Laughs, Tears, and Coca-Cola
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. I do not own Gwen Stefani's "Rich Girl". I do not own Jerry Springer. I don't own crap, do I?
Explanation: I'm gonna start off this collection with a happy, short story. I wrote this in script format, 'cause i found it funnier that way. So enjoy, and be the first to review my new section!
PS: The next one will be serious.
Talk Show Are Evil
A normal day for our travelers. Although, when you're traveling with a disgruntled hanyou, a psychotic miko, a candy-crazed kitsune, a obsessive taijiya, and a perverted houshi, normal isn't saying much. This is how their day began:
Inuyasha: Gack! Kagome, what is this stuff?
Kagome: It's oatmeal, now eat it!
Inuyasha: It looks like vomit!
Kagome: Inuyasha…
Inuyasha: Nani?
Kagome: OSUWARI! (Slam)
Kirara: Mew! (Kirara gets her two cents in.)
Shippo: Kagome, I want candy!
Kagome: No! Not until you finish your oatmeal!
Shippo: But it's icky!
Inuyasha: Shut up and stop whining. (WHACK!)
Shippo: WAAHAAA! You're so cruel.
Miroku and Sango are just enjoying the ride. That is, at least until…
(Grope)
Sango: ACK! PERVERT! (Slap!)
Miroku: (Sigh) So worth it.
Sango: Why do you do that? Grr!
Miroku: Ahh, I cannot resist.
(Boom!)
Sango: What was that?
Strange Voice: It is I…
Miroku: Buddha?
Voice: No! The author!
Miroku: Prove it! (Suddenly shoots up and starts singing Gwen Stefani's "Rich Girl)
Sango: … Okay… umm… what exactly is it you want, Mr. Author sir?
Author (me): Over the course of 109 episodes and two full length feature films I have watched you and…
Miroku: Well, that's rather disturbing…
Me: SILENCE! (Miroku is struck by lightning). I have come to the conclusion you two need some severe relationship counseling.
Sango: (Blush) Relationship? What ever do you mean?
Me: Oh, quiet will you? You're not fooling anyone, y'know.
Sango: Is it really that obvious?
Me: You betcha blush girl.
Miroku: …
Sango: So… um… what do you plan to do with us?
Me: Don't worry, I booked ya's a place on the Harry Springer show. (sorry, says I can't use his real name.) He'll either solve your problem, or make it much worse. Probably the second one.
Sango: Well that doesn't make much sense…
Me: Well, I'm the author and I say it does.
Sango: Your logic is… (faints)
Miroku: What did you do to her?
Me: Same thing I'm gonna do to you.
Miroku: Gulp…
(Later)
Crowd: HARRY! HARRY! HARRY! HARRY!
Miroku: (wakes up) Gah! WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?
(Sango wakes up)
Harry Springer: Hello, and welcome to the Harry Springer show, today's topic: "My Boyfriend is an Incurable Pervert"!
Sango: He's not my boyfriend!
Harry: HAHAHA! Sure he isn't. Now, tell us a little about yourself.
Sango: Well, um, my name is Sango and I'm a demon-slayer from feudal Japan.
(Crowd cheers)
Random Crowd Member: Yeah! Feudal Japan ROCKS!
Harry: (signals to Miroku) And you?
Miroku: My name's Miroku, and I'm a monk.
(Crowd boos)
Miroku: (shoots to his feet and points at crowd) HA! Good luck reaching Nirvana!
Random Crowd Member: Yeah! Nirvana ROCKS!
(With lightning speed, Miroku plucks an ofuda from his robe and hurls it at the man, who collapses on the ground, writhing in pain.)
Harry: Well… Ooookay… now, Sango, tell us, exactly what does Miroku do to annoy you?
Sango: Well, he constantly is groping me and asking other women to bear his children.
(Crowd boos)
Miroku: I can't control myself… Sango… you know you're the only woman I want.
Sango: Houshi-sama… do you mean that?
Harry: (to backstage) They're calming down, bring out the secret weapon.
Miroku: Sango-chan, you know I mean it…
(Crowd Aw's)
Harry: Whoah, whoah, wait a minute! Before you to make up, I think we should bring out a very dear friend of Sango's…
Sango: Aw, hell no.
Harry: That's right! Kuronoske, c'mon out!
Kuronoske: Sango? Sango, what's this all about? I thought you wanted to marry me!
Sango: I never said that!
Kuronoske: (points to Miroku) You! Monk! This is your fault!
Miroku: Oh really! Bring it on rich boy!
Kuronoske: Oh! It's already been brung! (Charges at Miroku, arms flailing. Miroku punches him and he collapses on the ground. Crowd goes crazy.) Ow! Damn, dude! How could you do that!
Miroku: Sango's my girl! Don't you ever forget that!
Harry: Really now? If she's really your girl, you should be able to resist this! The entire cast of competitors of the last Miss Universe pageant!
Miroku: Oh crap.
(A bunch of beautiful women walk onto stage. Miroku is frozen.)
Miroku: Must resist… so many women… no… Sango… AUUUUURRGGHHH!
Harry: C'mon Miroku, you know that you want to…
Miroku: You know what, Harry?
Harry: What?
Miroku: Screw you! (hurls his staff into the air, it hits Harry in the chest and impales him)
Harry: Now, that's not very nice…
Miroku: What? You should be dead!
Harry: Foolish monk, talk show hosts are immortal!
Miroku: NOOOOOOO!
Harry: Time you met your downfall! (transforms into a giant beast) MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Charges the stage, right at Miroku.)
Sango: Hiraikotsu! (her boomerang flies through the air, striking the Springer-beast in the head.) Houshi-sama, use the Kazaana!
Miroku: I can't! I'll get the entire crowd!
Sango: C'mon! It's not like they have lives of anything, I mean, look at them!
Crowd: Der…
Miroku: Good point, KAZAANA! (The wind whips the air and the entire crowd and the Springer-beast are sucked into the void.)
Sango: Thank goodness that's over with.
Miroku: Yes, truly.
Sango: So… uh… Houshi-sama, I mean, Miroku… did you mean it when you said… when you said I was the only girl for you?
Miroku: No truer words have ever past through my lips.
Sango: Thank you.
Miroku: Well, I guess the author was right after all, it really did help us.
(Me: Damn straight.)
Miroku: Well, I guess we should go home now.
Sango: Yeah. Say, Miroku… how do you suppose we get home.
Miroku: I don't know Sango… I don't know.
(Screen fades to black)
Fin.
So, please be kind and review!
Luv yas all!