Hey hey hey. I do not own Outlaw Star, Wayne's World, or
Nova. I wish I did own Nova, because I'd make less stupid
documentaries on glacier researchers and more stuff about those crazy
fish that live deep under the ocean. When I was a
little boy, I dived off a boat and into the ocean because I wanted to
see those fishies. They looked really cool with their
glow-in-the-dark antennas and such. I nearly drowned since I couldn't
swim. It taught me an awful lot about how stuff on
TV isn't nearly as cool when you nearly drown because of it. I have
no idea why I just told you that. Anyways, on with the
chapter.
---------------
It was a gorgeous, magnificent, outright fabulous day on Planet Tenrei. We're talking superfantabulistic. I mean two thumbs up! WAY UP! Anyways, Aisha and Melfina had just been kicked out of the 45th restaurant that day and were walking down the street.
"How could they kick us out?" wondered Aisha angrily. "I was cleaning the tables! CLEANING THE TABLES! They didn't even have to pay me!"
"You don't clean the tables until AFTER the people finish eating." said Melfina, exasperated. THe sound of a helicopter emanated from overhead. Aisha and Melfina looked up to see it. The helicopter was big, black, and had various guns and such all over it. It also had 'NOT ANTEN SEVEN' painted on the side. The helicopter landed about 50 yards away.
"Who are they?" wondered Melfina.
"Well, they obviously aren't the Anten Seven." said Aisha. "Let's go ask them what they want." The two of them walked over to the helicopter. When they arrived, two people stepped out. One was a tall woman with a sword and a sack on her head. She wore a bright blond wig over her sack. The other one was a short woman with a dumb looking mask and a strait-jacket. She also had a bright pink frilly skirt.
"Hello there." said Mrs. Hitoriga, "We're with Nova."
"We heard about your big treasure search in the volcano Mt. Tawagawanga." Mrs. Jukei chimed in, "We want to do a documentary on it for PBS." Melfina suspected an evil plot, but Aisha didn't since she was imagining how famous she would be.
"What kind of payment are we talking about here for your little 'documentary'?" asked Aisha.
"Why, the payment of seeing your face on the big screen! The fame of being seen by senior citizens all over the universe with nothing better to watch on TV!" said Mrs. Jukei happily.
"Sounds good. Sign us up!" laughed Aisha.
"Wait Aisha," said Melfina hesitantly, "Are you sure this is such a good idea? I mean, just look at these guys!"
"We're just perfectly honest people." said Mrs. Hitoriga, shaking her head and making her wig fall off. She hastily bent over and put it back on, backwards. "Ahem, sorry about that."
"Anyways," asked Mrs. Jukei, "Where's Gene Starwind? He's the leader of your expedition, isn't he?"
"Say, where the hell is Gene?" asked Aisha, "And for that matter, where's Suzu? And Jim?"
...
Gene and Suzuka panted, catching their breath. They'd finally caught up with Jim, and were severely tired out. They had propped Jim up in a sitting position against a wall, so to the average passerby he'd look like he was just sleeping.
"What are we gonna do about Jim?" asked Gene, "I don't wanna have to look at him once the rigor mortis sets in."
"Look, lets just get rid of him now." said Suzuka, "You wait here. I'll put him in the trunk of somebody's car of something."
"Sounds good." said Gene as Suzuka left. He sat down and waited for her to return.
Suzuka was having a hard time finding a car to put Jim in. Since the whole planet was a theme park, there was only one giant parking lot for the whole thing. This meant there were no cars on the entire planet except that one place. She asked a guy selling sunglasses for directions.
"Do you know where the huge parking lot is?" she asked the guy. The guy noticed her, and immediately yelled SCHWING! at the top of his lungs.
"....Schwing? What the hell is schwing?" asked Suzuka, unsure of whether to be offended or not.
"Uh, sorry. Never mind." said the guy, embarrassed. "Anyways, what did you say you wanted?"
"The giant parking lot. Do you know where it is?" she asked, making a mental note to ask Gene what 'schwing' meant later.
"Sure, it's about 50 miles east. Why, you gonna hide that dead guy you're carrying in somebody's trunk?" he laughed.
"Um, no. Thanks for the info." she started walking away, but then went back to buy some sunglasses from the guy since the sun was super bright. Then she began her epic quest for the hidden giant parking lot.
...
"So, you guys really don't know where they are?" asked Mrs. Jukei sadly.
"Sorry," said Melfina, "But we can't help you." The four of them were sitting around in a streetside cafe, eating ice cream and having a great time.
"Um, excuse me, I have to go use the ladies room." said Mrs. Hitoriga.
"Uh, yeah. Me too." said Mrs. Jukei. They both stood up and entered the ladies room. After making sure that the doors were locked, Mrs. Hitoriga and Mrs. Jukei cast off their disguises to reveal that they were....HITORIGA AND JUKEI! I bet you never saw that coming!
"Ugh. Who thought up this stupid plan?" grumbled Jukei, struggling with his skirt.
"Hazanko." said Hitoriga, checking in the mirror to see if his sack was straight. "I think he had help from that fruity Tobeigera guy."
"Just out of curiosity, why do we have to dress up as girls? I mean, seriously." said Jukei, frustrated. "And why the hell do I have to wear the skirt?"
"Dude, you WANTED to wear the skirt." argued Hitoriga. "But that doesn't matter. Our real problem is Gene. We have to find him!"
"Can we go on some rides first? Can we can we can we?" asked Jukei, hopping up and down.
"Are you kidding? That's all I was planning to do here! I just figured that we'd run into him right away..." said Hitoriga, biting his lip.
"Wait, are you saying that the more time we spend finding Gene, the less time we get on the rides?" asked Jukei.
"Pretty much, yeah." There was an eerie silence.
"LET'S GET MOVING!" yelled Jukei, struggling to get his skirt back on.
...
"I...I've found it!" yelled Suzuka, jumping up and down. "The mystical forgotten giant parking lot! I've found it I've found it I've found it!" Suddenly Suzuka stopped hopping around and being happy. "Must...contain...perkiness! Stoic...is...beautiful!" she groaned, forcing her smile away. "There we go. All better." She then began testing all the trunks on the cars for one that was unlocked. Finding one, she put Jim inside it.
"Hold it right there!" a voice behind her yelled. She whirled around to see Jukei and Hitoriga standing there with a giant gun pointed at her.
"Hah! Do you really think I can be defeated by a simple firearm? This is Twilight Suzuka you're dealing with!" she laughed, very arrogantly.
Jukei snarled. "Fool! This is no firearm! This is a-" but Hitoriga interupted.
"Dude! Don't call Suzuka a fool! I'm in love with her or something!" said Hitoriga worriedly.
"Whatever. Sorry." said Jukei, rolling his eyes. "Anyway, this is a-"
"Did you just roll your eyes in Suzuka's presence!?!" said Hitoriga, shocked. "She is my girlfriend!"
"No I'm not!" said Suzuka, repulsed.
Jukei ignored her. "What the hell is wrong with you, Hitoriga? You've turned into a total wuss!"
"I AM NOT A WUSS!"
"Will you guys just shut up and continue revealing your plans to me so I can exploit them and eventually win?" sighed Suzuka.
"Oh sure. Sorry." said Jukei, "Like I was saying, this is our patented OPPOSITE GUN! It shoots a pretty, colorful beam out of it that transforms the personality of the person it hits into an exact opposite."
"Please, continue." said Suzuka, now very interested.
"But of course. We plan to beam this ray all over the planet, so Gene will bring us the Outlaw Star and Melfina, instead of stupidly protecting them like he always does." said Jukei.
Suzuka clapped. "Great plan. The part about Gene himself bringing them to you was especially sinister."
Hitoriga was awestruck. "Suzuka....am I hearing you right? Did you just compliment me?"
"What? No! I was complimenting your plan. Not you." Suzuka said, annoyed.
"But I made the plan! So you're complimenting me!" yelled Hitoriga happily. "Suzuka loves me! Suzuka LOVES ME!"
"No I don't! I friggin' hate you!" There was a stunned silence. If you listened closely you could hear the sounds of Hitoriga's brain snapping and his heart breaking. At the same time. "Jesus christ, you killed my whole family! Why on earth would I love you?! There isn't a person in the galaxy I hate more!"
Jukei felt like interrupting. "Yeah, where the hell was your reasoning on that one, man?" But Hitoriga wasn't listening. He was really pissed off. Seriously. This guy was totally clueless.
"OH YEAH!?!" he yelled, enraged. "WELL HERE'S WHAT I THINK OF YOU!!!!" he grabbed the Opposite Gun out of Jukei's hands and fired it at Suzuka. A pretty, bright red beam shot out and hit Suzuka, knocking her to the ground. She stood up, and she had a HUGE smile on her face. We're talking ^_^ here. With the eyes and everything.
"Awwwwww...lookit da cute widdle Hitoriga!" she giggled running over to Hitoriga. "Huggles for Hitoriga! Huggles huggles huggles!" She immediately hugged Hitoriga tightly.
"AAAAAAHHH! AAAAAAAH! I'm being attacked!" yelled Hitoriga.
"Awwwww, is Hitoriga saaaaaad?" she smiled, not letting go of him.
"RUN! RUN!" yelled Jukei. "THE PERKINESS IS OUT OF CONTROL!" Somehow Hitoriga managed to pry her off himself and run away.
"Awwwww! Come back Hitoriga! I'm lonely!" she stopped. "Whoo! It's hot out here!" She took off all her clothes and continued pursuing them.
"Now look what you've done!" yelled Jukei, running/hopping. "You've made her twice as powerful! TWICE AS DEADLY!"
Hitoriga tripped and fell, unknowingly switching the gun from 'Single-Fire Mode' to 'Planet Broadcast Mode'. "We've gotta switch her back!" yelled Hitoriga, "The universe isn't ready for a being of pure perky!" He aimed at Suzuka and fired. Suzuka fell backwards and stood up again.
"....Just where the hell are my clothes?" she asked them.
"Woo woo!" said Hitoriga, taking a picture.
"Well, at least that's over. No more crazy personality switches to worry about." said Jukei, relieved.
"Nope." said Hitoriga, "Man, what a relief."
--------------
Wow, what a fun little storyarc this is shaping up to be. As you can tell, due to that stupid Planet Broadcast Mode, our adventures with personality changes aren't quite over. And give me some reviews. For every review you give, a starving child in Africa is given a 70-bedroom mansion and a limo. Plus a complete Trigun box set, which costs like 11 billion dollars, last I checked.
---------------
It was a gorgeous, magnificent, outright fabulous day on Planet Tenrei. We're talking superfantabulistic. I mean two thumbs up! WAY UP! Anyways, Aisha and Melfina had just been kicked out of the 45th restaurant that day and were walking down the street.
"How could they kick us out?" wondered Aisha angrily. "I was cleaning the tables! CLEANING THE TABLES! They didn't even have to pay me!"
"You don't clean the tables until AFTER the people finish eating." said Melfina, exasperated. THe sound of a helicopter emanated from overhead. Aisha and Melfina looked up to see it. The helicopter was big, black, and had various guns and such all over it. It also had 'NOT ANTEN SEVEN' painted on the side. The helicopter landed about 50 yards away.
"Who are they?" wondered Melfina.
"Well, they obviously aren't the Anten Seven." said Aisha. "Let's go ask them what they want." The two of them walked over to the helicopter. When they arrived, two people stepped out. One was a tall woman with a sword and a sack on her head. She wore a bright blond wig over her sack. The other one was a short woman with a dumb looking mask and a strait-jacket. She also had a bright pink frilly skirt.
"Hello there." said Mrs. Hitoriga, "We're with Nova."
"We heard about your big treasure search in the volcano Mt. Tawagawanga." Mrs. Jukei chimed in, "We want to do a documentary on it for PBS." Melfina suspected an evil plot, but Aisha didn't since she was imagining how famous she would be.
"What kind of payment are we talking about here for your little 'documentary'?" asked Aisha.
"Why, the payment of seeing your face on the big screen! The fame of being seen by senior citizens all over the universe with nothing better to watch on TV!" said Mrs. Jukei happily.
"Sounds good. Sign us up!" laughed Aisha.
"Wait Aisha," said Melfina hesitantly, "Are you sure this is such a good idea? I mean, just look at these guys!"
"We're just perfectly honest people." said Mrs. Hitoriga, shaking her head and making her wig fall off. She hastily bent over and put it back on, backwards. "Ahem, sorry about that."
"Anyways," asked Mrs. Jukei, "Where's Gene Starwind? He's the leader of your expedition, isn't he?"
"Say, where the hell is Gene?" asked Aisha, "And for that matter, where's Suzu? And Jim?"
...
Gene and Suzuka panted, catching their breath. They'd finally caught up with Jim, and were severely tired out. They had propped Jim up in a sitting position against a wall, so to the average passerby he'd look like he was just sleeping.
"What are we gonna do about Jim?" asked Gene, "I don't wanna have to look at him once the rigor mortis sets in."
"Look, lets just get rid of him now." said Suzuka, "You wait here. I'll put him in the trunk of somebody's car of something."
"Sounds good." said Gene as Suzuka left. He sat down and waited for her to return.
Suzuka was having a hard time finding a car to put Jim in. Since the whole planet was a theme park, there was only one giant parking lot for the whole thing. This meant there were no cars on the entire planet except that one place. She asked a guy selling sunglasses for directions.
"Do you know where the huge parking lot is?" she asked the guy. The guy noticed her, and immediately yelled SCHWING! at the top of his lungs.
"....Schwing? What the hell is schwing?" asked Suzuka, unsure of whether to be offended or not.
"Uh, sorry. Never mind." said the guy, embarrassed. "Anyways, what did you say you wanted?"
"The giant parking lot. Do you know where it is?" she asked, making a mental note to ask Gene what 'schwing' meant later.
"Sure, it's about 50 miles east. Why, you gonna hide that dead guy you're carrying in somebody's trunk?" he laughed.
"Um, no. Thanks for the info." she started walking away, but then went back to buy some sunglasses from the guy since the sun was super bright. Then she began her epic quest for the hidden giant parking lot.
...
"So, you guys really don't know where they are?" asked Mrs. Jukei sadly.
"Sorry," said Melfina, "But we can't help you." The four of them were sitting around in a streetside cafe, eating ice cream and having a great time.
"Um, excuse me, I have to go use the ladies room." said Mrs. Hitoriga.
"Uh, yeah. Me too." said Mrs. Jukei. They both stood up and entered the ladies room. After making sure that the doors were locked, Mrs. Hitoriga and Mrs. Jukei cast off their disguises to reveal that they were....HITORIGA AND JUKEI! I bet you never saw that coming!
"Ugh. Who thought up this stupid plan?" grumbled Jukei, struggling with his skirt.
"Hazanko." said Hitoriga, checking in the mirror to see if his sack was straight. "I think he had help from that fruity Tobeigera guy."
"Just out of curiosity, why do we have to dress up as girls? I mean, seriously." said Jukei, frustrated. "And why the hell do I have to wear the skirt?"
"Dude, you WANTED to wear the skirt." argued Hitoriga. "But that doesn't matter. Our real problem is Gene. We have to find him!"
"Can we go on some rides first? Can we can we can we?" asked Jukei, hopping up and down.
"Are you kidding? That's all I was planning to do here! I just figured that we'd run into him right away..." said Hitoriga, biting his lip.
"Wait, are you saying that the more time we spend finding Gene, the less time we get on the rides?" asked Jukei.
"Pretty much, yeah." There was an eerie silence.
"LET'S GET MOVING!" yelled Jukei, struggling to get his skirt back on.
...
"I...I've found it!" yelled Suzuka, jumping up and down. "The mystical forgotten giant parking lot! I've found it I've found it I've found it!" Suddenly Suzuka stopped hopping around and being happy. "Must...contain...perkiness! Stoic...is...beautiful!" she groaned, forcing her smile away. "There we go. All better." She then began testing all the trunks on the cars for one that was unlocked. Finding one, she put Jim inside it.
"Hold it right there!" a voice behind her yelled. She whirled around to see Jukei and Hitoriga standing there with a giant gun pointed at her.
"Hah! Do you really think I can be defeated by a simple firearm? This is Twilight Suzuka you're dealing with!" she laughed, very arrogantly.
Jukei snarled. "Fool! This is no firearm! This is a-" but Hitoriga interupted.
"Dude! Don't call Suzuka a fool! I'm in love with her or something!" said Hitoriga worriedly.
"Whatever. Sorry." said Jukei, rolling his eyes. "Anyway, this is a-"
"Did you just roll your eyes in Suzuka's presence!?!" said Hitoriga, shocked. "She is my girlfriend!"
"No I'm not!" said Suzuka, repulsed.
Jukei ignored her. "What the hell is wrong with you, Hitoriga? You've turned into a total wuss!"
"I AM NOT A WUSS!"
"Will you guys just shut up and continue revealing your plans to me so I can exploit them and eventually win?" sighed Suzuka.
"Oh sure. Sorry." said Jukei, "Like I was saying, this is our patented OPPOSITE GUN! It shoots a pretty, colorful beam out of it that transforms the personality of the person it hits into an exact opposite."
"Please, continue." said Suzuka, now very interested.
"But of course. We plan to beam this ray all over the planet, so Gene will bring us the Outlaw Star and Melfina, instead of stupidly protecting them like he always does." said Jukei.
Suzuka clapped. "Great plan. The part about Gene himself bringing them to you was especially sinister."
Hitoriga was awestruck. "Suzuka....am I hearing you right? Did you just compliment me?"
"What? No! I was complimenting your plan. Not you." Suzuka said, annoyed.
"But I made the plan! So you're complimenting me!" yelled Hitoriga happily. "Suzuka loves me! Suzuka LOVES ME!"
"No I don't! I friggin' hate you!" There was a stunned silence. If you listened closely you could hear the sounds of Hitoriga's brain snapping and his heart breaking. At the same time. "Jesus christ, you killed my whole family! Why on earth would I love you?! There isn't a person in the galaxy I hate more!"
Jukei felt like interrupting. "Yeah, where the hell was your reasoning on that one, man?" But Hitoriga wasn't listening. He was really pissed off. Seriously. This guy was totally clueless.
"OH YEAH!?!" he yelled, enraged. "WELL HERE'S WHAT I THINK OF YOU!!!!" he grabbed the Opposite Gun out of Jukei's hands and fired it at Suzuka. A pretty, bright red beam shot out and hit Suzuka, knocking her to the ground. She stood up, and she had a HUGE smile on her face. We're talking ^_^ here. With the eyes and everything.
"Awwwwww...lookit da cute widdle Hitoriga!" she giggled running over to Hitoriga. "Huggles for Hitoriga! Huggles huggles huggles!" She immediately hugged Hitoriga tightly.
"AAAAAAHHH! AAAAAAAH! I'm being attacked!" yelled Hitoriga.
"Awwwww, is Hitoriga saaaaaad?" she smiled, not letting go of him.
"RUN! RUN!" yelled Jukei. "THE PERKINESS IS OUT OF CONTROL!" Somehow Hitoriga managed to pry her off himself and run away.
"Awwwww! Come back Hitoriga! I'm lonely!" she stopped. "Whoo! It's hot out here!" She took off all her clothes and continued pursuing them.
"Now look what you've done!" yelled Jukei, running/hopping. "You've made her twice as powerful! TWICE AS DEADLY!"
Hitoriga tripped and fell, unknowingly switching the gun from 'Single-Fire Mode' to 'Planet Broadcast Mode'. "We've gotta switch her back!" yelled Hitoriga, "The universe isn't ready for a being of pure perky!" He aimed at Suzuka and fired. Suzuka fell backwards and stood up again.
"....Just where the hell are my clothes?" she asked them.
"Woo woo!" said Hitoriga, taking a picture.
"Well, at least that's over. No more crazy personality switches to worry about." said Jukei, relieved.
"Nope." said Hitoriga, "Man, what a relief."
--------------
Wow, what a fun little storyarc this is shaping up to be. As you can tell, due to that stupid Planet Broadcast Mode, our adventures with personality changes aren't quite over. And give me some reviews. For every review you give, a starving child in Africa is given a 70-bedroom mansion and a limo. Plus a complete Trigun box set, which costs like 11 billion dollars, last I checked.