AU

"So why are you still a Captain?"

Sam looked at me like I was crazy. "I'm married to a higher ranking officer, any promotion I got now would seem like preferential treatment. That's the way it works, I made the choice when I married Jack .. that my rank didn't matter, that being with him and Charlie was worth the sacrifice of raising ranks. Plus, I'm the lead scientist in charge of the star gate program, what could be better than that?"

"Okay." I decided to drop the subject but made a mental note to talk to George about giving her a promotion. We continued to walk on toward the lake where Charlie had taken off to talk to a girl. My son interested in a girl. I wanted to smile and scream at the same time. The Idea of loosing him again ate at me every moment I stayed in this reality.

"I need to get home Sam. I've been here for almost 2 days, if this charade failure is going to set in after 3. . . I've seen it, and it wasn't pretty, I don't want Charlie to see that happen."

"The team is retrieving the quantum mirror from the planet as we speak. It's the best lead we have, if there isn't one in your world then we can't use it to get you home but maybe we can figure out how it works and recreate the conditions that brought you here in the first place."

She continued walking on ahead of me, he eyes following Charlie in the distance, he had joined a volleyball game next to the lake.

We watched for an hour while he played, after he came over to us and we went home. We arranged for me to be on base the next few nights, night gate duty, Sam told me it had happened in the past, Charlie was used to it. Sam never slept as well but at least we wouldn't have to worry about any more incidents like the previous morning.

I knew I definitely knew I needed some perspective on the situation. So for the next 2 days I was at the base full time, sleeping in my quarters. Eating in the commissary and getting to know the alternative SGC, but I was away from the perfection of the life that this jack had compared to mine. a world in which Daniel never died, Teal'c was with his family true, but who can hold that against him. Jonas was a little strange and SG-1 did have a Russian on the team. It wasn't my SGC but it wasn't bad.

Sam had gotten the Quantum mirror and had already had a visit from one other reality, another carter, her entropic cascade failure had apparently kicked in almost immediately, she was looking for her Husband jack and had been world hopping for a few weeks, she left quickly and had at least served to validate my claim to any remaining skeptics.

After 2 days of almost constant research, Sam had only discovered that the mineral composition of the mirror and the planet surface were nearly identical, and that the planet most likely exists in subspace as well as real space and that the wormhole must somehow cross connect realities under the right conditions. Great just my dumb luck to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Charlie was another matter, on the third day I went back to the house, they had decided that the failure (whatever it's called) would take longer to effect me due to the fact that my double was not here to aggravate it. So I went home, and Sam stayed on base, and I got an escort and a security detail stationed on the street. Charlie was waiting when I got home, he was irritated that the girl from the park hadn't called him and hadn't answered when he tried to call her.

"Charlie. "

"What dad?"

"If she's not interested, she's not interested"

"That's not what you said about Sam." He smiled at me with that great grin that his mom had.

"What? " He asked when he noticed me looking at him.

"you've got your mother's smile" I kept my eyes level with his and didn't change my expression. He stared at me for a moment, sizing me up, trying to decide whether to challenge my sincerity or to accept that I was sincere. He eventually broke eye contact and looked at the ground.

"She had a great smile" he said quietly. "And her eyes, she always looked right at you, always saw you, never looked through you. When she was with me, she was always there, really there, with me."

I watched as the strong young man that has stood in front of me mere minutes ago, became a lost and confused 8 year old little boy who just wanted his mother back. He opened up to me, he was standing here, letting in the man he was simultaneously accusing of never being there for him.

"SHe was one of the two most incredible women of the face of the earth, I was lucky to have her love me, and lucky that she gave me you." I moved closer to him. "She always knew what you needed, she always knew how to talk to you." The tears flowed from him as he stared intently at the floor. "She knew you so much better than I did." I moved my hand to his shoulder. "You were everything to her, she loved you so much, and she would be so proud of you now."

From his response I would guess that Jack and Charlie had never discussed Sarah's death. I really had no right to do this, to say any of this, but I couldn't let it go unsaid, knowing my own stubbornness and pain, if this reality's Jack O'Neill had kept it bottled up for 8 years, it would probably stay bottled up for at least that long again, and this boy deserved some closure, he needed to know that his father didn't blame his son for his wife's death.

"Dad, do you . . do you think she . . ." He pulled away from me then. stop talking and get away, the classic escapist technique, I should recognize it, I had the t-shirt. But I couldn't let Charlie keep it inside any more. I followed him.

"It's not your fault Charlie. " He looked me in the eyes but said nothing. "It's not your fault Charlie. It was MY gun." He just kept staring. "you were eight years old Charlie, It was MY gun, I should have taught you, I should have kept it locked up. away from the bullets." The look on his face was of disbelief. "you were only an eight year old little boy, and it is NOT your fault"

I turned my own eyes to the floor then, "There were so many times I wished that it had been me that died that day, so many times I asked why someone so much better than me had to die when I lived. But I had to stop thinking like that Charlie, because I knew that she was probably watching me feel sorry for myself and hating me for what I was doing to you. She loved you so much Charlie. and I know without a doubt that she doesn't blame you, and that she dosn't think that there is anything to forgive. "

I stopped talking, he was sitting on the sofa looking at the coffee table. I had paved the road ahead of him to let out everything he was feeling. I could see it in him, the anger, the frustration.

"Why now? Why after eight years? Why are you saying this after eight fucking years!"

"I don't know Charlie, probably because I have the emotional maturity of a dead fish. I never understood what you mom saw in me, or Sam for that matter. I'm an angry, bitter, stubborn old man. I'm completely military or completely immature, one or the other. One can be damn scary and the other is just irritating." I was getting into all the self analysis I had done while on the Moon of that dumb planet. Way too much freaking time to myself.

"That and the fact that you deserve to hear it. You don't deserve to have her death haunting you for the rest of your life. That if I'm ever going to grow up and really be a father, I needed to start with you, being a real father to you Charlie."

I sat next to him on the couch.

"You are allowed one good punch for every Year I was a complete Jerk"

I'm not sure whether that comment would equal 8 or 16, but after the third time his fist slammed painfully into my shoulder he stopped. I put my arms around him then.

"I love you Charlie. I have missed you so much." Though those particular words were more for me than for him it didn't seem to matter. The rift wasn't closed but the bridge across it was built.

I let Charlie go, he had to do his homework and told me I had better get busy making dinner for Sam.

after a long period away from this story I was finally inspired to continue it, I am working out the ending a little differently than originally intended, but I think it will be better. Please R & R.