AN: Things are flowing quite nicely I do have to say. After this chapter things will hopefully pick up. After all...there are still many twists to this story...and a special surprise I have been planning for quite some time. And this chapter is kind of very depressing. Like most of this story is.

Chapter 4

Dee sighed as he waited for the comment from Bikky. None of this had been easy. Ever since they came home this morning and found Bikky on the floor with a picture of Ryo, Dee had been dreading the conversation he had to have with Bikky.

"So you're saying that you and that Berkeley guy are more then just 'Friends'?"

Bikky was still taking things in.

"Yes. We have been together for almost a year now."

Dee replied as calmly as he could. This was hard. He never thought that he would have to do this, but with the recent events...he just had to.

"But...You bastard! How could you just go finding someone new right after Ryo died? Are you that heartless?"

Bikky had the tears brimming in his eyes. He couldn't believe Dee. How could he do such a thing to Ryo?

"Bikky before you start anything, remember that I can't just keep living in the past. I would have killed myself right along with Ryo if Berkeley hadn't have been there for me. You obviously weren't so someone had to."

"Dee! You two are supposed to be talking out your differences. Not bringing each other down."

Berkeley piped in. He had sat down with the both of them when they had come to a decision to "talk" about their problems.

"Sorry."

Dee said as he lit his eighth cigarette since this whole conversation started about an hour ago. Bikky sat with his head down. He wasn't sure what to say. Was it really true? Would Dee really have followed Ryo to the grave?

"Dee? Would you have really killed yourself?"

Dee nodded.

"Face the truth kid. Ryo kicked me out of his life. I loved him so much, that when I found him, it took all my will power not to shoot myself as well."

Bikky looked up.

"What stopped you?"

A single question that Dee asked himself everyday. Why didn't he? Was there some force that didn't want him gone just yet? His thoughts stopped on one answer.

"Ryo wouldn't have wanted it. He would have wanted me to stay strong, and not take some coward's way out of life. He wouldn't have wanted me to follow his example and shoot myself too. He would have wanted me to live for Penguin, and you."

Bikky looked surprised by this answer.

"But Ryo...he left me to myself. He killed himself and left me and Cal and you. How can you say that he would have wanted you, and orphan with no family to live, and himself to die."

Dee wasn't expecting that one either. That comment hit home pretty hard. Berkeley saw Dee's expression change, and he reached for his arm. He gave it a gentle squeeze to encourage Dee to keep his spirit up.

"Because Bikky..."

Dee swallowed hard. He hated to admit this part, but after all this time he always just drew this conclusion.

"Ryo only cared about himself. He didn't want to face life with the guilt of the decision he had made about me leaving him. He was only thinking about ending his own pain, and not about the pain he would cause other's around him."

Dee felt the tears fall down his face. He always hated that realization.

"Dee...I don't know what I can say. I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything Bikky. I understand."

Bikky sat quietly for a while. He listened to Berkeley whispering calming things into Dee's ear, while Dee had tears streaming down his face. Finally Bikky spoke again.

"Dee? Do you hate me? After everything I said to you. After all the extra pain I put you through. Do you hate me?"

Dee met Bikky's blue eyes. It was like he was looking into the eyes of a small child. He felt the dam break inside of him and he sobbed out his answer.

"No Bikky...Oh God no."

Dee got up and hugged Bikky. The two of them cried together. All the pent up sadness between them melted as they cried. They finally calmed down enough to speak again.

"Don't you think for one second that I hated you Bikky. I knew you were going through the same thing as I was. I didn't hate you or blame you for anything at all."

"I'm so sorry Dee. I didn't have anywhere for the anger to go. I directed it towards you because I had always thought that...that..."

Tears began rolling down his face again.

"No no. I forgive you Bikky. I forgave you a long time ago. I was once in your shoes Bikky. I lost someone very important to me too when I was about your age. Maybe a little younger, and I learned from then on, to forgive people who have wronged you."

Bikky's dried all his tears and smiled.

"Thank you Dee."

Dee smiled back.

"You're welcome Bikky. If you ever need anything, you know where to come."

Bikky looked down.

"Dee? Can I ask you something?"

"Yes. What is it?"

"You see I kind of need a place to stay for a while. I came back form college, and I was staying with Cal, but since we had our fight, I'm going to assume she doesn't want me around right now. Could I maybe just stay with you for a bit? Until I settle things with Carol?"

Dee looked at Berkeley, who was dabbing at his eyes.

"Yes Dee. He can stay. It's ok with me."

Bikky hugged Berkeley.

"Thank you."

AN: Wow. Sorry for the LATE update. I had a bit of trouble with this chapter. I don't like it. Maybe I'll go back and fix it. There's lots of male hugging. LoL! Anyway...This story will get better trust me. Now Bikky has to get back with Carol, and Berkeley wants Dee and him to be more 'intimate' but Dee's not sure if he's ready. Plus there's a new case! Yay! I'm not gonna spoil the case for you guys though. You'll just have to read to find out. I'll give ya a clue...The victims are all linked to people who work at the 27th. Hahah! Ponder over that one!