So, yeah, the story's almost over. I was re-working the rest of the chapters last night and realized that it was practically a Mary-Sue. I worked it out so that it's not quite as bad as it was, but I flinch a little; I can't believe I let it get that bad. Let me know what you think.
Reviewers:
sk8ergirl69 - I think you'll get your request...just hang on for one more chapter!
Riath - Thanks for reviewing again! I'm glad you liked it.
cherryblossoms21 - Thank you! I'm glad you think so!
starkitty - Yay! I'm so glad you like her! I hope you like this chapter too.
Reiko5 - You have a very good point, but I don't think Hiei's going to get any OC loving in this story; sorry! Thank you for the review.
teardrops2m - Thanks; not many people tell me that!
As the next year and half passed, so did Yusuke's and Keiko's relationship. They (finally) figured out that they couldn't tolerate each other as anything more than friends. The older they became, however, the harder that even that was becoming. Their once petty arguments had turned verbally violent, and they were no longer playing.
I'd befriended Keiko during that time because she was closer to my disposition than the others. We got along well, as compared to my waning tolerance of the Genkai. Yusuke's and Keiko's fights worried me; I didn't really want her to leave the group completely. After the couple's final blow-out, for my straying sanity and her social life, she stayed close to the temple and came to visit regularly, even if it wasn't to see Yusuke.
As for Yusuke and the boys in general, I had warmed up to them. With Kuwabara and Yusuke it was hard not to; for Kurama, it was the scant joy of teaching him to be more outgoing. Which, when given proper urging, proved to be quite successful. I'd long learned that Hiei was even more anti-social than myself, but somehow we'd struck up a companionable pact without words. The only persons he talked to more than me were Kurama and Yukina. I took delight in making him smile, and as time went on, it became easier, considering my natural dry humor was easy to convert to friendly comedy. I took care to talk to him and Kurama at the same time, getting them to talk to each other, and disappearing when they had either a deep conversation or comfortable silence going on.
Probably two years after we'd gone into Tokyo, Koenma had sent the boys out on another mission. During the time they were gone, I began a painful month of sharp depression for reasons I couldn't figure out. Towards the end of the month, I was sitting outside in the Makai, safe within the power wards, watching the clouds and laying on my back in the grass. I'd been bitchy for most of the time the boys had been gone. I made sure I was by myself when my lessons weren't going on with a passion. I'm sure the girls thought at first that I was PMSing, but that doesn't last for a month, and by the end of the second week they were getting worried. They became harder to shake off the longer I remained depressed, and I resorted to locking myself in my room inbetween training sessions. I'd hardly eaten anything in weeks and had lost nearly fifteen pounds - not good when you don't weigh that much to begin with.
So, anyway, I was laying out there and trying not to think when I heard someone approaching. I closed my eyes. The someone sat down. "You okay?"
My heart began to beat faster. It was Yusuke. I cracked an eye open and looked up at him. "Yeah. Why?"
"Yukina said you were...acting strange." He laid down beside me.
Out of his immediate sight, I closed my eye again. "I'm fine. How'd the mission go?"
"Kuwabara and Hiei got smashed pretty hard, and Kurama and myself got pretty scratched up. But we succeeded."
"Hiei?" I had a hard time believeing that.
Yusuke chuckled. "Yeah. He was so pissed he wouldn't let us near him until he passed out from blood loss. Which was, oh, two minutes after the battle at the most. Kurama's an awesome healer, and now the only thing hurting Hiei is his pride."
I was about to comment when Yusuke continued.
"Talk to me."
I glanced over at him. "About what?"
"I don't care. Whatever's bothering you, your life, whatever you feel like talking about."
"Nothing's bothering me, Yusuke."
"Then tell me about you. Dammit, I've practically lived with you for two and a half years but don't know anymore about you than the day we first met!"
I was silent for awhile, thinking. I swallowed, hard, and tensed as it hit me. I understood.
I finally understood.
I hadn't even realized I'd started to like Yusuke, hadn't realized when it became a one-sided love, all because I hadn't listened to my heart.
"I hate it," I said at last. "I hate it so much. Watching, wanting, but knowing I'll never be able to have what it is I want most. It hurts so badly. That feeling is the one that made me-" I caught myself. "My entire chest hurts, and life is dull, dreary, boring. The pain is the only thing I feel. Nothing makes it go entirely away because I can never have what my heart desires."
"If I didn't know any better," Yusuke said softly, "I'd say you had a broken heart."
"I don't know what it is."
"What did it make you do?"
"Don't worry about it."
"Becca." His tone had a slight edge.
"Yusuke." Mine was warning. I opened my eyes and glared over my elbow.
"Tell me."
I sighed angrily. "I just about committed suicide, okay?"
Yusuke rolled onto his side and stared down at me, eyes wide. "Why?"
"It's depression, Yusuke. It fills your head with shit."
"What...what did you try to do?" I sighed again and held out my right arm, tilting my wrist up so he could see the large white scar there. "Becca..."
"I didn't cut deep enough to hit the main artery or else I wouldn't be here." I went to pull my arm back to me, but Yusuke grabbed my hand.
"The feeling you felt then is the feeling you felt when we were gone?"
"M-hm."
"You're not going to try it again...are you?"
"I dunno."
"Please...don't." I looked up at him in surprise. He looked worried, and there was an expression in his eyes that I couldn't read. He sat up and pulled me with him. "What is it you want? Maybe Koenma can give it to you."
My eyes flew open. How could I possibly tell Yusuke that what I wanted was him? "Koenma can't give it to me. What I want can't be had by force. It has to be by decision only." I hesitated. "Yusuke, why do you care about all this?"
I could tell Yusuke was thinking. Then, suddenly, he leaned forward and kissed me.
He fucking kissed me!
By the time I realized what had happened, he was sitting up straight again. "Because I have feelings for you, feelings I've had for a long time now." I could tell he was absolutely serious. "I want to help you."
Woah. This just got complicated. My mind whirled, trying to figure out what was going on. "If you want to help me, Yusuke, you won't tell anyone about this and forget about it."
"I can do the first. But I won't forget it."
Compelled by something other than my brain, I squeezed his hand. Meeting his gaze, I smiled a little. "I think you might be able to help, Yusuke. I'm...only going to let you try because I have feelings for you too." No way in hell I just said that.
He smiled. "What can I do?"
"Be yourself."
"I think I can do that." He kissed me again, and this time I kissed him back. He put his forehead against mine and looked me in the eyes. "When Keiko comes back, I'll take care of it."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
I smiled. So it begins.