Authors Note: Thank you for your support and reviews. This chapter is mainly a flashback; to make it easier to distinguish the flashback is in italics. I have written the flashback not as Abby telling Carter but as though you were watching it as in an episode. Hope that makes sense, this is so that you get an overview of everyone's perspective not just Abby's. Any questions feel free to ask, okay? I felt like I was writing this chapter for weeks, I even woke up thinking about it and drifted off to sleep with it on my mind! I also apologise if any med terms are British as opposed to American.
Chapter 10
They shut the door quietly and retreated to the sofa.
"Thank you" said Carter "For letting me help put Michael to bed, especially as I was late"
"You're welcome. You have to get to know each other if you're going to spend time alone with each other"
"Really?" he asked
"I don't want to deny you, your son or Michael his father" she admitted to him.
"So" he said after a pause and with a mouthful of pizza "You going to tell me what happened?"
"Sure, sitting comfortable?" she asked and he nodded "Ready?"
"As I'll ever be" he replied
"Well" she began "He wasn't very old before I noticed..."
0o0
"I don't know" said Abby as she winded Michael "I'm sure babies don't posset this much"
"Until you actually have one of your own, you don't realise how much and often they do spit up" Susan told her "Cosmo was always spitting up"
"It doesn't feel right. I've got a bad feeling about this"
"That's just because you're his mother as opposed to his doctor" explained Susan "Things are much clearer when you're the doctor. Everything becomes this snowball of worry when you're the parent. If this was your patient what would you tell the mother?"
"What?" asked Abby
"That's what I say to myself when I think I'm overreacting. If I was in my doctor hat what would I do?"
"Run tests" Abby said
"Abby! That's still your Mom hat not your doctor hat. He's putting on weight isn't he?" Susan asked
"A little, but……."
"Then that's good yeah?"
Abby sighed and shrugged "I'm not sure about this Susan I think he needs to get checked out"
"He didn't spit up that much, it always looks loads but actually isn't much at all, trust me"
Abby still unconvinced nodded and said "I never knew that I would feel like this, this responsibility is so big, he's so tiny and I have to make the right choices"
"Quit worrying Abby you're doing fine. He's only four weeks old" Susan told her cooing over Michael until Cosmo edged his way in feeling rather left out.
0o0
"Oh Abby, he's so gorgeous, just like you were when you were a baby" Maggie said lifting Michael out of his baby chair and cooing over him "Oh Abby I just want to eat him up he's so delicious"
"Please don't" Abby said "I have food in the cupboard if you're hungry"
"Have you told his father?" Maggie asked
"You know I did, you prised it out of me"
"I mean since he was born" Maggie clarified
"What good will that do? He didn't answer any of my letters"
"Oh I don't know but he couldn't resist this little one"
Abby rolled her eyes to the ceiling before saying "I'm not writing him again, the last time I wrote I said I wouldn't bother him again and I meant it"
"It just seems such a shame, especially as his first baby died Abby"
"Don't tell me I know, it's sad. I can't imagine how it was for them to lose their baby like that. If I was ever to lose Michael….."
"Oh Abby, don't be so ridiculous he's five weeks old. Stop worrying so much" Maggie told her than added to Michael. "Aren't you lovely, yes you are, yes you are, my little one"
Abby turned and left her to it and went into the kitchen to make some coffee.
"How long are you staying?" she called out to her Mom.
"Abby I've just arrived and you're trying to get rid of me already"
"No not at all. I was curious that's all"
"I don't know A week maybe"
"Have you lost your job?"
"No!" Maggie looked at Abby shaking her head.
"You're still taking your meds?"
"Abby, stop checking up on me. Like I'm a little kid, I'm your Mom"
Dryly Abby replied "I know that's why I'm checking"
"I'm fine everything's fine"
"That's why I'm worried" Abby muttered under her breath, she did however note that her Mom did appear to be okay.
0o0
Abby sighed, she knew Susan meant well saying that she Abby had been overreacting but she couldn't get rid of this gut feeling that something was wrong. Most babies spit up, it was not uncommon but Michael seemed to be deteriorating before her eyes. The fact was he wasn't just spitting up, it was throwing up, projectile throwing up. Even with her doctors hat on she knew she wouldn't be happy about it until she had run some tests.
She dressed him carefully, he had gone from being quite contented in the last few days to a miserable little thing despite what her mother said, who seemed unable to keep anything down. It could be a number of things she knew, ranging from a simple problem to a severe one.
"Abby where you taking him it's barely 5am "said Maggie wandering into the bedroom half asleep.
"I'm getting him checked out. I'm worried he's becoming dehydrated apart from anything else"
"It could just be a virus or something"
"It's the 'or something' which I'm concerns me. I'm taking him, now" she said firmly
"Well wait a minute. I'll come with you. You need one of us to think rationally"
"And that's you?" Abby said picking up Michael and taking him to his care seat
"At this moment yes, me. Is that so hard to understand?" Maggie replied
"With you yes" Abby answered curtly then seeing Maggie's hurt expression she added "Okay you can come, but hurry up okay?"
Maggie nodded.
0o0
"I was thinking lactose intolerance or pyloric stenosis" said Abby to Luka as he examined Michael
"Will fix him up to an IV get some fluids in him" Luka said to Abby then to Malik ran off a series of blood tests and an ultrasound. Looking back at Abby he said "How's his weight gain?"
"Slow" she confessed
"Mmmmm" Luka mused
Abby fought the tears welling up behind her eyes "See" she said to Maggie "I wasn't overreacting"
"We don't know if anything's wrong yet sweetheart" said Maggie encouragingly
"Abby?" said Luka touching her on the arm. Abby looked up at him pain etched across her face "You did the right thing, bringing him in" he told her trying to be as reassuring as possible.
0o0
"Okay got Michael a bed in peds" announced Luka coming into the room a little while later. "They said he'll go up to the OR later today"
Abby who was stroking Michael's hand looked at Luka and nodded.
"You know Abby it's a fairly straightforward procedure. He'll be fine in a few days" he said
"I know" she whispered "I said to Susan last week I thought…..I thought something wasn't right, but" she stopped as the tears fell unchecked down her face and Luka looked at her compassionately before taking her into his arms for a comforting hug.
"Is there something going on that you're not telling me?" asked Sam loudly as she walked into the room, her shift just beginning.
Abby and Luka pulled apart. Abby wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and resumed her place next to Michael, Luka just glared at Sam.
"I'm sorry" she said "I was joking, spur of the moment. What's going on?"
"Outside" said Luka pulling her by the arm and into the hall to explain as Maggie came past with a couple of coffees.
0o0
"So explain to me Abby, what does this mean?" Maggie asked quietly as they sat on the peds ward with Michael waiting.
"Pyloric stenosis. It's usually found in first born male infants, white babies normally aged between two weeks to two months old. It's the narrowing of the lower part of the stomach, so that the food can't get through to the small intestine which causes the vomiting" explained Abby feeling like she was reciting it out of a text book, but seeing Maggie expectant and interest face felt she had to continue "You remember the ultrasound, Luka found like a small olive shaped mass?"
Maggie nodded and said "Yes"
"Well that's an indication that it's pyloric stenosis. Apart from other things like the projectile vomiting, the loss of weight, his wrinkled skin. The operation entails the surgeon cutting through the muscles that have overgrown and thickened and then they stretch them"
"And the operation will make him better?" Maggie asked
"Yeah he'll be fine" Abby said trying to sound brave and confident.
"Oh Abby, you don't have to pretend for me"
"Pretend what?"
"That you're not scared"
"Scared I'm terrified; he's my little baby Mom"
"I know sweetie, I know" said Maggie and the pair of them were probably the closest they had ever been in their entire lives.
0o0
"What's Luka doing here? I thought his shift ended at seven" Susan asked coming up to the desk and addressing Sam.
"He won't go 'til he knows Michael is okay" Sam explained "Is Luka sleeping in the lounge?"
"Looks like it. Michael who?" Susan asked
"Abby's Michael" said Frank "What's his last name anyway, Lockhart?"
"I don't know" replied Susan honestly shaking her head "What's wrong with him?"
"Pyloric Stenosis" supplied Frank
"Oh dear and I told her she was over reacting last week when she said she thought he had a problem"
"You didn't?" said Haleh
"Well you know" said Susan shrugging "I thought she was going through that 'New Mom' panic phase. Where are they now?"
"Peds" supplied Frank
"We're not that busy yet, I'll pop up and see them. Any problems page me, is you're desperate wake Luka" Susan told them before she headed to the elevator.
0o0
Susan watched them through the glass and hoped Maggie was being helpful as opposed to a hindrance. Michael looked so tiny lying in the hospital crib. The tubes seemed to dwarf his small body and suddenly she felt emotional for Abby. She slowly entered the room and walked up to them.
"I just heard I'm sorry Abby" Susan whispered as Abby stood and shared a brief hug with her before resuming her place at Michael's side. "If there's anything I can do" Susan added feeling inadequate, Abby looked at her and nodded before Susan walked away stopping to talk to the peds attending in the hall.
0o0
Abby had wanted to go with them to the OR but Maggie held her back "Come on Abby. How about some fresh air?"
"No I can't leave" she replied
"Just for five minutes?" Maggie persisted
Abby shook her head "No" she said biting her lip. She felt like she was on an emotional rollercoaster. She had to be strong for Michael and all she felt like doing was curling up in a ball and crying.
"Oh Abby" said Maggie as she pulled her daughter into her embrace "It's going to be okay. He's strong, like you, he'll pull through, he'll be fine"
Sniffing Abby pulled away and went to look out of the window. It was sunny despite being a cold March morning. She wondered what the weather was like in the Congo. What Carter was doing now, maybe it was for the best that he didn't know his son Michael was ill. She thought back and recalled how he had been after he had lost his first child. There were no words she could offer him then that could cover the enormity of the situation he had been in. She was glad he wasn't reliving some of those memories and feelings now with her. If she was thinking about them, she knew that he would definitely be doing the same, if he had been with her here today.
She felt angry that he hadn't replied to her letters but on top of that today she felt lost without him. Not that they had been close emotionally since their relationship had dissolved. But if she thought hard enough she could just imagine him standing next to her with his hand comfortingly placed on her shoulder.
"Abby, Abby"
Abby turned and saw Luka standing there, he looked exhausted. "Shouldn't you be at home asleep?" she whispered
He shrugged and replied "I thought you could use some company"
"Maggie's here somewhere"
"She's out the front, getting some fresh air and polluting her lungs and everyone else" he informed her.
"Oh, thanks I appreciate some company" she told him, giving a sad smile.
"Coffee?" Luka asked "I could use one"
"That sounds good" Abby replied and they walked to the machine together, bought their drinks and sat in the waiting area.
"What were you thinking about? When I first got here?" Luka asked
"Carter" Abby told him
"Oh" said Luka "I don't understand why he didn't reply" he commented "It's not like him"
"I know" she sighed "me either"
They fell into a companionable silence each lost in their own thoughts.
0o0
"Luka still upstairs?" Susan asked Frank some time later
"Yeah" he answered "Little lad's out of surgery, he's doing okay"
"That's a relief" said Susan letting out a breath she hadn't been aware she had been holding. "It's still quiet; I might go up and see"
"Again, you went up there earlier" Frank commented
"And now I need to go again, Dr Huffman is here"
"And not for much longer, I heard he has given his notice" said Frank of the attending who had replaced Dr Lloyd who had replaced Carter.
"Not to my knowledge" Susan told him in 'a don't argue' with me tone.
"Okay, okay" said Frank "I just heard"
"Do your job Frank, quit with the gossip" Susan said. crossly.
0o0
Abby was crying again but this time they were tears of relief that Michael was okay and that surgery had gone smoothly. In the professional capacity she knew it was a straight forward procedure but in her Mom state her feelings and emotions had gone haywire. Michael was so small and vulnerable. He had to rely on her alone for day to day support, guidance, love, comfort, she was his sole provider. Okay she knew there were fantastic girls at day care, her sitter, her friends but the bottom line was she, Abby Lockhart could not mess up. Not this time, she had to follow through, she was better now at completing things she started, successfully too which was a bonus.
Abby gently caressed Michael's small hand then bend over the hospital crib and kissed his forehead gently as he slept in a peaceful slumber. She looked up and smiled at her own Mom on the other side and understanding, comfort and love passed between them.
0o0
Luka was looking fondly through the window at the trio when Susan arrived and stood beside him.
"You should get home even if it's for a couple of hours" she told him.
"Not much point" he answered.
"Chief of emergency medicine's orders" she added half joking "I'm glad Michael's okay. They look kind of serene all together; I don't want to disturb them
"Me either" he agreed.
"You know, it's kind of good Carter isn't here"
"Abby mentioned Carter earlier, said she was thinking about him" Luka told her.
"I wonder whether it's sticking our noses in too much if we wrote or emailed him or something" she mused
"It is" Luka replied
"Is what?"
"Sticking our noses in" he clarified. "Carter will come back, when he's ready"
"If he comes back"
"I'm sure he will at some point. Deep down he won't be happy out there forever". Luka said thoughtfully. "Whether it's to have a meaningful father son relationship with Michael or not, he'll return"
"Well we could do with his skills as an attending Dr Huffman isn't a patch on Carter, better than Steve Lloyd not no way as good as Carter"
0o0
Forty eight hours later Abby took a much improved Michael home. And forty eight hours after than Michael and Abby saw Maggie off at the bus station, after her extended visit. Abby cradled Michael close and watched as the bus travelled out of sight. Then she kissed the top of his head and said "Let's go home sweetheart"
0o0
"……..well that's about it" she said ending her tale.
"You know it's a pretty routine procedure" Carter said
"You're looking at it objectively because you weren't there. You didn't have to live through it. Watch him in discomfort and pain. It nearly broke my heart"
"You're right I'm sorry" he said nodding and biting his lip "I would have been a mess, we could have been a mess together".
He tilted his head as he surveyed her and she smiled, sighed and said "Yeah" then pulled her hand out of his, suddenly aware that they were entwined and not sure when that had occurred, causing Carter to shift nervously in his seat.
There was an awkward silence that followed and Carter finally said "Thanks for sharing"
"I was gonna tell you" she said "It helped that I could do it when we weren't yelling at each other"
"I think we're over that bit, for a while anyway" he commented and they shared a smile.
Abby let out a long sigh and Carter said "It's getting late, I'd better go" and he shifted to the edge of the seat.
"Oh you don't have to" she replied
"No I do, you're tired and I've got some reading to do"
"Before midnight?" she teased knowing that it would be after before he started, if he started
"Yeah" he answered with another smile
"We'll have to arrange a time you can see Michael properly when neither of us have a shift" she suggested
"That sounds good, thanks" he said as he slid into his jacket and she walked with him to the door and saw him out.
Shutting the door she leant against it wondering how the future was going to pan out. Meanwhile Carter sat in his car and smiled and felt the happiest he had been in ages, sad about what had happened to Michael, but happy that he had Michael in his life, and Abby kind of too.