DISCLAIMER: all HP realated stuff is not mine! wow. what a shock...

Chapter 6 - Fifth Year: Dear Journal

He watched as Lily's hair swished away through the Portrait hole on her way to the library. Looking back at the table Piled with books and Quills and homework, he sighed. Figuring he better get started, He pulled a random book open. It was hand written, confused, he looked to the first line;

Dear journal,

He snapped the book shut. This is lily's journal, he thought. He sat it on the table in front of him carefully. Despite his instincts, curiosity got the best of him after a moment of staring at the book. He opened it to a page near the front, It was very scribbled writing, and the page looked previously wet in spots;

Dear Journal,

I miss mommy so much. Every night I go to bed and hope she'll come and tuck me in and say Prayers but only daddy comes in and he doesn't tuck me in the same way. Today petunia tried to still the special clip mommy gave me for my hair, she even pulled out some of my hair! My head hurts now.

He flipped to the last page, curiosity worthy of sin, he thought. He kept reading. The writing was much neater and it was dated today. Despite his guilty conscience he read on;

Dear Journal,

Stress is a bitch. I am so stressed, I can't breath right, I keep breathing to fast and I hyperventilate, then I forget to breath... its odd don't ask(not that you could I'm sure). Did you know that memory loss is an effect of stress? well, Madame Pomfrey told me so while I was in her office for a calming Drought! I also found out it causes hypoglycemia attacks, and nose bleeds, WHICH, by the way, is why I had to re-do my Potions Essay, I kept dripping blood on it and I'm like I can NOT turn this in. And on the way back to the common room, that git Potter, cornered me and tired to kiss me! What a freak! I can not stand him! ... So anyway I had a calming drought and I felt better. it calmed me down. Madame Pomfrey told me writing in my journal would help me deal with the things I couldn't talk about because the only person I could possibly say anything to is the one person I cant tell...

Remus' heart sank uncontrollably as he read on.

God, I love him so much, but he doesn't want me to love him so I don't get hurt. That's sweet, but that hurts so much more. Every Time I look at him I wish I could be with him even more. There's a Reason I cry at night, I wake up and I have tears on my cheeks, I think that I am crying over him as much as I am for him. I feel so Terrible all the pain he has to go through, and I hope so much that he knows That I am There, That he doesn't have to resort to this sort of thing. He loves me like his sister, I wish so much that he loved me more, that he knew that I care for him more than anyone ever.

He put the Journal down. Starring at it until lily came back in.

"I got this Herbology book, I think you needed it?" she said handing him a book of the pile that she carried. "You did need it didn't you?"

"Yeah, thank you Lily. You're so sweet." she smiled and sat down looking over a book, Immense amounts of stress in her face. He smiled.

"You need a hug." he said smiling playfully.

"What-" she was cut off by him hugging her Tightly. This is the most Random thing ever, she thought, why in the bloody hell is he doing this!

"You're the best" he whispered in her hear, Shocked by his bluntness and caught of guard she barely managed a laughed; "Erm- Thank you?". She thought, Was this all for the book?

He had no idea why he hugged her. He had no idea that it hurt her so much to hold back that she loved him so much, but most of all, he had no idea he could ever care so much for her ...

AN; i really don't know what he hugged her. impulse choice? i guess so. ha ha. anyway. ya if you can't guess by now I'll tell ya; Lily's mum is dead, has been, for a while. yeah. anyways...YAY!9 Reveiws! actually i hoped for more but oh well. anyways... thanks to;

Jamien, Fox of the Nova, GSCer, Porcelain Prayer, jessie, an most especially; Mrs.Poynter and Mrs.Judd Such loyal Reveiwers!

CHAPTER 6- will come to soon for my liking i just know it. I'm supposed to leave big Empty spaces Between Chappys for literary cliffs, but i just can't hold back the Chapters!
-steffy