Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Lord of the Rings. I don't own Sam or Frodo or Merry or Pippin or Aragorn or Elrond or Treebeard or Gimili or Legolas or Borimir or Farimir or Smeagol or Sarumon or Sauron or Deagol or the 9 ring wraiths or the Shire or Hobbiton or Rivendell or Moria or Mordor or Isengard or Gondor or....blah blah blah! Yes butI do own Bippin. Also when I use the specific time 13.4 seconds that is from Monty Python and I do no own Monty Python (damnit!)

A/N: Thanx for the one review I got on the very first day. From now on I will update as fast as possible but it is just easier to read comedy than write it. (muahahaha, no school for still another 3 days.)

Chapter Two: Frodo and Sam and Merry and Bippin's story

Frodo was working diligently at making a voodoo doll of Bilbo when he heard a knock at the door. He rose onto his hairy feet and opened the circular door.

"Ah, hello," Frodo said, "You must be one of the many Proudfoots."

"Proudfeet, stupid hobbit," the dirty man mumbled, "It is said that black cloaked riders seek you for a something you have. I do not want you living anywhere near me if you are going to attract attention. Going off on a silly little adventure. So either meet these evil riders or move."

Frodo had never heard of a black rider but it sounded terrible so he decided he best move away secretly. So itwas decided that Frodo moveinto the grimy town where Merry and Bippin lived. The only things Frodo took with him were his slave Sam, mounds of money he scored from killing a leprechaun, and of course thy Sting in all its holy nature.

Frodo disliked long walks so he decided to torture Sam to his own pleasure. Heheheh...

"Frodo my lord, my master of all that is holy, my idol, my god in which I pray to very often, my-"

"Get on with it, whelp," Frodo said trying to keep his cool.

"Yes my holiness," Sam said, "I am kinda hungry and I was wondering if you could out of the bottom of your heart, you spare me some food?"

Frodo pulledout some hard bread from his pack-pack and crumbled into little pieces and scattered it in front of Sam.

"Hahaha," Frodo said, "Peck like the chicken you are!"

"Oh thank you so much master," Sam said pecking like a chicken at the bread

Suddenly from ahead, a horse could be heard galluping towards the two.

"Get down!" said Frodo who was really only reminding himself for he did not care if Sam was slaughtered mercilessly with lots of blood and gore and guts and-

The cloaked, black figure got off of not a horse but a donkey. Yes it looked to be one of the wild donkeys of the north. The figure started sniffing around.

"Sniff, Sniff, SNORT!"

We leave now for an intermission because of minor technical difficulties. (Apparently the ring wraith sniffed a fly up his nose and is quickly being taken to a doctor.)

(13.4 seconds later)

"Sniff, Sniff, Sniff," the ring wraith did. Frodo and Sam lay silently next to the rode. The ring wraith came very close. "Sniff, Sniff, Sniff."

"I need a distraction," Frodo thought.

Blink (a light bulb flashes on)

Frodo quickly thows Sam toward the wraith and go hides somewhere else.

The ring wraith pins Sam to the ground andpulls one of his legs back.

"Tell me where the ring is," the ring wraith hisses.

"Why would I know, I am but the toady slave?"

"I guess you are right," the wraith says, "Oh I was so close! I thought I had the right hobbit but no! Oh I am so angry!"

Suddenly without warning, the ring wraith spit a giant, huge, discusting, slimy, grimy, icky poopy, enormous, lump of spit on Sam and was off.

Frodo watched from the bushes as the wraith with the number 3 painted on its back slowly faded into the distance.

Finally after a very long time of pecking, (hehehehe) the two managed to make it to the little old piece of shit Merry and Bippin called a home.

Frodo walked inside.

"You faggots call this a home. Looks more like you found it in a cereal box."

Bippen and his slave Merry sighed for they knew that as long as Frodo was here, there would be no end to the insults.

A/N: Srry for writing such a short chappy. Oh if you don't understand cereal box joke i'm Frodo is trying to explain that their house looks so cheap it looks like you could get one for a prize in a cereal box. Another thing for further clarification, yes is it Bippen, no Pippen. reviews are encourage.