Hitchhiker Slash

Ford/Arthur – PG

1/11/05

Disclaimer: I don't own it. No harm is intended.

A/N: If you don't like slash, what are you doing here? There is another part after this, but I'm having a bit of trouble with it. Please review if you have the time. Flames are accepted, but are usually printed out, pasted to my kitchen cupboards, and giggled at when I make coffee before class in the mornings. Sorry if my writing style is no match for Mr. Adams'.

Plopped in Chapter 21 : "Life, The Universe And Everything."

(Sections straight from the book will be put in bold lettering. Which means I didn't write it, I know I didn't write it, and I'm not taking credit for it. It's more there just to help the reader realize where they are in the story line of the book.))

"It Starts to Sink In"

Ford Prefect writhed past, dancing a wild, frenetic and not entirely unobscene dance with someone who looked as if she were wearing Sydney Opera House on her head. He was yelling a futile conversation at her above the din.

Arthur Dent felt a familiar twist in his gut and a large amount of blood boil toward his cheeks as he watched the two interact. He could not remember where he had felt this feeling before, but knew it had been an unpleasant time. The little man before him glanced enthusiastically from Arthur's face to Ford's ever changing position in the crowd, back to Arthur, back to Ford, and so on. Before the little man could manage to give himself whiplash, Arthur began to blurt out, unexpectedly, his life's story as he kept a trained eye on Ford Prefect's wild party-going skills. He told of his planet being blown up to make way for a By-Pass, and of the Vogons, of the mice who built his planet, and many other happenings up until then, and his feelings toward them individually. Arthur found it intriguing that a bit of pleasure struck him every time the Opera House struck Ford in the head.

At the end of Arthur's story, the little man asked a question that caused Arthur to choke and spray his drink. He asked, "and did you have a wonderful time?"

It is said that the people of Earth talk constantly because if they were to stop their brains would start working. This happened to be what was occurring with Arthur Dent at the moment he lost control of his drink. While the little man encouraged an impressive coughing attack ensemble between them, Arthur's brain had been trying to figure out where the sense of deja vu previously mentioned had come from, but by then it had also been asked to find a suitable answer to the little man's question. However, this sort of contemplation required much more oxygen fuel than the current chorus of hacks was permitting, and so Arthur's brain sat back and waited, thoroughly miffed. When the little man finally seemed pleased with their work, he shook Arthur's hand and disappeared into the party. Arthur shook his head in astonishment

" That's where I've felt that before," Arthur said aloud for now particular reason.

It had occurred to Arthur, once nourishment reached the brain, the resentful feeling that had twisted his gut was the same he had felt back on Earth; at a party. This particular party had been in Islington. It was the same feeling Arthur experienced when Phil, now Zaphod Beeblebrox, had quite easily extracted Tricia McMillian, now Trillian, from Arthur's would be courtship. It was, as Arthur's brain was currently having ample time to ponder about, jealousy that he had felt towards Ford's situation. Arthur Dent's eyes traveled the top of the building, and found it rather simple to spot the Opera House lady. He found her to be quite unattractive, and blamed this immediately on Sydney.

But if it had not been her, then why had he gotten so upset? Earthmen were also known to frown when they let their brains do any work, and so Arthur frowned. He was deep in the process of thinking when a finger jabbed Arthur's side quite, ' viciously', he thought.

" What's with the face?" Ford's presence forced Arthur's neck hairs to stand on end.

" What?" Arthur asked in a way that said he did know, but was going to pretend to be oblivious. And as Earthmen go, he might have been oblivious. In any case, Ford ignored it.

" This is a party, Arthur," Ford said exasperated, " so party."

" I'm here to help save the universe," he defended.

" Right, right. Well, save the universe while you party."

"Ford. I really don't see how dancing around and making a fool of oneself is going to help the universe."

" Who's a fool?"

" Never mind."

Ford grinned wide enough to show both rows of teeth, and grabbed Arthur steadily by the arm.

" Come, Arthur. Let's find you a nice girl to dance with." Ford began to drag Arthur through the crowd of people performing his slightly offending dance, keeping a look out for anyone suitable.

" Ford," Arthur whined, " Must you move like that?"

" What's wrong with it?" Ford stopped and looked at Arthur innocently.

" Well, quite honestly it's scaring me."

" Scaring- Oh fine then. We'll dance your way, but I'll warn you now it won't attract anything sumptuous."

The first thing Arthur wanted to say to that was that, he wished Ford wouldn't say anything, and secondly he wished that Ford would refrain from using food words to describe the party goers. This urge to correct Ford's choice of vocabulary fled Arthur's mouth when his friend grabbed him about the waste, a hand, and began to waltz about the party. It was not a proper waltz, but then Arthur was sure he did not know what a proper waltz was. It was still a close enough match to make Arthur feel flustered and not all together light headed. His brain would reason that the second feeling was due to the constant spinning Ford was exacting on them in his attempts to look in all directions.

" Ford what are you doing?"

" What does it look like I'm doing, Earthman?"

" Please don't call me that. Zaphodcalls me that," Arthur glared and added, " And it looks quite a lot like you're dancing with me, Ford."

" Don't give me that look, Arthur. I'm trying to do you a favor. Zark knows you wouldn't be able to get a dance with anyone else if it were left to you."

Arthur looked appalled. Ford flamboyantly twirled Arthur Dent away from his own body in a grand sweep that might have passed off as part of the waltz, and quite violently jerked him back when Arthur attempted to keep twirling out of reach and away from the party. For the next round of steps Ford tightened his grip.

" You look absolutely disgusted with me."

At first Arthur could not conjure a response to this. He did in fact look very disgusted with the situation, however it had nothing to do with the conversation. Arthur's stomach had begun to do a new twist. One that left his insides humming pleasurably in comparison with the few moments before the twirl. His breathing had increased to catch up with his rapidly beating heart, and his brain was once again left sitting on the sidelines. These combined events had sent him into quiet disgust with his inability to control anything.

When he regained his attention to the issue at hand it was too late for any sort of vocal protest, and so he settled on trying to shoot microscopic daggers out of his skin and into Ford Prefect. Given a sufficient amount of time, he might have actually managed to accomplish this. The expression this caused to appear on his face would have made the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal proud. It also enticed another teeth whitening smile from Ford.

" Honestly, how do you expect to get any girls with a look like that?"

The smile widened considerably and Ford pressed himself closer to the enraged Arthur Dent. It is widely known in certain parts of the galaxy that the best form of entertainment might very well be the purposeful irritation of a humanoid from Earth. It is also very widely known in certain parts of the galaxy that when you want to further agitate an already agitated man from Earth it is best to bait him by appearing to not give a fig at all about the fact that he is agitated. By doing so you will increase the level of his agitation by the eighth power and send him into a sometimes dizzying, but highly entertaining, array of vocalizations. For example, Arthur Dent.

" Bloody... Ford I am not here to join you in parading about a party drunk and making a fool of myself. I am here because the universe, a place I have come to know recently, is in jeopardy of being destroyed. I, despite being just introduced to the rest of the universe, have decided that I rather like being ALIVE in it, and if it is destroyed by those Krikkit things, I can only assume I will be too."

There was no answer from Ford. But he had stopped twirling so frequently. His attention was no longer wavering aimlessly around the crowd, but determinedly settled on Arthur Dent's face.

" I don't like being dead Ford!" Arthur finished. To add weight to his words, which he was afraid were flying through one of Ford's ears and out of the other, Arthur hissed them through clenched teeth. It seemed to work.

" I see," and he slowed the pace of their dance far below the suggested beat of the music.

"..."

Arthur Dent's heart rate had been steadily climbing during the entire course of the conversation, and had reached a point at which it was either going to stop or begin to pump the blood directly into other parts of his body. After hearing the declaration of wanting to stay alive, the heart opted for the second choice and what can only be described as a furious blush began it's travels over Arthur's features. Noticing this, and not being able to explain it caused Arthur to panic considerably.

" Ford let go of me."

" Why?"

" Because I said so. I'm tired of dancing."

" But I haven't even managed to pick one of those girls out for you." He nodded in some direction, but Arthur ignored it.

" I don't care. I don't want to dance with girls."

" What?"

" Just let me go, Ford!"

" What's gotten into you, man?" Ford had by now realized he had lost control of this particular conversation, but was determined to keep a steady grip on the now struggling Arthur.

" Nothing. Now let me go!"

" Arthur... Are you blushing?"

" Oh, for the love of... Ford if you don't let me go this instant I'll-"

" You'll what?"

" I'll-" Arthur jerked himself free of Ford's grasp, and stumbled backwards a few feet into a dancing couple who grumbled and grumped about kill-joys. They moved away stealthily, eager to place distance between themselves and the heavily breathing humanoid. It was here that Arthur realized he had not managed to successfully threaten Ford Prefect.

Ford's smirk was decidedly superior when he said, " See? Harmless.."

" Mostly harmless, Ford."

The threat, if that was what it was intended to be, came out rather well, Arthur thought.

Ford only indulged his smile, " You are aware that the chances of us stopping the Krikkit and saving the universe are very slim, if not impossible."

Arthur nodded.

" Suit yourself," Ford disappeared into the party once more.

Arthur remained where he was blushing and breathing noticeably. He struggled to find reasoning behind his body's actions, and his current embarrassment in front of Ford Prefect. His body barely had returned to normal when a youngish-looking man came up to him, an aggressive-looking type with a hook mouth, a lantern nose and small beady little cheekbones.

End Part 1