A/N: The result of a LiveJournal request from a friend who despises Inuyasha: I had to write the series in the form of a very bad romance novel (specifically, one Mrs. Giggles would hate—Google it). This was the month-late result. I post it for the same reason I wrote it: peer pressure, boredom and morbid curiosity as to the reactions it'll get. (LJ friends told me to post it. Therefore, I had to do it. It makes perfect sense.) Let's get this over with…
Kagome never wanted this. The raven-haired girl had had no idea that, the moment her sparkling chocolate orbs rested upon the sun-dappled crimson figure against the Goshinboku, her simple life would be thrown into turmoil. For the moment the fiery creature was freed by her touch, Inuyasha was nothing but trouble, set upon making her miserable any way he could. All she'd done was negate the ultimate sacrifice of the woman who'd killed him and guarantee that hundreds of people would suffer the effects of her having broken the Shikon Jewel, and he treated her as if she were dirt! While insisting she was nothing, and turning his nose up at her, crossing those well-muscled arms, letting his adorably fuzzy widdle ears twitch, throwing her onto his back in order to run off somewhere and making her feel as if--
No! She would resist. She didn't love Inuyasha, or even like him. Never mind his excruciatingly chiseled body or the occasional flashes of a softer, caring side to his abrasive personality, or the fact that she'd spent less time with him than most people spend waiting in doctor's offices. He loved Kikyou, and that was that. Kagome just knew she was ugly and stupid and whiny in comparison and could never ever ever hope to be anything to Inuyasha except a traveling companion, no matter that they were obviously soul mates and destined to be Together Forever, united in true love as only true lovers could be for all eternity. And she didn't love him! He didn't make her want to get naked, not at all. Only evil sluts thought thoughts like that, and Kagome was a good girl. She would never have florid sex dreams or think Bad Thoughts about Kikyou. Ever.
Inuyasha felt much the same. He had to get the Jewel and become full demon and forget about his horrible, gut-wrenchingly tragic past and everyone in it. And then go to Hell with Kikyou. Except not at the same time. Unless Kikyou wanted him to, of course.
The point was, he didn't even remotely like Kagome. If he did, it was because her face was a carbon copy of his dead lover's, never mind that Kagome showed him more warmth and acceptance and understanding and cleavage than Kikyou ever had, not to mention he was from the feudal era and had no clue what a carbon copy was. He didn't love her. He just couldn't.
Until their quest progressed, that is, and their companions began harassing them with subtle hints here and there. When the unthinkably original happened and Kagome stumbled upon Inuyasha and Kikyou embracing, she ran away in tears, sure that he had made up his mind. And he had! But she loved him so, and he needed her in such a weirdly romantically platonic way, that they stayed together anyway.
...Then a bunch of stuff happened. Tragedy! Misunderstanding! Someone even more brash and hairy and canine than Inuyasha took an interest in Kagome, who was delighted at Inuyasha's jealousy, even if that kind of hypocritical protectiveness usually heralds deep-seated insecurity more than genuine affection! He obviously cared for her, and that was all that mattered!
Then Kikyou showed up again, and Inuyasha dropped Kagome like a moldy turd in order to go run to her. Oh! the agony! He would never truly love Kagome! But she loved him! She would stay with him no matter what!
Their friends hooked up, but Kagome was too busy squealing about it to think about it much. But yay! As long as nothing really changed and her friend wasn't doing anything Dirty, it was all okay!
Then, suddenly, something happened! The Villain! He was...dead! The end of their quest! ...And...
Inuyasha stood with the completed Jewel in hand. "So. This is it."
Kagome looked at him. Her eyes filled up with tears. "Yes."
As Inuyasha stood and looked at her, he instantly forgot about the blood-soaked corpses littering the ground around them. Kikyou's fake body had been destroyed, and Kagome's not-fake body was suddenly framed with embers of molten pink and gold from the dying sunset behind her. The light dancing across her hair and glittering orbs made his heart overflow with love. It was all so clear now--with Kikyou's reanimated clay corpse gone, her soul now stood before him in the very person he'd come to love more than anything else in the world. Why, he hadn't ever really loved Kikyou in the first place, either! The fact that he'd been willing to give up all his powers, extended life and then descend into the bowels of the underworld with her after she was dead meant nothing! He had Kagome!
"I love you!"
Kagome felt so happy that she could've kissed him. But that was bad, wrong, she couldn't possibly... Oh...! But he'd said it! They were In Love! It was all going to be all right! "I love you, too!" She threw herself into his arms, where he kissed her passionately, with all the love and affection he'd ever felt only for her, managing not to do any damage with his huge claws or fangs as they worked their way to the ground, shedding clothes till they were no longer wearing any.
(muzak, in which soft white flesh is kneaded, pulsing manhood is buried in hot, quivering core and waves crash against snowy cliffs in perfect bliss--that's talking about orgasms, by the way, but we're much too refined to say as much)
"I love you!" Kagome said happily.
"I love you!" Inuyasha pulled her close.
"I love you!" Miroku told Sango, who had been standing there with everyone else but of course not watching or anything.
"I love you!" Sango said tearfully. They were all far too happy to pay attention to ingrained cultural precepts that said this kind of open display was as socially acceptable as stabbing your listener in the eye with a fish tail. True love had conquered all!
Two minutes later...
"Isn't he perfect?" Kagome held out her arms to display a perfectly clean, un-crying and adorable baby. "What shall we name him?"
"He's got his daddy's ears," Kohaku said.
"Just like Bob has my eyes," Sango said proudly, holding up her and Miroku's youngest. "His brother is a little tubbier, but what do you expect of triplets? ...Oh, my, I feel a little sick! Do you think...?"
"Wow, you guys just can't stay out of the sack, can you?" Shippou asked brightly.
And they all had a good laugh at the kit's obvious cluelessness. "Maybe when you're older, Shippou." Till the sequel...
Fin
A/N: …Now, to scrub my hands and eyes with bleach again…