Chapter 2
As she checked on the sleeping children she imagined, as she had many times, a world where the sleeping children were theirs. Hers and Jack's children, miniature copies of them in fact. She saw a feisty little blonde girl and a dark, handsome and charming little boy. It was silly, she guessed but she shrugged and decided that she was allowed to have her fantasies.
She had once told Martin that it wasn't for her, marriage and kids. She just didn't want to admit that the only person she had ever felt it would be possible with could never be hers. The opening door brought her back to the real world. Her neighbour, Carrie, looked dishevelled as she shook the rain out of her soaking hair.
"Boy, it's really coming down out there! It just came out of nowhere and of course I had no umbrella, stupid April showers. How have they been?"
"Flat out the whole time, did you drug them so they would be good for me or what?"
The pretty brunette laughed at the idea as she peaked over Samantha's shoulder at her sleeping children.
"Well I can't say it's something I haven't considered! Hey thanks a lot Samantha, my sister's pretty cut up over the latest loser. I, however, am overjoyed! But, I'm playing the part of the caring sister anyway, it's my job."
Samantha smiled. It seemed like Carrie's sister had worse taste in men than she did. She was always breaking her heart over some loser and so, as a result, Samantha babysat regularly.
As Samantha opened the door Carrie stopped her.
"Hey wait! I almost forgot." She gave Samantha a bottle of red wine. Samantha put her hands up in protest but Carrie shook her head.
"No way, come on just take it ok? You won't take my money so take my wine instead! It's nice; I've had it before, so come on."
Samantha relented and took the bottle. She would never take her money when honestly she was grateful for having a place to be at night.
As she made her way downstairs she saw familiar shoes coming into view. As she got down further she saw that it was Jack.
After he left the restaurant he couldn't get her out of his head. As he drove home, everywhere he looked he saw places that were important to them. Places they had gone together and had fun without the shame that they were cheating on someone.
He let himself into the apartment and sat down, not bothering to turn a light on. He looked around and knew instantly that this was not home. It never had been. It was simply the apartment he had found at short notice, he hadn't decorated, hardly even bought furniture except what he had needed at the time. He had meant to but could never get motivated about it.
He knew where he wanted to be. Without a thought in his head he got up and went straight to Samantha's door. He even surprised himself when he got there. But when he knocked there was no answer. His mind raced insanely.
Was she ok? Was she hurt? Was she looking right at him through the peephole and wondering what to do? Was she purposely avoiding him?
He sighed and scolded himself.
"Or maybe she's just not there Jack you asshole!" He said out loud and a little louder than he had intended. He started to walk away and then walked back, then away and back again. He decided to just sit down and wait for her, aware that anymore pacing would have nervous neighbours calling the cops to report an escaped mental patient.
She wanted to run away when she saw him. She felt so exhausted of emotionally draining heart to hearts with the men in her life. She debated what to do for a few seconds and decided just to go with it. She did offer herself to him if he needed to talk. She knew he wouldn't have come to her apartment at 11.30pm on a Friday night just to hang out.
So she stepped down onto the last step as he looked up to her.
"What's up?" She said with a look of concern.
He grimaced as he got to his feet, his leg had seized up as he sat.
"I, um, uh. Well, I thought I'd take you up on your offer." He managed finally. He felt like an idiot. But she simply nodded and walked past him to open the door.
"Well you're just in time. You can help me with this." She gestured to a bottle of red wine in her hand. Was she counting on him coming over?
As she walked inside and turned on the lights she explained that her neighbour had given it to her for babysitting.
He could have kicked himself for jumping to conclusions. What was he thinking that she waited in every night with a bottle of wine at the ready just in case he happened to drop by? Not for the first time that night he felt like a sixteen year old.
As she pottered about the kitchen, opening the bottle, getting glasses she realised her hands were shaking. With Jack they had only shook like this once before. As she held his hand the first night they had been properly together. After a while they'd stopped as she realised they'd stopped now because she knew she was safe with him. She let out the breath she'd been holding and relaxed. They were just going to talk. She was going to be a good friend because God knows he needed one right now.
Looking at him in the living room, mindlessly looking through an old magazine he seemed like part of the furniture. A small smile escaped her mouth but she soon regrouped and joined him on the sofa.
"So?" She began as she handed him the half filled glass, "How may I help you?"
He smiled and shifted to get his leg into a more comfortable position. He had noticed that she had done the same when she sat down. He found it amusing that they now both had the same bad leg. It made them even more compatible than he already thought they were. She tried to hide the face she made as her leg had stiffened but who was she trying to kid, he thought.
"Well, this may not really be what you want to hear right now but…. I'm pregnant, it was a one night stand and I'm keeping it and…." He trailed off into fake desperation as he looked away. She was laughing heartily and punched his arm,
"Jack that's not funny, you shouldn't joke about a thing like that. You really could find yourself in that situation one day and then where would you be!"
He laughed and shrugged. He couldn't just make her laugh all night with silly little things like that. He had to say it, even though he knew he was opening a door he may not be able to close again.
As his face became serious, hers became curious. What's going on up there, she thought as she sipped her wine. She knew however, by the way he was building up to it, it was going to be something big.
He got up and paced in front of her for a minute and then began,
"Ok, here it is. You gotta be quiet until I'm finished or I'm gonna flake out ok?"
She nodded silently, shifting her position as if poised for a quick get away.
"All right then. The reason that I'm not upset about you and Martin is because I don't think you're meant to be together, in that way. I didn't want you to think I didn't care but I think it's better for the both of you in the long run."
He paused and looked at her trying to read her face but she was giving away nothing so he went on.
"In fact, I think you should be with someone else. I know you've had problems with him in the past and he's hurt you and put you in bad positions but….."
Samantha looked into his eyes, knowing who he meant, willing him to say the magic words.
"He has loved you all along. And now, I think that the time, well maybe it's not exactly right, but then when is it ever? The time has come for us, well me, to face my feelings and accept that I am and have been for some time, deeply in love with you."
As he finished he crossed his arms, looking pleased with the effect of his little speech in her softly lit living room. He waited for her reaction, she still looked pretty calm he noted.
She was a wreck, she thought! Slowly she got up and did some pacing of her own, gulping the last of her wine nervously. Finally she looked him in the eye for the first time since his little affirmation.
"So?" He said hopefully.
"Jack…" She began, "Are you sure? I mean look at the disaster it ended in the last time. We never fought but, do you really think it would be ok this time? What's going to happen when your divorce gets ugly? If Maria finds out we're dating, which of course she will, the woman seems to have spies all over Manhattan, she'll use it against you and I will not be the reason you don't get to see your kids. I won't be used by her in her petty little games."
She gasped for breath as that all seemed to come spilling out in the same one.
Sometime during her ramble Jack had sat down and he was rubbing his face with his hands. He had to admit those were all valid points that she had made. He didn't want her to get hurt by whatever Maria's agenda against him was. He got up and walked over to her. Taking her hand he gently led her back to the sofa to sit down beside him.
She allowed him to lead her because of the way he was looking at her, like she was everything to him. She was powerless when he gave her that look and kept eye contact with him the whole time, wanting to make it last for as long as possible.
Still holding her hand he took a deep breath as he figured out how to reply to what she said. He didn't want her to feel pressured but then again he did not want to make it easy for her to just walk away from him.
"You're right. You are. There are a million and one reasons why we shouldn't do this. However, we love each other and I can't go on pretending that I feel nothing for you, Sammy."
Her heart pounded when he called her Sammy. He had only done it a few times but it always took her breath away. She used to hate anyone even calling her Sam, Martin never really did. But Sammy was a name that only Jack had ever given to her and it was filled with love.
She realised he was right. He suffered as she did every day, being so close and not touching, feeling like they were under surveillance even though it was only their own paranoia.
As her eyes filled with tears she reached for him and they held each other for what seemed like forever. She softly sobbed against his chest as he silently stroked her soft hair with a content smile on his face.
That was a yes, he thought to himself.
He finally pulled away from her, wiping away her tears with his thumbs as her held her face tenderly in his hands. She slowly leaned in for a warm and gentle kiss which turned immediately into a hot and urgent kiss. But she pulled away.
"Jack, wait." She sighed, still with her hands stroking the back of his neck. "I need a little time before we do anything else. Is that ok?"
He smiled and planted a small kiss on her forehead.
"Of course it is, sweetheart. I'm going to go home and let you get some sleep." He had just realised that it was almost 1am.
With that she smiled and he got up and left. As the door shut behind him she sat back and closed her eyes. His kiss said so much about him. He loved her, he wanted her and apparently he was through being polite about it. Frankly, so was she. There was enough electricity within their kiss to light up Times Square. She wondered if they would ever lose that, they hadn't so far.
She shook herself and got up to wash their glasses. Don't get ahead of yourself Samantha, she scolded.
As he closed the door and lost sight of her smiling face he couldn't help but do a little celebratory dance on the doorstep. Her neighbours would definitely think he was mental now but he didn't care. She hadn't shot him down, she simply needed time, but he could be patient.
For her he could be patient.