Day 1

It's Day 1 since Ray has left and there is no sign for me to stop crying and to stop sobbing and to stop thinking about Ray 24/7. I was in the cafeteria at good ol' Roscoe High with Travis and Robbie, but it didn't seem the same without Ray sitting there, making jokes and letting me punch him no matter how hard I did it.

"Lily, you okay?" Travis said with such concern in his voice. Oh yeah, Smog, I'm fine. The person I care about the most is gone, GONE, and I didn't even get to tell him how I feel. He doesn't KNOW how I feel. Why was I so stupid back then? Why couldn't I just tell him, "I love you." but NOOOO stupid Shady Lane had to be like, "Ray.." and then cry. YEAH Smog. I'm okay! I'm FINE.

But, I didn't say all that. I was just shouting that in my mind. "I'm okay Trav." I answered, faking a small smile.

Oh, of course Travis had to push it. "Did you cry a lot?" I shook my head as to say, Not much. Not much! I cried since I got home yesterday from the airport. My eyes were so red, it looked like I had sunburn or something. My nose was running so much it looked like I had a cold. Uh-huh. I didn't CRY much.

I used to be able to talk to Travis and Robbie about everything. But...everything's gone. Ray's gone. And--it's like--I can't do anything anymore. I can't talk about it for some reason. I don't get it. Why did I have to find out that I loved him then? Right when he left? And of course he had to go to some little town in Texas, which seems so far away!

"Lily. We're here for you." Robbie tried to comfort me.

They're HERE for me. I jumped up from my seat. I knew they were just trying to help...but I couldn't stand it anymore. It was like this throbbing headache was storming in my mind and it wouldn't go away until I saw Ray. Until I looked at him. "So!? You're here for me. But RAY'S not here for me anymore!" And with that very mean and very cruel comment, I ran away. I heard Travis call out my name but it was no use.

I was lost in the world.

I was the loser in the game of love.

And like a video game...I couldn't press restart. No matter how hard I try.

I was still running away, just running...like if I ran far enough, I would see Ray. But something stopped me. I felt a firm hand on my arm and I couldn't help but stop and turn around and see...Travis?!

"Lily.." he said. Just like when Ray left. 'Lily...I'm leaving now.' No...why can't I get it out of my head. Why does he have to be in my mind?! Why can't I stop?! "Lily." he repeated. Stop it. Stop sounding like Ray.

"STOP IT!" I yelled, pulling my arm away from him. Travis, shocked, backed away. I regreted it the moment I did it. "I'm sorry Travis...it's just...he's gone." I started sobbing again and then he put his hand on my shoulder, trying to make it better. But I couldn't smile. WHY?! Why can't I just be happy? Why can't Ray be here? The question pained me as I fell to the floor. I could still hear Ray's voice. I put my hands on my ears.

It hurts Ray. It hurts.

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Yeah, I know this is short but I'll make it longer soon! I promise!

-Allie