Disclaimer: I DO NO OWN LORD OF THE RINGS!! (I begin twitching and fall on the floor) Yes but once again I do own Bippen and Mt. Cloom. Lastly I do not own Shrek or Shrek 2.

Chapter Three: Strider

After a few weeks of hiding in Merry and Bippen's basement even torturing Sam got boring. To say the least Frodo was very bored.

"I'm bored."

So he decided that he would go out and do something fun.

"Frodo, where do you think your going," said Merry as Frodo opened the front door.

"I'm going to a bar just because I'm bored," Frodo replied.

"Well that sounds kinda fun so me and Bippen will come along!"

"Bad Merry," Bippen said slapping Merry, "What have you been deciding with Frodo that you have not told me about?"

"We are going to a bar!" Merry replied.

"A...A bar?" Merry said. Suddenly Merry started twitching, "BEER! BEER! MY PRECIOUS BEER, MY PRECIOUS. BEEEERR! BEE-"

WHACK

"I needed that," Bippen said as Merry set down a frying pan.

So it was decided. The four set out towards the bar. When they got in, they seated themselves and looked around.

"Aye," said a fat waitress...er...waitor, "What are hobbits doing at a time like this?"

"Give us the beer you fat ass," Bippen said a small twitch coming back to his left eye.

"Oh Merry and Bippen," the waitress...waitor said, "I didn't see you there. I guess I was just attracted to this handsome hobbit right here...

"The beer," Bippen once again reminded.

"Oh yes," the fat waitor (hahaha i got it right) replied.

"Waitor," Frodo said to a passing, somewhat skinny, waitress. Yes a waitress. "Could you tell me who that man is in the corner?"

Frodo was talking about a man in the very very very corner who had a black cloak on.

"Yes," the waitress said, "His name is Fred. He's a normal everyday person execpt he insists he's evil. But him over there," she said pointing to another corner, "He is a Ranger. You might want to keep away from him."

Frodo studied the man in the corner. He was only wearing black and had a ski mask on so you could only see his eyes and his mouth.

Finally after Bippen had downed 47 beers and was too drunk to walk home they decided to stay the night in one of the rooms at the bar.

Frodo was the first to get in the room. After taking off his shirt the dude with the ski mask walked in.

"Tell me of you mission," he said, "It is said that you have the ring and are taking it to destroy in the fires of Mount Cloom."

"Are you saying you want my ring?" Frodo asked, "Its mine, get your own, I got this baby at a flea market."

"I know I was there," the man slightly resembling a terrorist said.

The ski mask person grabbed Frodo's shoulder and started shaking him.

"Where is the ring?"

"RAPE!" Frodo yelled, "HELP ME, HE'S RAPING ME. RAPE!!!!"

"What are you doing to him," Sam shouted as he entered the room.

"Well I see this will take a long time so I will explain," the terrorist man said.

After 4 hours of explaining to Merry, Frodo, and Sam (Bippen was not conscious to say the least.) they finally understood that he was really Aragorn and had a special mission from Gandalf the Gay, ahem, Grey.

"We must make it to Rivendell so that the fate of the ring can be decided," Aragorn said.

"But won't it be a perilous journey there?" Merry asked.

"Yeah.....so?" Aragorn replied.

"Just wondering."

"First we will go to Weather Top for the night," Aragorn said, "And then Frodo will be stabbed by a long lost friend-"

"How do you know," Frodo asked.

"I'm psychic," Aragorn replied crossing his eyes and makingmany little circles with his fingers.

"I got a question for you," Sam said justto be whacked by Frodo for speaking out of turn but wasstill allowed to go on. "Why are you wearing that ski mask?"

"Well whenI young a witch casped a horrible spell on methat made meprincess by day, Ogre by night. Then she locked me inthe tallest tower-"

"Wrong story you bastard!"

"Oh. Oh yes. Ok. I got it now. Yup. Sure do."

"Get on with it!" the three said in unison.

"WhenI was little a wizard casped a spell on me soit made me prince be day and Shrek bye night. Then-"

"Still the wrong story."

"Oh.I was young and a witch casped a spell on me and made my face so ugly that it can repel evil from miles away.But it is also lethal towards the good. Anything that sees it will die if they are close and go blind if they are far away."

"Yuck," was allFrodo managed to say.

A/N: Hoped you likeit. I think Strider needs some sort of super power so I gave him the curse of ugliness. hehehehe. Please review.