March 21nd, 2004...

...The hardest Sunday I ever had to go through

"Lily," Ray said, with this soft smile on his face, just looking at me...his eyes seemed to stop the moment. "Lily...I'm leaving now."

I didn't want him to...I needed him...all of a sudden, just a few months ago, he tells us that he's leaving for relatives and that his parents are broke and they can't live here anymore. Not with me. No more. "Ray." I choked out. My face began bright red and tears started just pouring down. I thought I loved Travis. I really did. I thought I loved him. Then why was Ray the one I wanted...? Why was Ray the one I wanted right here with me...? That I didn't want him to leave...?

"Lily, I'll come back...I will. I-I..." he tried to find the words as he glanced back at the carpet. Everything else in the airport seemed to fade out. It was just him and me. "I love you."

It felt like water was poured over me. I couldn't breathe. I wanted so MUCH to say I love you back and just never let him go. "Ray." I tried to say, but it came out a whisper. And then, right after I said it, Ray took my hand and kissed me. My eyes widened, while his was closed. I could feel his shaggy black hair touch my skin. I wanted to kiss him back, but he stopped and pulled back and smiled once again. He waved at Travis and Robbie who were behind me from a distance. They waved back. Travis looked jealous, but Ray ignored it. He grinned his childish grin he always had and turned around.

As his walked, I couldn't breath and I couldn't stop the tears. I feel to the ground, tears wetting the ground. No, Ray, don't go. Please...don't! Come back and tell me you're just kidding; that you're going to be here everyday! PLEASE. I yelled in my mind while Ray just exited out of the airport. Out of my life. Robbie and Travis tried to help me up but Ray wasn't there. His childish grin was gone. My best friend. Why didn't I tell him I loved him? Will he ever know? Why...did he have to leave? Couldn't he stay? Why couldn't he...?

It feels like a photo of a wonderful memory was torn out of your life, Ray. Did you really want this to happen? Why are you causing me such pain? Why can't I think? And why is it when I do think about things...it's about you?

I can't live like this.

I need to see you.

Ray?

Can you hear me?

Maybe if I concentrate enough, you'll hear my voice in my head...with unlimited minutes we could talk, in our minds. We could make up our own love songs and I can sing them to you, and you'll hear them. We can laugh at our inside jokes and I can tell you the idiotic announcements Mr. Waller is saying. I can tell you about Robbie and Travis and what's happening with them. Ray? Do you like that idea?

Ray...?

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Everyone, this might become a T/L fanfic, maybe not, but just hang tight.

-Allie