Disclaimer: I will never own Erik. There I said it!
A/N: To start off the wonderful Spring Break of 2005, I give you an update! On Wednesday I saw the Phantom of the Opera for the second time on stage! It was great, though the performers I didn't recognize. I first saw it way back in Toronto when Paul Stanley (Kiss) played the Phantom. I know Michael Crawford is the best, but if you heard this rock and roll singer you'll be amazed. Even my mom was and she doesn't like Kiss! Enough of my useless rambling and here's the next chapter! Before I forget, Happy Easter!
Chapter 18- Reliving the Past
Where am I? Erik wondered. He awoke to find himself not in his temporary room. Still graced with his night vision, Erik took in his new surroundings, but couldn't place where he was.
Slowly, he got up from the hard unwelcome bed and began searching for a way out. There was a murmur of voices in the distance that seemed to be coming from the other side of him that led to a hidden door. He grasped the handle and pulled open.
His jaw dropped at the bursting of life in the next room compared to what he just inhabited.
Classical music from Mozart and Chopin greeted his whimsical ears, the clattering and laughter of the men and women dressed in luxurious gowns and suits in pale pinks, blues, and yellows dancing about. Gold and silver drapes hung from the dome-shaped ceiling, twisted about in a graceful manner. A celebration was taking place, but what?
A few couple stopped their folly and looked at Erik in horror. His hand went up to touch his flesh and not the cool hardness of his mask. Erik's own fear of being seen by all these strangers started to grip his senses, until a small voice cried out in his head. You don't need that mask. You don't need it!
Standing upright, Erik held his head high and made his way through the crowds of merry people. There were a few he recognized from attending the Opera house- Dukes, Duchesses, Lords, Ladies, and the highest of the Parisian nobility were all gathered here.
Excited talk came from every direction and he tried to catch it all.
"Wasn't she lovely today?"
"Oh yes indeed! He's one lucky man, I tell you."
"What a beauty! I swear that all of God's angels wept today."
This seemed to be a wedding reception, Erik noted. But whose?
He made his way to the middle of the dance floor, and what he saw caused his life to drain from his body.
His Christine was in the arms of none other- the Vicomte de Chagny.
Her long brunette curls were coursing down her lean back with soft, pink ribbons lacing through them, her doe brown eyes lit up with love and adoration, and her pale flesh glowed with beauty.
Erik's heart sank when he realized what she was wearing- an elegant flowing sparkling white gown with silver beads across the chest and gold strings streaming down the waist with puffy sleeves.
The Vicomte had his own long flaxen locks slicked back and tied with a brilliant blue ribbon. His garment was a navy blue suit with gold fringe on the lapels. He looked the very picture of an aristocrat. It sickened Erik.
Then the once joyous laughter quickly became cruel mockery. The guests pointed at the befuddled Erik and poked fun at his loss.
"No!" he moaned and clasped his hands over his ears to block out the noise. "No! No! No!"
Then in a flash Erik found himself in an iron cage. The harsh words and laughter were still with him.
Helplessly, he looked to find Nadir, Madame Giry, and young Meg all mocking him. The loudest of the hecklers was the Vicomte who began throwing small pebbles at him, yelling out, "Monster!"
The silent one among the group was his sweet, innocent Christine. Her deep hazel orbs held no spark, her countenance set in a sullen façade as she stared lifelessly at him.
"Stop! Please stop this madness!" Erik screamed.
Then there was silence.
Erik opened his eyes to find it was only he and Christine. This time she was filled with undeniable hatred and fury.
"Erik, my Angel, where were you?" she hissed. "Why did you leave me? I thought I meant something to you."
"You do! Oh Christine, I'm so sorry! Forgive me," he cried and fell to his knees. Tears streamed down his face as he grabbed the skirts of her dress and covered himself with it in shame. "My love, forgive me."
She jerked out of his embrace, still glaring down at him like he was some kind of animal.
"Stay away from me! All I wanted was my Angel of Music to love me and guide me. You failed me! You left me alone with Raoul. I never loved him and look!" She held out her hand, a diamond ring glittering with hate on her finger. "I'm married to him no thanks to you! So don't you even dare and try to touch me, you worthless man!"
"Christine, please, forgive me! Something happened and I was sent-"
"Sent where Erik? You were in my dressing room that night. I sensed you and I waited for you to save me from Raoul, but you never came. You never came!" she spat with venom, her words severely wounding Erik.
"Angel of Music! Guide and Guardian! Grant me your glory!" she sang mockingly. "You granted me your glory all right. I once had the notion to give you my heart and soul and I held onto hope that you would return. But you didn't. I cried and prayed for you and you abandoned me to the darkness I feared."
"Christine!" he wailed, the mention of her name pierced through his heart at the truth and lies she spoke. "I didn't know how! I didn't know how!"
But she didn't hear his cries. Already she was walking away and then faded to nothingness. He was once alone.
An insistent shaking woke Erik from his horrendous nightmare. He stood up suddenly, cool perspiration running down his face, his throat dry from his incessant crying and screaming.
Stephanie, eyes glaze over in worry, looked at his tear-stained face. It took a few moments for him to realize he was back in Stephanie's house, in her mini library. The recollection of his dream was too painfully fresh, as a new batch of tears descended as he sobbed into her shoulder.
"Shh… take it easy," Stephanie cooed as the man she held slowly relaxed. "You were having a nightmare. It wasn't real. You're safe."
Her soft-spoken words uplifted his weary spirit, but he couldn't forget the betrayal written all over his angel's beautiful face. She needed him, more than anything, and he failed to be there to prevent the unwanted marriage. He moved away from Stephanie and headed swiftly over to the window. The night was calm compared to the raging demons that had once again resurfaced.
Stephanie watched him carefully as Erik composed himself. The fear and sadness were still evident in his features and his restlessness seemed to age him ten years. Whatever he dreamt about had to have some critical impact on him; otherwise all that hoarse yelling was for nothing.
When she heard Erik's anguished cries, a natural maternal sense gripped her. Just moments ago, witnessing him lying on the bed suffering inside, ate at her soul slowly. She thought his past was finally put behind him. She guessed he could never actually let go, but there had to be more to it. If he went all this time without a dramatic episode then there had to be another cause for this sudden relapse.
She waited a few minutes before she asked him what happened.
"If you don't want to talk about it, I understand," she assured him.
"No, I…" he stopped and sighed. "I dreamt about Christine."
Blush crept across the bridge of her nose and she thanked God they were covered in the darkness so Erik wouldn't see her. But of course he did and it quickly registered what she meant by it.
"No! It wasn't that kind of dream," Erik exclaimed, his voice tinge with embarrassment.
"I wasn't thinking of that! Don't think that I was!" she mildly scolded him. "I just thought any dream with Christine would be pleasant."
"Usually but not this one," Erik said. "It was horrible! I dreamt she was married to the Vicomte and I was to blame. I wasn't there for her when she needed me. I could have done something."
"Well, it was only a dream," she reminded him. "I'm sure everything is fine back-"
"How do you know!" he barked suddenly. His liquid warm blue eyes flashed menacing as he advanced towards her.
"Stop saying that! You don't even know that! Quit trying to be an expert on something you never went through! You do not know what it is like to love someone so much it hurts! You never had the courage to approach Dan, but at least Christine knew I was there!" As soon as those words left his mouth, Erik knew it was a big mistake.
Even in the dark, Stephanie's jaded and light brown eye flickered an unmistakably pain that he never saw before. Her entire façade fell and she looked to the floor.
"Miss Larson, I didn't mean-"
"Forget it," she spoke timidly that Erik could barely hear her. "I should go back to bed anyways. I have school tomorrow."
She left the room, leaving Erik to the empty room.
What have you done? His mind asked him. What have you done?
TBC…
Oh boy. That's not good isn't it? Don't forget to review please!