in together.
By the time I realized that it probably wasn't a good idea to turn onto a highway, being a celebrity and all, it was too late. I had been seen. A car full of girls in the car next to me had their faces pressed up against the window and they were screaming so loud that I could hear them over the music that was playing in the car inside. Guess who was singing the song? It was a replay of the concert that I had been in earlier that night, and every one of those girls had shirts with our faces on them.
I turned off at the nearest exit, knowing that it would only make me more lost, when they started following me! They must have come from the concert, but the scary thing was, this might have been the first time that those songs had been listened to by the public, but they already knew the words to the song. They were screaming it at me as I tried to go as fast as the car would let me, but these people, apparently, had no desire to stay under the speed limit. 'Come on, police, you're supposed to keep an eye out for these people'. I said in my mind. Right on cue, I heard sirens.
So, now groupies were stalking me, and they were being followed by police. I laughed as they got pulled over. I took the chance to look over my shoulder to yell "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET, STALKERS!" at the top of my lungs, meanwhile they were screaming "BUT WE LOVE YOU, JAMES!" at me. So, in reply, I stepped on the gas and gave them the finger. Man, I love flicking off fans when they can't follow me.
It was an hour by the time I was back in her neighborhood again. I looked back at the sheet of paper. Her house number was 812. I looked at the house on my left. It was number 805. I looked on my left. 806. I cruised down the street till my car reached the curb a blue house with a red convertible in the driveway, with the number 812 painted on the mailbox. I leaped out of the car and ran up the sidewalk.
When I reached the door, words that I would say being planned in my head, I realized something. She could be asleep, and I knew perfectly well that she would hurt you if you woke her up. 'I could wait.' I thought to myself. I sat down and put my back against the door, looking at my feet.
'Wait a minute, James. You had to fight your friend to even find out where this place is, you had to get away from the security guards to get out of the concert hall, you got lost 5 times on the main highway, you almost made it here, but were stalked by teenage girls, you had to wait for the cops to catch them, you hade to get back to where you were in the first place, but then, when you finally get here, to Lily's house, the home of the person that you love, after not seeing her for an entire year, you come up to her door, and give up so that you can wait till morning? James, you are insane. Positively mental. You stand up right now, knock on that door, and snog her face off. You love her, you have not seen her in a year and a month (to be exact), and you need to ask for her forgiveness before it's too late!' He told himself. Do, he stood up and rung the doorbell. No one answered. 'Oh no, maybe she'll be mad. Maybe she doesn't want to see me. What have I done!' he asked himself.
He rang the bell one more time. 'Ok, if she doesn't answer this time, then she definitely doesn't want you around. Hopefully, she just didn't hear you, I mean, it's around one o'clock, she was probably asleep. If she doesn't answer, then you'll just have to…' but he stopped thinking when the door opened.
Lily's hair was a mess, and all she was wearing was her pajamas and bathrobe. She had sleep in her eyes and her head was leaning to one side slightly.
Change to Lily's POVYou could say that I wasn't paying attention to anything that he was saying, and it'd probably be true. All I was doing was look up into his face, which I could hardly see because my eyes couldn't stay open and my hair was in my face. I could hear his voice, but it was distant, like I could hear his voice, I could see his lips moving, but individual words were not coming out. I shook my head to clear it and finally managed to hear "still love you, Lily. Please forgive me." He said. His eyes looked pleading. He probably wanted to come in, so I moved aside and he walked into the living room. I went in the kitchen to get him something to drink.
As I opened the refrigerator door. The light was shining in my eyes, and I felt the cool air blow against my face. I stood up and closed the door.
What was I doing? Why was I up? Wasn't I last in Harry's room trying to get him to go to sleep? I shook my head. "Ugh, I've been sleep walking again." I said as I made to go back to my room. I had had this weird dream that I had woken up to James being at the door and that I had let him in.
I had to pass the living room to get to my room. I looked inside as I passed. There was a person standing with their back to me, looking around the room. 'A thief, a murder, anything! Get something to arm yourself, Lily!' I said to my self. I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a frying pan that had been hanging on the wall. I ran into my room and got my wand, since I had no idea if this person was a muggle or a wizard. I tiptoed into the living room to see if his back was still turned. It was.
I slung the pan over my shoulder as I was just about to hit the man over the head when she realized how his hair stuck out all over and how he was standing looked very familiar. I took a closer look. Did I know this person? Did I invite this person over? Was I drunk when I did this? My jaw dropped as the man was about to turn around and I ran to lean against the wall outside the living room door.
This was not just any man, this was James! I almost dropped the pan, but just managed to catch it before it went clanging to the floor. I stood up and gasped. That hadn't been a dream! He had come to my door in the middle of the night and I had let him in, offering him a drink. I ran down the hall and slammed Harry's door closed, hoping that I hadn't given him a tour of the house. I made to go back and explain things to James, but I realized that I couldn't do that without knowing what he said to me on my doorstep.
'Think, think, think, Lily! What did he say to you! For all you know, he could have asked you for a llama ride and you would have said yes! Screw sleepwalking! What did he say?' I thought to myself, pep talk style.
'WAIT A SECOND! He told me that he still loves me, and that he wants to be forgiven!' I said. I jumped. This was my chance! No more alone, I'd get back together with James and we could live together again and I wouldn't be miserable anymore! I was just about to run into the living room and jump into his arms, but as soon as I reached the door, I stopped myself.
'YOU ARE AN IDIOT, LILY EVANS! WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT YOU'RE DOING! ARE YOU FORGETTING ALL ABOUT HARRY? YOU COULD HAVE DONE THIS EARLIER TONIGHT, IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE HARRY WAITING FOR YOU TO COME HOME! IF YOU COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT THEN, THEN WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN GO UP TO JAMES AND KISS HIM NOW?' I asked myself. Don't you hate it when you realize that the best thing that could possibly happen to you has happened, but then you find the loophole? I do, and, now, I always will. No matter how much my heartaches for him, I can't see him. Well, I can see him, look at him, anytime, as long as Harry isn't there, but I can't be with him, ever.
Why? Because my son is the one thing that Voldemort wants. Voldemort is the worst terrorist that the wizarding world has ever seen, and the person he has his eye on most… is Harry. Well, and another little boy whose parents I went to school with, but I've never actually met their son.
It is Voldemort's fault that I have to hide, his fault that James and I can never be together. You see, I have to live like a muggle for the rest of Voldemort's reign of terror, because, if I don't, he'll kill both Harry and I. I don't want that for James. I don't want him to have to live in fear of waking up everyday. I don't want him to have to give up his job singing. He's loved singing ever since I helped him to learn that he could sing, and he'd have to give all of that up, just so he could be afraid every day for the rest of his life.
If he just goes on singing, then maybe he'll truly forget about me, and then he won't find out if I get killed by Voldemort, and he'll be even less sad if that happens to Harry. (A/n don't worry, people. James will find out about Harry before he dies, just so you know. He finds out, and he and lily do get back together, so please don't stop reading). I will always be sad that I can't have James, but I'd rather be miserable and afraid by myself then happy but afraid for James.
I sighed. I'd have to lie to James and tell him that I didn't love him, and I'd have to make him leave. There's just one problem with that. Remus sucks at lying, but I'm even worse. I've heard that George Washington, the first American president, was the man who could not tell a lie. I'll believe it when I see it, because the last time I tried to lie, I was 5. My mum had asked me what had happened to the juice that she had left for Petunia to drink when she came home from day camp, because she had been thirsty. I ended up drinking the juice, and when my mum had asked if I drank the juice, well, I'm such a terrible liar, that I ended up bawling my eyes out. My mum, being the wonderful person that she was, and because I was crying over spilt juice, had laughed.
Well, that may have been when I was 5, but I'm still a horrible liar. Ok, so I don't cry over such stupid little things that can easily be replaced, but this was something very serious and I would never get this opportunity again for as long as I live. The outcome will either make me so miserable that I will always feel sad, no matter what, or so happy that there will always be a certain guilt that this isn't the right thing to do, but I'm happy anyways. 'I hope I do the right thing.' I think to my self, walking into the living room and sitting down on the couch.
He turns around and smiles at me, his brown eyes sparkling in the darkness. He sits down next to me. "Lily, will you please forgive me?" he asks, taking my hands. "I don't know what I'm forgiving you for, but alright." I tell him. "It's my fault that I was a jerk to you in school, and it was my fault that we broke up in the first place. Are you sure that you forgive me?" I smile. It wasn't his fault that we broke up, I was pregnant without knowing it, and the hormones probably just got to me. "Of course I'll forgive you." He hugs me, squeezing me hard, but I let him, just for the sake of it, even if I'm not supposed to.
"Then, will go out with me again?" I ask him. I sigh, a tear falling down from my eye. "Oh, James, I'm sorry, I can't." he lets go of me. "What? Are you seeing someone else? Or can you just not…" he started, but I interrupt him. Everyone has been interrupting what I have to say all night, and now it's my turn.
"I would never do that, James. I said that I love you, and I meant it, but I can't. I just can't," I gasp. Did I just say that I love him? No, I wasn't supposed to say that!
"If you love me, then why can't you be with me again? Are you just to afraid like you were in school, or did you just lie every time that you said that you loved me, including now?" he asked me. I looked away from him, down at my feet. "You know just as well as I can't lie to save my life. I didn't lie to you then, and I'm not lying to you now when I say I love you. But still, I can't see you again. It's not like it was before. I can't go out with you, and I can't tell you why, please, just know that I do love you." I said it before, and I said it again, I love James. I'm not supposed to, and he's not supposed to know that I still do, but I do love him, and now that I just let it slip, he knows it, but I still can't tell him. Plus, even if he was willing to go through all of that, Voldemort could get to Harry and I because publicity would get to us, and Voldemort can find us.
"Lily, why won't you tell me? Me, of all people, I would never use whatever it is against you, you know that. I know that you're not lying; I know that you love me, but can't you say why? Is it some deep dark secret that your entire family is forced to hide? Should I have known about it a long time ago?" he asks. 'Wow' I think to myself. 'He's good.'
"Because, if that's true, I'll stop here, you don't have to tell me, all I want to know is why you won't go out with me again. Please." He sounded desperate, which he probably is, but not dating because it would put both of our lives on the line is a pretty good reason not to date, if you ask me.
"Fine, James. I won't tell you why I can't date you, but I will tell you why I can't tell you that." I say, tears now escaping from my eyes, enough that he can see them. "Is it really that bad?" he asks, rapping his arms around me, pulling me into a hug. "James… if you ever thought that it was bad, I'd be heartbroken. It's not exactly bad, it's just… important." I said, putting my head on his shoulder. "That makes no sense Lily." He says, smiling.
"James, I can't be with you again. If I did, it would risk both of our lives, maybe more. I don't want you to have to live like I do; everyday, being afraid." I said. "Please… tell me Lily. This makes no sense."
I can't hide it from him; he needs to know about Harry. All this time, I've kept away from him. He never had any idea, but I've got to tell him. We'll always be afraid, we'll always have to look over our shoulder, looking, but at least we'd have each other, if he knew. I can't hide from him any longer; I have to tell him, before he's gone again. I sigh.
"Are you sure that you want to know?" I ask him, knowing that the answer is obvious. He smiles his widest smile. "I'd give anything to know, Lily."
Change to James' POVShe turns me around and leads me out of the room. When we get to a hallway, she walks me over to a closed door. She then puts one hand over my eyes and opens the door with the other.
We walk further into the room. What could this room have to do with any secret that Lily would be hiding? The room was completely silent, I couldn't hear anything. "Lily, what are we doing in here?" I ask. "Shh." Is all she whispers. "You have to whisper."
Well, this leaves me clueless. Lily is hiding something, or someone, that is sensitive to noise. A million things rush into my mind. Could this big secret of hers be dangerous? Illegal? "Lily, are you hiding something illegal?" I ask her. "Uhh, not to the cops." She whispered. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NOT TO THE COPS?" I almost yell. "I told you to whisper!" she says fiercely. "Fine. This won't hurt me, will it?" I ask. She giggles. "Not in a million years." She tells me. "Yeah, well, that's what you said about your grandmothers Doberman. I still have scars from that dog." I tell her. "Well, believe me, this can't hurt you if it wanted to. Not physically, at least."
Ok, so Lily is hiding something that just might possibly be illegal to someone that is sensitive to loud noises. It's probably very weird to hear a grown man say this, but am I the only one that's scared here? Yes? Oh, well, that's just great.
I bump into something, and I immediately put my hands on it. It's a piece of furniture. I take a step back.
"Are you sure that you want to know what this is?" Lily asks me. "It's kind of to late to ask that, isn't it?" I ask her. "No. I could just turn you around right now, and then you can leave and forget what you've heard." Lily replies. I can tell that she's nervous; her voice is shaky and her hands are trembling.
Finally, she pulls her hands off of my face. We are in a very dark room. There is a sort of a table in one corner, and a rocking chair in another. In front of me is a sort of a bed. I look back at Lily. There are tears sliding down her cheeks, and she's looking at the floor. She is also biting her nails, a habit that I guess that she still has. I grab her hand and pull her with me.
I turn around to see the bed. I slowly walk forward. I walk until I can look directly down into it. I see a sleeping figure.
Then, it hits me. I know what this is. The bed is a crib; and the sleeping figure is a baby.
Yes, this is the end of the chapter. Wow, you people must really hate me now. First, I don't make the deadline that I set for myself, and then I leave you on one of the worst cliffhangers ever. That totally sucks for you guys. Oh well, deal with it. I'm going to see taming of the shrew, a play by Shakespeare, preformed by my friends. Now, I didn't make this deadline, but I need to set another one. I will have the next chapter out by, hmm, says Thursday. That sounds good to me. Anyway, hope you liked this chapter, it's my favorite so far, but it was a little confusing. If you think so too, read the paragraph below.
Ok, the part that I found most confusing was the part where Lily goes "it's not illegal to the police." You see, she's really, really nervous that James is going to turn Harry down. She's also afraid that he's going to hate her for not telling him, so she sees it like it's so bad to not tell him, that it's illegal. If you have any more questions, don't be afraid to ask.
Love ya, Julia