Over the Edge
Chapter 5
By aznJEDI13
Disclaimer: George Lucas owns all, no doubt about that. This story belongs to me.
Note: I've finally decided on a time frame. We last saw our beloved couple when Anakin was 18 and Amidala was 23, almost 24. Now, three years later, our heroes meet again. Fate has brought them together once more. It is suggested that you read the "The Deep End" first.
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'…I finally realize that you are my true love,
And now I know I need you, each and every day,
I can't live without you…'
He shivered.
It was so cold. Closing his eyes, he awaited the dreams that had plagued his sleep since that fateful day. An insomnia that had been unavoidable and unwanted since the day he pushed his master over the edge. Since he had looked into those eyes, seething with rage, and had to ignore his own conscience and harm the only man that had been like a father to him.
He loathed him and loved him at the same time.
But it was so cold now. The chilled weather was causing a slight frost over his non-existent windows. The torn fabric, his only curtains, blew in the cold wind that sent shivers down his spine and goose bumps up and down his body.
He reached for his thin brown blanket to pull to against his shivering body more.
A murky, dark, desolate feeling surrounded him, but, in all his melancholy existence on the underworld planet, he was use to it.
The black of night washed over him like the blanket he did not have. The stars were his only light as he stared up through a hole in the ceiling and watched them sparkle and shine in their own way. The blackness set apart the day from the night and light from dark.
He hated night.
Night was not only time for nightmares, but for unexpected visitors as well and un-welcomed memories too. Night, though its black void tried to encompass him in feelings of compassion and warmth, it did not. He felt no less secure at night, in fact he felt less secure at night.
The darkness appalled his soul, frightened his heart, and injured his spirit. The shadows of night scared him, reminding him so much of before.
Before – where joy could be found and there had been no trace of sorrow. Where such a corrupted world was nonexistent and when loved reigned over hate.
Where he and she had fallen in love.
But of course, like everything else, it all changed and faded away. Corusant was no longer busy with lights, no longer held the scum of the earth and the royals of society. Senators hardly ventured here, the Jedi were gone, the temple destroyed, and all that remained was poverty and vile.
A sinister filth that had been nonexistent and not of utter comprehension until his dear master had become the siege of the galaxy.
Not just the Jedi had gone into hiding, but the underdog opposition, the unwanted rebels, and the retreating imperial exiles. All had fled in hopes of not just a better life, but a life.
He was no longer Anakin Skywalker, fierce, brawn Jedi Knight, the Chosen One indeed, but Jag Darklighter, one of the finest Generals of the crumbled republic, an unspoken, timid man, but one of the galaxy's greatest warriors.
Jag Darklighter had everything that Anakin Skywalker had ever wanted – a career, a beautiful ship, money, friends – a normal life.
Except for one thing and that one thing was her.
As one of the last remaining Jedi he had hid here, here a place where no one should have been able to find him. But someone had.
She had.
She had waltz into his life, intruding on his self-inflammation and pity, looking just as beautiful as always and just as tantalizing and mesmerizing as the first day they had met back in Watto's Junkyard. Never would he ever see a creature as beautiful and amazing as she.
And her eyes, he realized, still sent shivers down his spine, still made goose bumps run up his arms, still made his stomach turn.
The atmosphere here was always dark, but today, for some strange reason, to Anakin, it seemed a little brighter.
"Jag?" Someone called into his one room home, "Jag, ya in a here?"
Turning at the sound of his name, he saw Dex standing in the doorway, looking out over Anakin's open window. He smiled, "Hey Dex."
The other creature smiled back, "Jag." He came closer, "Just came to see how you're doing before I head home."
He nodded and turned back to look at the non-existent part of the ceiling, "I'm fine, Dex, just fine." The other man took a seat next to the ground that Anakin slept on. The former Jedi apprentice sat up and looked directly at Dex, "What can I do for you Dex?" He questioned.
Without hesitation, the former friend of his master spoke up, "You knew that women in there today, didn't you?"
Anakin thought about it for a second and finally spoke quietly. The words that he spoke contradicting his heart, "No." He paused, "Never seen her before."
Dex shook his head, "Ya did," His eyes narrowed, "No 'ne looks at ta strangeer like dat."
Anakin shrugged, knowing there was no way out of it, "Even if I did know her before," He looked away, "It wouldn't matter."
Dex nodded in understanding, "She da girl who got dway, huh?"
He shrugged, "I guess you could say that." He admitted.
Dex's brows curved now in curiosity, "Ya loved her, didn' ya?" He paused, "Ya still doo?"
Anakin smiled, "Of course," He paused and looked far away, as if seeing her face all over again, "When I first laid eyes on her, beauty had a new standard." He paused, "It still does."
Dex smiled, "I haven't ceen tha 'n a while."
His brows creased in consternation, "What?"
"A smile," replied the bartender, "A real, sober smile."
Anakin laughed. "Thanks Dex, you're a really good friend."
The bartender smiled, "I live ta serve Jag. Now give ol' Dex a hug."
Just as the two men embrace friendly, a small petite voice echoed through the atmosphere, surprising Anakin and throwing his senses completely aloof. "Ani?" It asked, echoing through the desolate room.
Releasing Dex, he turned to look at the doorway and saw the most beautiful creature he had ever seen, "My name is Jag." He replied coldly. The only thing that seemed logical to say, he turned away staring at anything but her angelic face.
"I'll a leava ya two 'lone." The bartender replied uncomfortably.
Anakin nodded and turned to sullenly look out the window, "Jag." Began the soft, gentle voice, "Jag." It repeated quietly.
Anakin took a deep breath, "How did you find me?" He questioned, not looking at her.
Her eyes narrowed, "Are you sober?" She asked.
He still didn't look at her and he spoke in a cold, monotone voice. One that's pain sent trembles through her small body, "Unfortunately." He replied, "How did you find me?" He repeated.
She shrugged, "Marina messaged me a few weeks ago."
"Marina's dead." He interrupted.
She let out a deep breath, "I'm sorry," She paused awkwardly, "Jag."
His eyes closed, though she could not tell, "It's all right." He replied sadly.
She came closer slowly, "How are you Jag?" She asked, "She messaged me days before the temple went down. Then it fell apart. I was so worried, Jag," She closed her eyes in retrospect, "So scared."
Her hand lightly came down on his arm, but he turned away from her and brushed away her hand, "Don't touch me Padme." He whispered just loud enough for her to hear. "Please, don't." He begged.
Her eyes curved in confusion, "Ani…" She whispered, "My beautiful Ani."
His eyes closed again, unbeknownst to her, "You moved on." He whispered. "Why are you here?"
She sniffled from behind him slightly, "He's dead Jag, your sick master killed him."
"Good." He reprove quietly, "Good."
She let out a frustrated breath, "Ani, you can't mean that…"
"I thought you loved me." He replied. "You wonder why I shun your touch, why I avoid your voice, why I hide away from your haunting presence." He paused, "You have my heart Padme, you always will – no matter what. But still, you torment me with these games, I thought you loved me."
She sighed, "Loving you was another time and place, Ani." She whispered, finally coming up to his side and sitting beside him, "I had to move on, one way or another, you understand don't you?" She shook her head; "I couldn't hang on, waiting at fate's doorstep."
He shook his head, his piercing blue eyes finally meeting her and she saw all the pain in those ice-blue chips – all the sorrow.
"No, of course," He laughed sadistically, his brows creasing in mock-indignation, "Not with the war going on, you'd think you wouldn't have time to hang on fate." He paused, his eyes growing bitter and his tone becoming hushed, "I didn't go looking for it though."
She bit her lip, speaking guiltily; "I thought you and Marina…" Her voice trailed off, unable to utter those words, unable to utter her worst fear – though she'd never admit it.
"No," He shook his head, "I got halfway to Malastare and I realized there was no one else for me. I had only hoped you felt the same." He looked away finally; "I was such a fool. I am still."
Her eyes creased in consternation, "But she messaged me-"
He interrupted her again; "We were good friends. The best of friends, but not lovers – I couldn't have been a lover to anyone else." He sniffled, "I was foolish, wasn't I? To think that we still had some sort of chance. What a fool I've been."
"A fool perhaps," She paused briefly, "But a true fool wouldn't have realized it or worst, a true fool would have thought differently." She smiled sheepishly, "I suppose we both were at fault."
He took a deep breath, "I'd give anything to you, anything in the world, to make it better, to say I'm sorry, Padme," He turned to look at her, his eyes piercing hers and seeing once again into her soul, "Anything you want."
She shook her head, her eyes watering, "But all I'd want is your love."
"You already have my heart," He whispered.
She came closer, her face inching towards his, "Join me Anakin, join the rebellion. Help us make your master's wrongs right."
He pressed his face toward hers, his lips hovering above her. His hot breath on her flushed cheeks sending shivers down her spin and making her heart do all sorts of turns, "I can't, you know that Padme,"
She closed her eyes and opened them again, waiting to feel his gentle caress, "Why not? Please," She begged, "Come and be with me."
"I can't." He shook his head, "I can't." He paused, "I can't be with you."
She sat up suddenly, "Why not?"
He shook his head more; "I'll put you in more danger then you already are. I'm the last one." He replied, "The last one. My head is at the top of his list."
Her eyes narrowed, "And yet you sit in bars and get drunk!" She screamed softly. Her voice grew to a whisper, "My husband's dead and I want to be with you. My true love." She looked at him, "Do you hear me, I want to be with my true love."
He closed his eyes, "All I could ever want, Padme, is to call you mine. I've wanted that all my life. But…"
Her eyes grew cold, "Please, don't, Ani," She whispered interrupting him, "Don't say it."
He replied, "I want to make this all right. I want to make you mine." He paused, "But I can't."
"I don't care." She whispered, grabbing his face with her hands, pressing her palms to his cheeks, "I don't care. I want to be with you. I belong with you."
"I don't want to hurt you Padme." He paused, "I couldn't stand myself if I hurt you." A single tear slipped out from her eyes and fell down her cheek, only to have it wiped away by his coarse hand, "I would die if I caused you any pain."
She blinked back tears, "Denying yourself to me is causing me pain, Anakin," She paused, "Being with you is a risk I am willing to take. I use to be a Senator, Anakin," She whispered, "And I run the rebellion. My head is right up there with yours." Another tear fell in which he soberly and swiftly wiped away, she continued, "I don't care Anakin cause I can't live without you. I tried once and I won't try again."
"Padme-" He began, looking over at her form sitting next to him on the ground.
"No," She shook her head; "I waited a lifetime for you, Anakin Skywalker, I'm not letting you get away now." She paused, "Come, join the alliance," She begged, "Be with me." She brought her face closer, her palms still resting on his face, "With me, forever."
Another tear fell and he wiped it away silently and then kissed her left palm. He closed his eyes, "I wish I could say all that I feel." He admitted.
"Shh…" She soothed, her eyes closing slowly as their faces inched closer and closer together, "I already know."
She could feel his breath on her wet cheeks; his scent filled her nostrils. He was everywhere he needed to be. She pressed forward slightly, waiting.
Oh, my beautiful Ani.
But it never came. Whatever happened, happened all too quickly, but whatever it was, it made everything a wild blur.
She had screamed for his name, but nothing happened. She had reached for his hands, for his arms, for a part of him, but there was nothing.
My beautiful Ani.
Her heart screamed for him, but there was nothing.
And before everything went black, all she heard was the inhale and exhale of something vaguely familiar.
But then there was a darkness she couldn't wake up from that overwhelmed her, suffocated her, encompassed her.
Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale…
My beautiful Ani.
To be continued.
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