Well, here's another secret chief of the third Party Ship
apocalypse. I call it...Meglatoqorps. This is the name it has been
given by
the gods, and it will not be argued. Enough talk. Let's get homeless.-----------------
"Wait, Fred!" called Shorton. "You're leaving already?"
Fred looked over his shoulder, suitcase in hand. "Yes, it's
time I finally left you."
"Why? What is there for you at home?" asked Shorton bitterly.
"Why will you not stay here with me forever?"
"I have friends at home. I have a dog, and the man of my
dreams waiting for me to return." said Fred dreamily.
"You're not talking about that Gene Starwind, are you?" asked
Shorton.
"Yes, yes I am." said Fred. "Why do you ask?"
"Gene Starwind lives life on the edge, filled with danger and
fighting." said Shorton. "You're not that kind of person Fred. You'd
be
much better off with me, settled down and living in peace."
"I'm not the kind of person for danger and fighting?" asked
Fred humorously. "I'm afraid you don't know very much about me, even
now."
"I'm sorry, I never meant-" started Shorton.
"No, don't speak. Don't spoil this tender departure with
words. Let us leave each other with no words, especially none of
regret.
Let us leave each outher without looking back." said Fred.
Shorton sighed. "Very well. Just remember that if things get
rough, you can always come back here to see me again."
"I will. Thank you for everything, Shorton." said Fred, and
he walked off into the sunset.
"Can I go back inside NOW?" whined Hitoriga to a bouncer.
"No. I threw you out." said the bouncer. "Seriously, what are
you still doing here?"
"Waiting for my girlfriend." said Hitoriga.
"Well, suit yourself." sighed the bouncer. There was a few
moments of silence.
"So...do you like pumpkin pie?" asked Hitoriga.
"Alright, I changed my mind. Get out of here." said the
bouncer. Just as Hitoriga began walking away, Suzuka left the bar.
"Did you enjoy your evening, ma'am?" asked the bouncer.
"Sure, except for that SICKO who tried to RAPE me." said
Suzuka, overacting. "I hope you guys beat the shit out of that guy."
"Actually, he's still hanging around here somewhere." said
the bouncer looking around. "I'll let you handle him."
"Hi!" said Hitoriga happily. "Wasn't that club fun? Where
should we go next?"
"We're not dating. I hate you." said Suzuka. "How many times
do I have to tell you that before you get the picture?"
"I dunno." said Hitoriga.
"We're not dating. I hate you. We're not dating. I hate you.
We're not dating. I hate you. We're not dating. I hate you. We're not
dating.
I hate you. We're not dating. I hate you. We're not dating. I hate
you. We're not dating. I hate you. We're not dating. I hate you.
We're
not dating. I hate you. We're not dating. I hate you. We're not
dating. I hate you. We're not dating. I hate you." said Suzuka. "Feel
anything yet?"
"Not really." said Hitoriga happily. "Wanna go see a movie?"
Suzuka sighed. "I'm going to the supermarket in a second. You
can tag along if you want, but you can't ever bother me ever again.
Ever."
"Okay!" said Hitoriga.
"Really?" said Suzuka, kind of surprised.
"That's a really bad deal on your part, dude." said the
bouncer to Hitoriga.
"I don't care. Any moment I can spend with Suzuka is
treasured." said Hitoriga happily, skipping around with tons of
little hearts
flying out of his head.
"Isn't it painful having all those hearts flying out of your
head?" asked Suzuka.
"I endure the pain for you, Suzuka." said Hitoriga.
"Call me Twilight." giggled Suzuka.
"What?! You mean it?!" asked Hitoriga excitedly.
"No." said Suzuka. Then the rest of the Anten guys exited the
bar, as one mass of laughter and intoxication.
"Hahaha! I'm intoxicated! Oh boy!" chuckled Jukei.
"Wow, hey Suzuka! Long time no see!" said Dave, waving.
"Ah, hey there Dave." said Suzuka. "How's everything?"
"Everything's great!" said Dave. "Except for the bugs. Stupid
bugs. Other than that, I'm fine. I can see you're just as pretty as
ever.
How's Fred?"
"Oh yeah, he was asking about you. You should probably give
him a call or something." said Suzuka.
"WHOA! WHOA WHOA WHOA!" yelled Hitoriga. He pointed at Dave.
"QUIT BEING FRIENDLY WITH SUZUKA! SHE'S MY GIRL!"
"No I'm not." said Suzuka.
"Oh REALLY? Well then what was that back at the Beach Boy's
concert, when you danced with me?! Huh?" asked Hitoriga. "What
was that?!"
"That was an easy way to make 500 bucks." said Suzuka blankly.
"Oh...Yeah." sighed Hitoriga.
Suzuka turned back to Dave. "Sorry Dave, I promised this guy
I'd take him with me to the supermarket tonight."
"Oh. So no chance of a date then?" asked Dave, disappointed.
"Sorry." said Suzuka. "Call me sometime. Here's my cell phone
number. I'll see you later." She wrote down her number on a piece
of paper and handed it to him, then left with Hitoriga.
"Oooooh! Dave's got a girl-FRIEND!" sang Leilong and Jukei
annoyingly. "Dave's got a girl-FRIEND!"
"I do not! Shut up you guys!" said Dave defensively.
It was a warm, sunny day in the middle of winter. Jim, Aisha,
and Gene were driving along the interstate, Fred's new dog safely in
tow. Jim was driving, Gene was sitting shotgun, and Aisha was in the
back hanging over the driver's seat and flirting
with/distracting Jim.
"RIGHT! LEFT! STRAIGHT! U-TURN! LEFT! LEFT! RIGHT! NO! LEFT!
NO! LEFT! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING? RIGHT!"
yelled Aisha.
"Aisha, quit trying to confuse me." said Jim.
"Sorry." said Aisha. "Awww Jim, you look so tired. Let your
cute little Aisha take over driving for a while!"
"Cute little Aisha?" wondered Gene, irritated. "Shut up Aisha."
"Haha! Gene's jealous!" laughed Jim.
"I am not!" said Gene.
"Wow...I had no idea that you were interested in Jim that
way, Gene!" said Aisha, surprised.
"That's not what I meant!" yelped Jim. "But yeah Aisha, a
little break might be nice."
"Great! Pull over here so we can switch." said Aisha,
pointing to a rest station. Jim pulled over, the two of them switched
places
and Jim fell asleep in the backseat. They set out on the road again.
"Aisha, you're such a disgusting pedophile." said Gene.
"Can't argue with that!" said Aisha cheerfully. "Why'd you
bring that up?"
"Never mind." sighed Gene. He looked out the window. "Does it
look like rain to you?"
"Yeah, actually it does." said Aisha worriedly. "Guess we'd
better put the top back up."
"Yeah, it might get cold. I'd hate for you to catch the flu
or something from driving around topless." said Gene.
"Me too." said Aisha, putting her top back on.
"Man that's a nasty storm outside." whistled Harry, looking
out the window. It was a bleak and desolate day inside that freaky
old
house where Ron, Harry, and Melfina were now being held captive.
"HEY! EYES AWAY FROM THE WINDOW!" commanded a familiar voice
from somewhere in the shadows.
"Who the hey are you, and why have you captured us?!" yelled Melfina.
"My name is not for you to know...yet." said the person. "As
for why I've captured you, what would YOU have done? You three people
show up out of nowhere, exploding your cars and things, then you
barge into my house...I thought I'd be alone here, but I guess I
was wrong."
"You did? Just where IS here, anyway?" asked Ron.
"It's rather hard to explain, to tell you the truth." said
the person. "As far as I can tell it's some sort of alternate
universe. An alternate
universe that looks suspiciously like Iowa during a drought. I
stumbled across this place by accident myself, just like you."
"You did? And you've never found a way out? How long have you
been here?" asked Melfina.
"It's hard to say for certain." said the familiar-sounding
person. "Time doesn't exist out here, it seems. There is no sunrise
or
sunset to alert you of the passing days. Just the blank, colorless
tone you see outside."
"This place sounds horrible." said Ron, looking out the window.
"HEY! STOP LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW!" yelled the person.
"Why don't you want us to look out the window?" asked Harry.
"Because. Sometimes there's monsters out there. Not always,
but sometimes. And if you see one, they know it. They just know it.
And then they kill you." said the person.
"Really?" asked Harry.
"Yes." said the person. "There used to be more people with
me. I was one of a group of thirty who crash landed here from space.
I'm the only one who ever resisted the temptation to look out the
window. And that's where I am today."
"This is so pathetically Stephen King." said Ron, rolling his eyes.
"You shut up." said the mysterious person.
"And why are we tied up?" asked Harry.
"Ah. I was wondering when you'd ask me about that." said the
person. "I do need SOMEONE to test my experiments on."
"Great." said Ron. "Hey, is anything funny going to happen in
our segments of this chapter?"
"Nope! You guys get to be plot-advancers!" I laughed, from
somewhere up above.
"Swell." said Ron grumpily.
"1 milk?! What the hell!? You want me to get fat or
something?" yelled Suzuka angrily, jumping up on top of her shopping
cart,
milk carton in one hand and pointing an accusing finger at Hitoriga
with the other.
"Sorry...I was just trying to help." said Hitoriga.
"Yeah well, I drink SKIM MILK and only skim milk." said
Suzuka, climbing down off her cart. "God...It stings me to imagine
the
weight I'd put on if I drank this stuff by accident." She pulled a
carton of skim milk off the shelf, hugged it fearfully, and dropped
it
into her cart.
"Is that everything on your list?" asked Hitoriga.
"Yeah, I think s-" started Suzuka, but then she screamed and
flipped her cart over, sending food flying everywhere. She ran
throuch
the wreckage and picked up a fish fillet. "FISH! MEAT! MEATY MEAT!
PROTEIN! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME!?"
"I-I..." stuttered Hitoriga.
"Gah! All that potential muscle mass! Upper body strength!"
yelled Suzuka, clutching her head and running around. "Weight! AUGH
AUGH AUGH!"
"Hey, having some weight is good if it's all muscle mass and
stuff...You need protein for that." said Hitoriga.
"NO! NO!" Suzuka collapsed on the ground and curled up into a
fetal position, still clutching her head. "MEAT BAD! FLAB! I'M NOT
FLABBY!"
"I know! Of course you aren't!" said Hitoriga. "You need to
stop worrying so much abou-"
"Don't worry about it." said Suzuka, standing up.
"But I already am worried! I think you're taking your
seriousness about your weight to an extreme level-" started Hitoriga.
"Look, let's just change the subject." said Suzuka. "I'll
take you to a movie if you want."
"A movie?! Are you serious!?" asked Hitoriga.
"Yeah, this time I am." said Suzuka. "Just this once."
"Wow! That's awesome!" said Hitoriga, jumping around.
"Thankyouthankyouthankyou!"
"Don't mention it." said Suzuka. "Let's just head out."
4 HOURS OF WUSSY PRETTY BOYS ROBOTICALLY PRESSING OUT CORNY LINES
LATER...
"Wow, that movie sure sucked huh?" laughed Hitoriga.
"It sure did." said Suzuka. "I don't get it, I've come to
expect so much acting talent and quality from Matt Damon movies.
Where did
he go wrong with that one?"
"Eh, don't worry about it." said Hitoriga. "So...uh, I guess
you'll be taking me home now?"
"Actually..." Suzuka gulped. "That was a long movie, are you
getting hungry? We could grab something to eat."
"Oh! Okay!" said Hitoriga.
"We could go to Tofu Barn! They're having a price cut on
veggie burgers!" said Suzuka happily.
"....Ick." said Hitoriga.
"I'M LIVIN' LA VIDA LOCA!" yelled/sang Aisha, speeding down
the highway.
"AISHA! SHUT UP AND GET YOUR HANDS ON THE WHEEL!" yelled Gene.
"Sorry..." said Aisha, calming down and gripping the steering
wheel once again. "It's just, whenever Ricky Martin comes on the
radio I'm filled with an insane desire to kill myself. I can't
explain it."
"We all are, but you don't see us acting on it!" said Gene,
slightly frantic.
"...Often." Aisha added.
"Often." agreed Gene.
MEANWHILE
"I feel charming, oh so charming! It's alarming how charming
I feeeeeel!" sang Fred, driving down the road while brushing his
hair. "Wonder what's on the radio?" He turned it on with his free
hand.
"I'M LIVIN' LA VIDA LOCA!" sang Ricky Martin.
"I see..." said Fred, setting his brush down and listening to
the horrible noises emanating from his radio. He closed his eyes and
let go of the steering wheel and pressed the gas with all his might.
"This is how it has to be. I realize this now."
BACK IN GENE'S CAR
"Hey, there's Fred's car! Behind us!" said Gene. Aisha turned
around to look, then sped up.
"We have to get home before him or he'll know Gilliam ate his
dog!" said Aisha.
"GILLIAM DOES TOO HAVE A MOUTH! HIS LITTLE ARM THINGS COME
OUT OF IT!" yelled Gene.
"....What the hell are you talking about?" asked Aisha.
"I...I don't know." said Gene. "It just came out of me."
"He doesn't have a digestive system though. It's still
impossible." said Meowch.
"Hey! Where'd you come from?" asked Aisha.
"I shoved Jim out of the backseat about 400 miles back and
helped myself in. Hope you don't care." said Meowch happily. "Nice
car."
"Thank you. We just had it reupholstered." said Gene.
"About that digestive system thing, maybe he didn't HAVE to
swallow him! Maybe he just chewed him up and spat him back out!"
yelled Aisha. "Ever think of THAT?"
"That wouldn't be eating him though. It distinctly says that
he ate-" said Meowch.
"BE QUIET! BE QUIET!" yelled Gene.
"Isn't Fred crashing? Aren't you forgetting about that? What
a miserable plot hole that would be!" chuckled Meowch. He teleported
away and Jim took his place once again.
"That was...bizarre." said Aisha.
"Forget about that! What about Fre-" yelled Jim, turning
around just in time to see Fred's car smash into the back of theirs
and
send them spinning off the highway.
"Man, that was delicious!" said Suzuka happily.
"It was a little too...lumpy for me." said Hitoriga. "Are hot
dogs supposed to be yellow?"
"I don't think so." said Suzuka.
"Oh good, because those weren't." said Hitoriga. "They were
more of a pale green. With a purplish tint."
"Sick." said Suzuka. "Well, I guess there's not much more to
do. I'll go ahead and take you home now. Where did you live again?"
"Where do you live?" asked Hitoriga.
"Moldy Helicopters Apartments." said Suzuka.
"Wow, that's where I live too!" said Hitoriga instantly.
"What a freaky coincidence." said Suzuka, filled with
suspicion. "Well, shall I get us a ride?" She walked out into the
middle of the
street and stopped a car. She walked over to the driver's side door,
pried it off it's hinges with her sword, and pointed her sword at
the driver. "You. Get out of the car. Now."
"Psh. No. What could someone like YOU do to ME?" asked the
driver, a short guy with an afro.
"This." said Suzuka, hacking the guy into small pieces.
"Hitoriga, gather up the pieces and put them in the trunk. Let's
hustle."
Hitoriga just stared in shock. "You, you killed him!"
"Uh. Yeah. Yeah, I guess I did." said Suzuka carelessly. "Now
get moving and unload him before he stains the seat you have to sit
in on your way taking me home."
"Omigod omigod omigod..." said Hitoriga.
"Jeez, you act like you've never seen anyone DIE before."
said Suzuka. There was a long pause. "OH MY GOD!" Suzuka said with
mock shock, and started laughing at him.
"Hey, no! I've seen people die before!" said Hitoriga. "Loads
of people! I'm one bloodthirsty bastard!"
"Yeah, SURE!" laughed Suzuka. "I doubt you've killed anyone
in your entire life!"
"Hey, I DID kill your entire family you know." said Hitoriga
grumpily.
"Oh yeah. I'm full of hatred over that." Suzuka reminded
herself. She put on her best angry face and they got in their new car
and
drove home.
"Doo dee doo, man it sure is fun looking out the window
here." said Harry, whistling. "Lalala. Hey, look at all those
monsters."
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! STOP IT! STOP RIGHT NOW!"
yelled their angry captor.
"I'm just kidding." laughed Harry. "Man, you should have seen
the look on your face."
"You can't see my face and you know it." said the voice from
the shadows. "Notice the shadows."
"OH MY GOD! LOOK OVER THERE!" yelled Ron, pointing wildly
towards the window. Even though he was tied up. Don't ask me.
"WHAT? WHAT IS IT?" yelled Melfina, looking out the window.
"Haha! Made you look!" laughed Ron. "See any monsters?"
"Nope. Just some bees. Are bees monsters?" asked Melfina.
"Sometimes. Look again to see if they're gone." said Harry.
"YOU IMMATURE BRATS STOP IT RIGHT NOW!" yelled the voice.
"We've been looking out the window every five seconds, and we
haven't seen one single monster." said Ron. "I think you're
feeding us a bunch of lies."
"YOU WHAT!?" yelled the voice angrily.
"See, look." said Harry, looking back and forth from the
shadows to the window. "Window? No monsters. Again. Window. No
monsters. Again. Window. No monsters. Again. Window. Monster. Again.
Windo-"
"WHAT?! THERE WAS A MONSTER OUT THERE?!" yelled Ron.
"Sure enough. Again. Window. Big scary monster looking at
me." said Harry, continuing his dumbness.
"You maniac! Look what you've done!" yelled the voice. "We
have to flee! We can't let you die!"
"Sounds great. Come over here and untie me." said Harry.
"But...Then you could see my face! I'd be out of the shadows!
You'd know who I was!" said the mysterious person.
"THIS IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH HERE!" yelled Ron. "IT IS
NOT A MATTER OF FACE AND NO FACE!"
"Somehow that makes sense." said the voice, sounding
defeated. "Very well, I'll untie you." The person walked out of the
shadows
slowly.
"OH. MY. GOD. IT'S YOU!" yelled Melfina.
"I can't. BELIEVE it." said Ron in awe.
"Dad?" asked Harry.
--------------
This chapter confuses me. I tried to add an element of drama
to the comedy, but I really don't know if it came together how I
envisioned it at all. I'm guessing it probably didn't. Please tell me
if all this stupid drama crap is turning you off, I want to know if
I'm
doing something wrong. If you're like: "Hey dude. Your chapters suck
now. Do something funny." Then I'll totally listen and change
my evil ways. The first step to change is admitting I have a problem,
so don't hesitate to criticize. Thank you.
Jet: (enters room) Where's the popsicles I just bought?
Oh yeah, that reminds me. I graciously apologize for Meowch's
unauthorized cameo appearance. It was necessary. Sorry dude, I
love you. Really.
Jet: POPSICLES! WHERE!
I left them on the counter to thaw out.
Jet: ....I hate you. More than anything else in the world.
apocalypse. I call it...Meglatoqorps. This is the name it has been
given by
the gods, and it will not be argued. Enough talk. Let's get homeless.-----------------
"Wait, Fred!" called Shorton. "You're leaving already?"
Fred looked over his shoulder, suitcase in hand. "Yes, it's
time I finally left you."
"Why? What is there for you at home?" asked Shorton bitterly.
"Why will you not stay here with me forever?"
"I have friends at home. I have a dog, and the man of my
dreams waiting for me to return." said Fred dreamily.
"You're not talking about that Gene Starwind, are you?" asked
Shorton.
"Yes, yes I am." said Fred. "Why do you ask?"
"Gene Starwind lives life on the edge, filled with danger and
fighting." said Shorton. "You're not that kind of person Fred. You'd
be
much better off with me, settled down and living in peace."
"I'm not the kind of person for danger and fighting?" asked
Fred humorously. "I'm afraid you don't know very much about me, even
now."
"I'm sorry, I never meant-" started Shorton.
"No, don't speak. Don't spoil this tender departure with
words. Let us leave each other with no words, especially none of
regret.
Let us leave each outher without looking back." said Fred.
Shorton sighed. "Very well. Just remember that if things get
rough, you can always come back here to see me again."
"I will. Thank you for everything, Shorton." said Fred, and
he walked off into the sunset.
"Can I go back inside NOW?" whined Hitoriga to a bouncer.
"No. I threw you out." said the bouncer. "Seriously, what are
you still doing here?"
"Waiting for my girlfriend." said Hitoriga.
"Well, suit yourself." sighed the bouncer. There was a few
moments of silence.
"So...do you like pumpkin pie?" asked Hitoriga.
"Alright, I changed my mind. Get out of here." said the
bouncer. Just as Hitoriga began walking away, Suzuka left the bar.
"Did you enjoy your evening, ma'am?" asked the bouncer.
"Sure, except for that SICKO who tried to RAPE me." said
Suzuka, overacting. "I hope you guys beat the shit out of that guy."
"Actually, he's still hanging around here somewhere." said
the bouncer looking around. "I'll let you handle him."
"Hi!" said Hitoriga happily. "Wasn't that club fun? Where
should we go next?"
"We're not dating. I hate you." said Suzuka. "How many times
do I have to tell you that before you get the picture?"
"I dunno." said Hitoriga.
"We're not dating. I hate you. We're not dating. I hate you.
We're not dating. I hate you. We're not dating. I hate you. We're not
dating.
I hate you. We're not dating. I hate you. We're not dating. I hate
you. We're not dating. I hate you. We're not dating. I hate you.
We're
not dating. I hate you. We're not dating. I hate you. We're not
dating. I hate you. We're not dating. I hate you." said Suzuka. "Feel
anything yet?"
"Not really." said Hitoriga happily. "Wanna go see a movie?"
Suzuka sighed. "I'm going to the supermarket in a second. You
can tag along if you want, but you can't ever bother me ever again.
Ever."
"Okay!" said Hitoriga.
"Really?" said Suzuka, kind of surprised.
"That's a really bad deal on your part, dude." said the
bouncer to Hitoriga.
"I don't care. Any moment I can spend with Suzuka is
treasured." said Hitoriga happily, skipping around with tons of
little hearts
flying out of his head.
"Isn't it painful having all those hearts flying out of your
head?" asked Suzuka.
"I endure the pain for you, Suzuka." said Hitoriga.
"Call me Twilight." giggled Suzuka.
"What?! You mean it?!" asked Hitoriga excitedly.
"No." said Suzuka. Then the rest of the Anten guys exited the
bar, as one mass of laughter and intoxication.
"Hahaha! I'm intoxicated! Oh boy!" chuckled Jukei.
"Wow, hey Suzuka! Long time no see!" said Dave, waving.
"Ah, hey there Dave." said Suzuka. "How's everything?"
"Everything's great!" said Dave. "Except for the bugs. Stupid
bugs. Other than that, I'm fine. I can see you're just as pretty as
ever.
How's Fred?"
"Oh yeah, he was asking about you. You should probably give
him a call or something." said Suzuka.
"WHOA! WHOA WHOA WHOA!" yelled Hitoriga. He pointed at Dave.
"QUIT BEING FRIENDLY WITH SUZUKA! SHE'S MY GIRL!"
"No I'm not." said Suzuka.
"Oh REALLY? Well then what was that back at the Beach Boy's
concert, when you danced with me?! Huh?" asked Hitoriga. "What
was that?!"
"That was an easy way to make 500 bucks." said Suzuka blankly.
"Oh...Yeah." sighed Hitoriga.
Suzuka turned back to Dave. "Sorry Dave, I promised this guy
I'd take him with me to the supermarket tonight."
"Oh. So no chance of a date then?" asked Dave, disappointed.
"Sorry." said Suzuka. "Call me sometime. Here's my cell phone
number. I'll see you later." She wrote down her number on a piece
of paper and handed it to him, then left with Hitoriga.
"Oooooh! Dave's got a girl-FRIEND!" sang Leilong and Jukei
annoyingly. "Dave's got a girl-FRIEND!"
"I do not! Shut up you guys!" said Dave defensively.
It was a warm, sunny day in the middle of winter. Jim, Aisha,
and Gene were driving along the interstate, Fred's new dog safely in
tow. Jim was driving, Gene was sitting shotgun, and Aisha was in the
back hanging over the driver's seat and flirting
with/distracting Jim.
"RIGHT! LEFT! STRAIGHT! U-TURN! LEFT! LEFT! RIGHT! NO! LEFT!
NO! LEFT! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING? RIGHT!"
yelled Aisha.
"Aisha, quit trying to confuse me." said Jim.
"Sorry." said Aisha. "Awww Jim, you look so tired. Let your
cute little Aisha take over driving for a while!"
"Cute little Aisha?" wondered Gene, irritated. "Shut up Aisha."
"Haha! Gene's jealous!" laughed Jim.
"I am not!" said Gene.
"Wow...I had no idea that you were interested in Jim that
way, Gene!" said Aisha, surprised.
"That's not what I meant!" yelped Jim. "But yeah Aisha, a
little break might be nice."
"Great! Pull over here so we can switch." said Aisha,
pointing to a rest station. Jim pulled over, the two of them switched
places
and Jim fell asleep in the backseat. They set out on the road again.
"Aisha, you're such a disgusting pedophile." said Gene.
"Can't argue with that!" said Aisha cheerfully. "Why'd you
bring that up?"
"Never mind." sighed Gene. He looked out the window. "Does it
look like rain to you?"
"Yeah, actually it does." said Aisha worriedly. "Guess we'd
better put the top back up."
"Yeah, it might get cold. I'd hate for you to catch the flu
or something from driving around topless." said Gene.
"Me too." said Aisha, putting her top back on.
"Man that's a nasty storm outside." whistled Harry, looking
out the window. It was a bleak and desolate day inside that freaky
old
house where Ron, Harry, and Melfina were now being held captive.
"HEY! EYES AWAY FROM THE WINDOW!" commanded a familiar voice
from somewhere in the shadows.
"Who the hey are you, and why have you captured us?!" yelled Melfina.
"My name is not for you to know...yet." said the person. "As
for why I've captured you, what would YOU have done? You three people
show up out of nowhere, exploding your cars and things, then you
barge into my house...I thought I'd be alone here, but I guess I
was wrong."
"You did? Just where IS here, anyway?" asked Ron.
"It's rather hard to explain, to tell you the truth." said
the person. "As far as I can tell it's some sort of alternate
universe. An alternate
universe that looks suspiciously like Iowa during a drought. I
stumbled across this place by accident myself, just like you."
"You did? And you've never found a way out? How long have you
been here?" asked Melfina.
"It's hard to say for certain." said the familiar-sounding
person. "Time doesn't exist out here, it seems. There is no sunrise
or
sunset to alert you of the passing days. Just the blank, colorless
tone you see outside."
"This place sounds horrible." said Ron, looking out the window.
"HEY! STOP LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW!" yelled the person.
"Why don't you want us to look out the window?" asked Harry.
"Because. Sometimes there's monsters out there. Not always,
but sometimes. And if you see one, they know it. They just know it.
And then they kill you." said the person.
"Really?" asked Harry.
"Yes." said the person. "There used to be more people with
me. I was one of a group of thirty who crash landed here from space.
I'm the only one who ever resisted the temptation to look out the
window. And that's where I am today."
"This is so pathetically Stephen King." said Ron, rolling his eyes.
"You shut up." said the mysterious person.
"And why are we tied up?" asked Harry.
"Ah. I was wondering when you'd ask me about that." said the
person. "I do need SOMEONE to test my experiments on."
"Great." said Ron. "Hey, is anything funny going to happen in
our segments of this chapter?"
"Nope! You guys get to be plot-advancers!" I laughed, from
somewhere up above.
"Swell." said Ron grumpily.
"1 milk?! What the hell!? You want me to get fat or
something?" yelled Suzuka angrily, jumping up on top of her shopping
cart,
milk carton in one hand and pointing an accusing finger at Hitoriga
with the other.
"Sorry...I was just trying to help." said Hitoriga.
"Yeah well, I drink SKIM MILK and only skim milk." said
Suzuka, climbing down off her cart. "God...It stings me to imagine
the
weight I'd put on if I drank this stuff by accident." She pulled a
carton of skim milk off the shelf, hugged it fearfully, and dropped
it
into her cart.
"Is that everything on your list?" asked Hitoriga.
"Yeah, I think s-" started Suzuka, but then she screamed and
flipped her cart over, sending food flying everywhere. She ran
throuch
the wreckage and picked up a fish fillet. "FISH! MEAT! MEATY MEAT!
PROTEIN! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME!?"
"I-I..." stuttered Hitoriga.
"Gah! All that potential muscle mass! Upper body strength!"
yelled Suzuka, clutching her head and running around. "Weight! AUGH
AUGH AUGH!"
"Hey, having some weight is good if it's all muscle mass and
stuff...You need protein for that." said Hitoriga.
"NO! NO!" Suzuka collapsed on the ground and curled up into a
fetal position, still clutching her head. "MEAT BAD! FLAB! I'M NOT
FLABBY!"
"I know! Of course you aren't!" said Hitoriga. "You need to
stop worrying so much abou-"
"Don't worry about it." said Suzuka, standing up.
"But I already am worried! I think you're taking your
seriousness about your weight to an extreme level-" started Hitoriga.
"Look, let's just change the subject." said Suzuka. "I'll
take you to a movie if you want."
"A movie?! Are you serious!?" asked Hitoriga.
"Yeah, this time I am." said Suzuka. "Just this once."
"Wow! That's awesome!" said Hitoriga, jumping around.
"Thankyouthankyouthankyou!"
"Don't mention it." said Suzuka. "Let's just head out."
4 HOURS OF WUSSY PRETTY BOYS ROBOTICALLY PRESSING OUT CORNY LINES
LATER...
"Wow, that movie sure sucked huh?" laughed Hitoriga.
"It sure did." said Suzuka. "I don't get it, I've come to
expect so much acting talent and quality from Matt Damon movies.
Where did
he go wrong with that one?"
"Eh, don't worry about it." said Hitoriga. "So...uh, I guess
you'll be taking me home now?"
"Actually..." Suzuka gulped. "That was a long movie, are you
getting hungry? We could grab something to eat."
"Oh! Okay!" said Hitoriga.
"We could go to Tofu Barn! They're having a price cut on
veggie burgers!" said Suzuka happily.
"....Ick." said Hitoriga.
"I'M LIVIN' LA VIDA LOCA!" yelled/sang Aisha, speeding down
the highway.
"AISHA! SHUT UP AND GET YOUR HANDS ON THE WHEEL!" yelled Gene.
"Sorry..." said Aisha, calming down and gripping the steering
wheel once again. "It's just, whenever Ricky Martin comes on the
radio I'm filled with an insane desire to kill myself. I can't
explain it."
"We all are, but you don't see us acting on it!" said Gene,
slightly frantic.
"...Often." Aisha added.
"Often." agreed Gene.
MEANWHILE
"I feel charming, oh so charming! It's alarming how charming
I feeeeeel!" sang Fred, driving down the road while brushing his
hair. "Wonder what's on the radio?" He turned it on with his free
hand.
"I'M LIVIN' LA VIDA LOCA!" sang Ricky Martin.
"I see..." said Fred, setting his brush down and listening to
the horrible noises emanating from his radio. He closed his eyes and
let go of the steering wheel and pressed the gas with all his might.
"This is how it has to be. I realize this now."
BACK IN GENE'S CAR
"Hey, there's Fred's car! Behind us!" said Gene. Aisha turned
around to look, then sped up.
"We have to get home before him or he'll know Gilliam ate his
dog!" said Aisha.
"GILLIAM DOES TOO HAVE A MOUTH! HIS LITTLE ARM THINGS COME
OUT OF IT!" yelled Gene.
"....What the hell are you talking about?" asked Aisha.
"I...I don't know." said Gene. "It just came out of me."
"He doesn't have a digestive system though. It's still
impossible." said Meowch.
"Hey! Where'd you come from?" asked Aisha.
"I shoved Jim out of the backseat about 400 miles back and
helped myself in. Hope you don't care." said Meowch happily. "Nice
car."
"Thank you. We just had it reupholstered." said Gene.
"About that digestive system thing, maybe he didn't HAVE to
swallow him! Maybe he just chewed him up and spat him back out!"
yelled Aisha. "Ever think of THAT?"
"That wouldn't be eating him though. It distinctly says that
he ate-" said Meowch.
"BE QUIET! BE QUIET!" yelled Gene.
"Isn't Fred crashing? Aren't you forgetting about that? What
a miserable plot hole that would be!" chuckled Meowch. He teleported
away and Jim took his place once again.
"That was...bizarre." said Aisha.
"Forget about that! What about Fre-" yelled Jim, turning
around just in time to see Fred's car smash into the back of theirs
and
send them spinning off the highway.
"Man, that was delicious!" said Suzuka happily.
"It was a little too...lumpy for me." said Hitoriga. "Are hot
dogs supposed to be yellow?"
"I don't think so." said Suzuka.
"Oh good, because those weren't." said Hitoriga. "They were
more of a pale green. With a purplish tint."
"Sick." said Suzuka. "Well, I guess there's not much more to
do. I'll go ahead and take you home now. Where did you live again?"
"Where do you live?" asked Hitoriga.
"Moldy Helicopters Apartments." said Suzuka.
"Wow, that's where I live too!" said Hitoriga instantly.
"What a freaky coincidence." said Suzuka, filled with
suspicion. "Well, shall I get us a ride?" She walked out into the
middle of the
street and stopped a car. She walked over to the driver's side door,
pried it off it's hinges with her sword, and pointed her sword at
the driver. "You. Get out of the car. Now."
"Psh. No. What could someone like YOU do to ME?" asked the
driver, a short guy with an afro.
"This." said Suzuka, hacking the guy into small pieces.
"Hitoriga, gather up the pieces and put them in the trunk. Let's
hustle."
Hitoriga just stared in shock. "You, you killed him!"
"Uh. Yeah. Yeah, I guess I did." said Suzuka carelessly. "Now
get moving and unload him before he stains the seat you have to sit
in on your way taking me home."
"Omigod omigod omigod..." said Hitoriga.
"Jeez, you act like you've never seen anyone DIE before."
said Suzuka. There was a long pause. "OH MY GOD!" Suzuka said with
mock shock, and started laughing at him.
"Hey, no! I've seen people die before!" said Hitoriga. "Loads
of people! I'm one bloodthirsty bastard!"
"Yeah, SURE!" laughed Suzuka. "I doubt you've killed anyone
in your entire life!"
"Hey, I DID kill your entire family you know." said Hitoriga
grumpily.
"Oh yeah. I'm full of hatred over that." Suzuka reminded
herself. She put on her best angry face and they got in their new car
and
drove home.
"Doo dee doo, man it sure is fun looking out the window
here." said Harry, whistling. "Lalala. Hey, look at all those
monsters."
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! STOP IT! STOP RIGHT NOW!"
yelled their angry captor.
"I'm just kidding." laughed Harry. "Man, you should have seen
the look on your face."
"You can't see my face and you know it." said the voice from
the shadows. "Notice the shadows."
"OH MY GOD! LOOK OVER THERE!" yelled Ron, pointing wildly
towards the window. Even though he was tied up. Don't ask me.
"WHAT? WHAT IS IT?" yelled Melfina, looking out the window.
"Haha! Made you look!" laughed Ron. "See any monsters?"
"Nope. Just some bees. Are bees monsters?" asked Melfina.
"Sometimes. Look again to see if they're gone." said Harry.
"YOU IMMATURE BRATS STOP IT RIGHT NOW!" yelled the voice.
"We've been looking out the window every five seconds, and we
haven't seen one single monster." said Ron. "I think you're
feeding us a bunch of lies."
"YOU WHAT!?" yelled the voice angrily.
"See, look." said Harry, looking back and forth from the
shadows to the window. "Window? No monsters. Again. Window. No
monsters. Again. Window. No monsters. Again. Window. Monster. Again.
Windo-"
"WHAT?! THERE WAS A MONSTER OUT THERE?!" yelled Ron.
"Sure enough. Again. Window. Big scary monster looking at
me." said Harry, continuing his dumbness.
"You maniac! Look what you've done!" yelled the voice. "We
have to flee! We can't let you die!"
"Sounds great. Come over here and untie me." said Harry.
"But...Then you could see my face! I'd be out of the shadows!
You'd know who I was!" said the mysterious person.
"THIS IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH HERE!" yelled Ron. "IT IS
NOT A MATTER OF FACE AND NO FACE!"
"Somehow that makes sense." said the voice, sounding
defeated. "Very well, I'll untie you." The person walked out of the
shadows
slowly.
"OH. MY. GOD. IT'S YOU!" yelled Melfina.
"I can't. BELIEVE it." said Ron in awe.
"Dad?" asked Harry.
--------------
This chapter confuses me. I tried to add an element of drama
to the comedy, but I really don't know if it came together how I
envisioned it at all. I'm guessing it probably didn't. Please tell me
if all this stupid drama crap is turning you off, I want to know if
I'm
doing something wrong. If you're like: "Hey dude. Your chapters suck
now. Do something funny." Then I'll totally listen and change
my evil ways. The first step to change is admitting I have a problem,
so don't hesitate to criticize. Thank you.
Jet: (enters room) Where's the popsicles I just bought?
Oh yeah, that reminds me. I graciously apologize for Meowch's
unauthorized cameo appearance. It was necessary. Sorry dude, I
love you. Really.
Jet: POPSICLES! WHERE!
I left them on the counter to thaw out.
Jet: ....I hate you. More than anything else in the world.