Chapter two! Yay!

Um, sorry it took so long for me to get around to this, but I'm a procrastinator. Oops.

And, because I didn't do this before, here's a character list:

OOO

Gods/Goddesses (Duel Monsters .):

Eris: Marie the Fallen One

Athena: Harpy Lady

Hera: Unfriendly Amazon

Apollo: Not sure yet, I'll let you know when I come up with one

Aphrodite: Mystical Elf

Ares: Strike Ninja

Poseidon: Dark Magician

Zeus: Exodia

OOO

Others:

Greek:

Menelaus: Joey

Agamemnon: Duke Devlin

Achilles: Yami Yugi (waaaaay better than Brad Pitt. Heh.)

Patroclus: Tristan

Helen: Mai

Odysseus: Pegasus

Trojan:

Hector: Seto Kaiba

Priam: Marik Ishtar

Paris: Jean-Claude

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Down at the tournament, Harpy Lady, Unfriendly Amazon, and Mystical Elf were glaring at each other. Unfriendly Amazon had a blank Duel Monsters card in her hand, and the others wanted it. Badly.

Exodia finally realized what was going on, and approached them cautiously. "Um, Unfriendly Amazon dear, why don't you give me that card now."

Harpy Lady threw him a disdainful glance. "Because you're hideous," she said simply. "I deserve it."

Exodia sighed. He hated disturbance, especially when it involved his wife (who regularly beat the crap out of him, at least in intelligence) and he had an idea. "Why don't we let someone else decide who's the fairest. Like, um," he paused, racking his rather small brain. "That actor, Jean-Claude. He's supposedly an excellent judge of beauty."

The three women exchanged glances. "All right," Unfriendly Amazon said. "Find us this Jean-Claude, and we'll take his word as final."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Jean-Claude was examining what could just possibly be a slight blemish on his chin and deciding which brand of cover-up to take care of it with, when the three duel monsters in question appeared in his trailer on the set of his newest movie. He screamed (rather like a girl) and moved to push the security button on the wall next to his mirror.

"I wouldn't, were I you." Harpy Lady smiled wickedly, flexing fingers ending in very long, very sharp, nails.

Mystical Elf stepped forward, smiling vaguely. "We need you to be the judge of something," she said.

[Editor's note: for the sake of the story, Mystical Elf can speak English. That mumbly stuff just isn't gonna cut it, y'know?]

"Um, okay," Jean-Claude tried not to sweat. It clogged his pores. "What am I judging?"

The monsters exchanged glances. "You have to choose the best offer," Harpy Lady said. "I'm prepared to make you the champion duelist, the best in the world, and no one will ever be able to beat you."

Unfriendly Amazon pushed her out of the way. "Ha!" she scoffed. "A card game! I shall grant you dominion over all the earth! And," she smirked at Harpy Lady. "No one could usurp your throne."

Mystical Elf cleared her throat daintily. "Ah, but I, dear Jean-Claude, offer not mere fame or fortune, which are trouble and can never bring true happiness, but love. I can secure for you the love of the most beautiful woman in the world."

Jean-Claude looked from monster to monster, unsure. He really did not have that much interest in Duel Monsters, and ruling the world seemed rather a daunting task for someone really quite lazy, but love . . . . "I choose love," he said. "Now make good your promise."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Mai Wheeler (née Valentine) looked up as her husband Joey entered the room. "Hey," she said. "What's up?"

Joey frowned slightly. "Do we know a Jean-Claude?" he asked. "I just got a phone call from him. He says he's in town and wouldn't it be great if we could get together. I don't get it."

"Hmm. Oh, yes! We met him on that cruise, or something. No wait, that was before I met you. I don't think you two really know each other."

"Oh. Do we want him over for dinner? He sounded kinda fruity on the 'phone, if ya know what I mean."

Mai smiled. "Not fruity, just . . . sort of British."

"Same difference," Joey muttered. "Eh, whatever. I'll call him back an' tell him dinner's on for tomorrow, 'kay?"

"Sure," Mai paused. "I wonder what kind of take-out he'd like . . . ."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Mai! Darling!" Jean-Claude swept his surprised hostess into a hug, pecking her on both cheeks.

"Jean-Claude, how are you," she pulled away.

"Wonderful, simply wonderful. And Joey! How wonderful to meet you!"

"Okay, there," Joey stuck his hand out as Jean-Claude moved in for the hug. "What is he, French?" he muttered to Mai.

"Shh!" she suppressed a giggle. "So Jean, what do you like: Chinese, sushi, pizza, what?"

"Ah, anything, my dear, anything." He beamed, showing an astonishing amount of snow white teeth.

"I'll go order then, 'kay Mai?" Joey escaped into the kitchen before bursting out laughing. Man, Mai knew some messed up people. He picked up the phone, placing orders at three different take-out places. "Number 16?" he asked finally. "Twenty minutes, gotcha. See ya later, Mr. Takahashi!"

He started to walk back into the living room and stopped, glancing back at the phone. He picked it up, dialing a number and drumming his fingers on the counter as he waited for it to be picked up.

"Hello?" said a voice.

"Hey Duke!" Joey grinned.

"Joey! Hey, how are you? How's Mai?"

"We're great. Actually, I wanna know if you're interested in comin' over for dinner?"

"Well, I'm not busy . . . wait. Who else is there?" Duke sounded suspicious.

"Nobody! Except, well, this weird guy Mai knew awhile ago, an' I think she'd be glad if there was somebody else ta share the weirdo load, if ya know what I mean?"

Duke laughed. "Anything for a friend!"

Joey put down the phone with a grin, and came back into the living room. "Hey Mai, is it okay if Duke comes over for dinner too? His oven exploded or somethin' like that, an' he's not supposed to be in his house fer a while.

Mai smiled too. "Yeah. That'd be nice Joey. Duke's always welcome here."

OOOOOOOOOOOO

Jean-Claude was only slightly put-out when Duke arrived, and rather more so when he entered the room. People prettier than him always made Jean-Claude a little nervous, and Duke was undeniably pretty. So was Joey, for that matter, and Jean-Claude found himself wishing for the whole thing to be over as soon as possible.

The party soon finished the food Joey's restauranteur friends had supplied, and Jean-Claude stood. "Mai, darling, let me help you in the kitchen."

Her eyebrows rose just a fraction of an inch. Mai spent as little time as possible in the kitchen, and what cooking was done in the house was done by Joey. "Okay," she said, deciding the path of least resistance would be to simply let him think she had any idea how to cook.

"So Mai, where's your dishwasher?" Jean-Claude shot her another of his dazzling smiles.

Mai blinked, and looked around. "Um . . . I think it's this one . . . never mind. That's the garbage disposal. Er . . . Joey really deals with the kitchen, I-"

"That's wonderful," Jean-Claude cut her off. "I never dreamed Joey was so in touch with his feminine side!"

"Yeah, in touch with your feminine side is good, but at least he's not effeminate. I mean, I know guys who have a stricter cosmetic regime than I do. This one guy has three different moisturizers. Now that is a bit much, don't you agree?"

"Er, yes, of course." Jean-Claude flushed under his layer of foundation. He used four moisturizers.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Mai rolled over onto her back and tapped Joey on the shoulder. He groaned. "Joey, hey, Joey, you awake?"

"I am now," he mumbled, sitting up and glancing at the clock on his nightstand. "Ugh, Mai, it's four in the morning! What do you want?"

"How exactly did we end up inviting Jean-Claude to spend the night?"

Joey flopped back onto his pillow. "I don't know. Go back to sleep, Mai, I'm really tired, and I thought you were too."

"Yeah. Well, g'night, Joey."

"'Night, Mai."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Duke rolled over, enjoying the last few minutes before he'd have to wake up officially. He pulled his blankets up over him, burrowing into them comfortably.

There was a knock on the door.

"Uhnn . . ." he sat up. "Go away!" he called.

Another knock, louder this time.

Grumbling something inappropriate for print, duke stood, sliding his feet into the slippers at the side of his bed and walking to the door, blankets still clutched around him. "What is it?"

Joey darted inside as soon as Duke had opened the door. "You remember that guy we had dinner with last night?" he asked.

"The British one?" Duke was sorting out memories from the haze of a slight hangover. He'd never been a morning person. "Um . . . John Paul or something, right?"

"Jean-Claude," Joey corrected automatically. "Well, he's kidnaped Mai." alliteration