Authors Notes: WHOAA...A little TOO much reviews, but that's always alright ;-)
SeleneNight904: Aw, thanks so much. XD!
DEVILZ CHIK: You updated! And you dedicated the freaking chapter to me! YOU'RE FREAKING AWESOME! You so, totally, totally need to be on my cool cats list. KUDOS! Luv ya!
animeflower: OMG, you so totally have it right. KUDOS! XD! Thanks so much, beautiful.
mystikalstarz: Yes. That's exactly it. Syaoran doesn't think he loves Sakura anymore because she doesn't love him back. He's such an egotistic moron, eh? GEESH! HAHA. Thanks for your review, hottness!
Midnight Moon Girl: Thanks for sparing my life :-P. LOL. HAHA. Thanks for being so freaking eager XD!
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woLfiie-chan: Aw, thanks so much beautiful! I'm so glad that you suggested my story! You're so hott! HAHA! Congrats on that french thing. I love french. -high five-. It's just too bad that you lost in that thing, though. But that's okay. You're still TOTALLY cool, and you're on my cool cat list too! YAY! -scribbles you down-.
LupineLightning-IllusionDragon: Hey, hottness. Thanks for reviewing on my chapter once again! You're the best-est. Goodluck with your school work and all that. It's always a bitch, but in the end, it'll all be worth it, right? XD!
MewMewPower389: Thanks so much. You're so adorable. "When you were born I think an angel kissed your hands so you could write like this," - You're so beautiful! HAHA. You're so totally on my cool cats list now! I love you so much. :-P.
This chapter is dedicated to MewMewPower389! She reviews so much. Thanks a lot, MewMewPower389! You're too cool! XD!
IMPORTANT, IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE: This chapter is the LAST chapter of Different Feelings. Well, not really. I'm going to be adding an epilogue after this, (YES, just ONE), and then it will be finished. Thank the Almighty Lord. XD!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, bizznatches XD! I also don't own the song I am using in this chapter. It was written and produced by a bunch of other people I don't know, so don't sue me XD!
"..." - talking
italic font - thoughts
(A/N: ...) - my interruptions
Second Key:
Italic font - song lyrics
Italic/bold font - words/sentences once said
Now...on with chapter twenty-six!
Behind These Eyes
Seems just like yesterday,
You were apart of me,
I use to stand so tall,
I use to be so strong...
Sakura sat on the edge of the bed, her emerald eyes filled with long held in tears. With the tissue covering her nose, she wept, the sobs coming louder and louder each time. What had she gotten herself into? A loveless marriage? An unwanted one? A complete lie? All of that, and definitely so much more.
You're arms around me tight,
Everything it felt so right,
Unbreakable,
Like nothing could go wrong.
I will love you, he had said.
It was all a lie. All of it. She loved him, but she never told him, and she expected him to love her back? She was expecting too much. Her hopes were set too high. Her mind was clouded by the love that she had never felt before, causing her to make such horrible mistakes. Mistakes that she would regret for probably the rest of her married life to Syaoran. Why had she done it?
To the very last tear drop, to the very last breath of both your life and mine - I will love you.
"Liar," she hissed. Slowly, she got up from her seat and walked up towards the dresser. On it was was a beautiful portrait of herself and Syaoran as tiny children. The artist who had drawn the beautiful piece of art did not forget to trace the gorgeous outline of their faces, and the shades of their eyes. It was so beautiful, yet, why did it seem to ugly in Sakura's eyes?
Now I can't breathe,
No, I can't sleep,
She picked it up.
I'm barely hanging on...
And smashed it against the wall, the glass shattering into a million bits and pieces. The picture however, unharmed.
Here I am,
Once again,
I'm torn into pieces,
Can't deny it, can't pretend,
I just thought you were the one...
She threw herself onto the bed, and began to tear the sheets apart. The pillows which were once comfortable uses for sleep were now torn, the goose feathers lying on the floor, some still in the air, floating slowly downwards. In just a few minutes, the entire room was a pig sty. The rage in Sakura's eyes didn't even begin to reflect upon the mess.
Broken up, deep inside,
But you won't get to see
The tears I cry...
Behind these hazel eyes...
No matter the circumstances, the situation - anything. I will be at your side to guide you. To pick you up when you're down, to be the rock you can lean on when you no longer have the strength to carry on. I am here. Forever, and always.
Her hands covered her eyes as the tears began to spill uncontrollably. As she wiped her pained eyes with the back of her hand, she felt something cold brush against her cheek. Slowly, she brought her hand up so that it was level with her eyes, and glared at the pink cherry blossom carved diamonds hanging from her bracelet. It was Syaoran's Christmast gift to her.
"I love you this much?" Sakura questioned the bracelet, as if it were Syaoran. She shook her head miserably and threw it against the wall. It did not break, nor did any petal become detatched. All it did was fall simply onto the ground and lay on the carpet, where Sakura would not pick it up.
I told you everything,
Opened up and let you in,
You made me feel alright,
For once in my life...
In a whisper-soft voice, Sakura repeated Syaoran's wedding vows. "I will love you with every beat of my heart. Should it ever stop, I will watch you from above, and take care of you there. I will watch you and keep you from harm. Let my love surround you, and keep you from any more heart aches,"
She scrunched her fingers up into a fist, her knuckles turning whiter with every second. "At least everything I said was true!"
Now all that's left of me,
Is what I pretend to be,
So together but so broken
Up inside.
'Cause I can't breathe,
No, I can't sleep,
I'm barely hanging on...
Here I am,
Once again,
I'm torn into pieces,
Can't deny it, can't pretend,
Just thought you were the one,
Broken up, deep inside...
But you won't get to see the tears I cry...
Behind these hazel eyes.
Sakura wept on the bed, her head buried into what was left of the blanket. The tears fell, and she cried loud sobs. She didn't care if anyone heard her. No one probably did, anyway. They were all too busy celebrating downstairs drinking rum, having a ball, and all that has to do with celebrating weddings. They were all spreading their joy around for a marriage that wasn't even what they thought it really was.
The door suddenly opened, and Sakura's head snapped up. Hadn't she locked it?
"Sakura? Sakura! Where are you? There's an angry mob of people downstairs wanting to see - "
Sakura groaned. Syaoran. Perfect. Absolutely perfect. He was exactly the person she needed at the moment. That's right, the man she was pining over, the man she loved the most, and the man that did not love her back. The man that caused her to make such a mess in her own bedroom. Such a perfect situation, do you agree?
"What..." he spluttered, entering the ghastly mess. The two glasses of wine he was once holding up suddenly dropped to the floor, making yet another mess in Sakura's wild room. "What on earth happened here?"
"Get out," Sakura snapped, getting up. Her face was streaked with tears, and all the make-up she was wearing had vanished. She looked just as disgusting as her room did. But she didn't care. All she wanted was for Syaoran to get out of the room, the marriage, everything. "Get out!" she yelled once more, when Syaoran did not heed her instructions.
Slowly, he walked towards the door. He turned the handle, and just as Sakura thought he was going to step out, he shut it, and locked it from the inside. What was he up to now? Whatever it was, Sakura was definitely not in the mood for it. He would just have to save his stupid wedding aftermath games until she was feeling better.
"What are you still doing here?" Sakura asked, her voice cracking underneath the tension in the room. More tears were going to spill. She just knew it. No. She would not cry infront of the man that caused her to weep this much. "I told you to get out!" she screeched, grabbing the nearest sharp object she could find and throwing it at him.
She just barely missed Syaoran. The China glass whizzed past his right cheek, hitting the wall and shattering into pieces. He had not once flinched or bothered to duck when she had thrown it. He didn't even twitch when the glass broke just behind him. Not at the noise, or not at the risk that one of the pieces of glass could cut him.
He only stared at her with concentrated amber eyes. They were so calm, and yet Sakura was not. Why was this? "Why are you doing this?" he asked.
Sakura snorted. Her snort soon became sarcastic laughter as she shook her head and got up on her feet. She gathered her wedding gown into her arms and walked out onto the balcony. She could hear the joyous laughter and gossipping mothers from where she stood. One of the doors that lead to the ballroom must've been kept open to let the breeze in. She heard movement from behind her, and knew that it was Syaoran following suit, but did not bother to acknowledge him.
"You want to know why I'm doing this?" she asked, looking down at the gardens below her. "Because I didn't want this marriage. I didn't want any of it. And, alright, maybe I wanted some of it, but how could I have known it would end up like this?"
"Like what?" Syaoran replied.
Sakura spun around and threw her hands up in the air for gesture. "Like this, Syaoran!" she replied, her voice beginning to raise once more, "Like this! You! And me! We're just so mixed up with our bloody feelings we don't know how we feel for each other anymore! Hell, maybe you don't, but damnit, Syaoran! I do!"
Syaoran's voice was whisper-soft, but you could clearly understand every word he was saying. Sakura watched as he swallowed the knot in his throat, and tried to speak clearly. "You do?" his voice was shaky. "How do you feel about me then?"
Sakura snorted once more. "You don't know? You don't know! Ha!" was all she could say. "Syaoran, dear, I thought you were smarter than this,"
Syaoran tried again, "How do you feel about me?"
"Don't be stupid Syaoran!" Sakura replied, looking at him straight in the eye. Emerald met amber, and tension clashed. "I love you, damnit!". Syaoran stared at her, with wide disbelieving eyes. Sakura could tell what he was thinking. He didn't believe her. "Don't ask so surprised!" she continued, making her way out of the balcony and back into the bedroom, "It was so obvious! The way I acted around you!"
"You love me?" he asked numbly, ignoring everything she'd just said.
Sakura groaned and muttered a bloody hell underneath her breath. "Yes, damnit! Do you need me to spell it out for you? I bloody L - O - V - E love you!"
They stood in silence for a moment, and neither of them spoke. Syaoran shifted his wait from foot to foot as he dwelt on one certain question, but was too afraid to ask it. So he let the silence drone on. Until he finally plucked up the courage, that is.
"Why did you say that you didn't?" he asked.
Sakura was hit by surprise with this question. All though she knew full well what he was talking about, just yesterday in the gardens, she acted as though she didn't know what he was talking about, just to get some extra time to think of a good enough excuse. "What?" she asked dully.
"Why did you say that you didn't?" he repeated, more firmly this time. "Yesterday? In the gardens? You said you didn't love me the way I asked you if you did. And you said you didn't. Why?"
Not ready to answer, Sakura shook her head and began to walk towards the door. "I don't need to be interrogated from you! Leave me alone," she said, as if ending their conversation altogether. As she walked passed Syaoran to get to the door, he grabbed her elbow - tightly - to keep her from going anywhere else. "What are you doing?" she asked, trying to rip her elbow out of his grasp, "Leave me alone!"
He suddenly took hold of her waist, and placed her firmly infront of him. It was obvious he wanted her as an audience, and just to get out of his presence quickly, she did not resist. "I was ready to tell you yesterday," he began. He could tell that she was confused. "I was so ready to tell you that I loved you yesterday. But you said you didn't love me, and so I retracted my thoughts. If you don't like the way that this marriage is going so far, then you only have yourself to blame,"
Sakura stood, dumbfounded at his words. "Myself? Myself to blame?" she asked disbelievingly. "I can't believe you just said that! Let me get this straight. You were going to tell me you loved me yesterday, but because I wasn't ready to tell you, you just suddenly take back your feelings and twist everything up? If there is anyone to take the fault, it's you, not me!" and with that said, she ripped her elbow out of his firm hold. She would pine elsewhere.
"Don't go!" he said. It was not a request.
"Go to hell," was Sakura's reply. She walked towards the door, and suddenly felt something slippery from beneath her high heels. It was watery, and very slippery. She realized that it was the wine that Syaoran had spilled. She fell, but luckily not on any glass. Syaoran had pushed her away from any loose glass while she was still in the air, and they both landed, with him on top of her.
Luckily, she fell on her butt first, and her head afterwards, so it didn't hurt very much. Still, Sakura grunted in pain, and attempted to get up. She felt Syaoran's smooth hand run across her forehead, and brush away any loose hair. He did it serveral more times, though she knew there was none there anymore. Slowly, she opened her eyes, and saw that Syaoran's once calm eyes were filled with concern. Great. That was the last thing she wanted. His concern.
"Are you alright?" he asked.
Sakura grunted once more, and placed her palms on Syaoran's masculine chest. She pushed and shoved as hard as she possibly could, but Syaoran had locked his legs on either side of hers, keeping her from moving, and his elbows on her arms. She was paralyzed - for the moment at least.
"Get off!" she screamed, the tears threatening to spill. "Get off!"
"No," Syaoran said firmly. His breathing became raspy. It was as if he had just ran one thousand miles without any water breaks. "I want you to tell me," he started. His concentration was disrupted when Sakura turned her head side ways. He shoved it back into place, facing him, and he heard her try to restrain herself from crying out. He didn't care. He needed to know the truth. "I want you to tell me," he continued, "and I want you to look me in the eye. Do you really love me?"
The tears pooled around Sakura's eyelashes. Her breathing became uneven also, and her wedding dress was probably torn by now. She would love to clean herself up, but Syaoran would not let her move. She had to answer. She swallowed hard, and tried to answer, but she did not trust her voice. So, she nodded. "Yes," she said, "I love you,"
She felt Syaoran's legs on either side of hers loosen up, and his elbows did not restrain her arms anymore. He was letting her go, but Sakura did not move from beneath him. She kept still.
He studied her eyes, as if inspecting her of any lies. How could he not believe her? She had just poured her heart out to him, and he still did not believe her? This was just stupid. But Sakura did not mind it. She liked the tingling feeling she got whenever he looked at her this way. She hoped he wouldn't stop.
Unexpectedly, he closed the space in between their faces, and gave her the sweetest kiss she was ever to receive. Though she didn't even stay for at least five minutes of the wedding reception, and did not eat any food, her lipst still tasted like cherries. They always did. It was a wonder how they maintained such a mouth watering taste.
Sakura's mind filled with wonder. He tasted like...chocolate.
Syaoran lifted his face up, and Sakura was shocked to see him smiling. "I love you too," he replied, and they both began to laugh.
Suddenly, the door burst open, and all four of Syaoran's sisters stood, wide-eyed at the scene before them. Just like Syaoran and Sakura, however, they burst out into a fit of laughter - laughter which could probably be heard downstairs. Reluctantly, Syaoran rolled off of Sakura, and they both stood beside each other, staring at their feet and nothing else.
"Mother!" Feimei hollered, "I think little brother and Sakura are just a little too anxious to create an heir!"
No I don't cry,
On the outside,
Anymore...
Authors Notes:
I'm sorry if you think this is too short. I have a huge social studies project due this week and so the epilogue won't be coming any time soon.
The song used in this chapter is called Behind These Hazel Eyes, sung by Kelly Clarkson. Unlike some songs, I'm sorry I don't have a source for you to listen to this one! XD! I didn't use all of it, by the way. XD!
I hope you liked the fluffiness! (Excuse any typos)
Enjoy!
Read and Review!
Signing Off,
Azn-blossom08