Well, here's a chaptah. Morble. Chapter 22 already. Good gravy, it seems like only yesterday I was writing shitty Pokemon fanfics and taking siestas in the sun. More on that later. But for now, enjoy the heck out of another chapter of my favorite fanfiction in the whole wide world.
Jet: Oh, and a very merry christmas from all us here at the Party Ship!
Jesus christ Jet, and you say I'M corny. The most partyin' story in the galazy, ladies and gentlemen. Right here.
Jet: Grrrr...
Anyways everyone, this chapter is pretty raunchy and disgusting. If you are offended easily, read it anyway because this chapter is funny. But don't say I didn't warn you.
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"Hey Jim, can you hand me that wrench?" asked Gene.
"No. I'm busy." said Jim, watching a Starcraft 2 trailer on his PC. Yes, it still isn't out yet, even 1000 years in the future.
"What. Did. You. Say." said Gene.
"I said no. Get your own stupid wrench." said Jim
Gene climbed down from the Party Ship's engine and ran over to Jim, picking him up by the collar and shaking him. "DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE FUCKING WITH?! I AM THE GODDAMN STALLION, MANG! I AM THE STALLION!" He dropped Jim to the floor.
"NOW WHO AM I?"
"You, you are the Stallion." stuttered Jim in terror.
"I am the stallion." agreed Gene. "Now hand me that wrench."
"Yessir." said Jim, handing him a wrench on the floor. Gene inspected it closely, then turned to Jim. "It'll do. Now get outta my sight."
"Uh, k." said Jim, leaving the garage.
"Wait, come back! I need your assistance!" sobbed Gene. "THE STALLION was being sarcastic! Return to the Stallion! Jim! JIIIIM!"
Suzuka entered the garage. "Hey Gene, where the hell are my Everclear albu- Wow, just look at the ship!"
"Yeah, the repairs are really coming along, aren't they?" said Gene proudly, looking up at his handiwork.
"Why didn't you just take it to a repair shop and have a big team of qualified experts repair it instead of doing all the hard work yourself?" asked Suzuka.
"You know, that's a really good question." said Gene. "But oh well, no point in taking it in now that it's almost done."
"Almost done huh?" asked Suzuka. "What do you have left to do on it?"
"Eh, just got some problems with the engine I need to fix up." said Gene. "The stupid thing just won't start."
"Are you putting the keys in backwards again?" asked Suzuka.
"No, I checked that." said Gene, sounding troubled. "I can't think of what else could possibly be wrong with it."
"I'm sure you'll figure it out." said Suzuka. "Anyways, about those Everclear albums you borrowed from me..."
"I know, I know, I've replaced most of them." said Gene.
"What do you mean 'Replaced'?" asked Suzuka, tone of voice rising.
"Oh, I didn't tell you? Well, I kind of lit them on fire. Accidentally. But don't worry, there's only a couple I haven't replaced yet." said Gene. He laughed. "Those autographed out-of-print CDs are really hard to find, aren't they?"
"Hold still, it will make your demise less painful." said Suzuka.
"Eeeeek!" squeaked Gene, trying vainly to escape the fury of.... A WOMAN SCORNED. And her charred and blackened CDs. "I don't see why you care so much, Everclear sucks anyway!"
"Hey gang!" said Aisha, entering the room and dodging one of Suzuka's special attacks. "Guess what? I just scored four tickets for us to go to a hip pre-screening of THE FUNNIEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME."
"Which movie?" asked Gene, losing an arm.
"Weekend at Bernies." said Aisha.
"How is that a prescreening?" asked Suzuka, writing obscene remarks about Gene's mother on the walls with his dismembered arm. "That movie's been out for 1247 years."
"This is it's most recent remake." said Aisha confidently. "I'm sure it will be awesome enough to wipe all 290 of it's previous remake disasters from everyone's memory."
"Count me in." said Gene, slowly bleeding to death while Suzuka made smart remarks about his hygeine.
"Me too, I wouldn't miss that for the world!" laughed Suzuka. "Gene, you smell like a camel."
Gene coughed.
MEANWHILE WITH THE GUBBLE
"Alrighty everyone." said Hazanko. "Simmer down, simmer down." He threw a rock at Kahn. "SIMMER, DAMN YOU!"
"Simmer it is." said Kahn, taking his seat. It was a casual and fruity day on board the Geomancer. Hazanko was holding his usual Anten Seven staff meeting to go over developments and whatnot within their team.
"Okay guys. We lost the tournament." said Hazanko. "We poured all our financial reserves into funding the entry fees for three people. We are broke."
"Hey, it's not my fault I lost." said Tobeigera. "They stole my blades."
"We've all heard that 'I was defenseless!' arguement a million times Tobeigera, and frankly we're getting sick of it." said Hazanko. "With this latest financial crisis we are embedded in, we are going to have to cut the Humor section from the Anten Seven newsletter to save on printing costs."
Everyone gasped.
"And I'm afraid that's not the worst of it." said Hazanko sadly. "We will no longer be able to support the water cooler's maintenance costs anymore, so it has to go."
Leilong jumped up. "That's ridiculous! The water cooler has to be cleaned like once a month, and that's it! That's what, a penny?"
"We don't have any pennies to support it." said Hazanko. "Now then, on to article two. Hitoriga is gone. We have no idea where he is. I've posted missing person signs all over the Geomancer's interior. If any of you guys find him hiding under a bed or in a closet somewhere, report to me immediately."
"He's off laying a beautiful assassin babe." said Jukei.
"Really? Fancy that." said Hazanko. "Ladies and gentlemen, I have an update on the Hitoriga situation. He is probably laying a beautiful assassin babe. This should make him easier to spot. Be sure to double check the ship's under-bed areas and closets for naughty activities."
"Uh...I don't think he's on the shi-" said Leilong.
"Alright, onto article three!" said Hazanko. "Iraga is hot now. Iraga, please stand up front here with me."
Iraga stood up next to Hazanko's podium. "Hey guys."
"As you all can see, Iraga is hot." said Hazanko, gesturing towards her. "Check out her knockers. I'd love to kiss the valley between them."
Leilong raised his hand. "Why is her hair red? Why not black? I like black hair! This is the worst day of my life!"
"Leilong, shut up." said Hazanko. "A secret camera will be installed in Iraga's shower by the end of the day."
"Yesssss!" cheered Iraga.
"What about the shitty music that you're always playing over the ships speakers?" asked Leilong. "Isn't that an addressable issue?"
"What shitty music?" asked Hazanko innocently.
"Pump up the jam. Pump up the jam. Pump up the jam, pump it up." sang Jukei.
"Uh, oh yeah. That shitty music." said Hazanko. "The shitty music shall remain until further notice."
"But...But...." moaned Hamushi, as Vanilla Ice started playing over the speakers.
"No buts." said Hazanko. "I like this stuff, it really helps me get my groove on."
"What about some nice, fairly relaxing and hilariously stereotypical lounge music?" asked Kahn.
"I guess I should have expected some criticism from you guys for my taste in music." sighed Hazanko. "Well, from now on it will be nothing but ridicule towards Jukei for his Oasis fandom. Mark my words."
There was an instant uproar of laughter and pointing at Jukei.
"Shut up you guys! They were awesome when they were underground! Hey!" yelled Jukei.
RUBBY GUBBY MEANWHILE
"As embarrassing as that defeat was, we must move on to other matters!" said Hilda in a commanding tone. "There are more pressing issues that MUST be addressed! Grief is for the weak!"
"What kind of other matters?" asked Harry, as they walked up the ramp leading into Horus.
"Why, me and Horus' happy marriage of course!" giggled Hilda, hugging the interior wall of the ship.
"You look gorgeous, dear. Did you succeed in your tournament?" asked Horus.
"Sorry Horus, my little teddy bear." said Hilda. "I lost. You aren't mad at me...are you?"
"Of course not! I'd never be mad at you, baby." said Horus, extending a robot arm from somewhere to embrace her. He sneakily and without being noticed groped her rear.
"Gag. Gag." said Ron. "You guys are awful. Where are your ethics?"
"Ethics are a matter of opinion." said Hilda. "If everyone in the universe followed the stupid ethical law of not killing people, would we have murder? Would we? Of COURSE not. Just try and imagine that. A world without murder. Horrible, isn't it?"
"Yeah, it is." said Ron, fearing the future of his career as a space-asshole.
"Yes, so you can see that ethics are crap." said Hilda.
"I guess that kind of makes sense, but still-" said Ron.
"ENOUGH! HORUS, TAKE US TO THE MAYOR'S OFFICE FOR OUR MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE!" yelled Hilda.
"Yes, pookie munchkin." said Horus. They launched and within 45 seconds they were at the mayor's office.
"Man, you're fast." complimented Melfina.
"Don't let looks decieve, I'm a lot slower in other...areas." said Horus. "You'd be able to keep up."
"WHOA THERE! THAT WAS OUT OF LINE!" said Ron. "RAUNCHY RAUNCHY!"
"YOU RAUNCHY PIECE OF CRAP! MELFINA'S MY BUDDY!" yelled Harry, kicking Horus' display screen.
"I don't really understand what Horus meant by that, but the Raunchymeter is off the chart!" said Melfina, holding up a complicated piece of machinery with a dial spinning out of control. They stopped being stupid and left the ship. As they entered the mayor's office, they had a really bizzare conversation involving I Love Lucy and a hot tub full of salad dressing. Trust me, it's better if you don't know.
"Sup mayor! I'd like a marriage license!" said Hilda, doing a high kick for no reason.
"Kay." said the mayor. "Who's your husband? Mr. Greenhair over there?" He pointed at Harry.
"ME?! MARRY A GIRL?! EWWWWWW!" yelled Harry, slapping Hilda. "COOTIES COOTIES COOTIES!"
"My mistake." said the mayor calmly. "Where's your husband then, Ms. Eyepatch?"
"Oh, he's parked outside." said Hilda.
There was a long pause. "Ms. Eyepatch, you do realize that Human/Machine marriages are banned throughout the universe, correct?"
"Of course I do." said Hilda. "I just don't see why. We have da love."
"Look, it says right here in the Universally Accepted Thing Of Rules." said the mayor. He pulled a thick book off a bookshelf beside him. "Only marriages between a man and a woman will be recognized as legal. And between a man and a man or a woman and a woman. And a man and a sandwich, in special cases."
"I'd like to marry a sandwich, eat it, then get a divorce." said Harry.
"Harry, shut the hell up. Just...be quiet." sighed Ron.
"No, I'm serious. What kind of special cases are we talking about here?" asked Harry.
"Mr. Greenhair, The meat in the sandwich generally has to be made out of human flesh." said the mayor. "It's closer to a human relationship that way."
"Oh, that should be easy." said Harry. "Ron, how's that babysitter healing?"
"She's still paralyzed from the neck down." said Ron. "Plus we haven't exactly been feeding her, so I doubt there's enough meat on her to suffice for a sandwich."
"Damn!" swore Harry. "Then I suppose I'll need...A NEW DONOR! MUAHAHAHAHAH! AHAHA! HA HA HA! HAR! So how about it, Hilda?"
"No! Get away from me!" yelled Hilda. She turned to the mayor. "Well, if we CAN'T marry, then we're just going to have to do something about it!"
"Like what?" asked Melfina.
"Like....A RALLY." said Hilda with a gleam in her eye.
"Oh dear god." said Ron.
STUBBLE BUBBLE GLUB RUBB MEANWHILE
"Man oh man, thank god for giant stuffed leopards!" said Gene. "That leopard was a true hero! He saved my life, and I would gladly do the same for him!"
"Gotta admit, he did a great job of stitching your arm back on again." said Jim. "What did he say his name was?"
"He didn't give a name. He didn't tell me anything about himself. He just did his duty in stoic silence." said Gene elaborately. "It was powerful and awestriking."
Our favorite bumblebrubs were hanging out in the official Blue Heaven Movie Theater For Cool People. They had just verified their tickets, beat up some guy who was beating Gene at an arcade game in the theater's concession room, and were now in line to buy their snacks.
"I'll have a strange light green liquid. Supersize that." said Aisha to a concession guy.
"Uh, a strange light green liquid? What do you mean?" asked the guy.
"I mean, just get me some random light green liquid. Food color some Snapple if you have to." said Aisha, slamming her fist down on the counter.
"I don't get paid nearly enough to do that." said the guy.
"I'll give you a little... 'tip'." said Aisha with a wink, voice dripping with sensuality.
"GIVE ME LIGHT GREEN STUFF!" yelled the guy instantly to a customer in line behind Aisha. "YOU WILL BE GREATLY REWARDED!"
"Get your own light green stuff." said the customer.
"But...I...alright." said the guy. He turned back to Aisha. "I'm sorry ma'am, but this is going to take a while."
"Oh, okay." said Aisha, leaning against a wall. "No tip for you then."
"N-noooo..." sobbed the guy.
"Hey, I'm still waiting to order here!" yelled Gene, picking the guy up by his collar. "I'LL FREAKING KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T HURRY YOURSELF UP IN GIVING ME MY OVERPRICED MOVIE SNACKS!"
"Eep! Yes sir!" said the guy as Gene put him down. "Now what would you like?"
"Junior Mints. Loads of them." said Gene.
"Uh, how many is 'loads'?" asked the concession guy. Gene whipped out his caster and pointed it at him. "I THINK YOU ASK TOO MANY QUESTIONS, MR. MOVIE THING!"
"I want a box of Hot Tamales!" yelled Jim happily.
"WAIT YOUR TURN, JIM!" yelled Gene.
"Darn. Sorry." said Jim.
"Anyways, just give me like 20 boxes of junior mints." said Gene.
"Alright." said the guy, handing Gene his candy.
"Hot. Tamales." said Jim slowly. "I'm not going to repeat myself."
"What? Could you repeat that?" asked the concession guy.
"Sure. I'd like a box of Hot Tamales." said Jim politely.
"Yes sir." said the guy, handing Jim a box of Hot Tamales. "You there! Can I help you?"
"Nah, I'm just begging for cash." said Hitoriga, standing off to the side. "I need enough money to get to Heiphon, fast."
"Pay no attention to him, he doesn't matter." said Suzuka. "Me, I matter. And I want a large root beer."
"I don't believe you, Suzuka! How can you just say I don't matter?" demanded Hitoriga. "You might not want to admit it around your friends, but you genuinely enjoyed spending time with me the other night!"
"No, really. You mean nothing to me." said Suzuka, handing Hitoriga some money. "If it'll keep you out of my life, just take this and catch a flight off to Heiphon to get back with your Anten guys."
"Suzuka, you can't just throw me away!" said Hitoriga. "I'll keep coming back! You can deny it, but you and I were meant to be!"
"Oh. Well if it's not gonna keep you out of my life anyway, can I have my money back?" asked Suzuka.
"Um...no." said Hitoriga, running out the door really fast.
"Crap. That'll show me to try and make a dramatic moment." said Suzuka, looking into her empty wallet. "Gene, you're going to have to pay for my snacks now."
"Forget that. Just give your damn root beer back." said Gene.
"I'm sorry sir, but we can't do that." said the concession guy. "We DO have santitation regulations around here."
"What do you mea- AISHA! QUIT WASHING YOUR FACE IN MY ROOT BEER!" demanded Suzuka.
"I need SOMETHING acidic to get the tree sap out of my hair!" said Aisha.
"That'll be 45 dollars sir." said the concession guy.
"D-damn you all." sobbed Gene, digging into his wallet.
UBBY DUB RUBBY MEANWHILE
"Hello there ma'am. My name's Harry MacDougall and I'd like to lop your head off and use your flesh to make a sandwich." said Harry into a phone.
"Is this a marketing gimmick?" asked a female voice on the other end skeptically.
"No no, I'm serious." said Harry. "There's really nothing I'd like more than to tear off your skin and put your meat on some rye bread with mayo."
"Uh, no thanks. Not interested." said the woman, hanging up.
"DAMMIT!" yelled Harry, slamming down the phone.
"More swear words?!" said Ron frantically. "I'm going to have a talk with your friend Johnny's parents!"
"Sorry Ron, it's not Johnny." said Harry. "I'm just mad! It's almost like there's not a single woman in the city who wants me to make her tender muscle into a sandwich."
"Keep trying Harry, I'm sure there's someone." said Ron.
"Alright you guys, how's this sign look?" asked Hilda, holding up a sign that said END HUMAN/MACHINE TYRANNY!
"Uh, I think it looks great." said Ron. "I like the picture of the woman being pleasured by a robot underneath, while the robot eats a tank."
"Yeah, it took me a while to get the facial expression on the woman to look right." said Hilda. "I wanted to give the impression of pleasure with just the slightest hint of submission. As if to say: 'I don't want this, but it's damn enjoyable anyway.'"
"Well, I'm sure you succeeded." said Ron. "So, you're really going through with this whole rally thing?"
"Yep! All my pals with the National Association for Human Machine Love are going to march with me." said Hilda. "How about this sign? Think one of my friends could hold this up?" She held up a sign that said HATING HUMAN/MACHINE RELATIONSHIPS IS FOR PEOPLE WITH FAT THIGHS.
"Sure, sure Hilda. Whatever." said Ron.
"No, no! I'm not a stalker or a weirdo! I just want to eat your body! Have you been keeping your legs tender?" asked Harry of someone on the phone. "Hello? HELLO?! GOD DAMMIT!"
"HARRY!" said Ron, shocked.
"I wish I didn't have to make all these stupid phone calls! I wish they'd just lift all the restrictions on sandwich marriages so I wouldn't have to cut up ANYONE at all and could just marry a normal sandwich!" whined Harry.
Hilda grabbed him by the shoulders. "HARRY, THAT'S IT!"
"Yes! Self Mutilators Anonymous! I haven't tried calling there yet, I'm sure they'd be willing to let me cut them!" said Harry, snapping his fingers.
"No, I mean you should march with me tomorrow!" said Hilda. "Except we won't make it only a Human/Machine thing, we'll make it an EVERYTHING thing. Anyone who feels opressed sexually can come out and speak their mind. This will be the day that we abolish sexual laws once and for all! Harry, this could be the most important public rally....OF ALL TIME."
"Wow, you mean it?" asked Harry. "I'll call my friend Johnny and ask him if he wants to participate!" Harry picked up the phone and dialed Johnny's number. "It's ringing. Wait, no it isn't. Oh yeah, yeah it is. No. Yes. Yeah, yes. No. Yes."
"Harry, I really think you should start listening to your headphones with the volume turned down a bit, it's ruining your hearing." said Ron.
"What?" asked Harry.
"Never mind." said Ron.
BUB
"Honey, honey...No, stop...the phone's ringing." said Johnny, an early 20 something in bed with some hot lady.
"Let it ring." said the hot lady seductively.
"Sorry dear, it'll only take a second." said Johnny, reaching over to the bedside table and picking up the phone. "Hello?"
"Hi there Johnny!" chirped Harry. "What's up?"
"Harry? Ah, I'm doing okay. What's going on?" asked Johnny, as the hot lady started kissing his neck.
"I was wondering if you'd like to come over to my house and plan for a sexual opression march thingy!" said Harry.
"You're doing a march? Sweet." said Johnny. "I'll be right over."
"Really? Man, you were quick to answer." commented Harry.
"Oh, yeah." said Johnny. "I have been known to do some fairly illegal things with love. I'll be over in 15 minutes."
"Okay. See ya in a sec, Johnny!" said Harry happily, hanging up. Johnny turned to his lover. "Sorry mom, but I'm going over to Harry's to plan for a march thing."
"Okay, well be sure to be back in time for dinner. I'm fixing baked potatoes." said Johnny's mom.
"I hate baked potatoes, mom! We're through!" said Johnny.
"If that's how you're gonna be, then here! Have your ring back!" said Johnny's mom, taking her engagement ring off and throwing it at Johnny.
MUBBLE GUBB RUBBY MEANWUBBLE
"Alright everybody, load thineselves upon The Party Ship!" said Gene, stepping back from the engine and wiping sweat off his brow.
"Wow, so you finally got it all fixed up?" asked Aisha.
"Nah, I'm hoping my tinfoil and cherry Robotussin solution to this engine crisis holds up long enough to get us into outer space." said Gene.
"Tinfoil and cherry Robotussin?" asked Suzuka.
"Yep. It's a little known fact that tinfoil and cherry robotussin, when combined, ignite your engine and the resulting blast has enough force to carry your newly destroyed flaming pile of twisted metal to anywhere in the universe." said Gene. "What do you think of that?"
"I think you're insane and should be shot." said Jim.
"Fantastic!" said Gene. "All aboard!" They all worriedly climbed aboard the ship.
"Hi Gene, are we ready to launch?" asked Gilliam.
"Yes sir we are!" said Gene happily. "Let's get going!"
"Alright, launch sequence initiated!" said Gilliam happily. The engines sprung to life and the fancy fancy and newly upholstered dashboard glowed with many pretty colors.
"Wh-What?! Where's...the explosion!? MY GLORIOUS EXPLOSION! WHERE HAVE YOU GONE TO!?" sobbed Gene.
"Oh, I dumped out your suicide mixture and just repaired the ship myself." said Gilliam. "You lunatic bastard."
"WHY?! WHY?! IT WOULD HAVE WORKED!" yelled Gene.
"I know, and that is why I had to stop you." said Gilliam solemnly. "Now take your seat Gene, we are ready for launch."
"Stupid Gilliam...trying to be a badass...mumble grumble...doggies." said Gene angrily to himself, sitting down in the pilots seat and crossing his arms.
"Okay, we are not going anywhere until Gene gives me the CDs he borrowed from me." said Suzuka, standing in front of Gene, arms stretched outwardly.
"You'd have to be outside of the ship if you want standing with your arms out like that to work and make me not go anywhere." said Gene.
"Gah, forget it then." said Suzuka. "Just give me my damn CDs."
"Well, alright." said Gene, pulling a brown paper bag out from under his chair and handing it to her. "I couldn't find the ones I had to replace for you, so I bought the store brand ones."
" 'Phil, the Wal-Mart Sales Manager Sings The Blues.'" read Suzuka off the cover of the first CD.
"Yep, you can buy store brand CDs for way cheaper than normal ones." said Gene. "Check it out, I even got Tina The Hardware Section Queen's latest single in there."
"Oh, I love that song!" said Aisha. She started singing. "Screwdrivers! Thirty per-cent off!"
"Thirty per-cent off! Thirty per-cent off!" sang Jim, supplying the background vocals.
"No! Aisha! Quit singing!" demanded Gilliam.
"He's right! Aisha, your voice isn't pretty anymore! YOU MUSTN'T SING!" said Suzuka, terrified.
"A power drill would be fine! For $49.99!" sang Aisha, doing the rapping part of the song.
"This makes me feel gangsta inside..." said Gilliam.
"OH DEAR GOD!" yelled Gene. "It's chaos!"
"My blood feels like it's boiling!" shreiked Jim. "Aisha, quit singing!"
"Buy something please! I'm on my knees!" sang Aisha.
"Word." said Gilliam.
"You guys, we have to get her into the shower!" said Suzuka, covering her ears.
"Good thinking Suzuka, I'm proud of you. I'll bring the camcorder." said Gene.
"No! Remember, you had the bathroom soundproofed when Aisha started singing in the shower!" said Suzuka.
"Oh yeah! Excellent thinking, Suzuka!" said Jim. "C'mon, grab her!" Gene, Suzuka, and Jim grabbed Aisha and started dragging her to the bathroom.
"Get your hands off me! I'm going to be the next American Idol!" sobbed Aisha.
"You are not!" said Gene. "Okay, we're at the bathroom already! Chuck her inside!"
Suzuka pressed some buttons on a pad next to the bathroom door. "It's not working! Why isn't it working?!" she said with a hint of panic in her voice as Aisha started singing Pearl Jam songs.
"Don't panic, Suzuka! Don't panic!" said Gene. "Gilliam! GILLIAM!"
"Wutup dawg?" asked Gilliam's voice from the ship's speakerphone.
Gene looked up at the speaker. "Open the bathroom door for us, Gilliam!"
"Where's the fire, daddio?" asked Gilliam.
"Gilliam, you're not Beatnik Gilliam! Gangsta Gilliam I could bear, but never Beatnik Gilliam! Understand?" asked Gene.
"Straight up, dawg." said Gilliam. "Can't open no b-room doors, homeskillet."
"Why the hell not?" asked Gene.
"Hey! I take no disrespect fum you! How 'bout I cut you, blood?" shrieked Gilliam.
"Gilliam! Shut up! You are not Gangsta Gilliam! You are a normal Gilliam!" yelled Suzuka. "Now get this door open! Right now!"
"OH! I'm-I'm sorry...I must have gotten carried away." said Gilliam, speaking very quickly. "Yes, that's it. Carried away. Yes. Of course I will open the bathroom door. I'm sorry everyone." The bathroom door snapped open and they tossed Aisha inside.
"Oh I, Heeeaaaaard I'm still alive." sang Aisha as they slammed the door on her.
TUBBY STUBBY BUBB RUBBY
"One flight to Heiphon, please." said Hitoriga bitterly.
"Do you have any baggage?" asked the airline lady.
"Emotional baggage, yes." said Hitoriga. "No actual baggage though, because all my possessions were stolen from me. Including..." He pulled out a tissue and blew his nose. "...my heart."
"Uh huh." said the airline lady. She was used to people like Hitoriga relating their problems to her for no reason. "You'll be on flight 256A today, sir. Nonstop to Heiphon. Would you like smoking or non-smoking?"
"Smoking please." said Hitoriga.
"Yes sir." said the lady, handing him a ticket that was on fire.
"Oh, ha ha." said Hitoriga. "That would be almost funny if it wasn't already used in Airplane. You jackass, JHeman."
The airline lady took back his ticket, slapped him with a fish, then handed it back. "Wh-What the hell?" asked Hitoriga.
"Muahahahaha!" laughed the lady, tearing off her mask to reveal...Me!
"OH MY GOD!" shrieked Hitoriga. He started to run, but then he turned around and pointed at me. "I'm telling everyone you're a cross dresser now!"
"I am not a cross dresser!" I yelled. "I just wanted a dramatic entry!"
"See ya later, Ms. Doubtfire!" laughed Hitoriga, strolling away.
"Hey! Don't call me Ms. Doubtfire! I'll freaking kill you! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO YOU'RE MESSING WITH?! Get back here!" I yelled, enraged.
"But I have to catch a flight." said Hitoriga, pointing to his airline ticket, which was currently igniting the hair of some woman he was standing near.
"Oh yeah. Sorry, go ahead then." I said apologetically.
"Hi, I'd like one ticket to Ontariopia please." said a guy, walking up to the counter.
"I'M NOT AN AIRLINE LADY! GO FIND A REAL AIRLINE LADY AND QUIT BOTHERING ME!" I yelled, waving my arms around.
"You mean...you don't work here?" asked the guy.
"That's exactly what I mean! Now get out of here!" I commanded.
"...Are you gonna sell me a ticket or not?" asked the guy.
"I hate you. I should have never written you into this story." I said bitterly.
"But now it's too late." said the guy smugly, letting out an evil laugh.
FUBBY TUBBY KUBBY
It was a warm, bright and sunny day in the town square of Heiphon's biggest city. There were protestors everywhere, carrying signs and other gear in order to liberate themselves from whatever it is protestors want to liberate themselves from. I don't get those guys. Hilda was standing in front of them all on a raised platform, giving a speech in behind a podium.
"Citizens of Heiphon!" called Hilda. "We have gathered here, as you know, to march for our rights as people! We deserve the same marriage rights everybody else does!"
"Hallelujah!" said Harry, standing up.
"For too long have we been oppressed by the government for the weird shit that turns us on, and that has to be stopped!" said Hilda enthusiastically. "For I-"
"Hey Hilda, can we cut this short?" asked a guy. "My fiancee is double-parked."
"Wow, that was YOUR fiancee?" asked another guy. "Man, that's one nice vehicle. She's got great rims, I bet she can REALLY ride." He chuckled.
"Heh, you said it." said the first guy. "I'll give you a look under the hood later, if you want."
"Hot! So, she's into all that exhibitionist stuff?" asked the second guy.
"Ted, Dean, you guys are getting off topic! Now shut up and let me finish my speech!" said Hilda.
"Here Hilda, let ME speak on your behalf!" said Susan happily, climbing onto the stage from the crowd.
"Oh dear god, not YOU." said Hilda.
"Yes ma'am, it is indeed me!" said Susan happily, hugging Hilda. "Hilda, you smell great! Is that a new perfume?"
"Yes! I mean, no! It's none of your business!" said Hilda, pushing Susan away.
"So Hilda, how about after this protest thing you and me get together for a little huggin' and kissin'?" asked Susan.
"No! I hate you, Susan!" said Hilda.
"I'm flattered! Last time I made a clumsy pass on you you said you LOATHED me! I've moved up a notch, everyone!" said Susan happily as the crowd applauded their support.
"SILENCE!" yelled Hilda, stabbing Susan in the back.
"Ouch. Good thing I'm THICK SKINNED, eh?" laughed Susan.
"GOOD GOD, KEEP AWAY FROM ME!" yelled Hilda, running off the stage.
"Alright you guys, let's rally!" said Susan, raising a sign above her head amidst the crowd's cheers. They all set off and marched to the capital.
"Jesus Jefferson Clinton!" shrieked the mayor, looking out his window at the rallyers below his big mayor building. "Looks like our friend Ms. Eyepatch has started a rally!" He changed out of his casual wear and into his suit. "Wow, that feels much better. Those leather pants really are uncomfortable." He walked down the steps and outside.
"There he is! The mayor!" yelled Ted, throwing a brick at him.
"Ted, you retard! He's not gonna pass any laws of ours if we throw bricks at him!" said Dean.
"Ladies and gentlemen, hi." said the mayor. "I hate rallies, so knock it off."
"We're not gonna knock anything off until we, the sexual minorities, get our rights to romance!" yelled Susan, jumping on top of someone's car. "Isn't that right?" The crowd roared.
"And exactly what sexual minority do you belong to, Ms. Weirdsweater?" demanded the mayor.
"I represent the lesbian populus who has constantly been-" started Susan.
"Jesus christ, lesbian marriages have been legal for like 3000 years." said the mayor.
"Really? You don't say. Well then, I'm a spokeswoman for these poor tortured soul who have been forced to hide their feelings from the outside world out of fear of prosecution!" said Susan, turning to the crowd. "Tell him your feelings, angry mob!" the crowd erupted into hundreds of voices, each shoting their opinions at the mayor.
"Cars are people too! Cars are people too!" yelled Ted and Dean.
"My mom is HOT! My mom is HOT!" yelled Johnny.
"Beastiality is great!" yelled Farmer Jerry.
"Bondage is super!" yelled Ron.
"Dude, you sick weirdo!" said Dean, pointing at Ron.
"What kind of immoral bastard are you, you violent control freak!" said Johnny.
"Man, some people out there are into some sick stuff, huh Sparky?" said Farmer Jerry.
"Woof woof!" said Sparky.
"Do you hear them? Do you hear their hearts crying out for love?" asked Susan.
"Sure." said the mayor. "Alright Ms. Weirdlyattractivelesbian, you win. As of today, all consensual forms of love are hereby legal!"
"Yeehaw! Yeehaw!" yelled Farmer Jerry, dancing a jig.
"Not you, Mr. Animalmolestor." said the mayor. "I said all CONSENSUAL forms of love, and I don't see Sparky here stoping his paw twice to request some romance from you."
"Shit, he's right." said Hilda.
"Better luck next time." said Johnny, slapping Farmer Jerry on the back. "Well see you guys later, I'm gonna apologize to the woman I love for snapping at her."
"Bye Johnny!" said Harry happily, waving. He turned to the mayor.
"So does that mean I can marry a salami sandwich now? I just picked one up on the way here. It's nice and fresh."
"Well, sure thing!" said the mayor. "Is there a priest around?"
"Yeah, I'm a priest!" said a Ted.
"Marry this fine young couple for us then, Mr. Jalopyhumper!" said the mayor.
"Actually, it's a '79 Pacer." said Ted, irritated. "Anyways, I now pronounce you man and sandwich! You may eat the bride!"
"Much obliged! I missed lunch!" said Harry, gobbling up his wife. "Yum. How soon can I apply for a divorce?"
"Ah, there's no prettier sight than that of a man in love." said the mayor, wiping a tear from his eye.
"Well Hilda, it looks like we've got quite a happy ending on our hands." said Susan, putting an arm around her. "What say we get a hotel room and celebrate our victory in an INTENSELY unconventional fashion?"
"Look, Susan, no." said Hilda. "I don't want anything to do with you."
"C'mon Hilda, you mean a lot to me. I don't just approach every woman I see like this, you know." said Susan.
"Yes you do." Hilda pointed out.
"Look, the point I'm trying to make here is that you mean something special to me." said Susan. "I really mean that. I have charisma, I have looks, I have a killer sex drive. I'm the great and marvelous Susan. I could get any other woman in the universe, and yet I want you. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"
"Not really, Susan. Go get one of those other girls in the universe and leave me alone, I'm proudly straight." said Hilda.
"Fine then. I'll leave you alone." said Susan bitterly.
"Really?" said Hilda hopefully.
"Yes. After one last grope!" giggled Susan, grabbing Hilda's ass and running away.
"Damn that Susan. Damn her to hell." said Hilda.
END OF THE RUBBYS GO BUBB
"Launch will commence in T-minus 10 seconds, yo." said Gilliam.
"GILLIAM!" scolded Gene.
"Sorry. T-minus 10 seconds. No yo." said Gilliam
"Gene, do you think it's alright for us to head into space with Gilliam's questionable sanity and the state Aisha's in right now?" asked Suzuka.
"King Jeremy the wicked, ruuuledhis world." sang Aisha faintly from the bathroom.
"Nah, don't worry about it Suzuka." said Gene. "We'll be just fine. What could go wrong?"
Famous last words.
-----------------
Well everyone, another chapter come and gone. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank some special individuals who made this chapter possible. My heart goes out to all the people who have damaged my head over the years, lowering my intelligence level every time. If it wasn't for you guys, this chapter would have never been made. Thank you all. Readers, I'll see you guys again next chapter! What can you expect? Who knows.
Jet: You always say that, but admit it. This time you know exactly what's coming up next time, you just don't want to give it away.
Exactly, jet old chum. Exactly. Until next time everyone, keep on partyin'.
Jet: GOOD GOD, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!
Okay, even I regret that one.