AN- Hey guys! Got real bored so I decided to post my next chapter. So... yeah, here it is. It's a bit sick as my mother may say but hey, it's all in good fun.

7

RUSSKIE SPA

It was hours later when I was, once again, on the cell phone with Rosie. Luckily, I didn't have to worry about getting shot at this time. I had just left the Body Shop in my, now fixed, Cadillac with bad news that was worthabout million dollars. Luckily, I had the best auto insurance and they'd see to it. But still, Damn.

"This sucks, Rosie," I was telling her after explaining my story. "I've got million dollars worth of damage to my car and I lost Big Chong. I don't know who to hurt, those son's of bitches who shot at me or the poor guys at the body shop who told me the price of the car body repair."

"What else is new Nick?" Rosie asked sarcastically.

She had calmed down a lot since this morning. I guessed that she wasn't as mad anymore. But Rosie made it clear that she still didn't like me. But at least we could get along.

"Well Cyprus is a finical holding bank linked to the Russian mob," Rosie said. "Even more interesting, Chong's limo was just spotted outside Crème's Spa in Hollywood."

"Thanks," I said, with a smile. "You know Rosie, you've got the making's of a real detective."

"Well I suppose I should take that as a compliment, coming from tú," Rosie replied with a slight hint of sarcasm.

I shook my head.

"I'll call ya when I find anything."

-

It took about thirty minutes to get to the spa. After pulling up to it I figured that it may be smart to not take the front door. I had, after all, been shot at moments before.

After parking my Cadillac, I crept to the back corner of the building. I was careful to make no sound as I went to the corner, careful in case they where guarding the back door.

Peering around the corner I saw I was right. They had a single burly guard at their back door.

But the guard was distracted by, uh how should I put it… er… other matters.

I heard the sound of a fly being unzipped. Then the sound of the guard 'reliving' himself on the back spa wall (and for you all who don't like it sugar coated he was taking a piss, okay now is everyone happy?).

This was my opportunity. I quickly and quietly ran behind him and gave him a strong side kick in the back of his head. It knocked him out quickly.

He fell against to building and into his... well, ya know.

Now, I know this was probably disgusting but I couldn't help it.

I sat my foot down, and said to the knocked out man in a voice filled with as much authority as I can give it, "You have the right to soak in your own urine."

I quietly crept inside.

-

The back door led my to the spa's locker room. Quietly I crept through the locker room. I jumped when I heard footsteps. I quickly hid behind a row of lockers. I could tell when the footsteps stopped and when they moved.

I figured that the Russians must have this place well guarded.

Tipity toe, let's go slow, I decided.

Quietly, I crept to the end of a row of lockers. I waited until the footsteps stopped not far away but far enough to make my move. I went out from my hiding place and went to him. As soon as I was close enough I made my famous martial arts move on him. Knocking him out.

I could heard more footsteps nearby. There was another guard in here. Great, I thought sarcastically.

I waited at the end of another row of lockers. Straining my ears to hear the sound of footfalls stopping a few feet away from me.

I didn't take long.

Like with the other guy I crept behind him and made my move. He fell to the floor. Out cold. I glance to see a giant shadowed doorway leading out of the locker room. I was half way through it when I heard more footfalls.

Damn it!

I had nowhere to hide, but I was lucky. It was just a good-looking cocktail waitress, wearing a bikini and carrying a tray of drinks. I waited for her to pass before I followed her, quietly. She walked past a row of saunas. I was just about to follow her when one of the people in the saunas decided to walk out.

Luckily, I had prepared for this. I pulled my martial arts move and knocked him out cold.

We passed another sauna, The door opened and another Russian walked out. Like with the others I knocked him out. I followed the waitress past another sauna. Once again a Russian walked out. This time he spotted me. But he was only conscious for only a second.

I followed the waitress to the boiler room. A giant heater in its center. At once I felt the heat, sweat on my brow. Suddenly the waitress turned around. She saw me. Thinking quickly I grabbed my tranquilizer dart gun and fired off a shot. She only had time to gasp when the red dart hit her in the stomach; it was a matter of seconds before she hit the floor.

"Sorry, sweetheart," I whispered to her as she fell.

"What the?" Said a voice beside me.

Another Russkie had spotted me. I swung around and shot him too. I checked my tranquilizer darts. I had only one left.

I quietly hid close, but not too close, behind the heater. I could hear pacing foot falls behind it. I quickly got to where I could shoot him with my tranquilizer dart gun. Aimed and fired.

He fell to the floor.

Quietly, went to the door out of the boiler room. I found my self in another creepy hallway of saunas. I could see several Russkies coming my way, luckily they hadn't seen me, yet. I hid in the shadows. As soon as I did my hand found a door behind me. I pushed it open

-

Then second I crept into that room beyond that door, I wished I hadn't. Turns out I had entered the men's shower room. And I, unfortunately, was not alone.

Two burly Russian men with long hair where also in there with me. Luckily the where wearing towels around their waists. Both looked up when they saw me.

Well, I did look suspicious for, probably, three reasons:

1. I was half-Chinese not a Russkie.

2. I was fully clothed, something you don't find in a spa, usually.

3. (Probably the biggest reason of all) I had a empty tranquilizer gun in hand.

So, yeah, I might as well went there wearing a T-shirt that said in red bold print, I'M A COP YOU RUSSKIE BASTARDS. I quickly put the tranquilizer gun into my jacket.

"Uh," I said (Yeah, I can be real sophisticated sometimes), "I was just looking to get a sheoutsu. But, on second thought, I think I'll pass."

The door behind me slammed shut. I swung around to see another Russkie. Burly like the others but with longer hair.

"Too late for that, Comrade," He said dangerously.

I was going to have to fight them. There was no other way.

"Well, just hold onto your towels, okay" I said getting into a fighting stance.

The Russkie in front of me attacked first with a lunge punch. I dodged and swung around with an few punches of my own each connected with my target. He stepped back dazed, I them grabbed one of his arms saddled it and pulled it up to my chest until I heard a loud POP!

He yowled in pain (after having your arm hyper-extended, would you blame him?). I swung around to give him a 'monkey paw' in the face.

"KONG-POW!"

I swung around and was able to quickly block a snap-kick from one of the other Russkies. I swung around with a kick of my own.

"Come 'ere," I said. "Let me show you a few things I learned off the street".

I gave him a flying crescent kick in the face. He fell to the floor. I gave him a elbow into the chest.

"And stay down!"

I leaped up to punch another guy in his jaw. He stumbled a little, but he got himself up. I swung around with another crescent kick. That got him. I gave him a 'monkey kick' in his chest he flew back into one of the four toilet stalls. It crashed down at his weight.

At that moment one of the stalls opened. A burly man wearing a Speedo a with a shaven head and tattoo's all over him stepped out. He looked at all of his fallen pals and looked at me.

"Don't think your getting away this, Comrade. I Misha will not let you," He said valiantly, getting into kung-fu stance.

"Jeez, and I thought I was melodramatic," I remarked.

He ran at me with several punches. I blocked them and swung with a quick punch of my own. He stumbled but quickly ran at me with a flying kick. I dodged out of the way and swung around and reverse-crescent kicked him in the shoulder. I ran at him and punched him several times in the chest. Then to finish this I 'dragon drop-kicked' him to the floor.

"Shit!" I exclaimed. "I could of done that with one hand tied behind my back."

-

I followed the long hallway to a strange (it's a spa, everything strange here) chamber that was filled with a creepy blue glow. In this chamber there was an up-ground pool with thick pillars in it's corners. It's walls where also decorated with ceramic tile like in the shower room (I gonna have nightmares now from that encounter, ugh). I peered around the corner that I was hiding behind.

From behind that corner I heard a voice in a thick Russian accent say, "Welcome, Comrade Chong. I cannot say I'm pleased."

I peered around the corner to see a burly Russkie talking to Chong. His hair was long, and over his right eye was a long scar. His right eye was cloudy. He was wearing swimming trunks and a gold chain. I whipped out my digital camera.

"Say cheese, boys," I softly said, quickly snapping a picture of the Russkie. I quietly ran doing a front flip, hiding behind one of the pool pillars.

"Come on Rocky," Big Chong said. "I just made another delivery to Cyprus. That's 3.5 billion for the week."

"Yeah, it's too slow," Said the Russkie, insistently. "We'll never be able to launder it all in time."

"I can't push these jobs any harder," Big Chong sighed. "Many of them are not cooperating. We can punish only so many".

I could heard Big Chong turn away from the Russkie, Rocky I think he called him.

"Ancient Wu is most unhappy," Big Chong said with a sad sigh.

"Screw the old man!" Rocky angrily snapped suddenly at Chong.

"Haven't you heard," Rocky said more quietly, his voice betrayed a certain fear. "The General it in town, looking for his money. And that's bad news for all of us."

The General? I thought. I wondered what the hell that meant but I pushed aside my curiosity. Bunch of these jackasses had code names. I pulled out one of my Desert Eagles.

"The General?" Big Chong breathed; he had the same tone Rocky did. I could hear him turn to Rocky.

"He's your problem," Big Chong said in a final type of way. "We do the laundering and that's it. And I'm telling you the cops are all over this!"

Well, here's my cue.

I jumped on to the edge of the up-ground pool gun pointed to them saying, "You got that right."

Both of them turned to me. Surprised at my sudden appearance.

"Hands up," I ordered. "Nice and easy."

Rocky turned to Chong.

"IDIOT!" He yelled, angrily.

"I didn't know! I swear!" Chong exclaimed desperately.

Rocky yelled something in Russian and dived into the pool and disappeared. As Rocky yelled several of his men appeared with AK-47's, Shotguns, and Uzi's.

"Sāsi tā!" Big Chong yelled franticly to the men, running to one of the entrances. "KILL HIM!"

The Russkies fired at me. I back-flipped off the side of the pool narrowly missing the bullets. And landed on my feet pulling out my other Desert Eagle.

Here we go again.

I aimed at the Russkies and fired off a few rounds. And so did they. I jumped down just in time to narrowly miss getting some lead in me.

"Hey! How 'bout arm wrestling, Anyone?" I called over my shoulder as I changed clips.

A few bullets grazed really damn close to my side.

"I thought not."

I jumped out of my cover and shot at the Russkies. Both fell to the floor. Suddenly I heard more footsteps near one of the entrances.

Damn!

I ran to the fallen Russkies putting my Desert Eagles in my jacket and snatched an AK and a Shotgun. I swung around to the Russkies. I fired a few rounds at them. The blood that suddenly stained the wall behind them told me I got them.

Suddenly, a few more Russkies appeared this time at the Exit at the far northeast.

Shit! These guys just don't know when to quit do they?

I swung ran at them firing all the rounds I had left in the AK and the Shotgun. The Russkies fell bleeding to the ground. I grabbed their dropped Uzi's.

"Thanks guys," I said.

"GET HIM!"

I swung around. More Russkies. Well, shit, they where persistent. I'll give them that. I swung around and as I jumped backwards I fired at them (think The Matrix people). They fell to the floor dead. Got them alright.

"YOU!" yelled a angry voice.

I swung around to see Big Chong with a .44 Magnum in his hands.

"Hey Big Chong! What's up?" I yelled with a smile.

He fired off a few rounds. I jumped down behind one of the crumbled up pool pillars.

"What? Are you not happy to see me?"

I pulled out my Desert Eagles. Then I jumped out from behind the pool pillar. I ran at Big Chong firing at him. After Three shots he was on the floor bleeding.

I glanced around the room now that the shooting seemed to of stopped.

Damn.

The place was a mess. Bullet holes in the walls, you could see the metal rebar that was inside the pool pillars. Chunks of tile where on the floor. Not to mention all the dead Russkies bleeding all over the damn place.

It sort of reminded me of the scene in The Matrix where Neo and Trinity finished shootin' up that one place to save that guy, what was his name? Morpheus I think,(Give me a break, I haven't seen it for awhile).

"Aw-man!" I said, suddenly realizing what this all meant. "This mess is gonna take one shit load of paper work!"