Spike rose from his place on the ground he couldn't imagine the pain she was in and he wasn't there to help her it made him clench his teeth in frustration. Buffy needed him and he couldn't get to her. He wiped away the tears from his eyes and grabbed his things before heading off.

"Oh my God, Buffy I am so sorry, I didn't know when I called and with the happy…" Willow said her eyes welling up with tears. Xander sat with his head down speechless he couldn't believe this had happened.

"It went by so fast…" Buffy said. "I never even got to say goodbye or that I love her." Buffy said beginning to choke up again. Xander placed a hand gently on her shoulder.

"She knows you do Buffy, and she loves you too." Xander said trying to cheer her up.

"God it's my birthday and yesterday and today are the worst days of my life. I mean with what happened with Spike and my mom…" Buffy started to trail off.

"Wait something happened with Spike?" Willow asked. Buffy looked down in shame.

"Will, I well we…" Buffy said looking in another direction afraid to look at her friends face.

"Oh." Willow said, looking down at the ground.

"Then I went to the Bronze to find him and the moment I see him he kisses Cordelia…" She says starting to get teary eyed again.

"That bastard!" Xander exploded. "Oh I swear the first chance I get I'll…" Xander started to rant

"Don't." Buffy said. "I don't want to hurt him, I want what makes him happy…"

"Buff…he betrayed you and you want what makes him happy?" Xander asked.

"Xander I know he did but that doesn't change the fact that I still love him." Buffy said.

Xander scoffed. "You don't know what love is." Xander said bitterly. "You think you can spend what a week with a guy and then you love each other."

"Oh." Buffy said getting up in a rage. "You think you know what love is. Huh? Sexing up Anya in a closet and blowing off your friends every damn minute. Tell me is that love? Cuz you sure fooled me." Buffy said in disbelief.

Xander looked at her in shock before hanging his head down. "I know I wasn't there for a long time and I am sorry, I just needed something to make me feel complete." His eyes started to well up. "I mean you guys are my best friend and I could take it when it was just Willow with the boyfriend, but then Spike came along and you went off with him and I was all alone I needed someone to turn too." Xander said the tears spilling from his eyes.

Buffy stared at him before running over to him and embracing him in a large hug. "Xander I will always love you, I am always here if you just ask. Just because Spike was here didn't mean you had to leave. I still wanted you here with us."

She felt Xander nod and then Willow came over and placed them both in a hug and they all cried together.

1 hour later

"So…" Buffy started before I called you over I made some arrangements. " We are going to bury her on Thursday which is in three days and since I am now eighteen I can legally keep the house I also have picked out her casket and her gravestone already so we are basically all set." Buffy said. So we just are going to meet at my house on Thursday at ten in the morning and you need to have you parents let you off if they can and they can come too if they want."

Willow and Xander nodded, before walking out the door. She looked down at the mat and saw a note sitting there, she frowned slightly before picking it up and bringing it into the house.

She looked at it: Buffy she rolled her eyes she knew what this was but she couldn't help but look at it.

Dear Buffy,

I know you don't want to talk to me and probably don't care about this letter but I had to write and explain to you what really happened even if you don't believe me…Buffy ok where do I start. First of all I would never just use you, I love you more than anything in this world. I would die for you if I had too. Buffy I did not know that was Cordelia behind me I thought it was you, that is why I turned around. If I had seen who it was I would have backed away and went home. I am sorry that it happened I would never kiss anyone but you and I hope you realize that… Buffy I love you more than anything in this world and I guess you don't care…so maybe I will see you around.

Forever yours,

Spike Giles

Buffy looked up. "Oh God, I screwed up…"

A/N: Hey probably around one or two more chapters either one long one or two short ones so yea it will probably be up today…