Disclaimer: I am not John Ronald Ruel Tolkien because if i was i would not be waisting my time writing fanfics but wasting time writing very long novels that no one understands and no one wants to understand. Also if I was Mr. Tolkien I would be rotting in some graveyard that no one cares about. In other terms of speaking, I do not own Lord of the Rings or any characters of scenes from the book already named.

Lord of the Really Shiny Rings

Chapter One: Sauron

In a tall dark tower, death floated in on black wings on a river of sorrow. But something stirred. It was an eye. But not only an eye. But Sauron, the eye. He was planning to get his precious ring back from those simple minded people in the Shire and rule once again. But he himself would no complete the task. No, his minions of great darkness and shadow would pillage every house in the Shire until his little shiny circle was found...

"Yes," Sauron said to himself, "No one can ruin my evil plot. My terrible scheme. Hehehehe. Then when I get my precious back, everyone, evil or good, will bow down to me and I will rule. I will rule. But more importantly I will have long, handsome legs. Yes, legs. MUAHAHAHAHA!"

"Sauron sire," began his evil puppet Sarumon, "Your twitching again. And you seem a bit blood shot. Good timing because it is time for your medicine."

"Stupid medicine, stupid Sarumon," Sauron muttered.

Then an orc wearing a nurses gown and carrying a needle walked up towards Sauron.

"Ok you great big Eye," the orc said sweetly, "Just look away and this won't hurt."

"How can I look away if I'm only an eye you bloody bastard!" Sauron replied.

"Some one needs to take a nap," the orc said. Finally the needle plunged into Sauron's cornea and a cry was heard from far out...

"You heard Sauron out great evil master, one would will rule the world, one who could have us eating out of the palm of his hand, one-"

"Get on with it!" said rider number 9.

"Oh yes," rider number 8 replied, "He told us to find this bobbit-"

"Hobbit!"

"-and have him tortured till we get the ring."

"He said absolutely nothing about torture, all he said was kill 'em."

"Yes, but torture is much more fun and exhilirating and exciting and hilarious and-"

"Ahem."

"Anyway I think we should torture the fool."

"Well first," rider 9 said, "First we need to find him."

"Deal."

The two riders trotted at a slow pace through the barren waste land. They had been riding for weeks and had not met a soul execpt for some lizards, a bunny, a snake, a few birds here and there, some quails...

"Look there," cried rider 8, "A sign. Read what it says nine, I can't read."

"It says, 'Welcome to Mexico'"

"Where in bloody hell is Mexico?"

"I know," replied 9 trying to sound smart even though he had no idea what he was talking about, "The Hobbits are trying to thow us off.Its not really Mexico."

"Oh," 8 said stupidly believing every lying word 9 spilled forth.

As they entered the large place described as Mexico they were amazed by all the cars and electronic thingies and the weird clothing worn by people and the houses and the alley ways and the...

"Hey you two," said a Mexican gang from within an alley way, "Are you riding to lala land with your prissy black ponies?"

"Hahahahahaha," his lackeys laughed stupidly.

"You know what," Chuck the leader said (8 and 9 knew his name was Chuck because he had a green sweater with the word Chuckon it), "I think we will beet you up just because your different." (Individualism will kill you in Mexico)

Of course 8 was whimpering but 9 stood tall. He got of his horse and pulled his cursed Morgal blade from the sheeth and-

BANG, BANG!

8 watched as 9 fell lifelessly to the cold, hard, muddy, slimy, icky, concrete sidewalk. 8 looked up to see Chuck hold a weird object. It looked like a bent piece of alluminum and was made to be hold so that one could pull the small black trigger on the middle. Smoke rose from the boom stick and 8 started to whimper again as one of the lackeys pulled out something else.

"I like to call this one an AK47," the lackey laughed.

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG...

A/N: so how do u like it? Just to tell you now the first line "death floated in on black wings on a river of sorrow" originated from a friend of mine whose name will remain anonymous. Don't worry now, the later chapters will have nothing to do with the present day world. But i think at least 2 of the wraiths need to die. I mean give Frodo a chance. Remember reviews are always encouraged.