Disclaimers: I do not own any of these characters they belong to John Wells, Aaron Sorkin and NBC...but thanks for letting me borrow them...

Josh Lyman looked around his desk for the folder on the crime bill he needed for his meeting with Senator Williams later that afternoon. Unable to find it, he bellowed for his assistant.

"DONNA, where is the folder on the crime bill? I need it for the thing with Williams and I cant find it anywhere." When all he got was silence he bellowed again. "DONNA! I need the folder for thing with Williams!"

As he got up and walked toward his door looking for his assistant, he still didn't find Donna.

"She's not here," Ryan explained as he handed Josh the requested folder from Donna's desk.

"Why the hell not?" Josh asked, The frustration growing in his voice. "Where did she go? I need her to type up some notes for my meeting at 5 with Congressman Santos." Just as Josh was getting ready to question Ryan more about where his missing assistant was, CJ walked out of her office and took him by the arm into his office for some privacy.

"She got a phone call today," CJ told him after a long pause. "Josh, her father died."

Josh sucked in a sharp breath, feeling as if someone had punched him in the stomach. "Oh no," he breathed, running a hand through his unruly brown hair, unsure what to do, what to say, what to think. He felt CJ's hand on his elbow, she helped him into the visitors chair and leaned down to talk to him. "I need to talk to Leo," quickly picking up the phone. I need to be there for her, he thought frantically to himself. "Margaret, I need five minutes with Leo," Josh begged.

Margaret knew something was wrong but didn't ask Josh what was going on. "He has two minutes now but you will have to be quick since he has a full schedule after that."

Josh walked quickly through the bullpen straight for Leo's office. It was all CJ do to keep up with Josh. She wanted to give him moral support since she knew Josh wouldn't be any good to anybody while Donna was hurting.

Only the senior staff, senior assistants and first family knew that Josh and Donna were a couple. It was starting to get serious but after all the administration had been through Josh and Donna both thought it best that they not flaunt it. If they were asked they wouldn't lie about it, but they also didn't go out of their way to publicize it. After dating for only about six months they were practically living together.

Stopping at the outer door to Leo's office Josh collected himself and knocked on the door. CJ stopped and filled Margaret in what was going on she knew she would rally the other assistance to help with Josh's office while he and Donna were out.

"Leo," Josh called to his mentor, slightly wheezing and out of breath from walking so fast from the bullpen to Leo's office.

Leo could see that something was going on with his Josh. "Okay Josh you have two minutes. What's so important that it couldn't wait?"

"It's Donna." Josh's entire body seemed to sigh with that statement.

"What about her?" Leo asked, becoming increasingly worried.

"Her father died this afternoon.

"Oh no, how, what happened?"

"I actually don't know all the details. I've been on the hill all afternoon and she was gone when I got back. CJ filled me in when I got back."

"Someone from Wisconsin called her," CJ tried to explain but didn't have a whole lot of details of what had happened. "I just know that father was in some kind of accident. She was pretty shaken up I let her go I told her I would let Josh know when he got back."

"Leo, I'm going be out for a few days and I will farm out what needs to be and have someone reschedule the rest. She needs me," Josh pleaded with his mentor to let him go."We have to clear it with the President." Leo knew that wasn't the answer his deputy was looking for. "Hang on, let's see if he has a few minutes free right now." Leo knocked on the connecting doors between his office and the oval.

"Enter" was the reply from the other side of the door.

"Sir, do you have a few minutes for Josh?" Leo asked the leader of the free world.

"Sure, come on in," President Bartlet beckoned them into the Oval. "What's on your mind Josh?" The President could see that something was up the way his deputy was fidgeting.

"It's Donna, sir."

"Josh, what happened to Donna?" The president asked, suddenly worried about his deputy's assistant.

"Her father died, sir."

"Oh no." The president could see the sadness in Josh. He remembered back to what Josh had gone through when his father had died. "Do you have anything on your schedule that can't be farmed out or postponed?" Just as Josh was about to answer the President, Toby and Sam walked into the Oval Office.

"We heard about Donna's father."

"Let her know how sorry we are and that we are here if she needs anything. Toby and I will have Ginger and Bonnie farm out the stuff that needs to be dealt with now and reschedule anything else," Sam quickly spoke up knowing that Josh just wanted to get out of there.

"Looks like we have things under control Josh, go be with Donna, and give her our sympathy." The President nodded his head towards Josh, letting him know it was okay for him to attend to Donna.

"Thank you sir," he turned and headed straight for his office. He grabbed his cell phone and laptop and stuffed them in his backpack, making a mad dash out of the White House. Josh wasn't sure which apartment Donna would go to, so he headed to his apartment since most of her stuff was there anyway.

Donna didn't know how long she'd been sitting there, nor did she care. She barely remembered getting home, all her memories blurring from the moment she answered her cell phone. It had been an ordinary day up to then, she had been working on the crime bill notes for Josh. She had just finished the note cards for the meeting when it happened. She recognized the number that flashed up - it was her brother in Madison. He was the only one she kept in contact with and therefore the only one with her cell phone number and that alone was enough to start her heart to beating faster. She walked into Josh's office for privacy. She knew this wasn't going to be good since she had hardly spoken to her family since she left Madison to join the campaign. They didn't understand her decision to leave and were angry at her for doing so.

She tensed up when she heard the voice on the other end of the line, a voice from her past. The news hit her hard, like being stabbed in the heart with a dull knife.

She'd listened to the words as they stole her breath away, feeling like the wind was being kicked out of her. She had tried to run from her past and the things that happened in Madison. The secrets she had buried deep in her mind that nobody could get to. There were things that happened in Madison that no one - not even Josh - knew about. She loved Josh but was afraid that he wouldn't love her if he knew the real reason she left Madison. She had used Brian aka Dr. Freeride as an excuse to why she left that all behind and join the campaign. If she had her way, nobody would even know the truth and definitely not Josh. The walls that she'd built up so high around her past were crumbling into dust. She couldn't keep her knees from giving out on her she feel to the floor with a thud. The memories came back to her full force. Years of hiding and running from it the details flashed into full color in her mind, The voice had asked her gently if she was all right, and she remembered him asking her that question so many years ago; a lifetime ago, back when she was a different person. She'd simply replied, "I'll be there as soon as I can," before hanging up the phone, she continued sitting on Josh's floor staring at her phone.

She had thought that she'd done a decent job at pulling herself together, but it must have been worse than she'd thought, because when CJ walked into Josh's office she reacted immediately.

"Donna, what's wrong?" She asked. "Are you ok? Is it Josh?"

Her questions were soft and gently CJ took Donna's hands into hers. "No," she'd told her. "No CJ, Josh is fine…"

"Then what-"

Her hands shook and her heart was beating a mile a minute. She tired to gather the strength to tell CJ what happened, but the words simply would not come out. CJ helped Donna into Josh's chair and took her hands in hers once again and waited for her to answer the question. "My father died," she said simply, CJ's face had registered sympathy and dismay and a thousand other emotions all in a second.

"Oh God Donna, I'm so sorry…"

CJ grabbed Donna into a hug and held on to her Donna willed herself not to cry in front of CJ. She had to be strong - she was at work after all. Donna who wasn't ready to face her family or the loss of her father knew that her past was going to come crashing into her present and possible her future with Josh and there was no way of stopping it now.

"I need to get out of here." She told CJ.

"Go," she said. "I'll tell Josh." She'd nodded, and made her way grabbing her purse from her desk and quickly making her way outside to the chilly November rain.

She wasn't sure of where she was going, leaving her car in the employee's lot, she began to walk. After walking for a while she ended up in one of her and Josh's favorite spots, the Lincoln Memorial. Sitting in the cold rain she tired to tried to figure out what she was feeling; trying to make sense out of her life both past, present, and future. She wondered if Josh had made it back to the White House yet. She left without leaving a note or anything he was going to be worried hopefully CJ talk to him. After sitting the monument for a few more minutes, she started walking again not sure of where she was headed now. She was numb. She and her father didn't have a good relationship in fact she couldn't stand him and what he had done to her but now he was dead and she wasn't sure of what how she felt. She was tired and wet, so after walking to Josh's townhouse she changed her clothes, made phone calls and a soothing cup of herbal tea, That led her to her present position - sitting in Josh's living room, perched on the edge of the couch, shoulders hunched, whole body wound tight as a spring. The silence of the room was broken only by the ticking of the clock on the wall and the beating of her heart, and she stared at the photograph that she was holding, her mind years away, trying to remember how things had been once upon a time, before everything had fallen apart.

She held a photograph that was taken during one of the family's only vacations, a handsome young blonde man in a white T-shirt and blue jeans, his arm around a woman with short curly hair and sparkling green eyes. The man was holding in his arms a little blonde haired girl, who was all of one. There were three other children in the picture a dark haired two little boys all of seven and five with green eyes sitting in the sand playing happily and a little girl who was all of three with dark black hair and green eyes who was standing beside her mother. They were a young family clearly, but happy, looking as if they had the world in front of them, as if this picture was the first chapter in a long and happy family history.

This picture spoke of the happier times in Donna's life. It was one of the reasons why Donna was who she was. She'd known all her life how deceiving appearances could be.

She knew that the family here was never this happy again, maybe hadn't even been that happy then. Her father, an insurance salesman from Madison, older than his wife by a good ten years, was already starting to drink more than he should. The picture was taken reasonably close up. This was one of the few pictures that Donna had of her childhood, because once things started to get bad she would only be around her family when absolutely necessary. Her mother was hardly around and didn't seem to care about her children. Indeed, there were times when she barely seemed to remember that she had children at all. But when her mother was around she could be just as mean as her father. Her father meanwhile went from his job to the bar, only coming home after being so drunk he could barely stand up, reeking of liquor.

Donna had thought that was normal- that everyone's mother and father were like hers. Then she went to school, and as she got older, she realized that that wasn't so. Donna wondered if living in a city like Madison was a curse or a blessing. People busy with their own lives not paying attention to what others were doing. They would be so busy with their own lives that they would never find out what she hide deep in side of her. But on the other hand nobody would ever find out and stop it. They wouldn't be able to keep her safe. Donna was smart, so she put all her attention into school and knew that someday she would escape the things in her life. She was "daddy's little princess" for a while. She learned that a quick mind, a ready smile and a good dash of charm could go a long way with people, and when she reached her teenaged years, she realized that a toss of her long blonde hair didn't hurt either, and no-one had ever seen the bruises, had ever questioned why she was as thin as she was, why she stayed out so late at night, why she acted the way she did. Her brothers and sisters knew where to hide or they would just leave the house and find things to do. Being the youngest she was stuck there to be the punching bag.

No one ever had to tell her to cover up for her parents. She did it because she knew what would happen if she didn't, she knew no one would ever believe what she told them about what he did to her night after night. She just wanted the pain to end. She wanted to forget everything that happened in that house. Her mother neglected chores and cooking and basic hygiene. It didn't matter if Daddy came home drunk, didn't matter if he took the belt to one of the kids for some transgression, real or imagined. There were other secrets ones that she kept deep in her heart. They were still her parents, still her family, and that meant something to her.

Besides, Daddy wasn't drunk all the time, and when he wasn't, he was the man in that photograph, the man who smiled at his little girl and worshiped the ground she walked on. He would help her with her homework, he would tell her about his work. It had been weeks, months later when she'd remembered the color of the man's skin, at the same time that a thousand other jigsaw pieces began slotting neatly into place.

It had been almost eleven years since she'd seen him, and they'd parted bitterly, Daddy's little girl a little girl no longer, and no longer Daddy's. He'd made that perfectly clear, and her last words had told anyone who broached the subject with her that she didn't care. She'd left that place, made a new life for herself, reinvented herself completely, and she'd never looked back. Not much anyhow.

Now she didn't have a choice.

The silence of the apartment was shattered by a key scraping in the lock, by the front door opening and a familiar voice calling out, "Donna? You here?"

She stood up slowly, noting the urgency in his voice, she moved to the end of the couch, waiting for him to come into the room. She smiled just a little when she saw him, her hand still clutching the picture, he dropped his backpack on to the ground and looked deep into her blue eyes. "Are you ok?" was his first question as he came towards her, arms open, and she moved into them and let him hold her. She knew she was going to have to face her past and it was going to be rough. She didn't know if Josh would be able to handle it, but right now she just wanted him to hold her. To make her feel safe.

"Who told you?" she asked taking in his scent and letting his arms hold on to her.

"CJ." His voice was gentler this time. "I got back from the hill early and CJ pulled me aside and told me what happened. I was so worried about you! Why didn't you call me?"

''I'm sorry I didn't call you but I knew how important this meeting was to you and didn't want to interrupt you."

"Don't worry about that now." He held on to her as he moved her over to the couch so they could get comfortable. "What you got there?"

She looked down at the picture, a tiny smile appearing on her face. "Yesterday," she told him, tilting the picture in his direction, so he could see it better.

"She looks like you," " he observed in surprise, and she nodded, because she'd heard that every day for eighteen years.

"The Moss genes. It's a family thing." She never spoke of her past, with good reason, the thought of sharing her past scared the hell out of her.

"You were a beautiful baby."

She ducked her head, blushing, turning the photograph back towards her.

" I know there is something that is bothering you. Want to talk about it?"

She wanted so badly to talk to him about it. But she knew she couldn't talk to him about it, not yet. She didn't know if she'd be able to handle almost twenty years of bottled up emotion, and she didn't know if he could either. She was so afraid that it would scare him so bad that he would take off. She loved him so much and wanted to protect him from her demons. She knew that she was going to have to face those demons, but she didn't know if she was strong enough.

She took a deep breath, she wanted so bad to tell him but the words just wouldn't come out she finally managed to choke out. "I can't…I mean, I just…I…"

"Hey….sweetheart, it's ok…" He held her tighter in his arms the tears she had been holding back finally fell. She only allowed her self to cry a little bit. She was afraid that if she started now she wouldn't be able to stop and she wasn't ready for that. His strong arms around Donna's shoulder gave her the comfort she so desperately needed. "I'm here for you okay?"

"Whatever you need, no matter what anything. ."

Her eyes looked up to meet his, and she nodded once, a sigh escaping her. "OK."

Josh got up off the couch still holding onto Donna's hand, pulling her up to her feet. "Let's go to bed, ok." she shook her head no she wasn't ready for the dreams that could come tonight. "I think I will just sit her for a while."

She told him "I just need sometime alone, please Josh."

"Come on sweetheart, you need some sleep." he knew she wouldn't be able to sleep "Just let me hold you please."

"No, I can't" the tears began to well up again.

"Tell you what let me fix you a hot bath. How does that sound?" She nodded and he headed toward the bathroom. He just wanted to help her feel better. But until she was ready to open up there was nothing he could do. Josh started the water making a little hotter than normal and grabbed some of Donna's girly smell good stuff out from under the sink. Pouring the bubble bath into the water making it just how she enjoyed her baths, he lit the candles Donna had placed in the bathroom a while back. After grabbing her clothes from the bedroom, she could smell the lavender coming from the bathroom as she walked down the hall. "Thanks" it was so soft that he barely even heard her. He made sure she had everything she needed and shut behind him giving her some time alone to grieve. Josh went back into the living room and turned the television on, flipping thru the channels he found nothing good to watch. He cell phone started vibrating in his backpack.

"Lyman."

"Josh, its CJ, I was just calling to check on Donna. How is she doing?"

"To be honest, I'm not sure she has so much bottled up inside that honestly I'm worried about her." he quietly explained. "I don't know what to do to help her."

"Josh, the only thing you can do is be there for her and let her lean on you. You have to be patient she will open up in her own time. She is in shock and still trying to deal with what has happened. Has she ever told you anything about her family?"

He got quiet thinking back, in the six months that they had been dating or even the five years they had worked side by side. He never recalled her talking about her family. One thing that did come to mind was that when he would ask her if she was going home those few times they had gotten time off from their busy schedule. She had told him NO that she and her family were not close and she would rather stay with her Washington family. He also remembered that she never talked about her family she kept that part of her life private. "No," he finally answered CJ's question. "She wont talk about her family."

"Well she has us now. We are her family." CJ told him with conviction. "We love her me, Toby, Sam, Leo, all the assistants, the first family. Let her know she is not alone, okay?"

"I will, CJ. I know she'll appreciate it." He smiled thinking about all the people here in Washington that cared deeply for his beloved assistant. She would never be alone with this motley crew to take care of her.

"Well, I will let you go," she told him. "Josh?"

"Yes, CJ?"

"Take care of her?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

"Anytime, mi armoire"

Josh heard the bath water being drained from the tub and the bathroom door opened. Looking up he saw Donna standing in the hallway, her hair wet from her bath. She was wearing one of Josh's Harvard t-shirts she had taken while taking care of him during his recovery. She looked so beautiful standing there. Her beautiful blue eyes filled with sadness, it broke his heart to see her this way. Turning off the television and light her joined her in the bedroom, hoping she was finally ready to get some sleep.

"Think you can sleep now?" He pulled the covers back. Neither one of them spoke, as they climbed into bed. He pulled her close holding on for dear life wanting to make sure she felt safe in his arms. Kissing the top of her head, Donna snuggled closer into Josh's arms and waited for sleep to overcome her and the dreams to start. After holding her for a while he finally heard her breathing even out which meant she was finally asleep and now he could finally close his eyes.