The Iliad according to Anime

Disclaimer: I own neither the basic plot nor the characters to this . . . . Kinda makes you wonder why I bother, huh? Well, it's fairly amusing, and hopefully fans of Greek mythology will enjoy, so read. Yay.

Marie, called the Fallen One for misdeeds both varied and sundry, was pissed off royally. Yet another duelists tournament and she wasn't invited. All the other monsters were having the time of their eternities, and she was stuck downing watery martinis at the Olympus Bar.

She examined a possibly rotted olive, decided against it, and dropped it back into the glass, swirling the dingy liquor around and around and around.

A token sympathetic bartender appeared out of nowhere, shaker in hand. "Something bothering you?" he asked.

"No. That's why I'm all alone," Marie snapped. She scowled at her martini glass. "Don't you put any real vodka in that horse piss?"

"Not a lot, no," the bartender --whose name happened to be Larry for no real reason other than it's a funny name-- admitted. "But most people are so wasted by the time they get here it doesn't matter."

"Well that's a cheap shot."

"No, the shots are quite good, actually. Want one?" Larry reached for a bottle.

Marie rolled her eyes expressively. "What would drinking help? I can't get drunk, I'm friggin' immortal."

"Oh! A god?" Larry smiled.

[Editor's note: Nononononononono! Not God, Duel Monster! Monster, you insufferable imbecile! Gaaa! You'll be the death of me, Larry! Or maybe . . . .]

"Oh! A duel monster?" Larry smiled.

"What gave it away?" the sarcasm in Marie's voice was almost palpable as she leant her jet blue-black chin in her hand, smoothing her nightgown and swinging her legs encased in shoes that tied up her calf. Her wings flapped slowly back and forth a few times. As was previously stated, Larry's a bit slow on the uptake. Or any take, for that matter.

"So what problem could there possibly be that you can't handle?" the unfortunate barkeep asked.

"Well, right now, how to kill you with the least possible effort and mess." Marie sent him a sugary smile.

"Uuunhhh . . ."

"Fine. All the other monsters are at the tournament, and I wasn't invited. I'm plotting a nefarious scheme in revenge."

Larry, after scratching his head and looking "nefarious" up in a dictionary, rested his elbows on the bar and returned with a dazzling grin of his own.

Marie perked up a little. He may have the average intelligence of a cockroach, but he was hot. She ran a hand through her shiny blonde hair and raised her eyebrows expectantly. "Have any bright ideas?"

"Yuh-huh. Why don't you turn the others against each other?"

Marie's smile grew. "Yes. I like it. Utter chaos and destruction, my calling cards, visited upon those who counted themselves my friends. I know! I'll chuck a real pretty blank duel card, super shiny, into the tournament for the most powerful. They'll rip each other's throats out vying for it!"

"Power is too easy to decide. How about "For the Fairest." That's totally objective."

Marie clasped her hands evilly. "Larry," she said, examining the name on his tag. "Larry, my friend, I think I love you."

Okay, so maybe I'm playing a bit fast and loose with the Iliad, and maybe Homer doesn't start with the Judgment of Paris . . . er . . . random Yu-Gi-Oh character, but oh well. Any staunch lover of Ancient Greek poetry and prose shouldn't be reading a parody anyway so ha! I win! Yay! (does a little jig) Oooh . . . dizzy from jig . . . . more later, please review, bye!