The house was certainly quieter after the rush of Christmas was over. Harry had returned to school, and the Weasleys had gone back to the Burrow to catch up on some things. Everyone, especially Harry, had been excited by their announcement of the evidence and case for Sirius, and Arthur had assured them that Madam Bones was definitely a fair woman.
It wasn't long before the first weekend after school had resumed for Hogwarts, and Remus and Sirius were surprised by a visit from Dumbledore, who asked to speak to Sirius in private for a few moments. Confused, but agreeable, Sirius followed Dumbledore out of the room, while Remus paced nervously in the kitchen.
What could Dumbledore have come to say? What was so important it couldn't be said via a letter?
Damn it, why can't I hear what's going on? Remus fumed, as he passed the fireplace for the seventh time.
Remus had to admit to himself that he was worried. Worried that it was some kind of bad news, worried that perhaps it had to do with Malfoy... He sighed, and grabbed hold of the back of a chair to try and stop himself from pacing. Going around and around the table was beginning to make himself dizzy. He threw a glance at the cabinet that held their firewhisky and was sorely tempted to grab a bottle. That would certainly give him something to do...
Stop it! Remus scolded himself, forcing his tense body down into the chair he had been holding, only to jump to his feet seconds later as he heard footsteps on the stairs.
Sirius and Dumbledore came into the kitchen and Remus couldn't fail to catch the look on Sirius' face. Tense, nervous... No. Scared.
"What's wrong?" Remus asked, automatically standing beside Sirius and laying a hand on his arm.
"We've got a date for the trial." The cheerfulness in Sirius' voice was forced, unnatural.
"Well...that's good. Isn't it?" He glanced quizzically at Dumbledore, who gave him a reassuring smile.
"It's excellent news, though it's not for another two weeks."
Remus smiled back. "That's not so bad, then. Time for me to review Hermione's notes, time for Sirius and I to prepare ourselves..." Remus voice trailed off as he again noticed the tense look on Sirius' face.
"There's one catch, Re." Sirius' voice was now only a fraction above a whisper, and his surprisingly strong grip forced Remus to take up his seat again. "This trial is for me to gain my freedom."
"Right." Remus agreed.
"So, until that time...I'm still a wanted man."
"What?!"
"The Ministry requires me to be... monitored... until the trial."
Remus frowned, not sure he quite followed what Sirius was trying to say. "What? Are you under house arrest or something?"
Sirius tried to give an amused smile, and failed miserably.
Dumbledore cleared his throat. "I am afraid part of the agreement states that Sirius be detained until his trial."
Remus felt his stomach sink through his feet, onto the cold stone floor. He knew he had gone pale. "Where?" he rasped.
"Azkaban," Sirius whispered.
"No!" Remus stood so quickly he had a head spin and had to steady himself for a moment before speaking again. "They can't do that! He's innocent! How can they lock him up in that god-awful place with no reason? No proof?"
"Re, calm down." Sirius laid a hand on Remus' shoulder but he threw it off angrily.
"We'll appeal the decision! We'll fight it. We'll go somewhere else..."
"I agreed to it, Remus."
"You..." Once more, Remus slumped into his seat, this time a picture of defeat. He hung his head, his hands feebly running through his hair.
"It's only two weeks, Re. I handled it for twelve years, and I can handle it again."
Dumbledore cleared his throat and Remus jumped. He had forgotten the headmaster was there.
"Well, I am afraid we should get going. The sooner we get there, the better the impression."
"Of course." Sirius agreed.
"Now? You're just... leaving?" Remus was shocked when a shuddering breath escaped from him.
Sirius squatted before Remus, taking one cold hand in his. "Re, the time will go quickly... and afterwards... I'll be free."
Remus suddenly felt like the most selfish person alive. Sirius was about to go through a whole lot for his freedom, and Remus was acting like a spoiled brat. He faced Sirius, forcing a smile on his face. "I'll miss you, Padfoot."
"I'll miss you, Moony." Sirius leaned forward and brushed warm and gentle lips over Remus', then gave him a lingering gaze before straightening up. "Well. In two weeks, then."
Remus forced his smile wider. "In two weeks."
Sirius left with Dumbledore. Remus didn't move until he heard the click of the door above him. Then he went to the cabinet and grabbed himself that drink.
They didn't Apparate; they couldn't. The many wards on Azkaban prison prevented it. Instead, Dumbledore and Sirius boarded the small boat that was traditionally used to transport prisoners from the mainland to the island prison. It rather forcibly reminded Sirius of the Greek myth of being ferried across the river Styx to the realm of the dead.
I may as well be dead, in there. Sirius closed his eyes, swallowing back bile as the sea-swept rock gaol loomed suddenly out of the mists. He was freezing cold, his insides like ice, not from the damp chill rising off the sea nor from the rising wind splashing salt spray into his face, but from the weight of memories of this godforsaken place.
Dimly he felt Dumbledore's reassuring hand on his shoulder. Two weeks. Two weeks. Fourteen days. For Remus. Two weeks. For my freedom. Two weeks. Fourteen days.
He hadn't realized he had been softly chanting the litany aloud until Dumbledore shushed him with a gentle squeeze to his shoulder.
"I can't," Sirius half-whimpered, recoiling instinctively as they disembarked. Azkaban hulked over them, dismal and forbidding and horribly familiar.
Dumbledore reached out and turned Sirius to face him, forcing Sirius to look directly into the Headmaster's bright blue eyes. "You can," Dumbledore said quietly. "Most of the Dementors are gone now, gone to join with Voldemort. And even so, you have advantages that other inmates do not."
"I do?"
"Have you forgotten you are an Animagus?" Dumbledore asked.
He had forgotten. The briefest of smiles crossed Sirius' face, blotted out almost immediately as he stared up at the damp rock walls of the wizard prison.
"It's time," Dumbledore said, and they went in. Sirius was barely aware of the formalities as he was escorted into Azkaban, too lost in his own despair to quite notice when he was taken from Dumbledore and brought deeper inside the gaol. He only blinked back to reality when he heard the distinct click of the lock swinging shut and he realized he was alone in the cell.
The damp of the sea crept in through the rock, smelling of rot and algae, of misery and hopelessness and insanity. Sirius sank to the filthy floor, his eyes slightly glazed.
I dreamed I was with Remus again... I dreamed I was going to be free... I dreamed I saw Harry, looking just like James... I dreamed I had a hippogriff... I dreamed I was a dog, swimming in that cold, cold sea...
In the distance, Sirius could hear another of the prisoners screaming wordlessly, the shrieks punctuated with a hysterical, sobbing sort of laughter. He shook his head, wondering vaguely who it was, why they'd been brought here, what they had done.
Some time later, Sirius realized that the screamer was himself.
Oh, it was such a good dream he was having! He and Sirius were at the cottage again, the sun beating heavily down on them and Sirius' barklike laughter was pure music to his ears... Sirius wrapped Remus up in his arms but suddenly started shaking him...
Someone was shaking him. Someone was shaking him by the shoulders, hard, and if they didn't bloody well stop, he –
"Oh, Tonks... I'm so sorry," Remus croaked, wiping his mouth with the back of one hand. His head ached abominably and his stomach felt simply wretched.
Tonks sighed, glancing ruefully from the empty bottle on the table to her (brand new! a voice in the back of her mind yelled) Muggle jeans which were now dripping with the remains of last night's firewhisky. "I guess I deserved that," she said, pulling out her wand. "Honestly, Remus, I couldn't even tell if you were breathing or not, or I'd never have shaken you like that."
Remus fumbled for his own wand. "Here, let me," he said by way of apology, and quickly muttered a cleaning spell.
"Thanks," said Tonks. "I never did get the hang of all those cleaning thingummies." Narrowing her eyes, she surveyed Remus and asked, "Did you and Sirius have a fight?"
"No." Remus closed his eyes and slumped back in his chair. His stomach was still churning mercilessly. "He's not... He's not here."
"You should really be in bed," Tonks stated matter-of-factly. "Or better yet – got any hangover potions handy?"
Remus groaned. "I really don't know. I'm not much of a drinker, normally."
Tonks snorted behind her hand.
"Ow," Remus added. "Thinking hurts. Upstairs, maybe. Sirius may have left something like that in our room." He pulled himself haltingly to his feet, clutching desperately at the table's edge as the world spun sickeningly.
"Lean on me," Tonks commanded, and he did, gratefully. She carefully guided him out of the kitchen and up the stairs to his room, only knocking him into the wall twice. He flopped down on the bed, motioning feebly towards a night table with one hand.
"Check in there for hangover stuff."
Tonks pulled open the drawer. "Hmm," she said, holding up a small vial so she could read the label. "Merlin's Best Love Lube... Er, no, not it." She hastily dropped the vial back into the drawer, surreptiously wiping her hand on her jeans and pretending not to notice Remus' embarrassed blush.
"Ah, here we are," she said cheerfully after a moment. "Down the hatch, then."
It was awful, nearly as bad as the Wolfsbane, and for one brief, headspinning instant Remus thought he was going to throw up again, but the nausea passed almost immediately.
"Better?" Tonks asked kindly.
"Yes, thanks."
Tonks plopped down on the bed beside him. "So, where's my dear cousin?"
Remus buried his face in his hands. "God," he murmured. "Oh god, Tonks..."
"What? What is it?"
"Azkaban," Remus whispered. His face was ashen. "He's got a trial in two weeks, but the Ministry – the goddamn Ministry – insists he be... detained..." His voice sounded as bitter as he felt.
Tonks stared. "No..." she breathed. "And he went? He went willingly?"
Wordlessly Remus nodded. A lump had risen in his throat and he didn't trust himself to speak.
Tonks shuffled up closer to him, closing her small hand atop his. "It'll be alright," she whispered. "You'll see."
When Remus felt well enough to do so, they returned quietly to the kitchen. Remus tapped the kettle with his wand while Tonks rummaged for teabags. Once the tea was brewed, they say down at the worn table, cradling mugs in their hands, not speaking. There was nothing to be said.
They began to wait.
The days dragged slowly. Remus alternated between fits of depression and massive energy. During his depression he laid on the bed he and Sirius shared, hugging his arms around himself, trying to ward off the pain. He had forgotten about the separation pain from his lifemate. After Sirius had gone through the veil, Remus had drowned out any feeling with alcohol, but now Tonks had placed a locking curse on the cabinet. She sheepishly admitted she couldn't actually remember how she had done it, and Remus' late night attempts to open it had failed.
He had half-heartedly toyed with the idea of simply breaking the cabinet, but he wasn't that desperate for the firewhisky.
What he needed was Sirius.
When he wasn't in a bout of depression, he was working furiously, staying up late, poring over all the details of the notes Hermione had made, and flipping through books trying to find out more. More often than he cared to admit, he had fallen asleep at his desk.
Tonks tried to mother him, always complaining that he would make himself sick if he kept going the way he was, but Remus just growled out a response about not caring.
The trial was only days away when Remus found himself laying again on the bed, his gaze drawn out the window at the moon which was slowly getting rounder. The full moon would arrive only a day after the trial. Would Sirius be free to spend the lonely hours with him, help relieve them by his warm presence?
A tremor rushed through him and he pulled his knees to his chest, laying a weary chin on top of them. He had an urge to rush downstairs to double check the notes were all ready, but he knew they were as ready as they would ever be. He had done everything in his power and now all he could do was wait.
He shuddered again, forcing the pain aside. His mind was filled with images of Sirius. Was he alright? Was he in as much pain as he was himself? Was Azkaban affecting him as badly as it had before?
Remus knew there were not as many Dementors there as there used to be but still, even one would be bad enough...
He closed his eyes, imagining Sirius' touch, a soft hand running gently down his arm... a kiss in his ear.
Groaning softly, Remus laid down, trying to force sleep to arrive. Still, his gaze was drawn once more to the moon.
The first rays of sunlight hit Remus' face, and he silently cursed himself for not closing the curtains the night before. His head was pounding mercilessly, it felt like his mouth was full of sawdust, and his stomach ached relentlessly from his recent lack of food.
It was not, perhaps, the best way to start the day.
Remus sat up with a jolt, suddenly remembering today was the day of the trial.
He gagged as bile rushed into his mouth from the sudden pain in his head and, forcing it back, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed.
There was a tentative knock on his door and Tonks whispered through it, asking if he was awake.
"Yeah," Remus mumbled, yawning widely.
The door inched open and Tonks poked her head around it. Her eyes widened though as she saw him. "Remus, you look bloody awful!"
"Gee, thanks Tonks."
Tonks grinned sheepishly. "Honestly, though, Remus, you can't let Sirius see you looking like that." She gave a wink, stifling a laugh.
Remus smiled wryly. "Does it really look that bad?"
"Well..."
"Ok, ok. I get the picture."
Tonks left the room to start breakfast, and Remus staggered down the hall into the bathroom. The hot streaming water helped to ease most of his aches, but the place where he ached the most could only be soothed by his lifemate. Did he long for Remus as much as Remus needed him? Did he dream of being with his lifemate, fantasize about their life after today?
As much as Remus was reluctant to, he had to face the fact that the trial could go two ways.
And what will happen if he's not cleared?
Shaking aside that thought he finished showering, and then went back to his room to get dressed.
Tonks let out a low whistle as Remus entered the kitchen. He blushed, giving a wry smile.
"They won't have a hope in hell of keeping Sirius away from you dressed like that!" she giggled, heaping toast onto his plate.
Self-consciously, Remus tugged at the sleeve of his jacket, a soft caramel colour that accented his hair and eyes. He had on a matching pair of neatly pressed pants, and underneath, a snowy white shirt, on which he had left the top three buttons undone. His tawny hair was still damp, and it curled gently at the nape of his neck.
It wasn't long before breakfast was finished, and Tonks had placed the notes gently in his hands. A few moments later, the Weasley's arrived, and they made their way together to the Ministry.
... to be continued ...