Howdy cheese all you Outlaw Star maniacs out there, it's time
for yet another chapter in the saga that is...THE PARTY SHIP! The
Most Partyin' Story In The Galaxy™!
Jet: God, that's corny.
This chapter has some plot development in it, but who cares
about all that boring crap anyway? Plots suck. If I was a plot, I
think I'd
kill myself. I have no idea what I'm talking about. I like Altoids.
This chapter is one I'm very very proud of, and I hope you enjoy it!
As
a bit of a warning, this chapter is a bit more...raunchy than my
other ones. It's all useful and helps advance the plot though. Let's
see how it ranks on the RAUNCHYMETER™! Jet, tell everybody about the
Raunchymeter!
Jet: The Raunchymeter is a simple device used to calculate
just how raunchy something is by comparing it to various animes!
Let's go to the chart!
10: La Blue Girl
9: Ping Pong Club
8: Hellsing
7: Excel Saga
6: Love Hina
5: Plastic Little
1: Pokemon
You may or may not have noticed that we skipped a few numbers
in the middle there! That's because we're really lazy! Anyways,
this chapter rates about a 7.5! Therefore it hasn't quite achieved
the level of raunchiness Hellsing has, but it is genuinely above
Excel Saga at it's raunchiest points! Raunchy is a funny word! Yay!
-------------
It was an adorable, kittens-playing-with-yarn day in the
apartment the Party Ship's crew now shared while waiting for the ship
to be
repaired. Uh...you kind of caught them at a bad time. They were just
sitting down to eat dinner. Oh well, I'm sure they won't care.
"Oh...sick!" yelled Suzuka. "What the HELL is this?"
"What's what?" asked Gene. "Did you find something wrong with
my special salad?"
"Salad?! You mean this heap of random weeds?!" asked Jim.
"Gross! Is this a lily pad?" asked Suzuka, lifting a lily pad
out of her salad bowl.
"Psh, of course not." said Gene. "Yeah right you guys, I know
my salad. That's no lily pad!"
"I have no idea what that was I just ate, but it was long and
slimy and it's probably a good thing that I smothered it in salad
dressing!" said Aisha happily. "Seconds!"
"Here, have mine." said Jim, handing her his bowl of salad.
"And mine too." said Suzuka, doing the same.
"Oh come on, you guys! Eat up!" said Gene through a mouthful
of poison oak. "You need your energy for when we finally decide to
get off our asses and look for Melfina again!"
"This crap won't give us energy!" shouted Suzuka. "Let me
handle the cooking tomorrow. I'll make us an efficient, energy
powerhouse of a meal that will keep us energized all day long!"
Gene rolled his eyes. "Yeah right Suzuka. You'd probably fix
us something freaky made up of ground up lizards or something. No
THANK you."
"At least she bothers to grind them up first!" said Aisha,
coughing up a live lizard into her hand.
"I-I thought it would add to the flavor!" said Gene meekly.
"That does it." said Jim. "Let's hold a vote. All in favor of
Gene never being allowed to cook for us again, raise your hand!"
Everyone
raised their hand. "One, two, three! You are FAR outnumbered, Gene!"
"Hooray! No more lizard salad or tomato chowder or cucumbers
or...!" laughed Suzuka, counting off on her fingers.
"I demand a recount!" yelled Gene. "And I thought I did a
good job with the Gummi Prunes!"
"You did do a pretty good job on those..." said Jim admittedly.
"They looked more like raccoons!" argued Aisha.
"They were special LONG TAILED bears! With glasses!" protested Gene.
Whatever, I just hope tomorrow's dinner is better than todays
was." remarked Jim, trying to feed a large chunk of bark from his
salad to a Gilliam bot.
NEXT DAY
"Here you are, everyone!" said Suzuka happily, passing around
large plates of her special dinner. "Eat up, this will make you
strong and stuff! Just like me!"
Gene stared at his plate. "Suzuka, these are twinkies."
"Yes? And?" asked Suzuka, grabbing a twinkie from her plate.
"How do twinkies make you strong?" asked Jim.
"I'm glad you asked, Jim!" said Suzuka. "These are no
ordinary twinkies! They are special HOMEMADE TWINKIES using a recipe
passed down in my family from generation to generation! They unleash
the warrior within. They keep you powerful, alert, and ever
vigilant. They are the ultimate superfood."
"...How the hell can twinkies be homemade?" asked Aisha.
"I grew all the preservatives myself." smiled Suzuka. "Now
everybody, eat up!"
"Sounds good!" responded Aisha. She cut one of her twinkies
in half and started sucking the creme filling out of it. It made a
really
gross noise. Think something like: SOIIICCCKKIKIKIKIKKK! Yeah.
"Um...that's a weird way to eat a twinkie." said Gene, staring.
"Ith tho good!" said Aisha with a mouthful of sticky white
cream. She handed the now hollowed out twinkie shell to Suzuka. "Do
'ou
want the thell, Thuzuka?"
"Um, no thanks." said Suzuka. "Don't you want it?"
"Nope, my muvver wath kilb by a fwinky thell." said Aisha.
"What?" asked Suzuka.
Aisha swallowed all the sticky white stuff. Needless sexual
symbolism is fun. "My mother was killed by a twinkie shell." she
repeated.
"No, she was killed by you. You ate her." said Gene.
"QUIET! DO NOT SPEAK! SILENCE!" yelled Aisha, grabbing
another twinkie and draining the cream out of it.
SOIIIICCKCKKKIIKIKKIIKI!
"That's a really freaking disturbing noise." remarked Jim.
"Not as disturbing as this one!" yelled Gene, whinnying like
a horse. Everyone stared at him.
"Aisha's is more disturbing." said Suzuka.
"I can make a sound that sounds like a drowning cat!" said
Jim. He then made a noise that was much more similar to a flying
bird,
if you ask me.
"That sounded more like a cat being strangled! Or a pig
having a heart attack!" said Gene angrily.
"Oh sure, like you could do better!" argued Jim.
"Sure I could!" said Gene. Then he sang some Ricky Martin songs.
"Holy cow, that sounded EXACTLY like a drowning cat!" said
Jim. "That's amazing!"
"Hey, can we stop with all the talk of drowning cats?" asked
Aisha, face dripping with delicious white cream. "It's really
offensive to
me!"
"Wow Aisha! You sure have a lot of...STICKY WHITE STUFF on
your face!" laughed Gene.
"I can't get enough of it!" laughed Aisha.
"That does it." said Suzuka, standing up. "Gene, you're a
pervert. Aisha, you're a whore. Jim..." She looked over at Jim, who
was
dancing like Ricky Martin and eating twinkies. "...I don't know what
the hell your problem is. I'm going to sleep." She stomped out of
the room. Then she came back in and went to sleep because they had a
really small one-room apartment.
"Well this was a disaster of a meal." said Gilliam
disapprovingly, just entering the conversation. "What if I cook
tomorrow? Fred
gave me some GREAT new recipes at this tupperware party recently that
I'm just DYING to try out!"
"No more twinkies?" sniffled Aisha. "But I really enjoy
having delicious sticky white stuff all over my face and in my mouth.
It's
wonderful!"
"We all do, Aisha. We all do." said Gilliam sympathetically.
"But don't worry, I've got a great recipe that will just leave you
BEGGING
for more!"
NEXT DAY
"Ta-dah!" said Gilliam happily, laying a huge and delicious
looking fish on the table.
"Wow, Gilliam! This looks absolutely delicious!" remarked Suzuka.
"Man, I can't wait to eat it!" said Gene happily.
"FIIIIIIIIIIIISH!" yelled Aisha, gobbling down the entire fish whole.
"Yeah, who didn't see THAT coming?" asked Jim.
Aisha coughed. "Gilliam, what the hell is wrong with this
fish? It tastes all rotten!"
"That's because it IS rotten!" said Gilliam happily. "That
was my decoy fish so Aisha would be too sick afterwards to eat
everyone
else's food!"
"You dirty bastard!" yelled Aisha.
"Yay! Gilliam's smart!" cheered Gene.
"I sure am!" said Gilliam. "Here's the real dinner!" He
brought out a ton of fried chicken, hot dogs, hamburgers, potato
salad, and
other awesome stuff.
"Yay! Go Gilliam go!" laughed Jim.
"Argh... my stomach..." moaned Aisha, turning green and
falling on the ground.
"Oh my god! Aisha!" said Suzuka, horrified.
"Quick, we gotta call poison control!" said Jim frantically.
"We're not done eating yet!" said Gene.
"Oh yeah." said Jim and Suzuka, settling down to eat their
delicious meal.
.........
"Oh my god! BARREL ROOOOLLLLL!" yelled Hanmyo, steering the
passenger plane into an extravagant barrel roll.
A flight attendant entered the cockpit, looking very angry.
"What the hell do you think you're doing, little girl?!" she yelled.
"You will address me as SUPER PILOT HANMYO while you are on
my plane, peon!" yelled Hanmyo. "Now get back to serving
drinks and whatnot, these are troubled skies!"
"You're the only one who's troubled!" said the woman,
pointing out the window. "There's nothing out there! We're perfectly
safe!"
Hanmyo ignored her. "Oh sweet Jesus, why?! MORE CLOUDS!
BARREL ROOOOLLLLL!"
"Aaaaaagh!" yelled the woman, flipping over and over.
"Ha HA! I sure showed that cloud!" said Hanmyo happily.
"Look, at least turn on the seatbelt sign next time!" pleaded
the woman.
"I'm not making any promises." sniffed Hanmyo. "Time to
double back in case anyone's following us!" She gave the plane a
lurch
and began flying in reverse.
"How the hell are you flying the ship in reverse?!" asked the
flight attendant. "Is that even possible?!"
"Anything's possible for SUPER PILOT HANMYO!" responded
Hanmyo. "Now get outta my cockpit and start serving drinks!"
"Y-yes ma'am." trembled the woman.
"Ah ah ah!" smiled Hanmyo, waving her finger. "What's my name again?"
"S-sorry...Super Pilot Hanmyo." said the woman.
"YELL IT!" yelled Hanmyo.
"SUPER PILOT HANMYO!" yelled the woman.
"SCREAM IT!" yelled Hanmyo.
"SUPER PILOT HANMYO!" she repeated, louder this time.
"Good work. Now get outta here!" Hanmyo commanded. The woman
scurried away, grateful to be alive. "HOLY KICKBOXING
JESUS ON BLACK SUNDAY! MORE CLOUDS! BARREL ROOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLL!"
...........
It was a hot hot hot day in the Blue Heaven mall. Tobeigera
and Dave were still after Melfina, who was shopping for new clothes
in
Uncle Busby's Sexless And Unappealing Dresses. I dunno, that sort of
thing was just Melfina's sort of dress.
"Okay dude, do you think she knows we're here?" asked
Tobeigera in a low voice.
"It's a safe bet, considering we aren't hiding anywhere,
aren't wearing any costumes, and I've been hitting on her for the
past half
an hour." said Dave. "So Melfina, finally got tired of Gene?"
"No, he got tired of me." spat Melfina. "He gets one brand
new bimbo in his life and he tells me I'm off the team! What about my
feelings, eh? What about my life?"
"Man, that's totally weak. I'd never do something that mean
to you." said Dave.
"YOU FUCKING LUNATIC!" yelled Tobeigera. "I'm sorry ma'am,
but I need to have a word with my FRIEND here." He sped off
carrying Dave along with him. They eventually found themselves on the
other side of the mall, near Mister Handsome's Greasy
Chicken Place. "Don't blow our cover like that, you retard!" yelled
Tobeigera.
"Look man, I'm sorry. I can't just turn off my hormones."
said Dave defensively.
"Well try, at LEAST." said Tobeigera. "God, if I didn't owe
you for saying my life I'd totally kill you."
"You always say that." shrugged Dave. He looked up at the
sign of Mister Handsome's Greasy Chicken Place. "Hey, wanna get
some fried chicken? It'll energize us, help us think. Give us time to
plan our next move!"
"Good idea." said Tobeigera. They entered Mister Handsome's
Greasy Chicken Place. The familiar smell of fresh roasting
genetically metamorphosed chicken invaded their nostrils. They walked
over to stand in line. "Hey, check out who's up there
ordering!" Tobeigera said urgently.
That's right! It was Ron MacDougall! "I want my slaw!" he demanded.
"You have your slaw, sir!" responded the clerk.
"I want my slaw!" yelled Ron.
"You have your slaw, sir!" said the clerk.
"I WANT MY SLAW!"
"You have your slaw, sir!"
"I WANT! MY! SLAW!"
"You have your slaw, sir!"
"I WANT MY SLAW!"
"You have your slaw, sir!"
"Um, I'd hate to interrupt, but can I have a word with you?"
interrupted Tobeigera, tapping Ron on the shoulder.
"Screw off." said Ron. He turned back to the clerk. "I WANT MY SLAW!"
"You have your slaw, sir!" said the clerk.
"Eh, never mind." shrugged Tobeigera. He turned to Dave.
"Let's get outta here. These two will be arguing forever. We'll never
get
served."
"True." said Dave. They left the restaurant.
"Look here," said Ron angrily. "YOU'LL GIVE ME MY SLAW OR
ELSE MY BROTHER WILL BE VERY MAD! He will EAT YOUR
HEART!"
"Sir...you have your slaw." sighed the clerk.
"VERY WELL!" yelled Ron. He whipped out his cell phone and
called up Harry. "Harry, we've got difficulties at the Greasy Chicken
Place! Come back me up, quick!"
"What's the matter?" asked Harry. "Did you get my slaw?"
"That's the problem. They refuse to give you any slaw." said Ron.
"But I NEED slaw!" whined Harry.
"I know, but these heartless bastards don't care about that."
said Ron bitterly. "We'll just have to MAKE them care."
"How are we going to do that, Ron?" asked Harry eagerly.
"Does it involve my robot suit?! Does it does it?! Huh?! Huh?!"
"It sure does!" laughed Ron.
"YAY!" cheered Harry.
"Ask the babysitter if it's okay with her." said Ron.
"Alrighty then, Ms. Babysitter! I'm gonna go kill some people
with my robot suit! Is that okay?" said Harry cheerfully. There was a
long pause. "Ron, she jerked spasmodically and coughed up like a
liter of blood. Is that a yes?"
"I guess so." said Ron warmly.
"Hooray!" yelled Harry.
...........
It was a lucious, beautiful, absolutely picture-perfect day
waiting in the hospital for word on Aisha's dismal chance of
survival. The
crew of the Party Ship, minus Gilliam, were sitting on a couch
outside Aisha's room. They all looked as if they'd been crying a lot.
They hadn't though, they didn't really care. They were just tired.
They all looked up at the doctor who came out of her room, looking
grim and sad.
"Doctor!" cried Gene, reading his expression. "What is it?!
Is she...is he..." He couldn't bring himself to finish his sentence.
"No, I just got fired. Man, I'm pissed." said the doctor.
"The girl, I don't know how she's doing."
"Oh, that's a relief." said Gene. "Good luck with the job
hunt!" The doctor moaned and walked away. Trust me, job hunts are
absolutely terrible. Never lose your job.
Just then another doctor left Aisha's room. He was looking
equally grim.
"What's going on, some kind of mass layoff?! Is our
healthcare system collapsing beneath our feet?!" yelled Gene
fearfully.
"Don't worry, it's nothing like that." sighed the doctor.
"It's your friend Ms. ClanClan. We successfully pumped her stomach of
the
horrible rotten smelly fish."
"Wow! That's wonderful!" said Suzuka happily. "Aisha's okay!"
"No, there's more to it than that." said the doctor sadly.
"We got the offensive fish out of her, but the toxic fish parasites
still remain
within her. Come on, perhaps you should see her." The Party Ship crew
followed him into Aisha's room. They saw Aisha just laying
in bed, looking fairly sickly. Of course anyone would be fairly
sickly after being forced to eat hospital food, but still.
"Heybee dooo shoopzee woo!" giggled Aisha.
"Painkillers." explained the doctor. "Anyways, there is only
one parasite discovered so far. An enormous one of unknown species,
it
is currently living in her throat."
"Holy cow! That's terrible!" said Jim.
"Aww...don't worry about it Jimmy..." said Aisha dreamily.
"Everything's okie dokie."
"Aisha, quit being corny." said Suzuka. Then something came
to her. It was a lost puppy! CUTE PUPPY CUTESY WUTESY! Oh
wait, no it wasn't. It was an idea. "Wait a minute...Aisha, say
something again!"
"Something again!" said Aisha.
"You hear that?" asked Suzuka. "It's fantastic!"
"What? What is it?" asked Gene.
"What's fantastic?" asked Aisha.
"There! There it was again!" exclaimed Suzuka. "Gene, it's a
miracle! Aisha's voice isn't gravelly and annoying anymore!"
"Walloping walrus! You're right!" responded Jim. "Her voice
is positively beautiful!"
"Hooray!" cheered Aisha. "....Walloping walrus?"
"Incredible!" remarked the doctor, typing frantically on his
computer. "The parasite burrowed into her throat must be affecting
the
vibration of her vocal chords somehow!"
"I feel so pretty!" said Aisha, crying with happiness.
The doctor printed out some mysterious doctor stats. "Well,
since the parasite doesn't seem to be causing her any harm, I think
it
would be alright if you guys took her home!"
"Awesome!" said Gene. "Come on Aisha, lets get going!"
"Yay!" said Aisha. "This is the greatest day of my life! Why,
I'm so happy I could SING!"
"OH MY GOD! GET BEHIND SOMETHING!" yelled Gene, jumping under
a table. Jim hid under Suzuka's dress while she ran to
hide in a walk-in closet.
But when Aisha sang, it was something no one expected. No one
started bleeding out of their eye sockets. The building didn't
collapse to the ground. The armies of hell weren't unleashed on the
Earth. No, it was an overall enjoyable experience. In fact, it was
an excellent bit of musical styling. It was downright beautiful. One
of the most magically vocalized and brilliantly expressed songs in
all history. You can tell she's talented because she did all that
with a Piebald song. Those guys are crap. When she finished the
song, everyone was awestruck.
"Aisha...that was beautiful." said Gene. He hugged her. "I
think I love you." Suzuka, Jim and the doctor hugged her as well. It
wasn't
as cool when they did, though. Alright, I'll admit Suzuka's hug was
pretty hot. But I'm getting off the point. So anyways they brought
Aisha home.
[AND NOW, A COMMERCIAL!]
"It was about 6 or so months ago!" said Fred happily. "I went
into the Annual Heiphon Cooking Competition with low hopes of
winning, but when I won the grand prize I was ecstatic! The judges
were amazed by the excellence of my creation, and now you too
can taste the sensation that rocked Heiphon on that hot summer's day!
BUFFALO BEARS! Tastes like a buffalo, looks like a bear!
Only $5.49 a pound at any participating Barnes & Noble bookstore!"
[AND NOW, BACK TO OUR SHOW!]
"HOWDY YA'LL! WELCOME BACK TO THE PARTY SHIP! YEE-HEE!"
yelled Gilliam, wearing a cowboy hat.
"Gilliam, no. Just....no." said Suzuka, staring at him.
"Well, you guys didn't like the gangsta greeting, so I just
thought I'd try something different." said Gilliam.
"What?! I totally LOVED the gangsta greeting!" gushed Aisha.
She then did what was obviously supposed to be an impersonation
of the gangsta greeting. "Like this: 'HEY BITCH! I'M CUTTIN' YOU!'
That stuff was great!"
"Well, whatever then." shrugged Gilliam. "Um...HOMIES! WE GOT
A TRANSMISSION! YO!"
"Gilliam, you're SO white." sighed Gene. "Patch him through."
An overly happy and trendy face filled the screen. "Hi there!
You don't know me, but I'm gonna make that lovely catgirl standing
next
to you a millionaire!" said the man.
"Um, look mister, I don't do porno anymore." said Aisha. "So
don't even think about it."
The man laughed a whole bunch. Then he said: "No no, I'm not
a pornographer! I'm a big greasy record producer! And I wanna
make YOU my next star!"
"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat????" said Aisha, confused.
"......That was really annoying." said the guy. "Anyways,
lets get you to sign this here contract!"
"Okie dokie!" said Aisha, signing.
"Hey, how did he give you that contract if he's on a TV
scree-" started Suzuka, but then I fish-smacked her. That's right,
I'm back on
the job! I could tell Aisha wanted to eat the fish, but she was still
too traumatized by her last fish experience to do anything but
tremble.
"Who the fuck was that retard with the fish?" asked the
record producer.
"Nobody knooooowwwwsss!" said Gene spookily.
"Um, alright." said the guy. "Anyways, I'm out. Aisha, I
can't wait to see you in the studio!" The screen went blank.
"Wow, Aisha!" said Gene, amazed. "You're gonna be a pop star!
This new voice really is a blessing, isn't it?"
"Yep! It's really very beautiful." said Suzuka. Everyone
stared at her. "Um...well. You know, I mean not BEAUTIFUL. But
like...uh...terrific."
"I KNEW IT! I FUCKING KNEW IT!" yelled Gene. "Suzuka's a
lesbo! Suzuka's a lesbo!" He ran over to the window and threw it
open.
"GOOD MORNING, WORLD! SUZUKA'S A LESBO!"
"I am not! I am not!" yelled Suzuka. "It was a compliment! A
freaking compliment!"
"Well Suzuka, you know I'm straight of course..." said Aisha,
thinking. Her eyes flickered towards Suzuka. "But I suppose I'd be
willing to change, just for you."
"WHAT?!" yelled Suzuka.
"ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?" yelled Gene. "Honestly Aisha, don't
you think you could do a little better than THAT?"
"Nope!" said Aisha happily. "I totally LOVE Suzu!"
"Y-you...love me?" asked Suzuka, trying to escape.
"Oh yes! With all my heart!" said Aisha, hugging Suzuka.
"AGH! AAAH! GET HER OFF ME!" yelled Suzuka trying to pull
Aisha off of her.
"Aisha, quit molesting Suzuka! Stop it right now!" said Gene.
"Wait, what the fuck am I saying? Jim, go get my camcorder!"
"Yes sir!" responded Jim, rummaging through some boxes they
were too lazy to unpack when they moved in.
"GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OF-Mrfllflrlfrl!" yelled Suzuka
to Aisha, who cut Suzuka off by deeply kissing her.
"HOLY SHIT!" yelled Gene. "Hurry up with the camera, Jim!"
"I'm trying! I'm trying!" yelled Jim.
"What the hell are you doing?! We have to get some of the
foreplay in!" yelled Gene.
"STOP UNDRESSING ME WITH YOUR TEETH!" yelled Suzuka.
"Oh.. would you rather I used my hands?" asked Aisha.
"No! Get off me!" yelled Suzuka.
Aisha gasped. "Ohhh...You must not want us to get it on in
front of the boys, is that it?"
"No! I don't want to get it on with you at all! Now get the
hell off me!" demanded Suzuka.
Aisha sighed and climbed off her. Suzuka stood up immediately
and put her robe back on. "For god's sakes Aisha. What is the
matter with you?"
Aisha sighed. "I was hoping...you'd have it in you to return
my feelings!" She cried and ran up to her room. There were some yells
from the upstairs neighbors, then she ran back down. "WE NEED A
BIGGER FUCKING APARTMENT!" Then she brushed some
trash off her bed and laid down to start crying.
"Come on Aisha, you aren't thinking clearly." comforted
Suzuka. "You don't ACTUALLY care about me that way, do you?"
"Of course I do!" sobbed Aisha. "Why else do you think I'd do
what I did?!"
"I...I don't know..." said Suzuka.
"Suzuka, I CARE about you! If you can't find it inside you to
return my feelings, then I'm SORRY I wasted your time!" yelled Aisha,
tears streaming down her face and running out of the room.
"....Quit looking at me like that. What do YOU think I should
have done?" asked Suzuka.
"Sexually pleasured her! Duh!" yelled Gene.
"Gene, you're a disgusting pervert. I'm NOT a lesbian! I
DON'T like that kind of thing!" said Suzuka.
"Oh, come ON! Don't try and tell me you didn't enjoy that!"
said Gene.
"I'd be lying if I said I didn't, Aisha's a good kisser."
said Suzuka indignantly.
"There, there you go again! AGAIN with the lesbian stuff!"
said Gene. "You just don't like Aisha because she's BROWN! That's it,
isn't it!?"
"Oh come ON! Where did THAT come from?" asked Suzuka. "For
the last time, I don't like her because I'm NOT a lesbian!"
"A FINE excuse!" said Gene. "And what about GILLIAM?! Huh?!
Huh? It's because he's PINK, isn't it!"
"For fucks sake, he's a robot!" yelled Suzuka.
"And I'm a queer!" said Gilliam.
"Yeah, I was about to say that." said Suzuka.
"Look, why don't we all just calm down and get some rest.
We'll sort all this out in the morning." said Jim. And so they all
went to sleep.
..........
"Hmmm..." said Hanmyo thoughtfully. "It's time to address the
underlings." She reached up and pulled down the little pilot radio
thingy. "Hello everyone, this is your captain speaking. Our scheduled
showing of 'Pet Semetary' as an inflight movie has been
CANCELLED so we can play the quiet game!" Sensing that some people on
the plane might not know how to play the quiet game,
she continued. "In the quiet game, the flight attendants will walk up
and down the aisle with baseball bats, smacking everyone in
the face who isn't being quiet. This will go on for about 5 hours.
Anyways, lets start playing! Everyone, have fun!"
3 HOURS LATER
"Damn, not a single one's been hit yet?" asked Hanmyo.
"No ma'am." said a flight attendant. "They're all really good
at playing!"
"Hmm... We need to mix things up a bit!" said Hanmyo evilly.
She pulled down the radio once again. She looked through a long list
of passengers. "Um, is there a Mrs...Gwen Khan on the plane?"
"I'm a man!" came a voice from somewhere at the back of the
plane. "Gwen may be a girl name, but I am a man!"
"YOU TALKED! YOU TALKED YOU TALKED!" yelled Hanmyo happily.
She turned to her minions. "Rough him up!"
...........
Suzuka yawned and sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
She looked around. "GENE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" she
yelled.
"Um...this is my room." said Gene, eating a bowl of cereal
and watching TV. "It's everybody's room."
"Oh yeah." said Suzuka. "Well get outta here for a second. I
need to get dressed."
"Oh you don't have to be shy." said Gene. "I'm nude too!"
"What's wrong with you, you maniac?! Get the hell out!"
yelled Suzuka, tossing him into the bathroom. After she had gotten
dressed, she knocked on the bathroom door. "Alright, you can come out
now."
"Hang on, I'm busy." came Gene's voice from inside.
"Busy doing what?" demanded Suzuka.
"Um, well I'm...thinking about you." said Gene.
"Oh, well that's nic-" started Suzuka. Then she started
pounding on the door. "THINKING ABOUT ME?! You freaking sicko! Stop
right now!"
"You gonna make me? I locked the door!" laughed Gene evilly.
Suzuka tried the doorknob, it was indeed locked. "You leave
me out of your sick things you do! YOU HEAR ME!? You disgusting
weirdo!"
"Keep going Suzuka, JUST like that!" said Gene, talking to himself.
"No! Stop it! Stop!" yelled Suzuka, picking up her sword.
"SECRET TECHNIQUE!" She broke down the door and sent Gene flying
away. "Pervert!" she called after him. She left the bathroom and
looked around, noticing Jim in the kitchen mixing a large pot.
"Oh hey Suzuka!" he said. "I'm just making us some oatmeal!
Should be about done..." He turned off the oven and spooned the
oatmeal into two bowls. He grabbed one and turned on the tv.
Suzuka did the same. "Um...why are there giant clumps of
gravel in it?"
"Ah, well there was a little of Gene's salad left over and I
just had to get rid of it." shrugged Jim.
"Oh." said Suzuka, begrudgingly taking a bite. "Put it on
ABC, the news is on!"
Jim flipped the channel, barely containing his rage. Children
do not watch the news! Children watch cartoons! What MADNESS
was this insane sword woman speaking? All these thoughts were running
through his head at once, but they were quickly
replaced by images of happy bunnies eating root beer flavored
popsicles. Ah, the innocent mind of a child.
"Suzuka, look! It's Aisha!" yelled Jim, pointing at the TV
and turning the volume up all the way. Indeed, it was Aisha. She was
being
interviewed by a very obnoxious looking newswoman. But really, is
there any other kind?
"Yes, everyone's excited by all-new pop sensation Aisha's
debut concert!" said the woman, obviously through years of extensive
training for looking interested in something. "Through word of mouth,
her concert has reached an amazing level of public interest!
Here with me now is the super diva herself: Aisha!"
"Hi there!" said Aisha.
"She's having a concert already?" asked Suzuka skeptically.
"She doesn't even have any songs recorded yet!"
"I dunno, stranger things have happened in the world of
music." shrugged Jim. No they haven't. Both him AND Aisha are
lunatics.
"So Aisha," asked the interviewer. "How are you feeling abo-"
Aisha interrupted. "Excuse me, but I just HAVE to say
something. Last night I passionately kissed and tried to make love to
a
female roommate of mine, but let me just CLEAR UP all the speculation
about it!"
"What speculation? Nobody even knew who you were last night!"
said the interviewer. "And are you sure you want to be revealing
all this stuff on public television?"
"Please Katie, let me finish." said Aisha.
"Who the hell is Katie?" asked the woman. "My name is Trudy."
Aisha cleared up throat. "Anyways, I had no control over my
actions. It was like I was being possessed by some alien unknown
being! Really. Besides, there's no way my standards would be low
enough to try and romance her anyway. At least, not if I had
control of my own body."
"I feel vaguely insulted." said Suzuka, pulling a large clump
of moss out of her oatmeal.
"Wow! That's so interesting!" said Trudy. "Are you in good
enough shape for your concert tonight?"
"Oh, definitely." said Aisha. "I think the psychic control
was only a phase. I'm fine now."
"Great news, I'm sure we're all relieved to hear that! This
is one concert I'd hate to miss!" smiled Trudy. She turned to the
camera.
"You at home don't have to miss it either! The show will be held at
the Blue Heaven Grand National Concert Hall tonight at 7:00.
And now, it's time for the weather with Al Roker!"
"Who the hell is Al Roker? My name is Ted!" responded Ted the
weather guy, just before Jim flipped off the TV.
"So, Aisha's becoming a big huge pop star now." said Jim
appraisingly. "Think she'll still wanna be a part of the crew if
she's
touring all over the place?"
"I doubt it." said Suzuka. "Do you think she was really
possessed by a bizarre psychic force when she...you know..."
"Frenched you?" asked Jim.
"Yeah, that." said Suzuka.
"Oh yeah, a story like that's GOTTA be true." Jim said
simply. He stood up. "Come on, lets go buy our tickets!"
"What, we're going?" asked Suzuka.
"Of course we are! This is gonna be awesome!" said Jim,
waving his arms around. "You wanna see Aisha live on stage, singing
like crazy don't you?"
"I've got a bad feeling about this." said Suzuka, being cliché.
...........
"Doctor Clarksmith! Doctor Clarksmith!" yelled a little
doctor intern guy.
"What? What is it?" asked Doctor Clarksmith, the man who
treated Aisha earlier.
"Remember that fish poisoning patient we had earlier?" asked
the intern. "Aisha ClanClan?"
"Sure do!" sighed Clarksmith. "Such a beautiful singing voice!"
"Well, we have new data on her condition! Here!" said the
intern, handing him a piece of paper covered with mysterious doctor
readouts.
Clarksmith scanned over the notes, then looked up grimly.
"What... what does this mean?"
"I think you can tell from the notes, sir." said the intern,
also grimly. "It's not good."
"No really, what does this mean?" asked Clarksmith. "I
graduated last in my class at medical school."
The intern sighed. "It's the parasite lodged in Aisha's
throat. It's a horrible, horrible thing. It's like nothing this
universe has seen
before. We thought it had been destroyed many years ago, but we were
wrong. It is the remnants of a terrible being as old as
time..." The intern turned on a slide projector, then flicked it to
the first slide. It showed...
"PSYCHIC CACTUS!" yelled the intern.
"PSYCHIC CACTUS! HOLY SHIT!" yelled Clarksmith. "WE'RE ALL
GONNA DIE! WE'RE ALL GONNA DI-Wait, psychic cactus? What
the hell?"
The intern flicked to the next slide, which showed Gene and
the rest watching Melfina stomp the cactus to pieces. "3 years ago,
the
cactus formed an evil plan to bring cost-efficient ice cream to the
consumer faster and with more pizzazz than ever before!"
"That... that BASTARD!" said Clarksmith, gritting his teeth.
"Yes, it was terrible." said the intern. "Hundreds of people
bought ice cream who would have never had the chance before. The
economy boomed. Crime rates dropped to nearly zero, since all the
criminals were eating ice cream. The entire Heiphon system
had reached a level of pure, unfettered peace and harmony."
"ENOUGH! ENOUGH! I can't bear to hear another word!" yelled
Clarksmith. "Oh, how horrible it must've been!"
The intern continued, ignoring him. "But then Melfina, a
crazy android thing, unaffected by the cactus' psychic powers,
stomped him
into little pieces. It is by pure luck that the cactus, having
complete mental control over Gene Starwind at the time, wasn't smart
enough to just get Gene to shoot her. What a retarded cactus that
was. Or, just bad writing. But I digress."
"You know, that really doesn't make any sense." said Clarksmith.
"I know it doesn't. But since when is sensibility a factor in
Outlaw Star? Explosions, yeah!" said the intern, pumping his fist in
the
air. "But anyways, now that the one of the larger cactus chunks has
somehow found a way into her body, it's a safe bet that he has
her completely under his control. He's most likely using her to get
near to Melfina, so he can exact his revenge. And worst of all..."
the intern looked at Clarksmith grimly. "He has a HUGE LESBIAN
FETISH!"
"OH MY GOD!" yelled Clarksmith. "WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?"
The intern pulled a small tranquilizer-style dart out of his
pocket. "This dart is filled with a specially formulated poison, that
will only
affect the cactus and will leave Aisha completely unharmed."
"What are we gonna do with that?" asked Doctor Clarksmith.
"We're gonna shoot her with it at her big concert tonight!"
said the intern. "It's the only way! We must do it to save the
universe!"
"FOR THE UNIVERSE!" yelled Clarksmith, giving the intern a high five.
.........
"Alright, these are great seats!" said Jim happily.
"They sure are!" said Suzuka. The two of them were at the
concert, where else? They managed to get the worst seats in the
house,
up in the balcony and as far away from the action as humanly
possible. "Save the seat next to you for Gene."
"Gene?" asked Jim. "But didn't you send him flying awa-"
Suddenly Gene fell out of the sky and landed in the seat next
to Jim. "Hey guys! What's up?" he said through a bloody nose.
"Not much, we're at Aisha's concert thing." shrugged Jim.
"Concert, eh? Which way's the mosh pit?" asked Gene, looking around.
"Um, I don't think there is one." said Suzuka.
"Think any girls are going to throw their underwear up on the
stage?" asked Gene, looking down at the front row through some
binoculars. "I don't see any carrying extra bras..."
"Well...uh...no." said Jim. "I think they only do that for
overrated rock groups."
"Rats." said Gene, snapping his fingers. "At LEAST tell me
Aisha's going to jump around and trash her instrument!"
"Dude, Gene. No." said Jim.
"What?! What kind of gay concert is this?" asked Gene angrily.
"Gene, just shut the hell up." said Suzuka irritably.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean gay in a BAD way." said Gene
innocently. "I didn't mean to offend you."
"GOD DAMMIT, YOU STUPID BASTARD!" yelled Suzuka, drawing her
sword. But before she could do anything, she heard the
now-very-feminine voice of Aisha echoing through the large concert
hall. Suzuka took her seat immediately and started paying
attention. Then she got back up to set up her telescope so she could
actually see what was going on.
"Hello everybody!" said Aisha happily. "I'm Aisha! How many
of you out there are happy to see me?"
Nobody said anything. After a few minutes, some guy in the
16th row called out: "Who the hell are you?!"
"That's a great question!" said Aisha. "I'm Aisha ClanClan,
the latest pop sensation! Love me!" Her voice contorted strangely and
became significantly deeper. "I'm also a LESBIAN! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!" She
coughed, and her voice returned to normal. "Wow,
I...that's not true. There are weird things controlling me. They make
me say bad things. Don't worry, I'm fine now."
The audience exchanged skeptical glances. "Damn, it's just as
I expected." said the intern, up in the balcony with Clarksmith. "The
cactus has definitely taken control of her."
"When do I get to shoot her?" asked Clarksmith.
"On my mark." said the intern. "She'll be weakest when she's
focused on singing."
"Roger." said Clarksmith, loading his gun.
"Anyways, lets get singing!" said Aisha happily. Then she
began to sing. It was a lovely, beautiful rendition of Jiminy
Cricket's
'When you Wish Upon a Star'. It was simply a perfect and powerful
song.
"Alright, get ready." said the intern. "When she sings that
one really great line, fire."
"Which one? 'When your heart is in your dreams' or 'your
dreams come true?'" asked Clarksmith.
"No no, I was thinking of 'Like a bolt out of the blue'."
said the intern. "Oh shit, she already passed that line! Fire, fire!"
"Roger!" yelled Clarksmith, firing. The shot flew and
penetrated her leg.
Aisha coughed, but kept singing. However, her voice was
changing. Instead of going back to her usual gravelly screech, it
became
the deep and maniacal voice of the cactus. "ARGH! THEY TRIES TO KILL
ME!" she yelled. "RAR! THEY WILL PAY!"
"What?! That should have worked!" said the intern, enraged.
"Yeah! That was one of my best paintball shots!" said Clarksmith.
The intern stared at him. "You shot her with a paintball
gun?! What the fuck happened to the poison dart?!" he yelled.
"Oh, I have that." said Clarksmith. "I just forgot the gun."
"GREETINGS, STUPID MORTAL PUNIES!" yelled Cactus-Aisha from
the stage. "Many years ago, I made a good-hearted effort to
sell ice cream to the people of the universe! But my plans were
foiled and now I plan to finish what I started 3 years ago!"
"Dude, this song sucks!" yelled the guy in the 16th row.
"STFU!" yelled Aisha.
"Hey, don't you DARE abbreviate at me, little miss rock
star!" yelled the guy.
"YOU DIE! YOU SHUT UP AND DIE!" yelled Aisha, psychically
levitation the guy in the air, then exploding him with blood and gore
showering on many audience members. "Yar har har! Nobody can stop me!"
"We HAVE to stab her with that dart!" said the intern. "But
we need a distraction!" He thought for a while, then snapped his
fingers.
"I'VE GOT IT!" He ran over to Suzuka, who was sitting a few seats
down the row from him. He tapped her on the shoulder. "Excuse
me, miss."
She turned to look at him. "Yes?"
"Would you mind so terribly much going up on that stage,
stripping naked and making out with Aisha in front of all these
people?"
asked the intern.
"Yes, I certainly would!" said Suzuka angrily. "Why do you
want me to?"
"We need a beautiful woman to go up there and distract with
the cactus-tainted lesbian Aisha, so I can stab her with this dart
and
turn her back to normal!" said the intern.
"Wait...cactus?" asked Gene. "You mean that psychic cactus
that Melfina killed? THAT'S what's making Aisha go insane and kill
random people in the audience?" He dodged a falling woman's head.
"Yes, that's it." said the intern.
"So why do you need me? Get one of these thousand other
girls." said Suzuka, gesturing towards the huge mass of people in the
audience below her.
"Well, alright. Let me do a scan." said the intern. He pulled
out a piece of complex looking machinery and waved it over the
audience. He checked on a small screen. "No luck, they're all either
allergic to cats or have oral herpes."
"Crap! Well, I'm still not doing it!" said Suzuka.
"Come on, Suzuka!" said Gene, looking very determined. "You
HAVE to make out with Aisha! You need to do it to SAVE THE
UNIVERSE! Don't you WANT to save the universe?"
Suzuka sighed and looked from Gene, to the intern, then down
to Aisha, who was currently tearing the legs off of some guy with a
mullet, and then finally back to Gene. "Alright, I'll do it." She
stood up and walked down to the stage.
"Did you bring the camera?" asked Gene.
"Of course." said Jim, turning up the zoom all the way on his
camcorder.
Suzuka walked up onto the stage. Aisha stopped tearing the
guy's legs off and looked at her. "Well, are you here to challenge me
then? Twilight Suzuka?" asked Cactus-Aisha, sounding bored. "There's
no way you can defeat my powers, you know."
"Um, no." said Suzuka. She coughed. "Funny thing is, I'm here
to make out with you."
Cactus-Aisha looked amused. "So, this Ctarl Ctarl's lovely
body arouses you? You sure seemed awfully upset about it the other
day during my little...ADVANCE, but now I see how you truly feel."
Her eyes flashed. "Or even better, was it I who changed your ways
with that one little kiss?"
Suzuka gritted her teeth. "NO! OF COURSE NOT! I-" she paused.
The intern was in the front row, waving around what looked like
cue cards. Suzuka read off them. "That is, I've always cared deeply
for Aisha, and your advent...advance merely caught me off.
Guard. It caught me off guard. Now I am rea-dy to accept your
feelings, and to express the ones I've been holding in for so....very
long."
"Beautiful." said Cactus-Aisha, grinning. "So, you intend to
express your feelings for me in front of all these people, on
national
television?"
"I do not care who sees us. I merely want-" she paused while
the intern changed the card. "-us to be happy together."
Cactus-Aisha chuckled and raised an eyebrow. "Well if that's
all you want, let's not hesitate another moment." She ran to Suzuka.
I'm doing this for you, Aisha. thought Suzuka,
pulling her into a tight hug. And the universe.
.........
"Hey, I thought I banned you idiots from your TV privliges
after you let our hostage escape." said Hazanko grumpily, entering
the TV
room of the Geomancer. Hitoriga, Jukei, and Leilong were sitting
casually on the couch watching TV.
"Come on Hazanko!" said Jukei pleadingly. "We're watching the
news! It's important to have a good knowledge of current events if
you're going to rule the universe!"
"I guess you're right." sighed Hazanko. He checked his watch.
"You have to be off in an hour, though. I'm taping Curb Your
Enthusiasm at 7:00."
"Fine, fine." muttered Leilong.
"And that's ONE haircut Barney the Dinosaur isn't likely to
forget!" said the news anchorman with a chuckle. "In related news,
there
are lesbians doing naughty things on channel 4. I repeat, LESBIANS
DOING NAUGHTY THINGS ON CHANNEL 4. Go check it out,
it's hot shit."
"Dude, think he's serious?!" said Hitoriga frantically.
"WHERE'S THE REMOTE?! Where's the remote?!" yelled Hazanko,
shoving everyone off the couch so he could check under the
cushions.
"Here it is!" yelled Leilong. "It was on top of the TV!"
"Who the hell put it there?" asked Jukei angrily.
"JUST CHANGE THE CHANNEL ALREADY!" yelled Hazanko. Leilong
quickly flipped the channel to 4. The live video feed of Suzuka
and Aisha making out in the nude filled their screen.
"HOLY CRAP!" yelled Leilong. "Are we taping this?!"
"Of course!" said Jukei.
"Hey, isn't that the Ctarl Ctarl who hangs out with the XGP
and Melfina?" asked Hazanko.
"Yeah, that IS her!" remarked Hitoriga. "And thats...THAT'S
SUZUKA! What the hell is she doing?! Betraying my unfounded love for
her in that fashion! And she told me she loved me!"
"No she didn't!" said Jukei helpfully.
"QUIET! BE QUIET!" yelled Hitorga.
"Well, we know where they are!" said Hazanko, happily
ignoring the idiots. "We're setting a course for Blue Heaven! There,
we may
begin the final showdown for possession of the XGP! Gene Starwind,
you will pay for your insolenc-"
"DUDE! Haha, THAT doesn't go THERE!" said Leilong, watching
by the passionate images on the screen.
"...Awesome." whispered Hazanko, sitting down on the couch
next to Jukei and watching.
.........4 HOURS LATER
"Well? Weren't you gonna stab Aisha with that dart or
whatever?" said Gene to the intern skeptically.
The intern glanced up at Gene. "Oh yeah, right. Sorry, but
the two of them are just so mesmerizing." He ran up on stage and
stabbed Aisha in the back of the neck with the dart.
Cactus-Aisha moaned and stood up to face the intern. "YOU!
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!" she yelled, enraged.
Suzuka stood up shakily and put her clothes back on.
"I stabbed you with a specially formulated poison dart!" said
the intern. "You are already powerless against me and will be dead in
moments! Your toxic cactusy self will be cleansed of this woman's
body in moments!"
"GOD DAMN YOU! I CAN FEEL IT WORKING!" yelled Cactus-Aisha,
seething with rage. She doubled over on the floor, coughing.
"Damn...I didn't sell the universe ice cream...I failed." The cactus
summoned the remaining control it had over Aisha and looked
Suzuka in the eyes. "At least I had you, to make me happy one last
time before I died." Suzuka shivered at her gaze. Aisha gave a
final retching cough and spat the large cactus chunk on the ground,
where it almost instantly withered into dust. No one said
anything for a couple minutes.
Aisha stood up, and put all her clothes on. She glanced
around at the audience. "Would anyone mind telling me what the fuck
is
going on?" She asked in her regular, scratchy voice.
"It's a long story." sighed Gene. "About 19 and a half pages
long to be exact. The only important part was when Suzuka did naughty
things with you. Twice."
"I didn't WANT to!" protested Suzuka quickly. "The first time
she practically raped me and the second time I had to do it to save
her
life!"
"You...you did naughty things with me so you could save my
life?" asked Aisha.
"Yes. It was mere business in the strictest sense." said
Suzuka, crossing her arms.
"Well, thanks anyway!" said Aisha happily, hugging Suzuka.
"Actually, she didn't have to do naughty things with you at
all." said the intern. "All she really had to do was flirt, but I
guess she
wanted to take things a bit further."
"Wh-what?!" sputtered Suzuka. "But you said...I thought..."
"No, all I said was for you to distract her." shrugged the
intern. "Guess you secretly wanted it to be a little more, huh?"
"I did NOT!" said Suzuka angrily. "You just...you should have
made yourself clearer!"
"Awww, don't worry about it Suzu!" said Aisha happily. "I'm
sure Cartoon Network will edit that scene out for the American
airing!"
"Hey yeah, you're right!" said Suzuka, brightening up. "Hoorah!"
"Come on, lets go home and eat something! Got any of that
salad left, Gene?" said Aisha, skipping around the stage.
"That reminds me, you should probably lay off of Gene's
salads." said the intern. "I have a feeling that's where the cactus
came
from in the first place, rather than the rotten fish."
"My salads are made from only the finest crap that I find in
my neighbors trash cans and/or washed up on the beach!" said Gene
grumpily. "How dare you try and shove the blame off on me?"
"Say, Mr. intern guy, wanna join us for dinner?" asked Aisha.
"You have my thanks for saving me just as much as Suzuka!"
"I'd normally accept, but I'd better report to my
supervisor!" he said with a laugh. "After this, I'm sure to get made
into a full-fledged
doctor!"
"Ah. Well, good luck with that." said Aisha. She turned to
Jim, Suzuka, and Gene. "Come on, lets go get some pizza!"
"ALRIIIIIGGGGHHHT!" they cheered, high fiving each other.
Damn, how corny.
........
[CUE HARMONICA BACKGROUND MUSIC]
"Well, I guess that's that." said Harry sadly, fully clad in
his big robot suit.
"Yep, that was loads of fun!" Ron said, satisfied. He glanced
over the rubble of the Blue Heaven mall. "That'll show those bastards
to not give the MACDOUGALL BROTHERS their coleslaw!"
"Hey, wanna go home and dispose of the babysitter?" asked Harry.
"What, you already killed her?" asked Ron. "I thought you
were out of this habit! The last one lasted you a whole month!"
"No, she's not quite dead." said Harry. "She's barely
clinging to life. It's so cool, wait'll you see her!"
"Harry, you're one disgusting monster." chuckled Ron.
"Excuse me, Mr. MacDougall guys?" asked a woman's voice from
behind them.
"Eh? Who is it?" demanded Harry, whirling around. "I didn't
think we left anyone aliv-" he paused and looked at her. "MELFINA!"
"Rad!" said Ron.
.........
"You dumbass!" said Dave, punching Tobeigera. They were
watching the MacDougalls and Melfina from behind a crumbled wall.
"If you hadn't have stopped me, we'd already have her by now! And now
the freaking MacDougalls got her!"
"Shut up! I have wolverine-ripoff hand blades!" yelled
Tobeigera, frustrated.
"TELL ME A JOKE, YOU CLOWN-HEADED MUTANT!" yelled Dave.
"NO!" yelled Tobeigera. "MY CLOWN HEAD JOKE DAYS ARE OVER!"
Dave gasped.
---------------------
Wouldn't it be nice if I had the sense to split this chapter
into 2 separate parts? Yes, I expect it would be. Well it's too much
to wish
for. I'm much too impractical and foolish to do something so very
wise. Hey wait a minute, I COULD cut this one in half! Then put
both halves up, and it'll look like I have more chapters! This
chapter is about the length two of my regular ones anyway, so
technically it's not unethical!
Jet: Sorry to interrupt your evil scheming, but someone is
boarding our little space station thing.
What?! Who dares?! Set up the traps!
Jet: Too late, whoever it is is already knocking on our
office door. I'll go answer it. walks over, opens door, then shuts
it really
quickly and locks it
What? What is it?
Jet: It's her! Suzuka! I TOLD you she'd be pissed after
today's chapter!
Shit! Quickly, lets tie bedsheets together and climb out the window!
Jet: ...We're in deep space. I really don't think that would
be very wise.
Suzuka: breaks down door, holding sword WHAT IS THE MATTER
WITH YOU, YOU LUNATIC!?
Eeek!
Jet: Uh, I'm outta here. Good luck, dude.
Suzuka: I have a very strict "NO LESBIANISM" clause in my
contract, and what do you do? You go and make me make out with
Aisha TWICE!
Actually, the second time was a full-fledged lovefest.
Suzuka: Whatever! My agent will have something to say about
this, I can assure you!
No! Don't tell your agent! I'll write a love scene between
you and Vash the Stampede in the next chapter! I promise!
Suzuka: HAHAHAHA! You think you can tempt me with your
foolish promises? Not likely! For I am TWILIGHT SUZUKA! And when I
put my mind to something I'm way too stubborn to listen to
reason!....Will you really?
Yes! Cross my heart and hope to die!
Suzuka: Stick a needle in your eye?
Yes!
Suzuka: Jab a dagger in your thigh?
Yes!
Suzuka: EAT A HORSE MANURE PIE?!
Um... well I....
Suzuka: Agent! Oh A-GENT! Look what JHeman did!
Alright alright, fine! Jeez!
Suzuka: Glad we could do business together!
Grrr... Oh well, next episode everybody: SUZUKA AND VASH MAKE
SWEET SWEET LOVE!
Suzuka: I can't wait!
groan