Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN YOU DON'T SUE, I wish I did own Aoshi though, man that'd be soo cool, I could rent him out and stuff and get tons of money. I make him sound like he's a house. oH well toodles. hope you like the story and comments are welcome. Although flames are kind of mean so don't.

His eyes were closed and the wispy steam of the tea crawled its way up to his nose arousing him out of his stoic state. He slowly opened on his eyes and slightly blew the steam away. Aoshi looked around and he saw that the temple was unoccupied – how long had he stayed here? What time was it? He remembered seeing some monks here and there when he arrived but he could not have stayed so late that all of them left. He assured himself that they would have wished him goodbye before leaving… unless it was past midnight. Looking around once more he saw that the candles were lit and that the stars dotted the dark foreboding sky. Aoshi shook his head before he stood up… he had lost sense of time and had stayed in the temple too long. He wondered why no one bothered to come and get him for dinner- they probably forgot seeing how they were preoccupied with nursing Misao back to her health.

He gathered the tea tray and his cloak and turned around to put it on, his back facing the door of the temple. He slipped on the thin material - it offered him little warmth. He sighed and wondered why of all days today was the day that he decided to go to a different temple much farther away then the one he usually went for mediating. The rain pittered and pattered against the roof and it reminded him much of the day when he had encountered Misao in the garden. The sky did not offer any warmth and the fact that it was raining hard was the only difference between today and that day. He walked down the steps of the temple with only the light from inside to direct his path. As he walked farther and farther down the rock-paved road everything seemed a little bit drearier and more ominous. The light from the temple was barely visible. He walked down the road a bit further and his mind started to wander. At some point the rock-paved path had become a small dirt trail and he was amongst the dark woods with only a half-moon to guide him. What made it worse was that he did not care what time he returned nor did he care that the rain was getting worse by the moment.

He stumbled over a large rock. His movements were slow as he staggered to regain his composition. The water from the stream that had gathered swooshed at his face, nearby - maybe a couple of yards or so was a large makeshift bench that somebody had probably place for the travelers who came to or had come from the temple. He staggered his way towards the bench and water splashed at his pants, clinging onto his leg. Aoshi's bangs dripped large droplets of water as he sat down on the bench. His hands still clung to the tea tray as he silently dropped his head down and let the tray rest in his lap. How many years had she waited for him? How many tears had she shed for him? He let the rain soak his clothes, he let it dilute the tea, and he let it soak him as the thoughts soaked him. He had no idea why he had chosen to sit down maybe it was because he had no more hope, there were no more reasons left to stay at the Aoiya. Maybe he had chosen to go to a temple so far away was because he wanted to hide from them – from her.

Had he so badly wanted to escape from her that he would take such great measures and pains to walk this far? So it hadn't been so much pain but it was inconvenient. Maybe he had done this because he didn't want to see her face, to see her at all; and maybe most of all he didn't want to see the creature he had turn Misao into. To see the deep sunken eyes, eyes that begged him to stop the charade and tell her how he truly felt. But never once did he surrender to their plea – no he was the ever-hardened warrior and could not fall - too bad despite everything he had already fallen…

Misao woke up with a shudder-filled gasp. Something felt wrong – terribly wrong. Her room had the smell of medicine and she choked on every breath that she took. She felt so tired and so weak- but her instinct stirred her from her sleepy and exhausted state. Whatever that she needed to do had to be done now and despite her body's protest, she propped herself up on the bed and clambered her way towards her closet. Her ankle protested at the weight and her arm had the tell tale sign of blood. Somehow during the Maruyama escapade her arm had gotten scraped and the pain from her wrist had overridden the pain of the scratch. She stumbled when she tried to put on the yukata. Misao could barely put it on and finally succeeded but the result was that it hung loose. She grabbed a cloak and quietly she approached her window and opened its shutters. She smelt the fresh scent of rain and the sadness hidden in the dark clouds. She knew she should be resting but – but she had to go.

The door to her room creaked and moaned in objection as she nudged it. It was so heavy to slide open; she had the foreboding sense that it did not want her to go out. It wanted her to stay safe inside the room. However in the end the door gave out and she walked down the hall to the others' doors and nothing seemed a missed. She approached the door that opened to Aoshi's room and realized what was wrong. He was not in it.

Thunder boomed in the distance. The wind made the Aoiya groan in protest as the whole house croaked and moaned.The sky got darker and turned an ugly purple color.

It's doing it on purpose. It's trying to tell me how stupid and wrong I am. Misao thought that the sky was trying to tell her how bad the situation had become and how strained the relationship between Aoshi and her were. She kept telling herself that she was stupid. That she shouldn't run out to find him. She kept telling this to herself - that even the sky was trying to warn how foolish she had been. She kept telling herself that she was only going to make herself sicker. She kept telling herself all of this as she stood by the window that opened to garden waiting for his return.

It was past midnight and he was still gone. And all the while Misao questioned her love for him. She questioned herself. Most of all she questioned his feelings and actions towards her. She told him she didn't love him. She told him to go away and she never once noticed his reaction to what she had said to him. Perhaps he did love her once… perhaps, but after what she said any relationship that might have blossomed became crushed on the burden of the words that were exchanged between the two of them.

The rain came harder and the wind blew cruelly and still she did not run out to look for him. She knew it was far too late to do anything. She knew if he had left the Aoiya for good that she could do nothing to stop him and she also knew had he really left she would degrade from her current position. Oh how her body complained and contested against the torture it was being put through. It was certainly in no condition to wake up all night waiting for him. Still she knew that nothing would comfort her more than seeing his face peek through the wooden gate.

Misao sat on the on ground, her legs sprawled under her- it had been more than two hours and yet he had still not come home. Where was he? To accompany her less than cheery mood the weather raged in turmoil. The sky crackled and the air felt moist and thick and yet not a drop of rain. Perhaps it was holding back and waiting for the real storm to hit. Misao shook her head in desperation. Each minute waiting for him felt like an eternity. Her breathing had become laborious and her eyelids drooped in defiance. She wanted to see him come in - she had to.

The sky thundered in cacophonous way and the first raindrop splattered onto the ground. As if the raindrop had been an instigator to the leading events Misao stood up and grabbed her umbrella and another heavy cloak and rushed out of the garden. Her footsteps collided with the moist earth and each step was harder to take as the earth became drenched with rain. She held up the umbrella and ran as fast as she could to the temple. The rain pounded against the umbrella and made her way to the temple even more arduous then it was already.

Kami- Sama, please let him be ok. Please I don't want to see him hurt. Hurt me instead please.

Misao's train of thought became more morbid each passing second as she thought of reasons why Aoshi had not returned to the Aoiya. Maybe he was attacked by ninjas and although he was undeniably one of the best fighters in Japan the numbers could have overwhelmed him. Maybe he got terribly sick and the monks did not know what to do. What if… The thought that Misao hated to think was the real reason crossed her mind.

What if he left forever? What if he hated us so much he left? What if he hated me? What if he really meant it when he said he never wanted to see my face again?

All of the insecurities that Misao ever had came back to her. It engulfed her senses and clouded her mind with bitterness. Her lips tightened at the thoughts and she grimaced. So she was reawakened with her hating of Aoshi. She hated this seesaw of love. She loved him one minute and the next she hated him more then anything. She hated him because never once after his return did he show any affection towards her. He drank his tea and silence and ignored her while she tried her best to reacquaint each other. So much time had passed, was he truly not her old Aoshi-sama any longer? Did he not carry any love for her at all? Despite his actions and everything, Misao had thought… well she had thought that he at least still loved her as a friend but his actions of late disproved the theory.

She approached the temple steps, the cold rain tested her will as it bashed against her umbrella and the eerie light from inside welcomed her from the rain, from it all. Maybe this was why Aoshi visited the temple so much, it offered something different, it offered protection, it offered solitude and something so much more to Aoshi – it offered an excuse to hide away from the world and probably from her. She smelled the heavy musk of incense and the soft glow from the candles and the glow of the still burning ashes. His shadow was nowhere to be seen. He was gone.

She felt like crying. She felt like yelling. And she felt like she wanted to die. She wanted to ask why the gods were playing such a cruel trick on her. Why they hated her so much. She remembered the conversation between Okina and the other Oniwabanshuus when they were trying to heal her…

-Flashback-

"She deserves better," Okina gritted through his teeth. He paced back and forth in front of Misao's door.

"Okina- she doesn't know, we can't tell her, he would just run away from us again. You don't know how much the both of them are going through right now. We can't push anything on anyone and especially not him – you know that. I am just afraid… well I am just afraid everything is going to happen to late and we still don't know what to do with the whole Maruyama issue. What if he comes back and tries to harm Misao again? There is no way to officially break off the marriage deal unless –"

"Unless what?" Misao voiced, she was fully awake now causing Omasu to stop in mid sentence.

"Unless what?" She asked again but this time now one dared look at her. They shuffled around her bed and avoid eye contact.

"Misao-chan you need your rest. Aoshi will be back any minute now and you don't want to worry him now do you? Besides Misao you haven't touched any of your food. Please eat it for Okina and me. We want you to get better fast."

Misao eyed Omasu with suspicion and sipped her soup. It warmed her stomach and made her feel slightly better, but the taste of betrayal was still in her mouth and it tasted so bitter that it overrode any other feelings that came to her. She wanted to know what they were talking about but apparently they were resolute on keeping her out.

"Okina" Misao whispered softly

"Yes Misao-chan?"

Misao glanced at Okina and noticed how worried and anxious he looked.

"Okina what did you mean when you said you were sorry for ever introducing me to Aoshi?"

"Misao…you just happened to fall in love with the wrong person. I wanted to apologize for bringing him into your life. I knew he was not capable of love… I just didn't ever think you were going to fall for him. I told you and warned you many times. At first I thought it was just puppy love but you just grew to love him more and more despite everyone's warning. But when we saw what it did to you, we tried to help we thought if you met someone else, then maybe you could take your mind off of him- we didn't ever think it could turn out like this. We're sorry Misao. I'm so sorry for all the trouble I caused. You're like a daughter to me and I didn't want to see you hurt. But look at what I have done- I just hurt you more." Okina's voice cracked at his confession. He bowed his head as if he was going to cry.

Misao just looked away. She felt no pity for him. She felt nothing as she lied there in bed and listened to the lies being told to her. They always reassured her that the things they did was for her own good, but then how come she was never included in the decision-making. She shook her head, she had become a monster -she didn't even trust her family anymore. What kind of person didn't even trust his or her own family anymore?

-End of Flashback -

She remembered now this was the reason why they probably tried to marry her off. So at least she would be safe at night and not running around, trying to find him. But she needed to find him. It was past logic and her head kept telling her how stupid she was as she walked away from the temple's light and as she walked past the temple's doors. She was walking to her doom and she knew this, she was walking towards pain but it felt so delicious… it felt so right. She was going to find him even if it killed her and at this thought a ghost of a smile graced her feature. She had doomed herself and she was happy because it was her choice to do so, because no one dictated her, and most of all because her heart told her to find him.

Man… I hope this is not too confusing and sorry for the slow updates. I just have a lot of homework from school. But I didn't really like this chapter- it was really slow but I just wanted to get it out. I guess read and rate and y'all can give me some pointers.