Day 6

I sat on the bench in the park, so tired that I didn't even write an email to Ray . I still haven't. Pretty pathetic huh? I'm such an idiot. Travis ignored me in school and I stayed away from Robbie and Audrey, who were looking for me the whole day. James doesn't go to my school, so I don't really have a shoulder to cry on.

My mind wandered off as a cold wind hit my face and my hair danced around. Spring's not here yet, I thought to myself gloomy.

"Lily!" I heard a female voice that I knew pretty well. I turned my head and sure enough, there was Audrey. Her face was a scarlet red and you could see she was tired. I bet she was looking all over for me, running from place to place. I guess that would exaust me too if I was wearing a jean skirt, tight boots and a fuzzy sweater. Her hair looked nice and neat with waves at school but now it was out of place.

Audrey took a deep breath before saying, "Lily, I've been looking all over for you!" She huffed and puffed. "Where have you been?!" I just stared at her, waiting for her to continue but then I realized she was asking me a question.

I looked up at the sky to avoide eye contact. "Where have I been?" I repeated, thoughtfully. "Oh, around." You know, I wanted to talk to someone so bad but the number 1 person on that list was NOT Audrey.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her fume with anger. "Lily Randell!" her voice rose. Oh crap...I thought, she's pissed. "I have been looking PLACE TO PLACE for you! I knew something is wrong but somehow, I get the impression you don't want to talk to me!"

Okay, okay, I did try to look suprised but the sarcasm just came out. "Me? Not wanting to talk to you?" I said in fake voice. "Of course not! And what makes you think something's wrong? Everything's hunky-dory!"

My female friend put her hands on her hips and looked at me hard. She obviously didn't get the sarcasm, and treated my little message as the most honest thing anyone had ever said to her. "You ignore me and Robbie and Travis; you have become a social outcast; you don't eat anything at lunch; I overheard teachers talking about your grades dropping...and oh yeah, every single thing happened right after Mr. Lover Boy RAY left!"

Well...I'm busted.

All the feelings started rushing out, even though I bit my tougne. "Audrey, I finally found out I'm in love with Ray at the last minute, I can't concentrate, Travis declared his love for me, and I CAN'T see Ray and he DOESN'T know how I feel about him and..." I blurted, as tears started to stream doesn my cheeks. Audrey gave me a pity look and tried to comforte me, and some little kids stopped playing kickball and started to stare at me.

I glared at them as if to say, "Get away, this is NOT for your amusement!" They looked at each other then back at me and scurried off in a hurry. That'll teach them to mess with me at a bad day,. I thought.

Anyway, poor Audrey didn't know what to say except, "It's gonna be okay." and other 'comforting' things that you read in sappy dramatic novels. I wanted to scream, "It's NOT okay! Everything's horrible!" but I didn't want to sound like some sappy bitch. Oh wait -- I've already accomplished THAT.

"So, yeah," I said as I pulled away from Audrey's arms who seemed to be cutting off the circulation to breathe. I wiped my tears off, barely having enough strength to even loook at Audrey. "It's my problem, I'm sorry I've been ignoring you. But, it's hard, and I have to get through it."

"I know you can!" she exclaimed happily. "It's that maybe if you need some help, I'll give it to you."

I shook my head and then stopped. I couldn't lie to her--again, for that matter. "Yeah," I smiled at her. "I'd like that."

Dear Ray,

After I told Audrey about loving you and the pain and stuff, she dragged me to the mall -- to get my mind off of you. She bought me Starbucks and a shirt to stop me from complaining. Doesn't that sound just like her?

But it worked. I forgot about you and focused my mind on that guy screaming words -- in some freaky language that was definatly NOT English that sounded strangely like cuss words -- at this guy who didn't get his order right. It was pretty frickin' hilarious.

I smiled Ray, and laughed for the first time in a loooong time. I was so happy having a girl's night out with her; getting makeovers, eatching her flirt with those Korean dudes (yup, she's really acting like herself), finding out she liked her math teacher in grade 7 (don't tell her I told you that! She'll kill me!).

Basically, it was a blast. I kind of wished when we were laughing at some dorky thing...that...you would show up right there in the mall and...and I don't know what, but something what happen, something great.

Now I regret I must leave you dear Ray, because the phone is ringing.

I love you,

Lily

Whoa! Lookie! I wrote something! Actually, I had this written down somewhere a long time ago and I JUST found it. Yeah...so...have a ball...

Allie