Chapter 4

Glastheim Castle, 1200h

As our two heroes went to Glast Heim in search of revenge, the black boyar sat comfortably in a stone-slab throne in a dark place waiting for the hero to accept his invitation.

Yes, he's actually doing nothing while he's waiting for Gynn's arrival. Why he doesn't get a better wallpaper, cozier furniture and proper lighting or cable TV is beyond my reasoning. With great evil, they say, comes horrible taste.

Around his throne lay countless shards of countless wineglasses that have been shattered time and again on the hands of so many who had sat on the throne room. (Bad housekeeping, tsk tsk)

"Evil Angel and Dark Warrior, come forth," commanded the evil man in black. He chuckled to himself, "I just love those names - unique and scary as hell."

Two men stepped out of the shadows. In fics like this, shadows are the best place to store informants, henchmen and unidentifiables. One of them looked inhumanly thin as though he had used the Dragon 77 Miracle Reducing Cream a little too much while the other looked as though his own muscles could choke him to death just by expanding simultaneously. And we all know what happens to characters with less than a sentence of description..

insert stupid sidestory here about the two guys fighting Gynn and Jappa. The end of which is too obvious to narrate. The two guys get beaten up but don't die, Gynn and Jappa proceed to the main throne room of Glast Heim. The Black Boyar shows them power and defeats them with a show of kamehame-ripoffs. I just love summarial narration; it helps me nurture my laziness.

"You should know there is a reason why throne sounds exactly as thrown," replied the struggling Gynn, "There will always be somebody who will be able to defeat you!"

Jappa fainted another cough and rolled her eyes to some other corner, "Great job, master of the obvious. Otherwise, nobody would want to be in the good side."

"Insolence! You fell for my trap already! All this time I just wanted the perfectly ordinary memento that you have taht isnt so ordinary afterall! I have the perfect plan! Now that I have both your coin is mine, I shall rule the world with the infinite powers our coins produce when combined! Behold the power of THE TWO CENTS!"

Jappa stared at the boyar, "Oh yeah? If you're so different then why is the explanation of this plan of yours so darn short?"

"Since you're gonna die anyway, I'll explain it to you in detail," said the complacent black-haired evil.

"Wait. If we're going die then what's the point of you explaining the plan to us?" replied the confused swordsman.

"JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN!"

Gynn looked at Jappa. The near-naked huntress shrugged and said, "So we can escape, my INT-deprived friend."

The huntress pulled out a precariously placed knife from her belt and freed her hands from the magical ropes I've failed to mention before. She then pulled out something from her sidepocket and pointed it at the Boyar. "Cheers!"

"Hey, how come you have a gun? That's cheating!"

"I got it at EBay, smuggled by some wheeler-dealer at Vital Sign. I knew it would come in handy one day," said the huntress along with a toothed smile, "Nobody ever said guns aren't legal."

"Wait," said the boyar in a fleeting, enigmatic undertone, "Don't you want to know how I turned out to be evil before you kill me?"

Gynn Erik gasped, "Oh, the evil-boss explanation card! He's good."

Jappa stared at the ceiling for a second as the two waited for her response intently. (They say it helps you think better. Who's 'they', you ask? Dunno.)

"Okay, thought about it. No. I think I'll just kill you now and bring this sad story to it's rightful end," Jappa quickly replied, "and besides, I never did say I was one of those non-killing goodies."

The huntress effortlessly cocked the handgun and playfully trained it at the frozen villain.
"Clichéd as this might sound, I want to say it anyway as a fanservice to all of my readers, DIE!"

"Waaait!"

A shout from a familiar voice stopped Jappa Nisako from pulling back the trigger. She looked at the one who interrupted her with disgust.

"What are you doing now, Gynn? Let's just kill him, save the world and avenge our priest!"

"But," Gynn said with an amount of hesitation, "but, HE'S MY FATHER!"

Jappa's jaws dropped wide open, "He's your WHAT?"

Likewise, the Black Boyar looked just as dumbfounded. "I'm you're WHAT?"

"I just know it! I don't know why but I know he's my long lost father! Ay papii!" squealed Gynn as he ran off to hug the evil black-haired man.

"Long lost son!" replied the teary villain.

insert piano music here

A gunshot stopped the whole affair. Jappa had fired the gun in the air, causing one of the people who like to hide in the shadows to drop from the ceiling.

"Ok. This is just ridiculous. I've heard of cheaper plot devices before. But this, this is just plain stupid! I don't even have to be near-naked to realise that this is just a silly attempt to twist the final chapter," said the steamed huntress as she trained her aim once again at the bad guy.

"Wait, Janna.If you're going to shoot him," Gynn dared in a straight tone, "then you'll have to do it after you've shot me too!"

"Hmmm..."

insert more unnecessary space here

Jappa stared at Gynn from head to toe. She shrugged to herself and turn the gun at the surprised swordie, "Okay. But only because you're a good friend of mine "

Bang!

And with that, Gynn fell dead with a nice new hole in his head. What do you mean protagonists cant die? Hey, she's got a gun. I'm no longer in control here. If it were up to me, she wouldn't even be close to be being near-naked (and there'd be no guns in this fic)

"What the poring sound was that all about?" shouted the startled villain.

"Hey, who knows? Evil might be in his genes or something," said Janna as she blew off the trailing smoke from there gun.

"But you didn't even ask. Just so you know, HE'S poring sound ADOPTED, you poring sound maniac!"

"Really? Well now that you've mentioned it, it seems that he didn't get any of your better-looking features... but what's another dead hero anyway?"

"I shall tell you my sad story anyway," replied the Black Boyar as he scooped up the dead swordie's body.

"No."

Bang!

The Black Boyar fell on top of his son's body. It's just amazing what you can do with two birds using a gun than just a stone. Kids, be smart enough. DONT poring sound TRY THIS AT HOME. (try it somewhere else, where you're covered by councilors and insurance or the media)

"This story ends here," said the good-for nothing leading lady who likes to ruin perfect storylines with her smart-alecky comments that does nobody no good.

Bang!

"I've been waiting for the end of the story just to do that. I just hate authors who take their work too personally. Oh, and the ending? I used my head and ruled the kingdom of Midgard under the name King Tristram III of Prontera. The End."

The End.

Because the author is too lazy or dull to setup the scene or his brain is on strike again.

If you're still reading this, after all the things that I've written, you have my sincere thanks. And that's no parody.