Woohoo, them format problems be fixed! For this chapter anyway. I'll see wha tI can do about those other ones that got all messed up. But anyways, on to this chapter. I like this one. This is one
of the few chapters I actually like.
Jet: You like all of them.
I didn't like the last one.
Jet: Well yeah, but it's not like anyone did.
Really? I could have sworn I got a couple compliments on it...
Jet: Those were all made by your mom, using different various
screen names. You are an unloved sack of shit, and don't forget it.
Suzuka: enters room and sighs
Ah, hello there Suzuka. How was your date?
Suzuka: It was awful. It started out good, but it didn't
really start going downhill until after dinner.
Jet: What happened at dinner?
Suzuka: The food was terrible, the service was awful, and I
found a fried chicken head in my ice cream.
Shit, how could a date go downhill from THAT?
Suzuka: Well, his braces got caught on my navel ring and we
had to call the fire department to get us undone...
Jet: GAH! TOO MUCH INFORMATION!
When did Vash get braces? sigh Never mind. Well, enjoy this
chapter y'all. Oh, and I'm sorry about how long it took me to get
this damn
thing up. It's this damn school crap. It'll be the death of us all.

------------

It was a spectacular, phantasmagorical, really rather
mentally challenged day in the official headquarters of the Party
Ship's crew. Everyone
was sitting around, watching TV. No one was having a better time than
Aisha, let me tell you.
"This is so cool! Holy cow, check out those lighting effects!
And the excellent acting! This has to be the coolest show I've ever
seen!" said
Aisha enthusiastically. "An absolute marvel of modern film making
technology!"
"Aisha, this is an Olive Garden commercial." sighed Gene.
"Well yeah, but isn't it just the COOLEST THING EVER?!" asked Aisha.
"Not as cool as Napoleon Dynamite!" said Jim.
"Nothing will ever be as cool as Napoleon Dynamite." said
Suzuka solemnly. Everyone go see Napoleon Dynamite, it's the best
movie of all
time.
The commercial changed. "HEY KIDS!" screamed an announcer's
voice from the TV.
"Hi!" said Aisha in return.
"Are you still playing your OLD Heartbreak Dating
Simulation?!" screamed the announcer.
"Heartbreak what?" wondered Suzuka.
"I have that game." said Aisha. "It's the one where the girls
you date hit you with frying pans and stuff. It's in the Leilong
episode."
"Ah yes, I remember now." said Suzuka, choosing to ignore why
Aisha would ever want to date girls, virtual or otherwise. But maybe
she's
just being paranoid.
"Well are you?! Huh?! Why?!" yelled the announcer. "WHY!?
Have we OFFENDED you in some way?! Huh? HUH! Pick up the all new 3D
HEATBREAK DATING SIMULATION 2, TODAAAAAAYY!"
"Wow, it's being released today?" wondered Aisha, checking
the calendar. "Looks like they pushed forward the release date in
order to
reach a wider consumer audience, thereby lowering the game's overall
quality."
"Sounds like a must-own!" said Gene.
"It certainly is!" said Aisha.
"So, what IS a dating simulation anyway?" asked Gene.
"Well, it's pretty self-explanitory." shrugged Jim. "It's
basically a video game that simulates dating people."
"Really? Sweet!" said Gene. "And the people you date are JUST
like real women?"
"If real women sleep with every guy who buys them candy, then
yes." said Jim.
Aisha sighed. "You guys, that was a STAGE. I was a very
confused 10 year old. Quit making fun of me."
Everyone stared at her. "But yeah Gene, you can borrow mine
if you want." said Aisha. "I never even play it anymore." She opened
a
mysterious compartment in the couch and pulled her game thing out of
it. Gene switched it on and started playing.
"HOW Y'ALL DOIN?!" yelled Gilliam, flying into the room and
wearing a Mickey Mouse hat. Seriously, just picture this. Okay.
"...Dude, Gilliam. No. Just... no." said Jim. He picked
Gilliam up and pulled the little Mickey Mouse hat off him. "Where'd
you get this stupid
thing anyway?"
"I got mail ordered from a box of Peanut Butter Capn'
Crunch." said Gilliam. "Give it back."
"No." said Jim, putting it in his pocket.
"What happened to GANGSTA GILLIAM?!" yelled Aisha. "I WANT
GANGSTA GILLIAM!"
"No! No Gangsta Gilliam!" yelled Suzuka.
"I forcefully demand heaping quantities of Gangsta Gilliam!"
demanded Aisha forcefully.
"I hate you both." said Jim. "Well that's a lie. I just hate
Aisha. Because she likes Gangsta Gilliam."
"I fucking hate Gangsta Gilliam." said Gene, not looking up
from his game.
"There, Gene's the captain and his opinion is the only one
that matters. No more Gangsta Gilliam." said Jim. He turned to
Gilliam. "Now,
just what the heck do you want?"
"You've got a call from Fred Luo." said Gilliam. "Yo."
"Well, patch him through." said Jim. "I'll let that Yo slide
for now."
Fred's happy face appeared on the living room's TV. "Hi there
everybody! Gene, how are you doing?"
"I'm doing okay-WHOA! SUPERMODEL SWIMSUIT COMPETITION!"
yelled Gene, moving closer to the screen of his game.
"So, I see you're still chasing the skirts." sighed Fred.
"That's right!" said Gene happily, not looking up.
"If I put on a skirt, will you chase me?" asked Fred brightly.
"No!" yelled Gene.
"Gah, that image is going to give me nightmares!" said Jim,
clutching his head. "What the heck do you want, Fred?"
"Actually, I was just calling to check up on Cleveland. How's
he doing?" asked Fred.
"Cleveland...Oh, the dog?" asked Aisha. "Um...I'm not really sure-"
"Tell him I didn't eat him." said Gilliam.
"Gilliam says he didn't eat him." Aisha told Fred. She
stopped and looked at Gilliam strangely.
"Well, that's fantastic!" said Fred, clapping his hands
gleefully. "You can return him today, I'm back from my vacation and I
can't wait to give
my little Cleveland a big long dishwasher bath! Bye bye, guys!" The
screen went blank.
Aisha turned to Gilliam. "YOU ATE CLEVELAND?!"
"What? No. Of course not. Didn't you just hear me say that I
didn-" started Gilliam.
"You're the worst liar ever!" sighed Jim. "This is just
perfect. What'll happen when he finds out you ate his dog?"
"I don't know. Let me simulate the situation." said Gilliam.
He processed the information and displayed his results on the screen.

GILLIAM'S TOTALLY FABRICATED THEATER!

Fred: Nooo! Cleveland is dead! I hate you Gilliam! (shoots Gilliam)
Gilliam: Oh horrible fate! I am shot!
Gene: Don't die Gilliam! DON'T DIE ON ME!
Gilliam: Okay. Wait, never mind. (dies)
Fred: Now that Gilliam is dead, I can make Gene my husband!
Gene: No! I am already engaged to Alucard from Hellsing!
Alucard: Yes, pitiful human. You will be my love guy for all
ETERNITY! HAHAHA! HELL! SATAN! HAHA!
Jim: Woo woo! I'm all about that hot yaoi sex!
Aisha: Good news Suzuka, I've set the wedding day for this Saturday!
Aren't you excited?
Suzuka: Oh Aisha, I can't go through with it right now! I need some
time to sort out my feelings for Melfina!
Aisha: Suzu, listen to me! This is the last time I'm going to tell
you this! Melfina is DEAD! She doesn't talk to you, you haven't been
having an
affair with her, you've been imagining it all!
Suzuka: No! NO! I WON'T ACCEPT IT! She's still alive! I know it! I
see her!
Aisha: Suzuka, maybe it's time for you to go back to the institute...
Suzuka: NO! I'M NOT CRAZY! I'M NOT!
Aisha: I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO DO THIS, SUZU! (shoots Suzuka)
(long shot of everyone in Outlaw Star suffering and burning in hell)

THE END!

A long silence followed. "Oh my god, we're so screwed!"
yelled Gene, tossing his game aside.
"I don't want all that to happen to me!" sobbed Aisha. "It's
too horrible! It's awful!"
"I know, why'd the marriage have to fall through?! Will I
never find love??" said Suzuka hysterically. Everyone stopped
freaking out and stared
at her. "Alright, that outburst was a temporary loss of sanity.
Really."

"It wasn't a loading zone! I swear it wasn't!" yelled Hazanko.
"Yeah, nice try. I don't believe you." said a cop. It was a
crystal clear, sunshiny day in the windowless 12-stories-underground
high security
prison on Blue Heaven. An oddly familiar cop was hauling the Anten
Six into prison for parking in a loading zone. I'm not really sure
where
Gwen Kahn is. I'm sure he's around somewhere. Maybe he escaped.
However, the loading zone sign was obscured from Hazanko's line of
view, so he had no idea he was parking there. This made Hazanko
understandably upset. What WILL he do? I'm so excited! Let's watch!
"Wait! It's true! I swear to god it's true!" yelled Hazanko.
"Hey, what's all the snacky pie?" said the officer who
interrogated Dave and Tobeigera, entering the room.
"Don't worry about it Barley, I have the situation under
control." said the first cop.
DUN DUN DUN! IT'S THOSE COPS NO ONE REMEMBERS FROM BACK IN
THE YODELING EPISODE! I BET YOU GUYS DIDN'T EXPECT
THAT!
"...What in the world was that?" asked Barley.
"The narrator had a self-absorbed outburst again. don't worry
about it." said Jake.
Insolent little mice. I should slap you.
"NO! NOOOOO!" yelled Jake. "I didn't really mean-ARGH!" He
was cut of by the soft and slimy fury of my fish slap. Muahaha.
"...This is really stupid." said Jukei irritably.
"I agree." said Barley, helping Jake up. "So, you're hauling
these dangerous pirate guys into prison?"
"Yeah. They tried to park in a loading zone." said Jake,
shaking his head sadly.
"I COULDN'T SEE THE SIGN! LEILONG'S BIG STUPID DRUNKEN AND
DANCING SELF WAS BLOCKING MY VIEW!" said Hazanko angrily,
pointing at Leilong.
"Hey, is it a crime for a guy to celebrate his BEATING THE
UNIVERSAL MINESWEEPER RECORD?" asked Leilong angrily.
"Well...no, I guess it isn't. You guys are free to go." said Jake.
"What? But I didn't mean-" started Leilong, but Hazanko
kicked him. "I mean, okay. Sounds good to me."
"WAIT!" yelled Hamushi.
"Why? We're free." said Jukei.
"Look who's in that cell!" said Hamushi excitedly. She
pointed wildly at a cell.
"What?! It's the clowny head guy!" yelled Hazanko. And indeed
it was. Him and Dave were sleeping in a cell. Hazanko turned to the
two
cops. "Actually, we aren't innocent at all. We're very bad people.
Some of us throw things at little disabled girls."
"Hey! I'm never telling you a secret again!" said Iraga angrily.
"We deserve to be thrown in prison." said Hazanko simply,
finishing his short speech.
"What the hell are you saying?!" yelled Hitoriga.
"We're free, you maniac!" yelled Jukei.
"Look here, stupids." said Hazanko. "This is our chance to
get revenge on that sunglasses guy for ripping me off, and the clowny
head guy
for escaping our torturous prison."
"Terrible bastard, deliberately trying to escape." said
Leilong bitterly. "He deserves what's coming to him.
"Well, if you guys really want to be tossed in prison."
shrugged Jake. "I guess I won't stop you." He opened the door to Dave
and
Tobeigera's cell and gestured for them to enter. They casually
entered, each accidentally hitting their heads on the low-set door
frame.
"And that's just the BEGINNING of your suffering!" laughed
Barley cruelly. "From this day forward, your every waking moment will
be filled
with pain and torment! Enjoy the nightmares you'll have as you sleep,
for they will be much MUCH less frightening than your new reality!"
"At least until tomorrow, when you're eligible for parole."
said Jake. He turned to Barley. "Let's get some dinner."
"Delumptions!" said Barley happily. Jake chose to ignore this
and they both walked out the door.
"Well, here we are." said Hazanko, looking around their new
cell. He walked over to the sleeping Dave and Tobeigera. "Shall we
wake up
the dullards?"
"No! Hang on!" yelled Hamushi. "...Dullards?" She shook her
head. "Jukei, make out me."
"What?!" yelped Jukei.
"I need you to make out with me so that when Dave wakes up
he'll be super jealous." explained Hamushi. "Now hop to it!"
"But I'm in a straitjacket...It doesn't provide much movement
for making out." said Jukei.
"Oh yeah. Well, sucks to be you." said Hamushi. "Leilong,
make out with me."
"Sweet." said Leilong happily, and they started making out.
"Wake up, the morning's here! The chipmunks want their beer!"
sang Hazanko loudly in his very best prospector accent.
Dave and Tobeigera jolted awake. "Who the-OH HOLY HELL!"
yelled Tobeigera after he saw who it was who sang a lively showtune
for him.
"Kronies, rough him up!" yelled Hazanko.
"Yessiree clarkbob!" yelled Hitoriga, who began chasing Tobeigera.
"I'm weak and defenseless! No! No!" shouted Tobeigera.
"Feel my AWESOME Tao magic powers!" said Hitoriga evilly,
changing himself to look like Gilbert Gottfried.
"OH DEAR GOD WHY?! SOMEONE JUST KILL ME TO END THE PAIN!"
cried Tobeigera, shielding his eyes.
But Hitoriga just laughed and changed to look like Bruce Vilanch.
"Dear god, it's WORSE than eternal damnation! Please, someone
make it stop!" moaned Tobeigera. Hitoriga changed to Iraga.
"OH MY GOD, IT'S THE WORST OF ALL! My eyes! My eyes are
burning out!" shrieked Tobeigera, clutching his eyes.
"That was below the belt." said Iraga defensively.
"Say Dave, look at me!" said Hamushi, embracing and kissing
Leilong. "We have 3, no, 44 children together. Aren't you totally
jealous?"
"Um, no. I'm really happy for you. I guess you've finally
gotten over our breakup. That really makes me glad, Hamushi." said
Dave warmly.
"GOD DAMMIT!" yelled Hamushi, tossing Leilong away and
smashing him into a wall. "That's how you ALWAYS were! You never
could
handle a little polygamy! You make me sick!"
"What the hell are you talking about?" asked Dave.
"I'm...I'm not really sure..." choked Hamushi, falling down
and crying.
"Uh, alright." shrugged Dave. Everyone stopped what they were
doing and watched Hamushi cry for a while. A couple hours later they
got
bored and decided to resume confronting Tobeigera.
"So, are you still telling your stupid jokes?" asked Hazanko.
"Nope. I quit the stupid-joke-telling industry." said
Tobeigera proudly. "I'm two weeks without telling a stupid joke!"
"Oh REALLY?" asked Jukei, staring him in the eye.
"Really!" said Tobeigera.
"Oh REALLY?" asked Hazanko.
"Really!" said Tobeigera.
"Oh REALLY?" asked Hanmyo.
"Really!" said Tobeigera.
"Oh REALLY?" asked Leilong.
"What kind of guitars do whales play? An EEL-ectric guitar!"
said Tobeigera quickly, with a chuckle. "I mean, um...god dammit!"
"Another habit revived!" said Hazanko triumphantly..............

"Aisha, this game is stupid." said Gene, mashing buttons
frustratedly. "After a month of nonstop gameplay, it starts to get
slightly boring.
What's up with that?"
"Gene, I'm not Aisha." said Jim. "You're just going stir
crazy from being inside this house and playing that game for a soid
month. I'm Jim."
"Whateverness." said Gene. "Anyways, I should make my OWN
game! Wouldn't that be sweet?"
"No, it would be impossible." said Jim. "You have to be
really smart with computers to make a game. Not something you could
do, that's for
sure."
"Say Jim, I'll pay you 40 bucks to make me a game." said Gene.
"Sounds great!" said Jim. "I'll get started right away!"
"Yay!" said Gene. Suzuka entered the room. "Wow, Suzuka!
You're just in time!" said Gene happily.
"What for?" asked Suzuka.
"I need you to recite some lines for this game I'm making."
said Gene.
"Really? I get to voice act in your game?" asked Suzuka.
"Actually, you're the main star!" said Gene. He pulled out a
piece of paper and wrote a few things down. He handed the paper to
Suzuka and
gave her a microphone. "Alright, now just read these lines into the
microphone with lots of drama. Ready?"
"Yes." said Suzuka.
"Alright, go!" said Gene, pressing a button on something. We
can only assume that it's a recording machine type thing.
Suzuka coughed and read the first line. "Hey there,
beautiful. Want to go get some coffee?"
"Perfect." said Gene. "Next!"
"You say your name is Aisha? What a lovely name. I've had
many lovers named Aisha."
"Fantastic. Next?"
"A boat ride, Aisha? How romantic! You're such a beautiful person!"
"Okay."
"Oooh! Oh AISHA! Oh yes, deeper! Ah! AH! AH! Aisha! You're so
good! OH MY GOD! Mmmmmmm..."
"Put a little more emotion into the contented sigh at the end."
"Okay. MMMMMMmmmm...."
"Much better. Next line."
"Aisha, that was the best EVER! You're fantastic! And to
think I've been screwing GENE STARWIND every night for the past four
years!
You've opened my eyes to the fantastic world of same-sex
relationships! Let's go to Massachusettes!" Suzuka looked up from her
script.
"How's that, Gene?"
"Oh yeah, that works great!" said Gene, giving her a thumbs
up. "That should be enough for your part."
"Already?" said Suzuka, sounding disappointed. "Well okay,
but if you need me to do anything else for you, don't hesitate to
ask."
"I won't. Later Suzuka."
"Later." Suzuka watched Gene leave with a sense of pride. It
made her feel great to help Gene with his project, and to give the
gift of her
voice for a better cau- "WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT THE HELL?!" Shit. Looks
like it finally dawned on her what Gene was making her say. What
follows is sure to be a very gruesome and pain-filled ordeal for
Gene, and one that I (and you) certainly don't want to see. Let's do
a scene
change.........

"Well BabyKillerTron, I guess this is goodbye." said Harry
quietly. It was a depressing day just outside the MacDougall's top
secret base.
Thick rain poured down and added a layer of sadness to an already
somber scene. Harry, holding an umbrella, was giving up all hope of
restraining his tears as his lifelong friend for one episode,
BabyKillerTron, was forced to leave him.
"Do not cry, master Harry." said BabyKillerTron. "I'm sure
this is just the beginning of our fantastic journeys together. We may
be separated
for now, but I'm sure we'll meet again. And on that fine day, we will
truly be whole once again."
"Oh BabyKillerTron, WHY do you have to leave me?!" sobbed
Harry, throwing his arms around him. "Why can't you just stay with me
and
Ron and Melfina and the still-not-dead babysitter forever?!"
"I wish I could Harry..." said BabyKillerTron. "But I have
forsaken a life of violence for a life of peace and harmony. I must
go on a spiritual
healing, self discovery journey to find the true soul that beats
within my heart. Or CPU."
"I...see." said Harry, struggling to be mature. He glanced at
his watch. "1:35...You'll miss your train if you don't leave now."
BabyKillerTron looked back at him with his cold, emotionless
robotic face. "Don't worry...I can always catch the next one." And
they sank
deeper into their loving hug.
"Oh, I'd HATE to break up this touching moment..." said Ron
from up on the roof, where him and Melfina were continuously dumping
buckets of water onto them. "But can we stop the rain now? My arms
are getting tired!"
"It's a real pain to refill these buckets over and over
again." said Melfina. "Just hurry up and finish your stupid romantic
goodbye scene."
"Well EXCUUUUUSE me for trying to inject some MOOD into this
plot-changing moment!" said Harry indignantly. Suddenly, a large
spacecraft came descending from the sky.
"OH. MY. GOD." said Ron, awestruck. He pointed a finger at
the ship. "It's...HIM!"
"Him who?" asked Harry.
"JHeman!" said Ron in terror. "But...but tonight isn't
Parcheesi night!"
"Have you been pointing out plot holes again, Melfina?" asked Harry.
"No! I swear to god I haven't!" said Melfina, waving her
hands around.
"Then...What does he want?" asked Ron.
The ship landed in front of him and I stepped out.
"Ah, that's a relief!" sighed Ron. "It's just his sister!"
"What?! I'm not my sister!" I said angrily. "It's me!"
Ron paused and stared at me really closely. "Whoa! It IS
you!" He waited a second. "What's with your hair!?"
"I wanted to try something different! Geez!" I said defensively.
"You look like a chick! Girly girly girly man!" laughed Harry.
"NO! QUIET!" I said, slapping him with a fish. "Now then,
I've come here on a very important mission. Self inserts suck, and
normally I'd
never come out and do one, but this is a situation that must be
adressed."
"Oh really? And what's that?" asked Ron.
"It's your ship's name. The Shangri-La." I said, very seriously.
"The Shangri-La? What's wrong with that?" asked Harry. "I
think it sounds neat."
"Sure, it does at first." I said mysteriously. "But did you
know that there's a band from the 60s called the Shangri-Las?"
"Seriously? Were they badass?" asked Ron.
"No. They were a little wussy girl band who sang about dating
the captain of the football team." I said somberly. The MacDougalls
looked at
each other in shock. "Needless to say, this is very damaging to your
image of being the most badass and fearless outlaw scum in the
galaxy. It's even more damaging to your image than Harry's stupid
hair ribbon."
"Good god." said Ron. "What can we do about it?"
"It's obvious, isn't it? You must change your name.
Preferably to some other 60s band. An actually good one. Like Lovin'
Spoonful."
"Wow, Lovin' Spoonful. That's great. Let's go with that." said Ron.
"No no, that was just an example. You don't really have to
use that particular name-"
"YES WE DO! THAT'S THE COOLEST DAMN SPACESHIP NAME IN ALL
EXISTENCE!" yelled Harry.
"Well, okay." I sighed. "Lovin' Spoonful it is. Hmmm...I'd
say Suzuka's probably just about done torturing Gene by now." I
turned to the
spaceship and yelled. "WARM UP THE ENGINE, JET! WE'RE TAKING OFF!"
"OW! DUDE! SHIT! DON'T YELL!" yelled Jet, from a small
communication device on my shoulder.
"Whoops, forgot I have a communicator and that I don't have
to yell!" I said, snapping my fingers. "SORRY ABOUT THAT, JET!!"
"GOD DAMMIT! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!" yelled Jet. "AT LEAST
SWITCH YOUR AMPLIFIER OFF OF THE HIGHEST SETTING, YOU
BASTARD!"

"That was embarrassing." I sighed, now back on my satellite
and drifting through space again. "Now, patch an audio link through
to Gene's
base. Let's see if Suzuka's done messing with him yet."
"Whatever. You do realize that if I do this favor for you you
have to pay MY half of the rent for the satellite this month, as well
as yours, right?"
said Jet.
"Sure, sure. Whatever." I shrugged. "Just do it."
"Sweet." said Jet, flipping a switch.
The slightly panicky voice of Gene crackled through on the
radio. "Ow! HOUSE! Ow! OW! Geez! HOUSE HOUSE HOUSE! Suzuka, I thought
we agreed that the safety word was 'house'! OW! KNOCK IT OFF! Get
these chains off me! I said HOUSE! You get that hot wax away from
me! EEEYAAAARG-" The transmission cut off."...Okay, commercial time." I said, feeling very disturbed.

AND NOW, A COMMERCIAL!

"HEY KIDS! Are you tired of the same old courtroom dramas?!"
yelled a narrator.
"YEAH!" yelled a bunch of little kids.
"What's a courtroom?" asked one of the little kids.
"Well then you're gonna love...JUDGE! KAHN!" yelled the narrator.
"Indeed we are!" agreed the kids. The scene suddenly changed
to the inside of a courtroom.
"Ms. Suzuka, you are charged with the crime of being an
assassin. How do you plead?" demanded Judge Kahn of Suzuka, who was
sitting
in the asky courtroom box thing. You know what I mean.
"My client has no comment at this time." said Suzuka's lawyer.
"She has no comment on whether she's guilty or not?" asked
Kahn, confused.
"Nope. Not gonna say." said Suzuka, crossing her arms.
"Well, alright." said Kahn. "Let's take a look at the evidence."
"Thank you, your honor." said the offensive lawyer, walking
over to the evidence table. Actually, she wasn't offensive at all.
She was actually
pretty hot. Hang on, lemme think. PROSECUTOR. That's the word I was
looking for.
"First piece of evidence is this sword." said the hot
prosecutor, holding up Suzuka's sword. "We've heard witness testimony
linking Suzuka
to this sword, although despite our many tests we have not been able
to find a DNA link-"
"TESTS?! WHAT KINDA TESTS?!" yelled Suzuka, jumping up. "YOU
DIDN'T BREAK MY SWORD, DID YOU?!" Everyone stared at her. "Never
mind."
"Okay...second piece of evidence is Suzuka's official
Assassins Incorporated membership card." said the hot prosecutor.
"Heh heh, but look a little closer!" said Suzuka proudly. "I
let it expire two days ago! I'm technically no longer a member!"
"Damn, she's got this whole thing planned out!" said the hot
prosecutor. "Well then, feast your eyes on this final piece of
evidence!" She
held up a calendar. "Suzuka is Ms. April in the latest annual Sexxy
Assassin Swimsuit Calendar! How do you explain that?!"
"I suggest that the final piece of evidence be passed around
to everyone in the jury, so we can make a more educated decision."
said Gene
immediately, standing up from the jury box.
"Sounds good." said Kahn. The calendar began circulating
around the jury box.
"Well, it is my decision as the JUDGE OF THIS COURT that
Suzuka is NOT GUILTY." said Kahn.
"What? But what about our conclusive evidence?" asked the hot
prosecutor.
"It is clear to me that Suzuka is not who we should be
after." said Kahn, pulling out his own personal copy of the latest
Sexxy Assassin
Swimsuit Calendar. "As you can see, Ms. July is much MUCH hotter!
Suzuka is free to go, Ms. July is the real criminal here."
"Wow, she IS hotter!" said Gene, flipping through the
calendar. "She's the hottest one here! She makes Suzuka look like a
transsexual burn
victim!"
"HEY!" yelled Suzuka.

AND NOW, BACK TO OUR SHOW!

"God, this is horrible!" sighed Jukei. "Stupid Hazanko's
stupid revenge plan! We didn't even get revenge! And now we're
sitting in this stupid
prison cell!"
"Oh? You wanna complain?" asked Hazanko.
"Well yeah, I'm complaining already. Dumbass." said Jukei.
"I said, you wanna complain?!" asked Hazanko, his voice rising.
"...What?" asked Jukei, confused.
"THAT DOES IT! PAGAWASANFA PAGAWASANFA!" yelled Hazanko,
shooting lasers out of his fingers and exploding Jukei.
"HOLY CRAP!" yelled Leilong.
"Wasn't that a little harsh?" asked Hamushi.
"He was only telling the truth. This was quite possibly the
worst plan the Anten guys have ever had." said Iraga. "Also, this
prison uniform
makes me look like I'm 70."
"Well now that you mention it, Iraga..." said Hitoriga. "It
DOES make you look younger!"
There was a moment of silence.

3 MINUTES LATER

"See Toby, that's how jokes are SUPPOSED to be." said Dave.
"They're supposed to make people want to turn into wolves and kill
you."
"Ohhhh...so THAT'S the secret." said Tobeigera. "And why am I
Toby all of a sudden?"
"Good god, we're losing members left and right." said Hazanko
grumpily, wading through a messy pile of what used to be Jukei's and
Hitoriga's innards.
"This is gruesome. I think Iraga should get the death penalty
for murdering Hitoriga." said Leilong.
"Me too." said Hanmyo.
"Well, okay. Sounds great." said Hazanko. Then they killed
Iraga. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. Maybe this will lead
to some
exciting new plot twist. Maybe I'm really tired and am forcing myself
to finish this chapter because it's been like 2 months since I
updated
this story.
"Hey, I have a plan." said Leilong. "Since JHeman is slowly
going insane from writing this story, I reccommend bringing Jukei and
Hitoriga
back to life since he is obviously not thinking clearly."
"Good strategy." said Hazanko, using his almighty Tao powers
to bring them back to life.
"Woohoo!" yelled Hitoriga, jumping around.

"Welp, the game's finally finished!" said Jim. "Everybody
gather round!" Everybody sat down on the couch in the living room,
where Jim was
popping a newly-made disc into their Alpo 4000. In the future, you
see, Alpo is the most powerful technological coproation. Even Sony is
merely a dog biting at it's heels. ALPO FOREVER.
"Alright, who wants to play it first?" asked Gene.
"Me! Me me me! I get to play first! Me! I wanna!" yelled Aisha.
"Say the magic word!" said Gene.
"Pleaaaase!" said Aisha immediately.
"Uh...That wasn't the word I was thinking of, but I guess it
works." said Gene, handing Aisha the controller.
"So Gene, did you really end up using my voice stuff?" asked
Suzuka as the ALPO 4000 logo appeared on the screen.
"Yep." said Gene. "The part really suits your vocal style.
You're a natural in this profession. Please don't kill me when you
see the character
you voiced. It wasn't my idea. Have I told you today that your hair
looks fabulous?"
"No." said Suzuka.
"Well it does. It looks great." said Gene.
"Quiet! It's starting!" yelled Aisha.
"HI THAR!" yelled the TV. "THIS IS GENE'S TOTALLY SWEET
DATING SIMULATION! LOOKS PURTY, DON'T IT?"
"....I'm awestruck." said Aisha, selecting the 'NEW GAME,
YEEHAW!' button on the start screen.
"My head...ow...where am I?" asked the game's dashing young
hero, waking up in a hospital somewhere.
"You've lost your memory." said a nurse with Aisha's voice.
"You must date 40,000 women in order to remember who you-" There was
an
out of place sound of page turning. "-are."
"Well, that shouldn't be too hard. You wanna be first?" asked
the dashing young hero. The nurse giggled and nodded yes.
"Dude, this is stupid Jim." said Gene. "Where's all the BDSM?"
"You want BDSM in a dating sim?" asked Jim.
"Yeah, and it's really patheticc how there's never a 'Rape'
option." said Gene grumpily.
"I'm inclined to agree." said Aisha, making out with the
nurse in the back of the guy's car. "Where's the violence? Where's
the dominance
and the submission?"
"Why is the elemtary school off-limits for picking up
chicks?" asked Suzuka.
"Ooh, good point. Jim, write some of this stuff down so you
can put it in the sequel!" said Gene.
"...You people all scare me." said Jim.

-----------

God damn, that stupid thing took me forever to write. At
least it was funny.
Jet: No it wasn-
GO AWAY! Anyways, I'll take this time to announce PART TWO in a series of predetermined vacations planned for this story! You wouldn't believe how tired I am of writing this thing. No joke. Plus, I've got a lot of school stuff going on right now. So, I'm officially taking a break. But look on the bright side, last time I took a vacation like this I came back with a totally sweet chapter, the wedding one! So don't be surprised if this vacation gives me the chance to recharge my brain batteries and restore this thing to its former glory! See ya later!