Another week, another chapter. I don't own Outlaw Star, Ween,
or Oingo Boingo. I do own their CDs though, and they kick
ass. My next disclaimer is done in rhyme. Break out the pom-poms and
sing along!
Fred is here! Fred is gay! If you hate Fred then go away! YAY!
There you go. Instead of making some long-winded speech about how Cartoon Network edited out the homosexual stuff about Fred and multiple witty inclusions of the word 'fabulous', I trimmed it down to about 14 syllables. Everyone try this, it works. Now beginning the chapter:
It was a glorious, magnificent shiny day. Jesus, can't I begin any chapters with something other than that? Anyways, it was a swell day. Everyone was happily sitting around on the Party Ship and zooming through space.
"Wait, weren't we randomly spinning out of control a while ago?" wondered Gene, "Why the hell are we sitting around happily and zooming through space?" Then I hit him with a fish and told him to stop pointing out such obvious plot holes.
"Well," said Suzuka, "It was nice of that guy we met at that gas station to fill us up for free and give Gene gas-pumping lessons..."
"You just put the thing in the tank and hold down the lever! Why couldn't I figure it out before?" laughed Gene.
"...But that still doesn't solve our problems. Our navigator is still dead and we are still slowly starving to death." said Suzuka sadly, "We could have at least stayed in that prison long enough to get some food." Aisha entered the room, frowning at Jim, who was slumped over a control panel.
"Ugh." she said, walking past him then sitting down in an easy chair, "What are we gonna do about Jim? He's starting to smell. Bad."
"Duh," said Suzuka, "We get him to a nearby planet, then drop him off at a library somewhere in the heart of the reference section. By the time anyone finds him we'll be long gone."
"I meant: Is there any way we could bring him back to life?" said Aisha, exasperated.
Melfina interrupted. "Incoming transmission from Fred Luo."
"Fred again?" muttered Gene, "What does he want now?"
"Your hot body?" giggled Aisha.
"THOSE JOKES AREN'T AND NEVER WILL BE FUNNY!!!" yelled Gene.
"I think they're hilarious!" laughed Melfina.
Gene sighed. "Open a channel." Fred's bright, flamboyant face immediately filled the screen.
"Hey there you guys! How's it going?" smiled Fred. "Gene, you're looking lovely, as always."
"Uh...thanks Fred." Gene said uneasily, "What is it, the new haircut? We had one crazy party yesterday and-"
"No no," said Fred, shaking his head, "I think it's the mascara."
"Oh. Well like I said, it was one crazy party..." Gene said, wiping the mascara off with his sleeve.
"And you're looking quite handsome too, Jim!" laughed Fred. Jim was still dead and not talking. "Um...is everything alright with Jim? He appears to be dead."
"He's just a sound sleeper." said Suzuka, "Now what do you want?"
"Oh, nothing much. I just want you to get a TREASURE for me!" shouted Fred, the glint of adventure in his eye.
"Great." moaned Gene, "No more treasure hunts for us, thank you very much."
"Come on, it's a real great treasure! WE'RE TALKIN' 500 CRATES OF DRAGONITE HERE!!!!!" said Fred enthusiastically.
This got Aisha's attention, who had apparently forgotten the near-death incident with the Galactic Leyline. "And what would be our share of this treasure?" she purred. Yes, she purred. Shut up, I'm sleepy.
"You'll get 50% to split amongst yourselves." said Fred happily.
"Done!" said Gene, slamming his hand down on the coffee table.
"Since when do we have a coffee table on board the ship?" wondered Melfina.
"The treasure is located inside the active volcano Mount Tawagawanga on the Hot Springs Planet, Tenrei." he giggled, "Well, bye Gene! Bye Jim! Happy treasure hunting!" Aisha hid behind Jim and waved his hands so it looked like he was waving goodbye. Fred disappeared from the screen.
Aisha backed away from Jim immediately. "That was sick! He's like, all clammy and stuff!" She wiped her hands off on Jim's jacket.
But Gene wasn't paying attention. This was partially due to Aisha's poorly-hidden ritalin, but it was mainly because he was thinking about his brand, shiny new dragonite he'd be getting.
"TO PLANET TENREI! WARP SPEED TEN!" he yelled, launching the ship off to Planet Tenrei.
MEANWHILE....
It was a bright, happy, blisteringly beautiful day aboard the Geomancer. The Anten Seven were all busily running into walls, since that is what they always did when Hazanko wasn't around. Their reasons for running into walls were all very different however. Hitoriga (the sword guy with a sack on his head), Hamushi (the one sexy chick), and Jukei (the guy in a straightjacket) were all running into walls because their stupid headgear made it so they couldn't see. Tobeigera was running into walls because he was a stupid clown thing with no real skills except to be wacky. Running into walls was really really wacky. Hanmyo (the girl with the cats) was running into walls because she was young and impressionable and everyone else was doing it. Lady Iraga (the nasty bodybuilder chick) was running into walls since she painted a picture of Aisha on one of them and was trying to smash it. And Leilong (the other guy) was simply drunk. All were having a rip-roaring good time until Hazanko entered the room.
"Hey guys, what's up?" he said cheerfully. He then noticed what everyone was doing. "Hey, stop it you guys! Jeez, you're gonna break my fine china!" Hazanko ran over to his most valuable china and protected it. He picked up Jukei and threw him at a charging Leilong, who was aiming towards a valuable ancient vase. Leilong stumbled and fell over. "Yes! There's two down!" yelled Hazanko, pumping his fist in the air. "Any other challengers?" he shouted defiantly.
"DEATH TO BREAKABLE CHINAWARE!" trumpeted Hitoriga. This temporarily distracted Hazanko, allowing Iraga to run in and smash all the dishes.
"Yay! We win!" yelled the Anten Seven, high fiving each other. Since Jukei couldn't move his arms, he bit everyone on the wrist.
"Great. You guys always win!" moaned Hazanko, "7 against 1 isn't fair! I get the Macdougall Brothers on my team next time! But I'm forgetting why I'm here. Gene Starwind and the Outlaw Star will be on Planet Tenrei soon, and I'm sending you guys to kill him!"
"What? But it's Valentine's Day!" protested Leilong.
"Don't we even get a day off for Valentine's Day?" asked Tobeigera skeptically.
"What do you care, Tobeigera?" asked Hazanko, "It's not like you have, or will ever get, a girlfriend." Tobeigera started crying.
"I-I try to be funny..." he weeped, "But...this happy face hides a terrible, sorrowful existence! WAAAAAAHHH!"
"I'd hate to burst your bubble, but it's not like you're even that funny." said Iraga, being mean.
Tobeigera pulled a life raft out of a closet. He began blowing air into it. "You guys *huff* make so much fun of me! But *puff* you'll miss me when I'm *huff* gone!" he cried, breathing air into his raft. He got it about halfway full before he passed out from lack of oxygen. Then all the air escaped.
"I freaking hate it when he does that." sighed Hamushi.
"Every day he threatens to inflate his life raft and float away from us but he never suceeds. It's stupid." said Jukei, looking over Tobeigera's body.
"We're getting off the topic." said Leilong, spoiling the fun and being a big dumb serious-head. "My point is: We should get Valentine's Day off!"
Hazanko sighed. "Alright, we can have a big 108 Suns Valentine's Day Bash when we get back. I'll get Ween or somebody to come and play."
"Can you reunite Oingo Boingo and get them to come too? We deserve the very best." said Hitoriga.
"Well, oka- Wait! I shouldn't have to bargain with you guys! You're my underlings! Now you guys are going to Tenrei and you're gonna just LOVE IT!" yelled Hazanko, getting all scary and such.
"Can we have our Bash on Tenrei?" asked Hanmyo.
"Can we have a piñata?" asked Jukei.
"WE CAN HAVE OUR BASH ON TENREI AND WE CAN HAVE A PINATA! Let's just get going!" yelled Hazanko, his patience going away.
"Can we have strawberry cheesecake instead of triple chocolate?" asked Hitoriga, "I'm allergic to chocolate." Then Hazanko got pissed off and smote Hitoriga. No really, he totally smote him. But Hitoriga is an awesome Tao guy too, so he didn't die. He was just in a bunch of pain.
"Can we rent a rodeo-" Leilong started, but then he noticed Hazanko was severly freaking out so he decided not to say what he was going to say.
ON PLANET TENREI
"Wow! It's Planet Tenrei again!" laughed Gene happily. Here's what was going on. Gene was in his swimming trunks, and walking around admiring the scenery. Melfina was nervous and shy, since Melfina is just naturally nervous and shy. It didn't help that she was wearing nothing but a towel. It was Gene's idea. Aisha was running into restaurants and eating stuff the customers were eating, saying that she was "cleaning the tables". Suzuka was trailing behind everyone else, since she was carrying the deceased Jim around on her shoulders. It was safe to say that she was the only one not having a good time.
"Where the hell is this mountain so we can get this over with?" said Suzuka grumpily.
"Hey, don't be so grumpy Suzuka!" said Gene brightly, "Look over there! Chicks!" He pointed to a small group of girls talking a few yards away.
"Uh, and why would that interest me?" said Suzuka, narrowing her eyes at Gene.
"Huh, you mean you don't swing that way? Wow, you had me totally fooled." Gene giggled.
"WHY YOU LITTLE--! I'M GONNA KILL YOU, GENE!" Suzuka yelled, totally enraged. She unsheathed her sword, dropping Jim. He began rolling down a conveniently placed steep slope nearby. Suzuka looked over her shoulder to see Jim tumbling away down the hill.
"...Oops." she and Gene began running down the hill after Jim. He was picking up speed however, and it was impossible to catch up to him. Yes, I realize how totally stupid this is. Like I said, I'm sleepy.
"Hey you! Stop that corpse!" yelled Gene to random passerbys. Everyone just gave him really weird looks. A man dived out of the way as a speeding Jim plowed over his hot dog stand. Gene and Suzuka started to run by the wreckage, but then they stopped to pick up some slightly dirty hot dogs and eat them, since they hadn't eaten for like 2 months. Man, what a big stupid plot hole that is.
AT GREASY ROBERT'S LOBSTER SHACK
"I'm gleaning the khables!" Aisha said through a mouthful of lobster and various side dishes.
"Isn't this illegal?" wondered Melfina nervously, watching Aisha eat another customer's order.
"This place has huge servings. It's not like these people would have finished it anyway." Aisha replied, gobbling down a shrimp platter. "I'm cleaning the tables!"
"That you are." said Melfina, rolling her eyes.
Wow, that was a long chapter. Actually, it was pretty short. It was long by my standards. This episode was brought to you by the letter P, and the number 4. And with support from Viewers Like You. *cough cough* Although, said viewers could be a little less skimpy on their reviews... *CEO of PBS shoots him*
Fred is here! Fred is gay! If you hate Fred then go away! YAY!
There you go. Instead of making some long-winded speech about how Cartoon Network edited out the homosexual stuff about Fred and multiple witty inclusions of the word 'fabulous', I trimmed it down to about 14 syllables. Everyone try this, it works. Now beginning the chapter:
It was a glorious, magnificent shiny day. Jesus, can't I begin any chapters with something other than that? Anyways, it was a swell day. Everyone was happily sitting around on the Party Ship and zooming through space.
"Wait, weren't we randomly spinning out of control a while ago?" wondered Gene, "Why the hell are we sitting around happily and zooming through space?" Then I hit him with a fish and told him to stop pointing out such obvious plot holes.
"Well," said Suzuka, "It was nice of that guy we met at that gas station to fill us up for free and give Gene gas-pumping lessons..."
"You just put the thing in the tank and hold down the lever! Why couldn't I figure it out before?" laughed Gene.
"...But that still doesn't solve our problems. Our navigator is still dead and we are still slowly starving to death." said Suzuka sadly, "We could have at least stayed in that prison long enough to get some food." Aisha entered the room, frowning at Jim, who was slumped over a control panel.
"Ugh." she said, walking past him then sitting down in an easy chair, "What are we gonna do about Jim? He's starting to smell. Bad."
"Duh," said Suzuka, "We get him to a nearby planet, then drop him off at a library somewhere in the heart of the reference section. By the time anyone finds him we'll be long gone."
"I meant: Is there any way we could bring him back to life?" said Aisha, exasperated.
Melfina interrupted. "Incoming transmission from Fred Luo."
"Fred again?" muttered Gene, "What does he want now?"
"Your hot body?" giggled Aisha.
"THOSE JOKES AREN'T AND NEVER WILL BE FUNNY!!!" yelled Gene.
"I think they're hilarious!" laughed Melfina.
Gene sighed. "Open a channel." Fred's bright, flamboyant face immediately filled the screen.
"Hey there you guys! How's it going?" smiled Fred. "Gene, you're looking lovely, as always."
"Uh...thanks Fred." Gene said uneasily, "What is it, the new haircut? We had one crazy party yesterday and-"
"No no," said Fred, shaking his head, "I think it's the mascara."
"Oh. Well like I said, it was one crazy party..." Gene said, wiping the mascara off with his sleeve.
"And you're looking quite handsome too, Jim!" laughed Fred. Jim was still dead and not talking. "Um...is everything alright with Jim? He appears to be dead."
"He's just a sound sleeper." said Suzuka, "Now what do you want?"
"Oh, nothing much. I just want you to get a TREASURE for me!" shouted Fred, the glint of adventure in his eye.
"Great." moaned Gene, "No more treasure hunts for us, thank you very much."
"Come on, it's a real great treasure! WE'RE TALKIN' 500 CRATES OF DRAGONITE HERE!!!!!" said Fred enthusiastically.
This got Aisha's attention, who had apparently forgotten the near-death incident with the Galactic Leyline. "And what would be our share of this treasure?" she purred. Yes, she purred. Shut up, I'm sleepy.
"You'll get 50% to split amongst yourselves." said Fred happily.
"Done!" said Gene, slamming his hand down on the coffee table.
"Since when do we have a coffee table on board the ship?" wondered Melfina.
"The treasure is located inside the active volcano Mount Tawagawanga on the Hot Springs Planet, Tenrei." he giggled, "Well, bye Gene! Bye Jim! Happy treasure hunting!" Aisha hid behind Jim and waved his hands so it looked like he was waving goodbye. Fred disappeared from the screen.
Aisha backed away from Jim immediately. "That was sick! He's like, all clammy and stuff!" She wiped her hands off on Jim's jacket.
But Gene wasn't paying attention. This was partially due to Aisha's poorly-hidden ritalin, but it was mainly because he was thinking about his brand, shiny new dragonite he'd be getting.
"TO PLANET TENREI! WARP SPEED TEN!" he yelled, launching the ship off to Planet Tenrei.
MEANWHILE....
It was a bright, happy, blisteringly beautiful day aboard the Geomancer. The Anten Seven were all busily running into walls, since that is what they always did when Hazanko wasn't around. Their reasons for running into walls were all very different however. Hitoriga (the sword guy with a sack on his head), Hamushi (the one sexy chick), and Jukei (the guy in a straightjacket) were all running into walls because their stupid headgear made it so they couldn't see. Tobeigera was running into walls because he was a stupid clown thing with no real skills except to be wacky. Running into walls was really really wacky. Hanmyo (the girl with the cats) was running into walls because she was young and impressionable and everyone else was doing it. Lady Iraga (the nasty bodybuilder chick) was running into walls since she painted a picture of Aisha on one of them and was trying to smash it. And Leilong (the other guy) was simply drunk. All were having a rip-roaring good time until Hazanko entered the room.
"Hey guys, what's up?" he said cheerfully. He then noticed what everyone was doing. "Hey, stop it you guys! Jeez, you're gonna break my fine china!" Hazanko ran over to his most valuable china and protected it. He picked up Jukei and threw him at a charging Leilong, who was aiming towards a valuable ancient vase. Leilong stumbled and fell over. "Yes! There's two down!" yelled Hazanko, pumping his fist in the air. "Any other challengers?" he shouted defiantly.
"DEATH TO BREAKABLE CHINAWARE!" trumpeted Hitoriga. This temporarily distracted Hazanko, allowing Iraga to run in and smash all the dishes.
"Yay! We win!" yelled the Anten Seven, high fiving each other. Since Jukei couldn't move his arms, he bit everyone on the wrist.
"Great. You guys always win!" moaned Hazanko, "7 against 1 isn't fair! I get the Macdougall Brothers on my team next time! But I'm forgetting why I'm here. Gene Starwind and the Outlaw Star will be on Planet Tenrei soon, and I'm sending you guys to kill him!"
"What? But it's Valentine's Day!" protested Leilong.
"Don't we even get a day off for Valentine's Day?" asked Tobeigera skeptically.
"What do you care, Tobeigera?" asked Hazanko, "It's not like you have, or will ever get, a girlfriend." Tobeigera started crying.
"I-I try to be funny..." he weeped, "But...this happy face hides a terrible, sorrowful existence! WAAAAAAHHH!"
"I'd hate to burst your bubble, but it's not like you're even that funny." said Iraga, being mean.
Tobeigera pulled a life raft out of a closet. He began blowing air into it. "You guys *huff* make so much fun of me! But *puff* you'll miss me when I'm *huff* gone!" he cried, breathing air into his raft. He got it about halfway full before he passed out from lack of oxygen. Then all the air escaped.
"I freaking hate it when he does that." sighed Hamushi.
"Every day he threatens to inflate his life raft and float away from us but he never suceeds. It's stupid." said Jukei, looking over Tobeigera's body.
"We're getting off the topic." said Leilong, spoiling the fun and being a big dumb serious-head. "My point is: We should get Valentine's Day off!"
Hazanko sighed. "Alright, we can have a big 108 Suns Valentine's Day Bash when we get back. I'll get Ween or somebody to come and play."
"Can you reunite Oingo Boingo and get them to come too? We deserve the very best." said Hitoriga.
"Well, oka- Wait! I shouldn't have to bargain with you guys! You're my underlings! Now you guys are going to Tenrei and you're gonna just LOVE IT!" yelled Hazanko, getting all scary and such.
"Can we have our Bash on Tenrei?" asked Hanmyo.
"Can we have a piñata?" asked Jukei.
"WE CAN HAVE OUR BASH ON TENREI AND WE CAN HAVE A PINATA! Let's just get going!" yelled Hazanko, his patience going away.
"Can we have strawberry cheesecake instead of triple chocolate?" asked Hitoriga, "I'm allergic to chocolate." Then Hazanko got pissed off and smote Hitoriga. No really, he totally smote him. But Hitoriga is an awesome Tao guy too, so he didn't die. He was just in a bunch of pain.
"Can we rent a rodeo-" Leilong started, but then he noticed Hazanko was severly freaking out so he decided not to say what he was going to say.
ON PLANET TENREI
"Wow! It's Planet Tenrei again!" laughed Gene happily. Here's what was going on. Gene was in his swimming trunks, and walking around admiring the scenery. Melfina was nervous and shy, since Melfina is just naturally nervous and shy. It didn't help that she was wearing nothing but a towel. It was Gene's idea. Aisha was running into restaurants and eating stuff the customers were eating, saying that she was "cleaning the tables". Suzuka was trailing behind everyone else, since she was carrying the deceased Jim around on her shoulders. It was safe to say that she was the only one not having a good time.
"Where the hell is this mountain so we can get this over with?" said Suzuka grumpily.
"Hey, don't be so grumpy Suzuka!" said Gene brightly, "Look over there! Chicks!" He pointed to a small group of girls talking a few yards away.
"Uh, and why would that interest me?" said Suzuka, narrowing her eyes at Gene.
"Huh, you mean you don't swing that way? Wow, you had me totally fooled." Gene giggled.
"WHY YOU LITTLE--! I'M GONNA KILL YOU, GENE!" Suzuka yelled, totally enraged. She unsheathed her sword, dropping Jim. He began rolling down a conveniently placed steep slope nearby. Suzuka looked over her shoulder to see Jim tumbling away down the hill.
"...Oops." she and Gene began running down the hill after Jim. He was picking up speed however, and it was impossible to catch up to him. Yes, I realize how totally stupid this is. Like I said, I'm sleepy.
"Hey you! Stop that corpse!" yelled Gene to random passerbys. Everyone just gave him really weird looks. A man dived out of the way as a speeding Jim plowed over his hot dog stand. Gene and Suzuka started to run by the wreckage, but then they stopped to pick up some slightly dirty hot dogs and eat them, since they hadn't eaten for like 2 months. Man, what a big stupid plot hole that is.
AT GREASY ROBERT'S LOBSTER SHACK
"I'm gleaning the khables!" Aisha said through a mouthful of lobster and various side dishes.
"Isn't this illegal?" wondered Melfina nervously, watching Aisha eat another customer's order.
"This place has huge servings. It's not like these people would have finished it anyway." Aisha replied, gobbling down a shrimp platter. "I'm cleaning the tables!"
"That you are." said Melfina, rolling her eyes.
Wow, that was a long chapter. Actually, it was pretty short. It was long by my standards. This episode was brought to you by the letter P, and the number 4. And with support from Viewers Like You. *cough cough* Although, said viewers could be a little less skimpy on their reviews... *CEO of PBS shoots him*