Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN LORD, OF, THE, OR RINGS! (I don't own happy bunny either)
A/N: Now this might not seem like it but this is a much awaited chapter and I have been driven to the point of carrying around a bat to defend myself from my friends (you know who u r) , heheheh jk. And Christine, I know mallory persuaded u into writing that horrible review and so I already got bak at her so u need not feel guilt.
Chapter Five: The Fate of the Ring.
Frodo woke up in a small room with white walls. The last thing he remembered was crossing the river to Rivendell and then...well he didn't know. Strangely he felt he was not alone in the bright, white, sparkling, glossy, happy room.
"Gandalf," Frodo asked, "Is this a mental home because I like it here."
"How did you know I was here?" the old man asked.
"I'm psychic," Frodo replied with just a tiny itsy-bitsy hint of sarcasm in his voice, but don't get me wrong, it was there, "I turned my head and there you were."
"Oh, I guess Gandalf the Gay, ehem, Grey does not match with a white background," he replied, "But this is not a mental home. This is the House of Elrond."
As soon as Gandalf said Elrond's name, horns and trumpets sounded off in the background to emphasize his honor.
"No, I'm pretty sure this is a mental home," he said as he watched elves dance gaily in front of the door with big grins on their faces.
"Oh," Gandalf said grimly, "Actually all elves are like that."
"Well, I'm out of here," Frodo said getting up.
Frodo left the room. But before he performed such an action he picked up a random stick like club thing from the shiny, glossy, white, speckly, tile floor and beat the elves. He hit them with lots of force causing them to topple to the ground still with large grins on their smug little faces.
Frodo advanced to a room with a circle of chairs. Bilbo, Gandalf, Elrond and some other non-important elves and dwarves who were there only to fill seats, were seen by Frodo's greedy, beady little eyes. He sat himself in a chair next to no one (which is quite strange considering the chairs formed a circle…).
"It is I Elrond (trumpets sound) that called this counsel. I am deeply, deeply, deeply concerned for the fate of this little gold band of doom, destruction, evil, no-good deeds, devilish-"
"So why don't we just destroy it right here so we can get on with our small pathetic insignificant lives?" said anonymous dwarf number 4.
The dwarf picked up a pointy ax, and when I say pointy, I mean pointy, and thrust it at the little ring. But he was thrown back by the power of the ring and was thrown straight into a brick wall. Then suddenly the brick wall fell on top of him creating a lot of dust. And right when everyone was going to ask if he was still alive, a giant boulder fell out of the sky on top of the dwarf followed by an airline carrier and then an expensive jet which followed the arrival of a small mountain.
"Anyway," Elrond said paying no attention to the ordeal behind him. Of course no one else did either. "We must destroy the ring in the fires of Mount Cloom. Does anyone want to take it there?"
"Well," said Frodo, "I already know that no one is going to volunteer so I will take it and hopefully will not die doing so."
"Then its decided, anyone wanna go with him?" asked Elrond (trumpets)
"FUCKING TRUMPETS!" Frodo said as he beat the trumpet-bearing elves. Blood covered the floor yet, still, no one paid attention to the small onslaught.
Then stepped up a certainly unique character. He looked to be a bold, valiant, brave, steadfast hero except for his only flaw. A large rusty nail was protruding from his chest. It seemed as though, for torture, someone had nailed his right hand to his chest. Even worse, he had (I know this from a first-hand account) a horrible itch on his right ear. And because everyone knows that a man of stature cannot simply itch that itch with his free hand, he instead tried to scratch the itch with his teeth, consequently, this made him look like a mad man, for one hand carried a sword, one hand was nailed to his chest, and he was constantly trying to bite his ear. (Just imagine this and you can probably understand why this looked weird).
"I, am Borimir!" he said proudly, pausing a moment to bite at his ear but to no avail considering that it is not physically (technically it is… somehow) possible to bite one's ear. "And I will aid you on your quest to destroy the shiny!"
Next walked up a man (at least I think it was a man…) with long wavy blonde hair. He wore a pink shirt with a happy bunny on it that said "let's focus on me." He also had a pink bow and arrow. The wooden bow had many happy bunny phrases carved into it such as, "cruel but cute so I'm worth it", "not listening", and " I hear the other ucky people calling you."
"I'm like Legolas," said the thing (man or woman? hmm), "and I will like help you any way possible."
"Is that a man?" Frodo whispered to Sam who was right beside him.
"I don't know but its hot all the same, lets keep it!" Sam whispered back.
"Sam!" he whispered/ yelled, "Don't say such naughty things!"
Frodo whacked Sam with the trumpet of one of those dead elves.
Gandalf stood up, "And Gimli you will help too and so will you ugly- I mean Aragon. And you too Merry, Bippen, Sam, and of course me. Well that makes nine, lets leave!"
"Good idea, I Elrond says!" says, obviously, Elrond. No trumpets. "Says Elrond!" No trumpets. "Elrond?" Elrond awaited for his trumpets 'o importance. "Damn," he muttered.
So it was decided, the gay, the wizard, the four hobbits, the ugly ski-mask dude, the psycho w/ ear problem, and the pint size (Gimli) would go on their journey to the desolate mountains of Mnt. Cloom!
Later on Frodo did not sleep well. He tossed and turned… and tossed and turned……. and well heck, tossed and turned some more. Here is what he dreamed:
It was a cold morning. Frodo could see a large classroom, maybe second period, yet few children. They were all chatting away when something horrible came in the room. It was a she. She had a dress that made her look fat and looked ugly. But worst of all, she had large bulbous glasses that covered half her face. She was Mrs. Krager. She was absolutely horrible. She asked the children to stop talking but they DIDN'T! She was not a person who yelled and was shy to get kids in trouble. But this time, she couldn't control the fiery resolve that burned in her deepest organs. She pulled out her clipboard of DEATH, DOOM AND DESTRUCTION (DDD) and swung it powerfully at a young, aspiring student (YSA). The child called out but could really do nothing. The other kids went quiet…
Frodo realized what he had just saw. He just witnessed what the world like with the ring in Sauron's...eye? Yes. In his horrible grasping glare. He just witnessed the abyssal hell known as SOCIAL STUDIES, one of the horrible deeds that Sauron would bring upon the world. He had seen Sauron's plans.
A/N: if you wondered, ms. Kreger (krager is her code name) actually hit someone in my second period class and let me tell you it was creepy. yeah I know a short chapter and even worse, the wild donkeys of the north were not named once in this chapter! Oh well. I guess this chapter is short because I'm tired of writing it. Yeah that's it he says assuredly and slowly, but moving at all, leaves the room