DISCLAIMER: not my people place things ect... i own the plot. woo. go me!

A/N; i REALLY DO NOT like doing scenes with dances or balls because they just seem SO very fake, but i tried to give as little detail on the actuall dance so it would seem realistic, but you know over the course of 7 years they shoud've had at least one dance... so i guess it's ok. As you probalby know but may not, this is made to be so that it could've really happened (or as close as could be non-JK possible) so... just keep it in mind.. you know... ya... okay STORY TIME!

Chapter 4- Fourth Year : As Friends

Some may call this awkward. My situation. Mostly because their were the rumors, that we were more than friends. Not many people believed them. Then there were the other ones, they were a bit more off the wall. Some one told me that there was a rumor that James loved me, I could only laugh at that. But he whom gave me this information did not laugh, but instead raised an eyebrow upon sitting down next to me.

"The Yule ball week." he continued,"James asked you already?"they said this all with no emotion. As though covering up all feelings. Very well indeed too, as I had no idea whether they were dying or they were exited and nervous.

"Yeah. What about it?"

"He was kind of crushed when you turned him down."

"I didn't turn him down-"

"You ignored him-"

"Yes, because he's a prat he just thinks all girls love him-"

"No he doesn't-"

"Oh, stop defending him."

"Anyway. He really was kind of crushed-"

"Really now. Are you sure it wasn't because he found out that reality is, that every girl doesn't swoon over him?"

"I think you should give him a chance." he continued.

"Has he put you under the imperious?" I asked waving my hand in front of their face, he looked at me, but his emotionless voice seemed filled with guilt as they spoke on.

"No, I just think he was really crushed, and I think you should at least dance with him, give him some chance."

"But I thought we were going together?"

"As friends," for some reason I felt a stab of hurt as he said that like he was explaining something to a slow person." but you could still dance with him."

"Okay, why are you asking me to do this, Remus?"

"Because," all his emotion came back, a mixture of guilt and lost sadness filled his face. "He really does like you. And I feel like, because I am so close to you that I am stealing something from him, the one thing he wants most." Realization dawned on me.

"But you're not, he's just- ... wait! He want's me! Wait! You want me!"

"No No!" I think that's what he meant but he didn't mean for me to see it. "What I mean is, well, I'm your best friend, and James get's kind of jealous, because you don't hate me. You know? He just doesn't know how to talk to you. He tries to charm you but he-"

"Comes of as a prat?"

"- he doesn't mean to. I promised him that if he didn't so anything stupid. That I'd Try to get you to at least talk to him. So will you dance with him or something?"

"I will, for your sake I will, 'coz you look awfully guilty about something you didn't do wrong." at that point the Professor had started class, our conversation cut short.

I was nervous. I didn't know why. Probably because It was my first Ball. I made it down the stairs with out tripping over my dress, which was quite a feat, because it was long and I never wear heels, and the butterflies in my stomach made me feel all crumbly, but that was nothing compared to when I saw them standing at the edge of the stairs. I felt like jumping at the sight of Remus in his fancy dress robes, looking so smug. I would've laughed fuller at his dramatic gentlemanly act, when he bowed and kissed my hand. But James was off on the side of the group, looking at me out of the corner of an eye with a smile that somehow looked so sad.

The Ball was wonderfully decorated, sparkling all around. I danced with Remus for nearly all the slow songs, the only songs I danced to in fact. He was a good dancer. Everyone else was attempting a waltz or something ridiculously complicated. He just held my hand with an arm around my waist, holding me tight, my chin rested on his shoulder. Barely sliding his feet across the floor, his movement seemed so much more elegant than any steps at all. He talked to me while we danced too, everyone else was either trying to count, or avoid their partner. It wasn't really anything important that he said, I don't remember any of it, but it was nice just listening to him.

The Head master announced the last slow song, and requested a dance with the deputy head mistress. I stood up expecting Remus to join me, but he stayed seated. Someone tapped me on the shoulder, James. He didn't say anything he just held out a hand towards the dance floor. I had a second look at Remus before taking his hand. His dancing was not bad, but not like Remus'. James moved slowly too, but he took a few steps every now and then. He didn't say anything, it was awfully quiet, but that seemed good for him, and that was defiantly good for me. He didn't hold me close either. It made me miss Remus. I closed my eyes resting my head on his shoulder, I dreamt I was dancing with Remus. James' dancing seemed to have improved. The song ended. I leaned off his shoulder, He smiled at me, every sadness I ever saw in him disappeared as I smiled back politely. He had not yet let go of my hand, and smiled more as he stood there even though this song was over, and people were shuffling around us.

"A little quiet today, James?" I asked.

"I was afraid I would say something stupid," he said smiling brightly. "I haven't done anything wrong have I?" He did not say this as though apologizing in a polite way. He said it as though mocking me, as though every time he acted like a prat it was my fault. I let got of his hand.

"I think I'm going to go sit down." I walked back to my table. Remus was there seeing him smiling made me smile. And I wished there was just one more song so I could dance with him, so I didn't have to dream. But to my displeasure a song not worthy of our dancing played. Remus stood up. He looked down on me with such loving eyes, like the older brother I never had.

"Do you want to dance?" he asked holding out a hand. He didn't dance for the faster songs, so I was a tad bit confused, but I took his hand anyway. He pulled me in with one hand around my waist, dancing like he did for all the slow songs. But it felt different this time...

She looked so beautiful dancing with him, I wondered if she was as beautiful dancing with me. I couldn't stop staring at her. She closed her eyes, I wondered if she did that when I danced with her. I felt something like jealousy rise in me, but I realized that I missed holding her.

After a moment, I heard a voice in the back of my head, technically it wasn't saying anything, because as those voices go, they never really speak works. They just sort of search your memory and point out something seemlily arbitrary. 'you don't know what your missing until It's gone', this one told me. I wished Lily would never be gone from me, but that was selfish.

The song ended. Lily came back over. Before She sat down I asked her for one more dance. Even though the song was not right, I missed her touch. I held her like I did for all the other songs, But it felt different this time, there was something warmer between us...

A/N;wow, i held off for two whole days, let's see if i can keep chapter 5 away until monday night ... no i can't do that! i just can't! It'll be up tomarrow... sigh