Author: Is it a little too low profile for Madonna?
Summary: Sydney said if she'd been the one left behind she would have waited for him. This is what her life could have been if Vaughn had been the one to disappear.
Disclaimer: Same thing! The song isn't mine either, I stole it from an unknown source and am giving them all the credit right…now!
Author's Note: Sorry, this chapter is a little shorter than usual, but I wanted this to be all about the Bristow/Vaughn family. I'm still looking for a beta if anyone is interested. This might be the last chapter for a little while, in addition to not being able to get my ideas to fit coherently onto paper, I'm moving in two weeks and my life is gonna get a little crazy!
Chapter 5
"Billy?" It was more of a statement then a question.
Sydney nodded, watching him closely for a reaction.
"Billy is your son, not your new boyfriend?"
"Our son," she corrected.
"Our son," Vaughn said trying the words himself. "Billy," suddenly the name didn't seem so horrible. Suddenly all of this didn't seem so amazingly awful.
"Vaughn, are you OK?" Sydney asked. Only then did he realise he'd been staring at the far wall for an undetermined amount of time.
"I have a son?" the whole idea seemed incomprehensible. He'd almost gotten used to the idea that Sydney was with someone else. In love with someone else. But it turned out that the other man in her life was actually his son. "How old is he?" realising he knew nothing about his own son other than his name.
"Twenty months and seventeen days. Born nearly a month premature on January 13th, 2003. He weighed five pounds seven ounces. He has your chin and your eyes. He loves broccoli and avocados but can't stand carrots. His first word was 'beer' after spending a little too much time with uncles Eric and Will. He's…he's perfect," she said with all the honesty of a mother who believes her son can do no wrong.
"Billy," Vaughn repeated, this time with a little more force.
"OK, you're going to have to expand your vocabulary a little here. Maybe make your way towards full sentences."
"I just…I just can't believe I have a son! God I have a son. I'm a father?" he was entirely unaware of the tears streaming down his face.
Sydney had known that learning the truth about Billy would be hard on Vaughn. She couldn't imagine missing the first two years of her own child's life. That's why she'd been so hesitant to tell him. She'd wanted to break it to him gently, not during some screaming match like what their last few encounters had quickly deteriorated into. Seeing his reaction she knew she'd been right, but she still wished she could have told him sooner.
"It wasn't supposed to be like this," she said suddenly, mostly to herself but Vaughn was sitting right next to her and couldn't help but overhear.
"What wasn't supposed to be like this?" he was slowly processing the idea of having a son and coming back to reality.
"I never wanted to tell you that you had a two year old son."
He was shocked. Why hadn't she wanted to tell him? What had he done?
She saw the look on his face and she knew she'd said it wrong. "No, no not like that. I never wanted to tell you that you had a two year old son because you should have been there all along. I wanted us to find out together. We should have been happily married. It should have been a decision we made together. I could have started teaching; you would have gone back to being a desk jockey. Not like this. Never like this."
"I was going to ask you to marry me," he told her. "In Santa Barbra. I was going to propose. I had everything planned, a romantic dinner, candlelight, it would have been perfect."
"I know," she told him and began to fiddle with the rings on her left hand.
How could she have known? He'd never told anyone, not even Weiss. Except his mother when he'd asked for his grandmother's ring. Suddenly the rings on her finger were much too familiar. "Are those," he stopped. They couldn't possibly be. And yet they were so similar. "Was that my grandmother's?"
She nodded shyly ducking her head.
"My mother?"
"She gave them to me when I told her you'd disappeared. She told me what you'd said, all your plans. She told me you'd want me to have them. I didn't wear them until I found out about Billy, I wanted you to come back and ask me. But when I found out I was pregnant it was like finding you and losing you all over again. You were supposed to be there. They made it a little easier, made me feel a little less alone through it all."
She made a move to take them off, but Vaughn laid his hand over hers and shook his head. "I want you to wear them," he smiled softly.
"Vaughn. I—we can't. You know that I love you, but it's been two years, we can't just pick up where we left off," no matter how much it hurt she knew she had to say it. Things were different then they had been two years ago. They were different people now.
"I know, but I want to get to know you again. I want to get to know my son. See how it goes. But until then I still want you to wear them."
She nodded mutely, still not entirely able to meet his eyes.
He used a gentle finger to raise her chin so her gaze met his. His eyes flickered briefly to her lips. "Can I kiss you?"
"Please," her voice was so low that if he hadn't been sitting so close he wouldn't have heard it. But that was all he needed to hear. He let his head dip slowly until their lips met.
It was like no kiss they'd ever shared. There was none of the urgency of their first kisses. There was still ample passion, but it was all kept pent up just below the surface. It was timid and gentle and beautiful.
Sydney slowly let her hand drift up to the place where his neck met his shoulder. His hand was still holding her chin steady. Their other hands clasped gently between them. Other than the soft touch of hands and lips their bodies were completely separate. Lips parted delicately but neither ventured any further as if they were both afraid to go ruin the perfection of the moment.
When the urgent chirping of Sydney's cell phone broke the silence, they both pulled away slowly and a little reluctantly.
"Hello?" Sydney said a little breathlessly.
"Hey Syd. I'm sorry to bug you but Billy just woke up and—"
"Another nightmare?" her mommy senses kicking into overdrive. "I'll be there in ten seconds," she said before snapping the phone shut.
"That was Will. Billy, he just had another nightmare. I have to go to him," she said desperately as she rushed towards the door.
Vaughn sat quietly, unsure of his role in this particular situation.
"Would you like to meet your son?" she asked pausing at Weiss' door.
He nodded and followed her silently down the hall to her own apartment.
"Is he OK?" she asked Will the moment he set foot in the apartment.
"Yeah, I think he was worried when he woke up and found you gone," he replied stepping through a door just off the living room. "Vaughn!" he said a little surprised.
Vaughn dipped his head in a brief acknowledgement, still too in awe of the whole situation to form words.
Then Will turned to Sydney. "I think I'm going to go pick Francie up at the restaurant. We're staying at my place tonight," he threw a meaningful look at Vaughn.
Sydney's expression gave nothing away. "I'll tell Eric that we'll debrief him another night."
A noise from the other room made Sydney pale. "Let me go calm him down and I'll bring him out in a minute," she told Vaughn as she rushed to find her son.
Will stayed only a minute longer, and then left him all alone in Sydney's apartment. He walked to the book shelves lining the wall. She had framed pictures propped against the many books. There were pictures of Sydney with Will and Francie. And a few with her holding a small bundle of blankets that must have been Billy. But the one that caught his eye was a close up of a tiny face. Bright green eyes shone up at him from just above tiny button nose which was slightly hidden by the edge of a book that was clasped tightly in chubby little hands.
Sydney was right, he was perfect.
A soft noise from the next room caught Vaughn's attention, when he listened closely he swore he could hear singing. Inching slowly towards the door the voices got louder.
"I went to the animal fair
The birds and the beasts were there
The big baboon
By the light of the moon
Was combing his auburn hair
I went to see the monk
He sat on the elephant's trunk
The elephant sneezed, ACHOO!
And fell on his knees
And that's what came of the monk, the monk, the monk"
Vaughn stood transfixed in the door way, the little boy bouncing brightly in front of Sydney was grinning widely. The only sign of the nightmare just minutes before were the faint tracks of tears still on his cheeks.
When they finished they both collapsed into a pile of giggles, he could see Sydney tickling the little boy—his son—and was reminded of how his own mother used to make him forget his bad dreams. He felt like he was intruding on a private moment so he began to slowly back away, but his movement caught Billy's eye. For a moment they both froze.
What happened next was almost more surprising than the rest of the night's announcements. Billy scrambled to his feet. "Daddy!" he said in a strong voice.
Vaughn was completely taken aback when the boy recognized him, and then when he moved towards him, Vaughn couldn't help but feel a bit like he was looking into the mirror. Sydney was right, they had the same eyes, and chin, he wasn't sure whose nose he had, but the smile was all Sydney. And just like the first time, it only took one smile to make him fall completely in love.
Sydney watched on silently as her little boy stole the heart of the man she loved. It was so sweet to see the two of them together, Vaughn seemed a little ill at ease, as he picked up the small boy, but Billy chattered at him as if he'd known him his whole life. At that thought Sydney's heart broke a little, there were so many things Vaughn had missed, so many memories he could never get back.
Like any nearly two year old boy, Billy quickly tired of the new attention. He began to squirm so Vaughn placed him lightly back on his feet.
"Thomas!" said pointing to the other room.
"OK Buddy, but just one," Sydney told him and he took off into the other room.
"Thomas?" Vaughn asked confused.
Sydney smiled. "It's hard for him to sleep after nightmares so I usually let him watch some Thomas the Tank Engine, something about the trains puts him sleep."
They made there way out to the living room, where Billy had already chosen a DVD and was trying to fit it into the still closed machine.
"A little eager, isn't he?" Vaughn chuckled at the boy's actions
"Of course, it is after all Thomas!" Sydney's tone was filled with mock sincerity. She was amazed how easy it was to fall back into comfortable patterns with Vaughn now that the burden of truth had been lifted.
"Mommy!" Billy moaned when no one came to help him with his Thomas. Sydney slipped the DVD from Billy and popped it in, and then she settled on to the same couch as Vaughn. Billy plunked himself down between the two adults and that sat content just to watch the little boy so enthralled by the little toy trains that whizzed across the screen.
Not long after the opening credits Billy was slumped against the cushions and snoring lightly. "You weren't joking about it putting him to sleep were you?" Vaughn asked incredulously.
"I would never joke about the miracle that is Thomas the Tank Engine, anything that can make a hyper active two year old sit quietly for an extended amount of time is a true blessing."
"I'm sure, you must cherish the few moments of down time it gives you," he couldn't imagine what it must have been like for her; she was a teacher, a CIA analysist and a mother. Things couldn't have gotten much more complicated than that.
"I do. But somehow whenever he's too calm I miss the noise and chaos. Of course that doesn't usually last too long, but—" her smile was bright and he could tell she loved her son more than she could ever say. He was starting to understand the feeling.
They talked quietly about Billy—his likes, his dislikes, weird little things he'd done—for hours. Vaughn knew Sydney had hours more of stories to recount about the angel dozing between them. But he saw the droop in her eyelids and felt the weight of his own. He knew he should go back to Eric's apartment and go to sleep. He had work in the morning, but its importance was diminished by the idea of watching his son, his son, sleep. So instead of leaving he stayed on the couch and watched Sydney fall asleep too.
A half hour later Eric opened the door quietly; it was after one so everyone would most likely be asleep. But he'd promised a debriefing so he checked in. The sight that met his eyes was wonderful; a family who'd fallen asleep together, a mother and father and their son. Everything both Sydney and Mike had always wanted. And now it looked like, what they might just get a chance at having.
A/N: So now we've all met Billy, but the story is not yet over, there are still things that need to happen to have happily ever after. Please review, 'cause it just makes me so damn happy.