Chapter 9 - Fifth Year : I did this.
"So anyway," James continued with his arm around a blonde Ravenclaw girl, on the train home "that's when I saw the bludger coming at me! And I skidded out of the way..." The girl seemed to be soaking the story in. But James, thought exited, seemed half distracted by the pretty little red head staring out the window. She didn't even notice his existence today, He doubted she even knew he was in the compartment.
Lily spent the day trying not to face Remus, But she always sat with him on the train. So she did such today, even though the air of awkward ness was thick enough to cut with a knife.
I felt like crying. Whatever happened between us last night never happened, so naturally It was dead awkward. But we had to stand together so no one would know. But They noticed, if not by the fact that we avoided talking to each other, and had been quiet for the last twenty minutes, then by the fact that we were beat red just standing next to each other. What we did was not us, that was silently agreed, but I think no matter how awkward it was I needed to talk to him. But I couldn't while James was in here. I waited about a half an hour for the git to leave with his new girl, and when they finally did I couldn't bring myself to say anything for a while.
He cleared his throat. "Lily,"she looked away from the window, but not completely at him, nor completely away.
"Yes?" she sounded distant and sad. He moved over close to her.
"I never meant to- "
"I know."
"You don't hate me do you." she looked up at him.
"I could never hate you. Why would you think that?"
"Well, I mean I did that, I wasn't thinking. I just feel like I did something so evil, like I totally disrespected you, and I just figured you wouldn't want to see me ever again." she felt tears swell up in her eyes, she stood up. She could feel herself trembling.
"I'm sorry Remus." she walked out of the compartment, she covered her eyes and walked to the back of the train. She hit someone on the shoulder half way down the train and mumbled a sorry, but continued walking. She heard someone shuffling behind her. There was and empty compartment she slid in, still trying to cover her eyes. Someone walked in after her. She looked up to see the infamous James Potter, without his infamous smirk.
"What the bloody hell do you want with me you prat!" she screamed. He closed the compartment door. She covered up her face again and, tried with all her will not to let anymore tears fall.
"Lily, what's been going on with you lately?" he sat down next to her.
"Get Out!" she yelled from behind her hands.
"No." He said simply. She let her hands fall from her face.
"What goes on in my life is none of your business, Potter. You may be rich but you don't own the whole bloody world!" she screamed.
"I just wanted to know what's wrong. I know that its between you and Remus," He said softly sitting next to her "And I just wanted to tell you, If you need someone to cry on I'll be right here." she started to sob into her hands. He put an arm around her, but she shoved him off.
"I never had a friend." she said after her sobs died down "He was the only friend I ever had. But I was so stupid about it. He thinks I hate him."
"I'm sure He doesn't think you hate him."
"He does- He said so!" she let her face leave her hands and looked out the compartment window. She mumble;"I never should have-" she paused. "Never mind." she stared of into the distance looking a bit shocked. "It was me." she whispered to the floor, "I did this to myself, I never should have said anything, I never should have done anything."she started yelling" It was fine the way it was, I broke the promise. I kissed him-" she slapped her hand over her mouth, James was not supposed to know this.
"What?" she had to lie. Lie or have Remus beaten to a bloody pulp.
"I kissed him yesterday, after he made me promise not to like him... Because of you." James looked a little paler.
"Me?"
"You were his best friend, and he told me, you liked me so I couldn't like him, okay?"
"This is my fault isn't it? Wait-" He went even paler "you know?"
"Of course I know, you Big headed, Git! And Yes, This is your fault! Do you get that!" she felt all her anger explode at him. But he looked so sad.
"I'm sorry. I just liked you-"
"You'll never learn! You Prat!" she covered her eyes with her eyes with her hands.
"It's just I always act funny around you. I really never meant to-"
"I have to talk to him."she stood up and walked to the door. "By the way. I never told you I kissed him okay?" he nodded solemnly.
She made her way up the train slow at first and the broke into a slow run. Stopping just outside the compartment, she slid open the door. Remus sat staring at the floor. She sat next to him, and enveloped him in a hug. She started sobbing into his shoulder.
"Lily." he put an arm around her. "Lily, It's okay. It's okay."
"No. No, Remus, It's not okay." she leaned off his shoulder. "I did this, I started liking you and"she began to whisper. "I kissed you first, and I made you feel like you did something wrong, you didn't."
"No, if it was that bad than I shouldn't have kissed you back."
"It wasn't bad. It was a good kiss." she leaned the side of her head on his shoulder.
"Er... thank you?" he said skeptically. She looked up at him smiling weakly, and kissed his lips softly.
He Decided to go back to the compartment, Lily should have talked to Remus by now. He made his way back to te compartment, he could hear Voices.
"...It's not okay. I did this, I started liking you, and I kissed you first". They were still talking. He thought it polite to wait for them to make peace, in the mean time he could find Sirius, and some more Ravenclaws, But he stopped when he heard Remus' Voice
"No, If it was that bad I shouldn't have kissed you back." he could feel the anger rising in him.
"It wasn't bad. It was a good kiss." his mouth fell open. Was he hearing what he thought?
Before he could run in there and kill Remus, he forced himself to think.
He told Lily he wouldn't tell, and he didn't want to be a prat, like always. Actually, altogether, he changed his mind that day.
Lily really liked Remus, Not me. Never me. He stopped. That day, Everything he did for lily, and it was never going to happen. So he vowed, that he did not like her.
After a moment he walked back into the compartment. Lily was sitting next to Remus, her eyes were still a bit red. He sat down quietly and she smiled at him, before continuing to talk to Remus about her sister's wedding this summer. He Remained Quiet throughout the train ride, not even stealing glances at her.
The train came to a slow stop at the station. They took their trunks and bags, and made for the platform.
After getting of the train, they waited for a witch to gesture them through the barrier.
"You have to write me everyday. You promise?" she said playfully to Remus, He laughed and hugged her, she hugged back, they stood like that for a long moment before James coughed and they let go.
"So, do have a good summer, and I'll write. I'll see you." she kissed Remus' cheek, and he went through the Barrier. She turned to James.
"Have a nice summer." she kissed his cheek too.
"You too!" he called after her, slightly dazed, as she vanished through the barrier...
A/N: yaah there seems to be a lack of reveiws... grr. I'm so not updating until i get to sixteen reveiws! mua ha ha ha ha!