Hello there everybody! What's poppin? Here we are, in The
Party Ship's SECOND SEASON! Honk bladdle tweet! Wow, it's
been a while since I updated last. I think it was worth it, because
this chapter is funny I think.
Jet: The chapter with the Arby's mitten was better.
Can't argue with that! So what did you do for your vacation?
Jet: Well... not a whole lot. You left the office early on our last day and locked me in here. I've been surviving on wallpaper glue and the occasional rat.
Ah. I thought you lost weight. Well, I had a great vacation! Check out my tan!
Jet: ....What tan? If anything you look paler.
That doesn't make sense. I turned the brightness on my TV up all the way!
Jet: You... you're really stupid.
Yep! Anyways, enjoy the chapter all! Jet hates it, but he's a hating hater who hates everything. He probably even hates Snapple! Stupid hating hater head!
Jet: Hey, I love Snapple! That's how rumors get started, you know?
-------------------
It was a loveable, fluffy, tree-hugging day somewhere on planet Heiphon. The crew of the Party Ship were moping around their ground base, bored out of their minds.
"Hey guys, we've got mail!" called Jim. He entered the Party Ship's crew's base, flipping through the mail.
"Awesome!" said Gene. "Did I get the new Lesbian Porn Monthly?"
"Why yes, you certainly did." said Jim, handing Gene the magazine disgustedly.
"Sweet! Hey, it looks like Suzuka's on the cover!" he laughed.
"No I'm not, damn you!" yelled Suzuka. She paused. "...Am I?"
"Yes! I'm so not kidding!" smiled Gene. He handed her the magazine. "See? It's totally you!"
Suzuka looked at the cover to see basically herself, except totally nude and smiling seductively. "What the hell?" she asked. "How the..."
"Duh, it's photoshopped." said Jim. "Some dude took a picture of you, photoshopped it and made you nude. It's a really badly done job too. Anyone could easily tell this was a fake."
"Yeah. See, notice how she's smiling. Dead giveaway. Plus, look at the uneven line along the nape of the neck here. God, what an amateur. My grandma makes better photoshopped Suzuka porn than this." said Aisha. "Really, she does."
"Hey, I did the best I could with the time I was given." said Gene. "Plus, I think I did a good job on the neck. Er, never mind."
"Oh, hey Aisha. You got a letter." said Jim cheerfully.
"Oooh! Letter letter letter!" yelled Aisha. She snatched the letter from Jim and tore it open. "Oh, it's from big dumb Reno. Let's see... 'Dear Aisha. How are you, and stuff. I'm doing great. I'm planning on marrying this one chick I just met the other day, and I want you to be the preacher person. Hope to see you there. Signed, Your loving father (or brother or however I'm related to you), Reno.'"
"Huh? You're a preacher?" asked Jim, bewildered.
"Kind of. I went to the Ctarl National Preacher School for a while because I thought there would be a lot of hot guys there, like that preacher Wolfwood off of Trigun." Aisha shrugged. "There weren't any, so I only stayed for one year. But a year's schooling is all you need to be legally allowed to perform Ctarl Ctarl weddings, so now I'm just really confused all the time."
"Really confused?" said Gene, confused. "Why?"
"Well, people are always asking me: 'Will you marry me?'" started Aisha. "And I say: 'Well it's about time somebody asked me! Let's get going!' And then they look all confused and say: 'No no, me and my friend want to get married.' And I'm all: 'Threesome? Whatever, I'll try everything once!' And then they say- Well, you get the idea. It's a miniature heartbreak with every client I get."
"So, are you leaving now? Just like that?" asked Suzuka. "To happily marry your brother to some chick?"
"No, I'm going to break it up." said Aisha. "Reno has the lamest taste in women. He always picks these stupid loser pothead skanks to marry and they get a divorce about 4 weeks later. It's stupid, it's disgusting, and he deserves better. Him being my brother, it's my untold anime character duty to stop his marriage, no matter the cost."
"Sounds like fun! Count me in!" said Suzuka enthusiastically.
"Rock on! You coming with us, Gene?" asked Aisha.
"Hm, what? You say something?" asked Gene. "Sorry, I've been mesmerized by this picture on Page 5 of Suzuka using her wooden sword for mastu-"
"YOU HORRIBLE FREAK!" yelled Suzuka, swording him.
..........
"So I says: 'Them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!'" laughed Tobeigera.
"Ha ha!" laughed Leilong. He paused. "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Hamushi sighed. "Look, Tobeigera. We hired you as a member of the Anten Seven for comical relief. You know, to make us laugh. From our experience with you, that means you should never ever, under any circumstance, try to be funny." The Anten Six, plus Hazanko, were kicking it in a high security jail cell on Hekaton Keirez. See, they were the Anten Six now, since Hanmyo was still wandering around somewhere in the deserts of Earth.
"Hey! I'll have you know I'm very funny!" said Tobeigera indignantly. He ran around and purposely tripped on something, spilling some hot soup Hitoriga was eating onto a sleeping Iraga.
"AAAGH!" screamed Iraga, waking up. "What the hell?! What are you idiots doing?!"
"Stupid faggot-butt Tobeigera bumped into me!" said Hitoriga. "Beat him up!"
"Yeah! Fight!" laughed Jukei.
"Fight! Fight! Fight!" chanted the Anten Six.
"Uh, shouldn't Iraga worry more about treating those third-degree burns on her face than fighting me?" asked Tobeigera.
"Don't worry about me, wussy boy! There isn't any way I could possibly be any more disfigured!" Iraga said proudly. "Now fight me!"
Tobeigera started getting nervous. "H-Hazanko? Shouldn't you put a stop to this? Infighting within your ranks is never a good thing..."
Hazanko looked at Tobeigera thoughtfully. "You know, you're right. I don't want my own underlings killing each other. It's a sign of weakness we can't afford to have." said Hazanko, scratching his chin. Tobeigera breathed a sigh of relief. "So therefore Tobeigera, you're fired. Now go kick this scrawny loser's ass, Iraga."
"Eeeek!" shrieked Tobeigera. Iraga charged at him. Tobeigera jumped out of her way just as she was about to grab him. He scurried around the small jail cell, carefully evading her attacks.
"Damn, that little bugger's fast!" enthused Jukei.
"He's...He's..." mumbled Hitoriga, trying to think of an adjective that was a more insulting version of 'acrobatic'. "NIMBLE. He's nimble."
"Heh. Nimble." chuckled Hazanko.
"Hey! What are you jail people doing?" yelled a voice. "Stop fighting! You're supposed to die of heart failure, not boxing!" It was a guard. He was passing by with his guard buddy. The two of them were pulling Dave the Sunglasses Guy down the hallway. They opened the jail cell and tossed Dave in.
"Hey, I could sue you guys!" yelled Dave. "That was...Unnecessary Roughness! I'll lose you guys's jobs!"
"Save it for the judge." said the other guard, not making any sense at all. They slammed the door shut and walked away.
Dave sighed. "So, who're my new roommates?" he looked around at everyone. "Oh, hey there Hamushi. How's it going?"
"Just fine." she said. She stared at him. "Well? Well?"
"What?" asked Dave. "What do you want?"
Hamushi rolled her eyes, then began dancing a sexy dance. She wasn't that good at it since she couldn't really see, so she kept bumping into people and tripping over things.
"I have no idea what you're implying." said Dave blankly, staring at her.
She stopped. "God dammit! Just say your stupid catchphrase!"
"Oh. Uh, schwing or something." sighed Dave. "I thought you were sick of that saying."
"Huh? You guys know each other?" asked Iraga, amazed.
"We used to be 'friends'." said Dave, turning his back to Hamushi.
"Sexual friends." remarked Hamushi.
"Yeah. And then she decided it was 'time to see other men'." said Dave, throwing his hands up in the air. "And a couple months ago she's changed her mind, and wants me back. Well too bad, you had your chance." He turned and pointed to Hamushi as he said that last sentence.
"Alright you guys, stop fighting." said Hazanko. "I believe I have a plan to get us out of here!" He told everyone of his miraculous plan.
"Great plan." choked Tobeigera. "Can you tell Iraga to let me out of the full nelson now?"
"Eh? who are you?" asked Hazanko.
"I'm Tobeigera. I served under your command for 17 years." coughed Tobeigera.
"Oh, right. THAT guy." sighed Hazanko. "Now what's all this about a full nelson?"
"I currently seem to be in a full nelson by one of the members of the Anten Six-" started Tobeigera.
"Uh, technically it's the Anten Five now." said Hazanko.
"Oh. Yeah. Well this Iraga chick has me in a full nelson, and it would be much appreciated if you could get her to lay off."
"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" yelled an enraged Hazanko. "Giving me the orders, now? ME! Squeeze harder, Iraga!"
"Sir! Yes sir!" yelled Iraga, squeezing harder.
.........
"I'm sorry ma'am, this is a weapon." said a security guy at the airport. He was of course referring to Suzuka's wooden sword.
"What? How could a WOODEN SWORD possibly be a weapon?" asked Suzuka. "I mean, that's just crazy."
"Well, we here at the airport have recieved a warning about a series of hired murders by a woman with a wooden sword, and we're just taking the regular precautions." said the guy.
Suzuka feigned a laugh. "Ha ha ha! You think I'M Twilight Suzuka? That's ridiculous!"
"Well, that IS the name on your passport." said the guy.
"Um...well...Trust me, I'm not her." said Suzuka nervously.
"She's right." said Gene. "The REAL Twilight Suzuka is a beautiful, STRAIGHT woman!"
"Oh yeah. Good point, sir." said the guy. "You're good to go, ma'am."
"God damn you! Damn you all!" yelled Suzuka.
Meanwhile, Jim was having similar troubles. "It's oregano! OREGANO! I swear!"
"Nice try, kid. Awful young to be drug trafficking, aren't you?" said another sercurity guy.
"I'm not kidding! Try some! It's oregano!" pleaded Jim.
The security guy gasped. "Now you're trying to bribe me with your drugs. I am disgusted. Come with me." He pulled Jim's arms behind his back and pulled him along.
"This is all a terrible mistake! It's a flavorful seasoning!" yelled Jim, his voice fading away.
"Well, this is just great." said Gilliam, in little Gilliam-bot form. "Didn't Jim have the coordinates of this place we're going to?"
"It doesn't matter." said Aisha. "I could find my way there in the dark with my brain tied behind my back."
"Flight B52, New Mexidopia to Las Vegadopia, now boarding." said the airport speaker talky thing.
"Well, that's us!" said Gene. "Are our bags all packed, Gilliam?"
"We are well stocked with hamburgers, slugs, and pornographic magazines." Gilliam reported.
"That should do it!" said Aisha. "Let's go!" She boarded the plane, followed by Gene (with Gilliam on his shoulder), Suzuka, and Melfina.
"You know, it doesn't really make sense that we're flying in this airplane instead of just driving the Party ship there." said Melfina. "Isn't that just really weird?"
Then I leaped out the sky, fish in hand, preparing to smack the hell out of the plot-hole usurper, when...
"Sir! That is a weapon!" yelled a security guy.
"....No it isn't. It's a fish." I said skeptically.
"Wrong. It's a DANGEROUS fish." said the security guard. "I'm gonna have to take you in for questioning."
"What?! It's a fish!" I yelled. "You can't do this! I created you!" But the security guard bastard who would have never existed if it weren't for me dragged me away to be interrogated. The evil backstabbing asshole. I hate him so.
...........
"Would you like anything to drink?" asked a flight attendant, about age 20, stopping at Melfina and Aisha's row. The plane was up and running successfully, and our heroes were well on their way to Las Vegadopia.
"I dunno. What do you have?" asked Aisha.
"Not really anything." shrugged the flight attendant. "We have Sierra Mist though. Lots of it."
"Sick. I'd rather drink cat urine." said Aisha, repulsed.
"We all would." sighed the flight attendant. She moved on to Gene and Suzuka's row.
"Would you like some snacks?" the woman asked Suzuka seductively. "You can have peanuts, pretzels...or ME." she giggled.
"What the hell?" asked Suzuka. "Just what are you-"
"Come on, I think the bathroom's...UNOCCUPIED." she said, with lust in her voice.
"Alright, kid." said Suzuka. "As much as I appreciate your offer, I'm not a lesbian."
"Whoa whoa whoa. Slow down." said flight attendant. "You aren't?"
"No! I'm not!" said Suzuka.
"Do you play one on TV or something?" asked the lady. "Because you seem like you're a natural born lesbian."
"No! I don't have any affiliation with homosexuality of any kind!" shouted Suzuka.
"Oh...." said the attendant. "Sorry to bother you. So did you want pretzels?"
"Yes please." said Suzuka.
"Excuse me, I'll take you up on that bathroom offer. You know, if you're still interested." Gene told the attendant.
"Sorry, you're too masculine for me." said the woman. She walked on to the next row.
"Suzuka, you stupid whore." said Gene. "If you'd have just slept with her, she probably would have given us free headphones."
"Why couldn't Aisha have slept with her?" asked Suzuka.
"Because I don't have the same...affection for women you have, Suzu." said Aisha from a row back.
"I don't have any affection for women at all!" yelled Suzuka.
"Yeah, right. Like we believe that." said Aisha, rolling her eyes.
"If you have no affection for women, then what's with this picture on page 16 of you and Aisha making out in the nude?" asked Gene, holding up his prized magazine.
"Hahaha! Let's see you explain THAT, Suzu!" laughed Aisha. She paused. "Wait, what the hell?"
.........
"Ah, here we are. Finally!" said Melfina, stretching her arms. "Can you believe how long that in-flight movie was?"
"I still think that it was all a dream. No damn movie can be that long." said Aisha. The movie they were referring to was the Xenosaga Episode One opening cinematic. "Minutes turned to hours. Hours turned to days. Days turned to weeks. And the weeks just kept on passing. I thought it would never end."
"But now it's over, and we don't have to be scared anymore." said Suzuka. They were all now off the plane, and were walking to the church where Reno was to get married.
"But yeah, I would have gladly slept with that chick if would have gotten us free headphones." said Aisha.
"Now what brought that up?" asked Gene.
"Just thinking of my friends." smiled Aisha. "I should have taken it right then. Next time I'm faced with the opportunity to sacrifice my sexuality to get you guys free headphones, remind me that I owe you."
"Uh, no problem." said Gene, staring at her.
"I am detecting that we are nearing the church." Gilliam reported. Sure enough, there they were, right at the church.
"Alright, time to destroy a wedding." laughed Aisha evilly. "Come on, let's go see the 'bride'." The five of them entered the church. They stopped to watch people prepare for the wedding, then continued onward. They wandered around in the back rooms for a while, stumbling across a ping pong room. They stopped for a few games (actually a few tournaments) before moving on to find the bride's room.
"Oh, hello there!" she said cheerfully. It was a beautiful Ctarl female, which was to be expected. She was wearing a brilliant green dress, which looked absolutely FABULOUS on her. "My name's Aylin ZeekZeek (great name, huh?). It's a pleasure to meet you." She looked at Aisha. "Oh, you must be Aisha ClanClan, Reno's sister! It's an honor to meet you, Ms. Aisha. Reno's told me so much about you."
"Mmmhmm. That's great." said Aisha. She looked closely at Aylin. "Now you look here, you whore! I'm not letting you marry my brother! You think you can toy with people's lives this way, and it makes me sick! You're not gonna get away with this!"
"Um, excuse me." said Gilliam. "But don't you think that green is a few shades too bright for such a quiet type of wedding?"
"Gilliam, please." said Aisha, rolling her eyes. "I'm trying to have a conversation with the cheap prostitute. Why don't you go talk to Reno?" Gilliam muttered something and left the room. Aisha looked back at Aylin. "And I can see right through your sweet, elgeant disguise! I can tell you're just a slimy, syphilis-infected hooker!"
Aylin blinked. "We're all entitled to our own opinions."
"You WOULD think so!!! You fascist pig!" yelled Aisha.
"Aisha? What the hell are you talking about?" asked Gene.
"SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU ANTI-SEMETIC DEVIL-WORSHIPPING BASTARD!" yelled Aisha.
"But I'm not an Anti-Semite, or a Satan Worshippe-" started Gene.
"WHEN I TELL YOU TO SHUT UP, YOU SHUT UP!" yelled Aisha. "NOW GO BUY SOME LIGHTBULBS?"
"Lightbulbs? Why the crap would we want lightbulbs?" asked Gene.
"LIGHTBULBS ARE OUR FRIENDS! QUIT HATING ON THE LIGHTBULBS! YOU LIGHTBULB RACIST! NOW GET OUTTA HERE!" yelled Aisha.
"Uh, okay." said Gene. He walked out the door. Then, entering the room were two Ctarl, apparently part of Reno and Aisha's family.
"Wow! Hey dad!" laughed Aisha. "It's so good to see you!"
Her dad stared at her. "Um, can I help you, miss?"
"What? Dad, it's me!" she smiled. He looked at her closely, studying her face. "Uh, your daughter." He looked blankly at her. "Aisha."
"Oh. It's you." sighed the dad. "How have things been going with you? Still in the military?"
"I got fired." muttered Aisha. "But I DID join a team of intergalactic misfits and cruise across the galaxy, fighting pirates, and uncovering treasure in all corners of the universe! I even saw the Galactic Leyline!"
The dad shook his head. "Aisha, Aisha. And here I was hoping you'd make something of yourself by now." he looked around. "Where's your husband? Did you divorce him already?"
"Yes...Yes I did." said Aisha, ashamed.
"Well, what's your excuse THIS TIME?" said her father, crossing his arms. "I'm not falling for that old 'He was an abusive sicko' line anymore."
"No, it's not that. He only married me to get to you, dad. He would have murdered you in your sleep! You're lucky I broke it off before he could get too close!" said Aisha.
"God, Aisha. Making up stories again." said her father, rolling his eyes. "It's a good thing we have Reno around so I don't TOTALLY regret having children." His face brightened. "Speaking of Reno, where is that old son of mine?"
"He's getting dressed in a trash compactor out behind the church." Aisha lied.
"Alright, then!" laughed Aisha's dad. "See you later, Aunt Aisha! Or cousin or something."
Aisha sighed and turned to the other Ctarl, a short elderly woman. "Oh, hey grandma! How's it going?"
"Oh, I'm doing fine Aisha!" yelled the grandma.
"Eh, are you still having hearing troubles?" asked Aisha.
"What?" yelled grandma.
"Yeah, I guess so." shrugged Aisha. "How's the photoshopping nude pictures of Suzuka doing?"
"It's going fine!" yelled the grandma.
Aisha pulled Gene's nudie magazine out of her suitcase. "This is a terrible, totally amateurish job, huh?" She handed her the magazine.
"Oh, good god! Look at the uneven lines along the nape of her neck!" yelled the grandma. "I've never seen a worse nude Suzuka photoshopping job in my life!"
"Um, have you seen very much nude Suzuka photoshopping?" asked Suzuka.
"Hell yes!" yelled grandma. "I'm a proffessional Suzuka nude photoshopper! There's quite a market for nude Suzuka photoshops on the internet these days!"
"There...is?" asked Suzuka.
"Of course! All the best pornographic websites have nude Suzuka photoshops!" yelled grandma. "Ninja Girl Plus, Sword Play, Lesbian Swordgirl Sorority, Naughty Chicks with Weird Hair...Hell, a book was even published entitled "1001 Alternate Uses for a Wooden Sword", with nude Suzuka photoshops as the illustrations!"
"Hey, is there much demand for Melfina nude photoshoppers?" asked Melfina.
"Not really, though the few there are really get into their work." said grandma.
.........
"I see. So, your tuxedo is orange." smiled Gilliam.
"Yep, it certainly is." laughed Reno.
"And the bride? What color is her dress?" asked Gilliam, his voice heating up.
"Green!" said Reno happily. "You should see her! She looks so beauti-"
"WRONG!" yelled Gilliam. "THOSE ARE THE MOST HIDEOUS CHOICES FOR WEDDING DRESS COLORS EVER! YOU ARE A FASHION MORON!" The little Gilliam-bot stormed out of the room. He looked around at the reception area. "OH GOOD GOD! Don't put that statue there! Haven't you neanderthals even HEARD of the concept of 'feng-shui'?!" He paused, looking at a banner that was hanging up. "And the bride's name isn't Ms. Evil Slave Driver Bitch!"
"It isn't?" asked Aisha innocently.
"No! It isn't!" sighed Gilliam. He turned to Aisha. "Look Aisha, just get outta here. Go talk with Suzuka or something. The ADULTS are working." He turned back around. "Hey! HEY! And the groom's name isn't Mr. Handsome Lovebuns! Just what are you trying to pull, Fred?"
"You jerk, Gilliam." pouted Fred. "You always ruin my fun."
..............
"Oh, hey Aisha. What's up?" asked Suzuka. Aisha had just entered the room.
"The big boring grown-ups are working." said Aisha sadly. She looked at Suzuka, and noticed she looked vaguely sad. "Hey Suzu, you look vaguely sad. What's the matter?"
Suzuka sighed. "Not much. It's just that psychiatrist you sent me to told me I was a lesbian, but I don't feel like one." she sighed again. "I don't know what to think. It just feels like everyone thinks I am and the only one who doesn't is me."
Aisha laughed. "THAT'S what's bugging you? Here, take this." She handed Suzuka a piece of paper and a pen. "It's a do-it-yourself lesbian test. Just take it, and it tells you how much of a dyke you are. Try it out!"
"I dunno..." said Suzuka cautiously.
"Come on, I'll take it too if you will." coaxed Aisha.
"Alright, I'll do it." said Suzuka. Aisha took a copy of the test and went into another room.
"We have to be in seperate rooms so we can't cheat." explained Aisha. "Good luck!"
After Aisha left, Suzuka turned to the first question. "1: Do you feel you domineer over the men in your life?" she paused, chewed on the pen, then checked 'YES'.
In the other room, Aisha was also confident about the question? "Me domineering? Pssh. Yeah right." she laughed. Gene walked into the room. "Hey Gene, did you pick up the light bulbs?"
"Uh, no. They were all out of them." shrugged Gene.
"YOU IDIOT!" shrieked Aisha, seething with rage. "WE NEEDED THOSE LIGHTBULBS! I GIVE YOU ONE DAMN RESPONSIBILITY AND YOU WHIZ IT DOWN YOUR LEG! IT'S ALL THANKS TO YOUR IRRESPONSIBLITY THAT MY BROTHER WILL NEVER GET MARRIED! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT THE WEDDING IS RUINED!"
"Um, you kind of wanted the wedding ruined anyway, didn't you?" asked Gene.
"HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY AUTHORITY? YOU HORRIBLE WORM! GET BACK OUT THERE AND FIND SOME LIGHTBULBS, YOU DISGUSTING SPECIMEN OF THE IDIOTIC MALE GENDER!"
"Yes, ma'am." whimpered Gene. He ran back outside.
Back in Suzuka's room. "2: Do you share a house with a woman who spends most of her time naked?" She paused, then checked 'YES'. "Aisha's always wandering around naked, the whore."
In Aisha's room... "Naked...Naked.. Of course! Melfina!" she began shouting. "Melfina! Melfina, come here, quick!"
Melfina quickly entered the room. "What? What is it Aisha?"
"Huh? Oh, Gene wanted me to tell you that you're fired." said Aisha dismissively.
"Fired?" yelped Melfina. "But-But I...Why?"
"Let's just say Gene found a different way to control the Party Ship, and your services are no longer required. He wants your bags packed by noon to make room for the new girl." said Aisha.
"N-new girl?" stuttered Melfina.
"Oh yes, and she's a real looker. What were Gene's exact words? Hmmm..." Aisha pretended to think. "Oh yes: 'We need a new android chick around here. Melfina looks like a guy.'"
"I...a guy? No!" She broke down crying. "But he said he loved me!!"
"That was just a trick to get you to take him to the Galactic Leyline." said Aisha carelessly. "I would have thought you could figure it out on your own."
"That's...that's not true!" yelled Melfina. "Gene would never do that!"
"Go ahead, keep deluding yourself. Gene said you can stay around if you must, but you'd have to listen to his sweaty groans all night as his new companion gives him what you never could." said Aisha evilly. Melfina finally ran from the room crying.
She picked up the test form. "Live with a mostly naked chick? Not anymore." she laughed, checking the box by 'NO'.
Back in Suzuka's room, on question 3. "Do you have a cat around the house?" read Suzuka aloud. "Well yeah, Aisha. Uh, she's kind of a cat or something." She checked the box by YES.
Aisha puzzled over the question. "Cat? What is...CAT?!" She stared blankly at her paper, trying to remember what a cat was, until she finally decided to leave the answer blank. Suzuka entered the room.
"I just graded my paper!" she moaned. "It says I'm 100% lesbian!"
"I don't need to grade my paper, since I already know I got an A." said Aisha confidently.
"Hey preacher lady, you're gonna be needed for the ceremony soon." said some little kid poking his head in the door.
"Oh, that's right!" laughed Aisha, slapping her forehead. "When does it start?"
"I dunno, everyone's out there asking when you'll show up and the bride and groom are about to kiss to get it over with." said the kid uncertainly.
"WHAT?!" yelled Aisha.
"We've been waiting like 5 hours. Everyone's bored." said the kid.
...........
"Ahem, we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of Reno ClanClan, and his joyous, swinging single life." recited Aisha. "Today, a terrible happening has befallen him. Never again will he laugh or sing. Never again will he fall down, drunk with happiness. And absinth. Let us not remember this poor man's soul as the shattered, empty shell of a man he will surely become for marrying this horrible monstrous bitch, but as the loveable Creedence Clearwater Revival fan who sat at a bar all day and enchanted everyone with his presence."
"Dude, Ctarl weddings are weird." said Gene. "What the hell is going on?"
"I guess it's tradition to insult the bride." shrugged Suzuka. "I'm not very up to speed on Ctarl Ctarl things like this."
"So anyways. Do you, Ms. Disgusting Slimy Skank..." Aisha paused. "Am I pronouncing your name right? Ah well. Do you take this totally awesome person, Reno ClanClan, who is way to good for your syphilis-infected ass, to be your lawfully wedded husband for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to have and to hold, until month-later divorce do you part?"
"Um...I do. I guess." said Ms. ZeekZeek, staring at Aisha.
"Right on. And do you, Reno ClanClan, take this evil whore who will start cheating on you after about 5 days to be your lawfully wedded constantly nagging bitch for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to have and to hold, until hopefully-soon-for-her death to do you part?" asked Aisha.
"I do." smiled Reno.
"Dude, I think the preist's biased." whispered Gene.
"Well then, if anyone has any sense at all and objects to the marriage of these two hopelessly mismatched people, speak now or forever regret it." said Aisha. "Because I will see to it that everyone in this room will suffer neverending pain and torment."
WILL RENO MARRY AYLIN, THE PERFECTLY NORMAL PERSON?
WILL SUZUKA EVER BECOME CONFIDENT IN HER SEXUALITY?
"I already am, you bastard!" yelled Suzuka.
WILL THE ANTEN SEVEN ESCAPE THE HIGH GRAVITY PRISON OF HEKATON KEIREZ?
GOD, ARE YOU TOTALLY HELPLESS? FIND OUT YOURSELF ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE PARTY SHIP!
-----------
So that's that!
Jet: Dude, that chapter sucked.
Shut up! Shut up! I can't hear you! LALALALALA BE KIND TO YOUR FOUR FOOTED FRIIIEEEND, FOR A DUCK MAY BE SOMEBODY'S MOOOOTHHER....
Jet: ....I don't know you.
Jet: The chapter with the Arby's mitten was better.
Can't argue with that! So what did you do for your vacation?
Jet: Well... not a whole lot. You left the office early on our last day and locked me in here. I've been surviving on wallpaper glue and the occasional rat.
Ah. I thought you lost weight. Well, I had a great vacation! Check out my tan!
Jet: ....What tan? If anything you look paler.
That doesn't make sense. I turned the brightness on my TV up all the way!
Jet: You... you're really stupid.
Yep! Anyways, enjoy the chapter all! Jet hates it, but he's a hating hater who hates everything. He probably even hates Snapple! Stupid hating hater head!
Jet: Hey, I love Snapple! That's how rumors get started, you know?
-------------------
It was a loveable, fluffy, tree-hugging day somewhere on planet Heiphon. The crew of the Party Ship were moping around their ground base, bored out of their minds.
"Hey guys, we've got mail!" called Jim. He entered the Party Ship's crew's base, flipping through the mail.
"Awesome!" said Gene. "Did I get the new Lesbian Porn Monthly?"
"Why yes, you certainly did." said Jim, handing Gene the magazine disgustedly.
"Sweet! Hey, it looks like Suzuka's on the cover!" he laughed.
"No I'm not, damn you!" yelled Suzuka. She paused. "...Am I?"
"Yes! I'm so not kidding!" smiled Gene. He handed her the magazine. "See? It's totally you!"
Suzuka looked at the cover to see basically herself, except totally nude and smiling seductively. "What the hell?" she asked. "How the..."
"Duh, it's photoshopped." said Jim. "Some dude took a picture of you, photoshopped it and made you nude. It's a really badly done job too. Anyone could easily tell this was a fake."
"Yeah. See, notice how she's smiling. Dead giveaway. Plus, look at the uneven line along the nape of the neck here. God, what an amateur. My grandma makes better photoshopped Suzuka porn than this." said Aisha. "Really, she does."
"Hey, I did the best I could with the time I was given." said Gene. "Plus, I think I did a good job on the neck. Er, never mind."
"Oh, hey Aisha. You got a letter." said Jim cheerfully.
"Oooh! Letter letter letter!" yelled Aisha. She snatched the letter from Jim and tore it open. "Oh, it's from big dumb Reno. Let's see... 'Dear Aisha. How are you, and stuff. I'm doing great. I'm planning on marrying this one chick I just met the other day, and I want you to be the preacher person. Hope to see you there. Signed, Your loving father (or brother or however I'm related to you), Reno.'"
"Huh? You're a preacher?" asked Jim, bewildered.
"Kind of. I went to the Ctarl National Preacher School for a while because I thought there would be a lot of hot guys there, like that preacher Wolfwood off of Trigun." Aisha shrugged. "There weren't any, so I only stayed for one year. But a year's schooling is all you need to be legally allowed to perform Ctarl Ctarl weddings, so now I'm just really confused all the time."
"Really confused?" said Gene, confused. "Why?"
"Well, people are always asking me: 'Will you marry me?'" started Aisha. "And I say: 'Well it's about time somebody asked me! Let's get going!' And then they look all confused and say: 'No no, me and my friend want to get married.' And I'm all: 'Threesome? Whatever, I'll try everything once!' And then they say- Well, you get the idea. It's a miniature heartbreak with every client I get."
"So, are you leaving now? Just like that?" asked Suzuka. "To happily marry your brother to some chick?"
"No, I'm going to break it up." said Aisha. "Reno has the lamest taste in women. He always picks these stupid loser pothead skanks to marry and they get a divorce about 4 weeks later. It's stupid, it's disgusting, and he deserves better. Him being my brother, it's my untold anime character duty to stop his marriage, no matter the cost."
"Sounds like fun! Count me in!" said Suzuka enthusiastically.
"Rock on! You coming with us, Gene?" asked Aisha.
"Hm, what? You say something?" asked Gene. "Sorry, I've been mesmerized by this picture on Page 5 of Suzuka using her wooden sword for mastu-"
"YOU HORRIBLE FREAK!" yelled Suzuka, swording him.
..........
"So I says: 'Them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!'" laughed Tobeigera.
"Ha ha!" laughed Leilong. He paused. "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Hamushi sighed. "Look, Tobeigera. We hired you as a member of the Anten Seven for comical relief. You know, to make us laugh. From our experience with you, that means you should never ever, under any circumstance, try to be funny." The Anten Six, plus Hazanko, were kicking it in a high security jail cell on Hekaton Keirez. See, they were the Anten Six now, since Hanmyo was still wandering around somewhere in the deserts of Earth.
"Hey! I'll have you know I'm very funny!" said Tobeigera indignantly. He ran around and purposely tripped on something, spilling some hot soup Hitoriga was eating onto a sleeping Iraga.
"AAAGH!" screamed Iraga, waking up. "What the hell?! What are you idiots doing?!"
"Stupid faggot-butt Tobeigera bumped into me!" said Hitoriga. "Beat him up!"
"Yeah! Fight!" laughed Jukei.
"Fight! Fight! Fight!" chanted the Anten Six.
"Uh, shouldn't Iraga worry more about treating those third-degree burns on her face than fighting me?" asked Tobeigera.
"Don't worry about me, wussy boy! There isn't any way I could possibly be any more disfigured!" Iraga said proudly. "Now fight me!"
Tobeigera started getting nervous. "H-Hazanko? Shouldn't you put a stop to this? Infighting within your ranks is never a good thing..."
Hazanko looked at Tobeigera thoughtfully. "You know, you're right. I don't want my own underlings killing each other. It's a sign of weakness we can't afford to have." said Hazanko, scratching his chin. Tobeigera breathed a sigh of relief. "So therefore Tobeigera, you're fired. Now go kick this scrawny loser's ass, Iraga."
"Eeeek!" shrieked Tobeigera. Iraga charged at him. Tobeigera jumped out of her way just as she was about to grab him. He scurried around the small jail cell, carefully evading her attacks.
"Damn, that little bugger's fast!" enthused Jukei.
"He's...He's..." mumbled Hitoriga, trying to think of an adjective that was a more insulting version of 'acrobatic'. "NIMBLE. He's nimble."
"Heh. Nimble." chuckled Hazanko.
"Hey! What are you jail people doing?" yelled a voice. "Stop fighting! You're supposed to die of heart failure, not boxing!" It was a guard. He was passing by with his guard buddy. The two of them were pulling Dave the Sunglasses Guy down the hallway. They opened the jail cell and tossed Dave in.
"Hey, I could sue you guys!" yelled Dave. "That was...Unnecessary Roughness! I'll lose you guys's jobs!"
"Save it for the judge." said the other guard, not making any sense at all. They slammed the door shut and walked away.
Dave sighed. "So, who're my new roommates?" he looked around at everyone. "Oh, hey there Hamushi. How's it going?"
"Just fine." she said. She stared at him. "Well? Well?"
"What?" asked Dave. "What do you want?"
Hamushi rolled her eyes, then began dancing a sexy dance. She wasn't that good at it since she couldn't really see, so she kept bumping into people and tripping over things.
"I have no idea what you're implying." said Dave blankly, staring at her.
She stopped. "God dammit! Just say your stupid catchphrase!"
"Oh. Uh, schwing or something." sighed Dave. "I thought you were sick of that saying."
"Huh? You guys know each other?" asked Iraga, amazed.
"We used to be 'friends'." said Dave, turning his back to Hamushi.
"Sexual friends." remarked Hamushi.
"Yeah. And then she decided it was 'time to see other men'." said Dave, throwing his hands up in the air. "And a couple months ago she's changed her mind, and wants me back. Well too bad, you had your chance." He turned and pointed to Hamushi as he said that last sentence.
"Alright you guys, stop fighting." said Hazanko. "I believe I have a plan to get us out of here!" He told everyone of his miraculous plan.
"Great plan." choked Tobeigera. "Can you tell Iraga to let me out of the full nelson now?"
"Eh? who are you?" asked Hazanko.
"I'm Tobeigera. I served under your command for 17 years." coughed Tobeigera.
"Oh, right. THAT guy." sighed Hazanko. "Now what's all this about a full nelson?"
"I currently seem to be in a full nelson by one of the members of the Anten Six-" started Tobeigera.
"Uh, technically it's the Anten Five now." said Hazanko.
"Oh. Yeah. Well this Iraga chick has me in a full nelson, and it would be much appreciated if you could get her to lay off."
"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" yelled an enraged Hazanko. "Giving me the orders, now? ME! Squeeze harder, Iraga!"
"Sir! Yes sir!" yelled Iraga, squeezing harder.
.........
"I'm sorry ma'am, this is a weapon." said a security guy at the airport. He was of course referring to Suzuka's wooden sword.
"What? How could a WOODEN SWORD possibly be a weapon?" asked Suzuka. "I mean, that's just crazy."
"Well, we here at the airport have recieved a warning about a series of hired murders by a woman with a wooden sword, and we're just taking the regular precautions." said the guy.
Suzuka feigned a laugh. "Ha ha ha! You think I'M Twilight Suzuka? That's ridiculous!"
"Well, that IS the name on your passport." said the guy.
"Um...well...Trust me, I'm not her." said Suzuka nervously.
"She's right." said Gene. "The REAL Twilight Suzuka is a beautiful, STRAIGHT woman!"
"Oh yeah. Good point, sir." said the guy. "You're good to go, ma'am."
"God damn you! Damn you all!" yelled Suzuka.
Meanwhile, Jim was having similar troubles. "It's oregano! OREGANO! I swear!"
"Nice try, kid. Awful young to be drug trafficking, aren't you?" said another sercurity guy.
"I'm not kidding! Try some! It's oregano!" pleaded Jim.
The security guy gasped. "Now you're trying to bribe me with your drugs. I am disgusted. Come with me." He pulled Jim's arms behind his back and pulled him along.
"This is all a terrible mistake! It's a flavorful seasoning!" yelled Jim, his voice fading away.
"Well, this is just great." said Gilliam, in little Gilliam-bot form. "Didn't Jim have the coordinates of this place we're going to?"
"It doesn't matter." said Aisha. "I could find my way there in the dark with my brain tied behind my back."
"Flight B52, New Mexidopia to Las Vegadopia, now boarding." said the airport speaker talky thing.
"Well, that's us!" said Gene. "Are our bags all packed, Gilliam?"
"We are well stocked with hamburgers, slugs, and pornographic magazines." Gilliam reported.
"That should do it!" said Aisha. "Let's go!" She boarded the plane, followed by Gene (with Gilliam on his shoulder), Suzuka, and Melfina.
"You know, it doesn't really make sense that we're flying in this airplane instead of just driving the Party ship there." said Melfina. "Isn't that just really weird?"
Then I leaped out the sky, fish in hand, preparing to smack the hell out of the plot-hole usurper, when...
"Sir! That is a weapon!" yelled a security guy.
"....No it isn't. It's a fish." I said skeptically.
"Wrong. It's a DANGEROUS fish." said the security guard. "I'm gonna have to take you in for questioning."
"What?! It's a fish!" I yelled. "You can't do this! I created you!" But the security guard bastard who would have never existed if it weren't for me dragged me away to be interrogated. The evil backstabbing asshole. I hate him so.
...........
"Would you like anything to drink?" asked a flight attendant, about age 20, stopping at Melfina and Aisha's row. The plane was up and running successfully, and our heroes were well on their way to Las Vegadopia.
"I dunno. What do you have?" asked Aisha.
"Not really anything." shrugged the flight attendant. "We have Sierra Mist though. Lots of it."
"Sick. I'd rather drink cat urine." said Aisha, repulsed.
"We all would." sighed the flight attendant. She moved on to Gene and Suzuka's row.
"Would you like some snacks?" the woman asked Suzuka seductively. "You can have peanuts, pretzels...or ME." she giggled.
"What the hell?" asked Suzuka. "Just what are you-"
"Come on, I think the bathroom's...UNOCCUPIED." she said, with lust in her voice.
"Alright, kid." said Suzuka. "As much as I appreciate your offer, I'm not a lesbian."
"Whoa whoa whoa. Slow down." said flight attendant. "You aren't?"
"No! I'm not!" said Suzuka.
"Do you play one on TV or something?" asked the lady. "Because you seem like you're a natural born lesbian."
"No! I don't have any affiliation with homosexuality of any kind!" shouted Suzuka.
"Oh...." said the attendant. "Sorry to bother you. So did you want pretzels?"
"Yes please." said Suzuka.
"Excuse me, I'll take you up on that bathroom offer. You know, if you're still interested." Gene told the attendant.
"Sorry, you're too masculine for me." said the woman. She walked on to the next row.
"Suzuka, you stupid whore." said Gene. "If you'd have just slept with her, she probably would have given us free headphones."
"Why couldn't Aisha have slept with her?" asked Suzuka.
"Because I don't have the same...affection for women you have, Suzu." said Aisha from a row back.
"I don't have any affection for women at all!" yelled Suzuka.
"Yeah, right. Like we believe that." said Aisha, rolling her eyes.
"If you have no affection for women, then what's with this picture on page 16 of you and Aisha making out in the nude?" asked Gene, holding up his prized magazine.
"Hahaha! Let's see you explain THAT, Suzu!" laughed Aisha. She paused. "Wait, what the hell?"
.........
"Ah, here we are. Finally!" said Melfina, stretching her arms. "Can you believe how long that in-flight movie was?"
"I still think that it was all a dream. No damn movie can be that long." said Aisha. The movie they were referring to was the Xenosaga Episode One opening cinematic. "Minutes turned to hours. Hours turned to days. Days turned to weeks. And the weeks just kept on passing. I thought it would never end."
"But now it's over, and we don't have to be scared anymore." said Suzuka. They were all now off the plane, and were walking to the church where Reno was to get married.
"But yeah, I would have gladly slept with that chick if would have gotten us free headphones." said Aisha.
"Now what brought that up?" asked Gene.
"Just thinking of my friends." smiled Aisha. "I should have taken it right then. Next time I'm faced with the opportunity to sacrifice my sexuality to get you guys free headphones, remind me that I owe you."
"Uh, no problem." said Gene, staring at her.
"I am detecting that we are nearing the church." Gilliam reported. Sure enough, there they were, right at the church.
"Alright, time to destroy a wedding." laughed Aisha evilly. "Come on, let's go see the 'bride'." The five of them entered the church. They stopped to watch people prepare for the wedding, then continued onward. They wandered around in the back rooms for a while, stumbling across a ping pong room. They stopped for a few games (actually a few tournaments) before moving on to find the bride's room.
"Oh, hello there!" she said cheerfully. It was a beautiful Ctarl female, which was to be expected. She was wearing a brilliant green dress, which looked absolutely FABULOUS on her. "My name's Aylin ZeekZeek (great name, huh?). It's a pleasure to meet you." She looked at Aisha. "Oh, you must be Aisha ClanClan, Reno's sister! It's an honor to meet you, Ms. Aisha. Reno's told me so much about you."
"Mmmhmm. That's great." said Aisha. She looked closely at Aylin. "Now you look here, you whore! I'm not letting you marry my brother! You think you can toy with people's lives this way, and it makes me sick! You're not gonna get away with this!"
"Um, excuse me." said Gilliam. "But don't you think that green is a few shades too bright for such a quiet type of wedding?"
"Gilliam, please." said Aisha, rolling her eyes. "I'm trying to have a conversation with the cheap prostitute. Why don't you go talk to Reno?" Gilliam muttered something and left the room. Aisha looked back at Aylin. "And I can see right through your sweet, elgeant disguise! I can tell you're just a slimy, syphilis-infected hooker!"
Aylin blinked. "We're all entitled to our own opinions."
"You WOULD think so!!! You fascist pig!" yelled Aisha.
"Aisha? What the hell are you talking about?" asked Gene.
"SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU ANTI-SEMETIC DEVIL-WORSHIPPING BASTARD!" yelled Aisha.
"But I'm not an Anti-Semite, or a Satan Worshippe-" started Gene.
"WHEN I TELL YOU TO SHUT UP, YOU SHUT UP!" yelled Aisha. "NOW GO BUY SOME LIGHTBULBS?"
"Lightbulbs? Why the crap would we want lightbulbs?" asked Gene.
"LIGHTBULBS ARE OUR FRIENDS! QUIT HATING ON THE LIGHTBULBS! YOU LIGHTBULB RACIST! NOW GET OUTTA HERE!" yelled Aisha.
"Uh, okay." said Gene. He walked out the door. Then, entering the room were two Ctarl, apparently part of Reno and Aisha's family.
"Wow! Hey dad!" laughed Aisha. "It's so good to see you!"
Her dad stared at her. "Um, can I help you, miss?"
"What? Dad, it's me!" she smiled. He looked at her closely, studying her face. "Uh, your daughter." He looked blankly at her. "Aisha."
"Oh. It's you." sighed the dad. "How have things been going with you? Still in the military?"
"I got fired." muttered Aisha. "But I DID join a team of intergalactic misfits and cruise across the galaxy, fighting pirates, and uncovering treasure in all corners of the universe! I even saw the Galactic Leyline!"
The dad shook his head. "Aisha, Aisha. And here I was hoping you'd make something of yourself by now." he looked around. "Where's your husband? Did you divorce him already?"
"Yes...Yes I did." said Aisha, ashamed.
"Well, what's your excuse THIS TIME?" said her father, crossing his arms. "I'm not falling for that old 'He was an abusive sicko' line anymore."
"No, it's not that. He only married me to get to you, dad. He would have murdered you in your sleep! You're lucky I broke it off before he could get too close!" said Aisha.
"God, Aisha. Making up stories again." said her father, rolling his eyes. "It's a good thing we have Reno around so I don't TOTALLY regret having children." His face brightened. "Speaking of Reno, where is that old son of mine?"
"He's getting dressed in a trash compactor out behind the church." Aisha lied.
"Alright, then!" laughed Aisha's dad. "See you later, Aunt Aisha! Or cousin or something."
Aisha sighed and turned to the other Ctarl, a short elderly woman. "Oh, hey grandma! How's it going?"
"Oh, I'm doing fine Aisha!" yelled the grandma.
"Eh, are you still having hearing troubles?" asked Aisha.
"What?" yelled grandma.
"Yeah, I guess so." shrugged Aisha. "How's the photoshopping nude pictures of Suzuka doing?"
"It's going fine!" yelled the grandma.
Aisha pulled Gene's nudie magazine out of her suitcase. "This is a terrible, totally amateurish job, huh?" She handed her the magazine.
"Oh, good god! Look at the uneven lines along the nape of her neck!" yelled the grandma. "I've never seen a worse nude Suzuka photoshopping job in my life!"
"Um, have you seen very much nude Suzuka photoshopping?" asked Suzuka.
"Hell yes!" yelled grandma. "I'm a proffessional Suzuka nude photoshopper! There's quite a market for nude Suzuka photoshops on the internet these days!"
"There...is?" asked Suzuka.
"Of course! All the best pornographic websites have nude Suzuka photoshops!" yelled grandma. "Ninja Girl Plus, Sword Play, Lesbian Swordgirl Sorority, Naughty Chicks with Weird Hair...Hell, a book was even published entitled "1001 Alternate Uses for a Wooden Sword", with nude Suzuka photoshops as the illustrations!"
"Hey, is there much demand for Melfina nude photoshoppers?" asked Melfina.
"Not really, though the few there are really get into their work." said grandma.
.........
"I see. So, your tuxedo is orange." smiled Gilliam.
"Yep, it certainly is." laughed Reno.
"And the bride? What color is her dress?" asked Gilliam, his voice heating up.
"Green!" said Reno happily. "You should see her! She looks so beauti-"
"WRONG!" yelled Gilliam. "THOSE ARE THE MOST HIDEOUS CHOICES FOR WEDDING DRESS COLORS EVER! YOU ARE A FASHION MORON!" The little Gilliam-bot stormed out of the room. He looked around at the reception area. "OH GOOD GOD! Don't put that statue there! Haven't you neanderthals even HEARD of the concept of 'feng-shui'?!" He paused, looking at a banner that was hanging up. "And the bride's name isn't Ms. Evil Slave Driver Bitch!"
"It isn't?" asked Aisha innocently.
"No! It isn't!" sighed Gilliam. He turned to Aisha. "Look Aisha, just get outta here. Go talk with Suzuka or something. The ADULTS are working." He turned back around. "Hey! HEY! And the groom's name isn't Mr. Handsome Lovebuns! Just what are you trying to pull, Fred?"
"You jerk, Gilliam." pouted Fred. "You always ruin my fun."
..............
"Oh, hey Aisha. What's up?" asked Suzuka. Aisha had just entered the room.
"The big boring grown-ups are working." said Aisha sadly. She looked at Suzuka, and noticed she looked vaguely sad. "Hey Suzu, you look vaguely sad. What's the matter?"
Suzuka sighed. "Not much. It's just that psychiatrist you sent me to told me I was a lesbian, but I don't feel like one." she sighed again. "I don't know what to think. It just feels like everyone thinks I am and the only one who doesn't is me."
Aisha laughed. "THAT'S what's bugging you? Here, take this." She handed Suzuka a piece of paper and a pen. "It's a do-it-yourself lesbian test. Just take it, and it tells you how much of a dyke you are. Try it out!"
"I dunno..." said Suzuka cautiously.
"Come on, I'll take it too if you will." coaxed Aisha.
"Alright, I'll do it." said Suzuka. Aisha took a copy of the test and went into another room.
"We have to be in seperate rooms so we can't cheat." explained Aisha. "Good luck!"
After Aisha left, Suzuka turned to the first question. "1: Do you feel you domineer over the men in your life?" she paused, chewed on the pen, then checked 'YES'.
In the other room, Aisha was also confident about the question? "Me domineering? Pssh. Yeah right." she laughed. Gene walked into the room. "Hey Gene, did you pick up the light bulbs?"
"Uh, no. They were all out of them." shrugged Gene.
"YOU IDIOT!" shrieked Aisha, seething with rage. "WE NEEDED THOSE LIGHTBULBS! I GIVE YOU ONE DAMN RESPONSIBILITY AND YOU WHIZ IT DOWN YOUR LEG! IT'S ALL THANKS TO YOUR IRRESPONSIBLITY THAT MY BROTHER WILL NEVER GET MARRIED! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT THE WEDDING IS RUINED!"
"Um, you kind of wanted the wedding ruined anyway, didn't you?" asked Gene.
"HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY AUTHORITY? YOU HORRIBLE WORM! GET BACK OUT THERE AND FIND SOME LIGHTBULBS, YOU DISGUSTING SPECIMEN OF THE IDIOTIC MALE GENDER!"
"Yes, ma'am." whimpered Gene. He ran back outside.
Back in Suzuka's room. "2: Do you share a house with a woman who spends most of her time naked?" She paused, then checked 'YES'. "Aisha's always wandering around naked, the whore."
In Aisha's room... "Naked...Naked.. Of course! Melfina!" she began shouting. "Melfina! Melfina, come here, quick!"
Melfina quickly entered the room. "What? What is it Aisha?"
"Huh? Oh, Gene wanted me to tell you that you're fired." said Aisha dismissively.
"Fired?" yelped Melfina. "But-But I...Why?"
"Let's just say Gene found a different way to control the Party Ship, and your services are no longer required. He wants your bags packed by noon to make room for the new girl." said Aisha.
"N-new girl?" stuttered Melfina.
"Oh yes, and she's a real looker. What were Gene's exact words? Hmmm..." Aisha pretended to think. "Oh yes: 'We need a new android chick around here. Melfina looks like a guy.'"
"I...a guy? No!" She broke down crying. "But he said he loved me!!"
"That was just a trick to get you to take him to the Galactic Leyline." said Aisha carelessly. "I would have thought you could figure it out on your own."
"That's...that's not true!" yelled Melfina. "Gene would never do that!"
"Go ahead, keep deluding yourself. Gene said you can stay around if you must, but you'd have to listen to his sweaty groans all night as his new companion gives him what you never could." said Aisha evilly. Melfina finally ran from the room crying.
She picked up the test form. "Live with a mostly naked chick? Not anymore." she laughed, checking the box by 'NO'.
Back in Suzuka's room, on question 3. "Do you have a cat around the house?" read Suzuka aloud. "Well yeah, Aisha. Uh, she's kind of a cat or something." She checked the box by YES.
Aisha puzzled over the question. "Cat? What is...CAT?!" She stared blankly at her paper, trying to remember what a cat was, until she finally decided to leave the answer blank. Suzuka entered the room.
"I just graded my paper!" she moaned. "It says I'm 100% lesbian!"
"I don't need to grade my paper, since I already know I got an A." said Aisha confidently.
"Hey preacher lady, you're gonna be needed for the ceremony soon." said some little kid poking his head in the door.
"Oh, that's right!" laughed Aisha, slapping her forehead. "When does it start?"
"I dunno, everyone's out there asking when you'll show up and the bride and groom are about to kiss to get it over with." said the kid uncertainly.
"WHAT?!" yelled Aisha.
"We've been waiting like 5 hours. Everyone's bored." said the kid.
...........
"Ahem, we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of Reno ClanClan, and his joyous, swinging single life." recited Aisha. "Today, a terrible happening has befallen him. Never again will he laugh or sing. Never again will he fall down, drunk with happiness. And absinth. Let us not remember this poor man's soul as the shattered, empty shell of a man he will surely become for marrying this horrible monstrous bitch, but as the loveable Creedence Clearwater Revival fan who sat at a bar all day and enchanted everyone with his presence."
"Dude, Ctarl weddings are weird." said Gene. "What the hell is going on?"
"I guess it's tradition to insult the bride." shrugged Suzuka. "I'm not very up to speed on Ctarl Ctarl things like this."
"So anyways. Do you, Ms. Disgusting Slimy Skank..." Aisha paused. "Am I pronouncing your name right? Ah well. Do you take this totally awesome person, Reno ClanClan, who is way to good for your syphilis-infected ass, to be your lawfully wedded husband for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to have and to hold, until month-later divorce do you part?"
"Um...I do. I guess." said Ms. ZeekZeek, staring at Aisha.
"Right on. And do you, Reno ClanClan, take this evil whore who will start cheating on you after about 5 days to be your lawfully wedded constantly nagging bitch for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to have and to hold, until hopefully-soon-for-her death to do you part?" asked Aisha.
"I do." smiled Reno.
"Dude, I think the preist's biased." whispered Gene.
"Well then, if anyone has any sense at all and objects to the marriage of these two hopelessly mismatched people, speak now or forever regret it." said Aisha. "Because I will see to it that everyone in this room will suffer neverending pain and torment."
WILL RENO MARRY AYLIN, THE PERFECTLY NORMAL PERSON?
WILL SUZUKA EVER BECOME CONFIDENT IN HER SEXUALITY?
"I already am, you bastard!" yelled Suzuka.
WILL THE ANTEN SEVEN ESCAPE THE HIGH GRAVITY PRISON OF HEKATON KEIREZ?
GOD, ARE YOU TOTALLY HELPLESS? FIND OUT YOURSELF ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE PARTY SHIP!
-----------
So that's that!
Jet: Dude, that chapter sucked.
Shut up! Shut up! I can't hear you! LALALALALA BE KIND TO YOUR FOUR FOOTED FRIIIEEEND, FOR A DUCK MAY BE SOMEBODY'S MOOOOTHHER....
Jet: ....I don't know you.