Disclaimer:
Rayne-kun: Ok. I am one pissed off Rayne-kun right now. I had so much of this chapter all typed up and done, and now, my computer says: "Unexpected end of file" any time I try to open the document. So now, I can't finish it, and I have to retype every single thing I wrote in there. GRRRR! DAMMIT! Why ME? I have some of it written down in my notebook, but I still have to recopy it all down. DAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAMN!
Ok, well now that that's done with, lets get on with the random disclaimer that probably less than half of you actually read.
Blaze: Probably only 5 people ever read this thing...
Hazel: I'd estimate... around 10 percent?
Rayne-kun: -glare- anywayz, I AM SO SORRY. I meant to have this chapter up a LONG time ago, but then I got bad grades on my report card. I mean REALLY bad grades. I mean MASSIVELY really bad grades. You cannot even begin to imagine how terribly nauseatingly, hideously, horribly-
Blaze: They get it.
Rayne-kun: AND IT WASN'T EVEN MY FAULT! Well, ok, yes it was, but its not like I'm STUPID or anything, i just.. never turned in... any assignments...
Kukki: I DON'T LIKE HIM! Mr. Frank (our science teacher) IS SO MEAN!
Rayne-kun: -sweatdrop- Right. So anywayz, I got grounded for a while, thus not allowed to go on the 'puter, and thus, I could not write. Sure, I could write it on paper, but i HATE having to copy everything on paper onto the computer. I did it with my Fire Emblem One-shot called Eyes, but it took SO. DAMN. LONG. So I only wrote out some of it. I stopped when things started getting a little fluffy between Ren and Horo. It would be REALLY awkward if someone found that and read it... not that it was lemon or anything. then it would be REALLY awkward. but no, I do not write lemon. So those of you that are staying with this story, hoping that I will one day make it lemon, you are sadly mistaken. I might imply some stuff later on, IMPLY. But nothing right now. Gomen ne.
Kourri: You must tell them the atrocities that were committed on me!
Rayne-kun: -sweatdrop- Oh yeah. Sorry about that. See, I apparently spelled Kourri's name wrong in the last chapter. Sorry about that. Its apparently ou and not uo. So, if you are reading this, I will have already corrected that, so that she will stop yelling at me. -sweatdrop-
Kukki: Anything else you'd like to add? CAUSE THIS IS GETTING WAY TOO LONG!
Rayne-kun: Why yes, yes there is. I AM SO TERRIFIED! In this chapter HAO comes in. OMG, what if I make him OOC? My reviewers (that'll be anyone reading this i hope ;D) will KILL ME!
Kukki: Or I will! I am a Hao fangirl, after all! But shhh, don't tell.
Rayne-kun: -rolls eyes- Oh yes, very comforting. But... what if I do him wrong? What if I make him soo OOC that everyone hates me and no one will ever review my fic again, or those that do will be flamers, and-
Hazel: It'll be fine.
Blaze: Yeah, so shut up.
Rayne-kun: NO! It won' be fine! And to top it all off, this chapter will be KukkixLyserg. That's right. KukkixLyserg. People will probably hate me for doing a character x an OC, but I DON'T CARE! I think the idea is hilarious! Blame the reviewer for giving me the idea in the first place! It was her idea! (The reviewer wasn't my best friend who had all the influence in the world on me, i swear ;P) This will be so much fun to write!
Kukki: I -twitch- guess you can -twitch- do whatever -twitch- you want... -twitch twitch- Why Lyserg! He's so... dreary!
Hazel: Shh! He'll hear you!
Kukki: YOU! I HATE YOU! You're so annoying and whinny and bossy and BLAH!
Hazel: -huff- -walks off stage-
Kukki: Getting WAY TOO LONG!
Rayne-kun: -smirk- Back to KukkixLyserg! Wait. Kukki? Did you just say Lyserg was dreamy! I KNEW you liked him!
Kukki: OO EWW! NO! DREARY!
Rayne-kun: -smirk-
Kukki: STOP! STOP RIGHT THERE! END DISCLAIMER! CHAPTER THREE... COMMENCE!
Chapter Three
---
The purple chicken named M-chan rose from its slumber. It yawned and stretched out. It looked down at its cute little purple chicks and decided it should go and look for food for them.
---
Two bodies were pushed to the floor immediately after Kukki greeted the said owner of the coolest pants in the universe. (A/N I will steal them one of these days... just you wait...)
"OW!" Lyserg shouted, landing in the aisle with Kourii right on top of him.
Kourii looked down at him. looked down at him. "As my cousin said before, it is not my fault you somehow managed to get under me." She got up and went to the seat next to them and stared out the window muttering something about flying cows and Kourri-fairies. Lyserg, however, looked back angrily at the pastry. "What the hell was that for, you crazy, psychotic-" He stopped, wondering why Kukki was looking starry eyed in the vicinity behind him.
A cryptic voice came from behind him. "Lyserg. Move. You're in my way."
A boy with long brown hair was walking down the aisle (A/N Kukki: Oh my, who's he getting married to? Me of cour-
Hoards of mad fangirls: NO! IT'S ME! IT'S M-
Kukki: IT'S ME, NOW ALL OF YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!
silence-
haha, I was just kidding. He's getting married to a cow. Hahaha. cow. Hahaha.
Rayne-kun: Wait. If he's walking down the aisle, doesn't that mean, he's the bride? Is he wearing a dress then?
HOMFG: SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!)
glaring down at the girl haired boy on the floor.
"HAO! You killed my-" Lyserg began.
"Oh shut it. Everyone knows that I killed your pathetic excuse for shamans of parents..." Hao smirked.
"Haaaoooooo! Come and sit next to meeeeeee!" Kukki said in a singsong voice.
Hao rolled his eyes rolled his eyes. "Hi Kukki. Still alive are you?"
"You know me, I'm the cockroach that can't be killed." She grinned.
Hao kicked Lyserg, causing him to move somewhat out of the way, and sat down next to Kukki. He smirked back at Yoh. "Otouto. How's life been?"
"Well, 'Nii-chan Everything's been great! Anna's not training me as hard anymore and-" he stopped glancing nervously at the blonde next to him "- and I have oranges! Yeah. Oranges. These Shaman King duties are really annoying though. I thought being King would be a breeze, but its very tiresome. Other than that though, life's been going fine."
The was a flicker of wrath at the mention of Shaman King, but he let it slide.
Lyserg was still glaring daggers up at Hao, while Kourii was still muttering crazy, incoherent things.
---
M-chan spread her wings and took off, leaving her purple chicks behind. She decided as she soared, that she would get them something special and not the normal lettuce she fed them everyday. She continued to fly over the countryside, looking for that something special.
---
"You know," Lyserg began in an exasperated tone," I think Kami-sama must have something against me. First, my parents are murdered my a pyromaniac psychopath, then I join up with an insane guy with a creepy voice (A/N at least its creepy in the dub, haven;t seen the sub. Also, I hate Marco and the X-laws. With a passion. Just letting you know.) named Marco and his also crazy followers and the 'Almighty Jeanne-sama' until I found out that their ideas were all crap, and they were just arrogant bastards who had no clue what they were doing and how many people they were hurting in the process. Then I come to live with Yoh and the others because I have no where else to go., when I an glomped nearly to death by a hyperactive Ryu, and NOW, I've been forced to sit a bus without my luggage that instead has Hao- ASAKURA HAO on it. And to top it all of, I WAS PUSHED OFF THE DAMN SEAT!" and with that he rose and sat next to Kourii, still going on about his misfortunes.
Ren turned to Horo, attempting to shut out Lyserg's rantings. "Horo, would you mind if I killed him? He's being quite annoying and-"
Kukki turned in her seat sharply. "You will not touch him." She said with a death glare plastered on her face.
"Ok, ok, I was joking..."
After many conversations with Kukki on the telephone, Ren had come to learn that Kukki could make him scared speechless (pretty hard thing to do) quite a lot. He wouldn't see the piercing glare, but he could feel it. It was always whenever Ren did the slightest little thing to get Kukki mad. Once, Ren said, after the grocery store had run out of milk, "We should all just have a cow at home! I need my milk dammit, and-" She cut him off then, and started ranting about how unhappy the cows would be, then proceeded to say that she wanted a cow and she would know how to take care of it. She didn't seem to get the difference between a joke, a sarcastic comment, and a literal statement.
Hao, however, had different plans than Ren, "Maybe I should just kill him..." he muttered, "He's of no use to me anywayz... or maybe a should just burn him a little..."
This shut Lyserg up fast. He gave one last glare at Hao and then stared blankly at the seat in front of him, his eyes unfocused.
Just then she saw it: the something special. A ramen bar stood beneath her; she could smell the scent of the miso ramen even from all the way up where she flew. She dove down, startling the customers of the ramen bar, and managed to fix her claws around a bowl of hot, steamy ramen.
---
Ren flinched as he felt something touch his hair. He turned to find Horo staring fixedly at the spike on top of his head, patting it at different angles. Ren raised an eyebrow. "Horo? What are you doing?"
Horo glanced down at Ren's face before staring at his hair once again. "Ren, how does your hair stay up like that? Is it gel? Or... what? Its just... defying gravity. I've always thought it was weird but-"
Ren cut him off, "I dunno. It's just... like that. I really don't know know why."
"Weird..." Horo muttered, "It's not even hard like it has gel in it. It just feels like normal hair..."
Ren's eyes rolled. "Baka. I told you. It's not gel. Your hair sticks up weirdly too, you know."
"But I have a headband holding it up," Horohoro said matter-of-factly, "so its supposed to stick up."
Ren lifted his hand up to Horo's forehead and slowly took off his headband. He looked up at his boyfriend, loving the way his azure hair fell everywhere once the spikes' support was gone. Horohoro looked damn hot. (A/N Has anyone seen the episode where Horo let his hair down? GOD, I practically drooled. Oh right, Chloe, this is where you stop reading! -wink-)
"Why are you looking at me like-" He was interrupted by Ren mouth pressed against his. Surprised at first, Horo did not react, but he soon responded to it, opening his mouth once he felt Ren's tongue against his lips, demanding entrance.
A fierce tongue battle for dominance soon ended with Horohoro giving in, once again allowing Ren to win. Ren smiled against Horo's mouth and proceeded to taste all the wet corners of the Ainu's mouth. They had long since forgotten where they were and who they were with. thinking only of each other. A deep moan emitted from Horo when he felt Ren's hands under his shirt, caressing Horohoro's hardened nipples. Ren abandoned Horo's mouth, in favor of latching it onto his neck, sucking and biting at all the places he knew would please his bluenette boyfriend.
(A/N You can read from here Chloe!)
By this point, nearly everyone (Kukki has fallen asleep) was watching the couple's antics; some were 'aww'ing, while others looked on in disgust, or blushed at witnessing a private moment such as this.
'Sporks are wonderful things, tough spoons are nice too...' thought Kourii, still staring out the window. 'Nutcrackers are evil though. They will kill us all. But NO! I will NOT LET THEM! Kourii, the Defender of Kouriiland, will stop them! First I'll have to-' her thoughts were cut off by a throaty moan from somewhere behind her. She stood stone still dreading what she'd find when she turned around. Slowly, very slowly, she twisted in her seat...
The piercing shriek could be heard all over the bus, followed by Kukki waking up and muttering "huh? what?". A deafening silence proceeded this, befalling the campgoers who were all wondering what the cause of the scream was. After they decided no one seemed to be dead, they continued their amble chatter.
M-chan rose again, proud that she was able to find that wonderful something special for her purple chicks. She turned to go home when she realized she didn't know which way home was! She panicked, and flew in a direction, ANY direction, that might take her back to her purple chicks.
---
At the sound of the scream, Ren and Horo had burst apart, eyes as wide as dinner plates, before giving dark glares to Kourii.
"What the HELL was that for!" Ren shouted at the Chinese girl who was staring at the boys, wide-eyes and quivering.
"Y-You...were... EWWWW!" She screamed disgustedly. "How can you... DO that... its just..." she shuddered.
Hao was glancing back at them with interest. "You two are together, eh? Is it hard to (italics) do it (end italics) with two guys? How does that work?" he asked curiously.
Ren and Horo both sputtered at the suggestion. "Well we haven't really...um..." Horo started. "...got that far..." Ren finished quietly.
"Eh? Why not? Your hands were all over him Tao, and you still haven't got him in bed?"
Ren flushed. "Sh-shut up! What business is it of yours anyway?"
"How long have you been together?"
"Erm... about... 3 months..."
Hao looked back at Yoh. "Otouto, maybe we should show them how it's done, because I don't think they know how it's done. Truth be told, I've only been with women, but i could figure it out." he winked.
Yoh sent him a glare. " 'Nii-chan..." he said with a warning tone.
Hao put his hands up in defeat. "Alright, alright. I was joking." But there was a glint in his eyes that said otherwise.
One second, they were all sitting there, talking calmly, and the next their heads were all pressed into the seat in front of them. The bus had come to a stop so quickly and suddenly that no one had time to even put on the seat belts that had been completely ignored for the whole ride.
"Will everyone please gather their things and walk through the front entrance. Please wait for the row in front of you to exit before you leave. Your councilors will lead you to your cabin. If you are unaware who your councilor is, please see the bulletin board on the camp director's cabin. Thank you and have a nice day." Came an announcement from the bus driver on the intercom.
Kukki, who was remarkably cheerful after just having her face plummet into the seat in front of her jumped up, and said to Lyserg, "Why don't you go to the camp director and ask him if you can get your stuff somehow."
Lyserg brightened. "Yeah! Thanks Kukki! Uh... where is it?"
Kukki pointed to a large brick house directly in front of the bus. Lyserg sweatdropped "Cabin, eh? Looks more like a mansion..." but he went all the same.
Anna huffed. "That bus driver's skills driving skills are TERRIBLE! How DARE he take someone such as myself to this filthy little camp and then slam my face into the seat without warning! He should have slowed down at LEAST! And not only that but he-"
"Oh, can it." muttered Kukki, rubbed her head. "You're giving me a headache."
Anna glared, but dared not get into a fight with the one who had caught her left-hander, so she remained silent. They exited the bus, dragging their luggage along with them. Kourii joined up with her cabinmates and left with them, going off to some random cabin (A/N don't worry... she'll be back).
---
The purple chicken dove down once again, landing on top of a car nimbly, placing the ramen bowl down with her. It was traveling very fast, but M-chan didn't care. She needed to ask the humans if they knew where her purple chicks were. "SKRAWK!" She shrieked at them. They replied to her in a very unintelligible tongue which was mainly screaming and looks of terror directed toward her. She sighed and flew away with her ramen bowl. These creatures clearly were too stupid to know where her purple chicks were. She heard a loud crash and loud honking noises as she flew away, but she didn't care. She needed to find her purple chicks!
---
Kukki led them through a row of cabins until they got to Cabin Number 19. It looked pretty basic, just a wooden cabin with a sign hanging next to the door that said "19" on it. She opened the door and allowed her campers to enter their home for the next month.
The cabin was divided into two parts, though the new cabinmates couldn't see the other half because it was blocked off by a large curtain. But the half they could see was amazing. It had all the stuff that was completely useless, but cool all the same. (A/N Just so you know, I'm doing my best not to copy Camp Happy Pants here. I apologize if it sounds like I am. Gomen nasaii!) Stuff like a giant screen TV, a popcorn maker, a mini fridge, a phone, along with a few nifty things like lava lamps and a CD player. Their eyes turned to the luxurious bed which was- wait. BED! As in, SINGULAR?
"Erm, excuse me," said Ryu, who hadn't said an intelligent word all day, "Why is there only one bed?"
Kukki burst out laughing. It seemed as though she had been holding it in for a long time, and she just had to let it out. She wiped a tear from her eye, and managed to say, "I.. really had you going there..." She continued to laugh, saying each word between giggles, "You actually thought you were going to sleep in here!" She exploded with laughter and in a few seconds managed to calm down enough to say," You sleep.. on the other side.. of the sheet.." then she sat down on the bed and hunched over, shaking with laughter.
The troop moved to the other side of the cabin, pulling back the sheet.
They stared at the other side in disgust.
There were 6 mats, and... dirt. And that was pretty much it. Sad, isn't it?
Anna turned to glare at Kukki, who was still laughing helplessly. "You little," she walked over to Kukki and prepared to slap her again. Kukki's eyes immediately opened and became alert. Her arm reached up, and once again, caught Anna's open hand.
Chocolove opened his mouth to speak. Everyone glanced at him, and cringed, waiting for the inevitable BAD joke. But... it never came. "Kukki! That wasn't nice! How could you trick us like that?"
Everyone gaped at him, then broke out into laughter. Chocolove had actually said something serious. It was a miracle.
Chocolove blinked. "I don't get it. Why are you all laughing?"
Suddenly a voice came on an intercom that only Kukki knew was even installed. "This is the secretary of the camp director. Please report to the cafeteria. Thank you."
Kukki smirked at them evilly. "You heard her. This way."
She led the troop to the cafeteria, letting them grumble about how awful this next month was going to be, and letting them hope that maybe at least the food would be good.
They entered a room with many campers already in there, including Hao's cabin, number 20 and the cabin Kourii belonged to (she's not a councilor), number 18.
They all sat down at their appropriate table after they heard a voice boom at them, telling them all to 'Sit down and shut up'. A woman in a blue secretary outfit stood in front of all the tables and spoke to them. "Alright. My name is Jennifer, and I am the secretary of this camp. The camp director doesn't like to make his identity known, so I will be speaking for him. If you're wondering about how American my name sounds, don't. I am Chinese, but was born in America, so you mock me about the weird name, and you will not wake up the following morning. Right. So, welcome to The Camp With No Name. This next month, you will be participating in all kinds of activities, ranging from-" A loud girlish scream broke into her welcoming speech. Most people jumped and looked around for the screamer. It was clear that the person was not in the cafeteria. Quite suddenly, the door on the right burst open and showed a small, green-haired boy in plaid enter the scene.
"YOU!" He shouted pointing at Hao. "YOU SIGNED ME UP FOR THIS PLACE!"
"Oh dear.. it seams I've been found out," Hao sighed.
The entire camp, which consisted of around 100 people, were now watching the two boys.
"So, you know what this means don't you?" Hao smirked.
Lyserg seethed. "YOU-"
"It means," Hao said, speaking not to Lyserg, but to everyone watching, "that I am YOUR councilor, and I have POWER over you."
M-chan looked below her and saw a small, wooden man-made cabin. She dove down, still clutching the ramen bowl in her claws. She flew through the slightly ajar door, startling the 100 (about) occupants of the room, including two boys who were standing up, one with brown hair, the other with green. She flew around the room, asking the humans if they knew where her purple chicks were with loud SKRAWKS. As she flew, she noticed that the ramen bowl was slipping. She panicked, and not being a very smart purple chicken, she flew around in circles, trying to get a better grip on the ramen bowl. Suddenly, it flew out of her claws and landed on the head of a human who appeared to have a shark sticking out of his head. Terrified that the shark would eat her, she flew away VERY quickly. leaving her spilled ramen behind, continuing her fruitless search for her purple chicks.
---
The inhabitants of the cafeteria were silent. They were all quite confused. Wouldn't you be if a green-haired boy screamed, then proceeded to have an argument with Asakura Hao, then all of a sudden a purple chicken flew in and dropped a bowl of ramen on a boy's head.
None were more surprised that Ren himself who had involuntarily just been given a bowl of miso ramen.
TBC
Rayne-kun: heh heh. About the random M-chan thing... yeah. My friend M-chan wanted to be in the story and pour ramen on Ren's head... so I came up with this. Yeah. Also, I couldn't get to the big KukkixLyserg scene. The chapter was getting too long already, and I didn't want to make it longer by adding that in. So... yeah.
Replies to reviewers:
Alchemist4kumagoro/ hey mel... you...are A LOSER! AHAHAHAHA..ha -clears throat-
Setsumi-san/ -grins- i liked that part too... well, sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up... -sweatdrop-
Kya-san/ me? HYPER? -all gasp in shock and horror you think I am HYPER? AYAIIIIIIIAIAIAIAIAIAIIII! -swings from vine that came out of no where and bellows like a caveman- me? hyper? never ;D
gift-of-the-elves/ i agree, cute is better... but kinky is fun ;D sorry, this update probably came a lot later than you expected. -sweatdrop- I'M SOOOOORRY! -bows repeatedly-
DeathXStar/ it definitely is SK's best yaoi pairing. best pairing actually! -grin- there is definite renhoroness in this chapter, so i hope you liked!
SaturnMax/ we ALL love the foofy pants -sighs- they're sooo wonderful...
IndelibleSorrow/ you think? oO well, w/e. i will 'update son'! -grins- sorry, i know, i do typo's a lot too. -smirk-
Kimbob/ -sweatdrop- well that was nice and blunt. you hate Lyserg? how sad. i think he's adorable... nyah. How was this hororen moment? I quite liked it. -grin-
Kyo Yume/ KYAH! THE BREAD EATING CHEESE! RUN AWAAAAAY! -sweatdrop-
Purple Chicken Master/ i didn't quite make my deadline, ne? lol
Ashuri-Kasandora-Tsuyoi/ what a long penname... does it mean anything? oh right. anywayz, yeah. Kukki is DEFINITELY not sane -sweatdrop-
Karenu-Kiyoto/ w00t! another person who doesn't completely hate lyserg! good for you! -grins-
SpiritisFlame/ you already know my relies to this nekonekonekonekoneko-baka.
ReiArubiru/ glad I could...umm... motivate you? yeah. so, glad you like it!
Naru Asakura/ lol. had a rather big typo there. "kikku"? she'd kill you if she heard that. -grin- lots of "!"'s there. GLAD YOU'RE EXCITED! lol
devilicious-jo/ and this chapter's even longer. well, here's the update update update! -grin-
xL33TxMasterx/ i SHALL! bwahahahahahahaa!
kome/ ahhh.. fire. such a lovely thing. but yes, ren and hao rock. they're so awesome (which is how you spell that -grin-)
lovebaby/ i am going to try to incorporate lots of fluffy moments between those two... :D
ice is nice/ glad i could be of service. :D wow, there are SO many hao fangirls...
Flame-chan/ i won't. proooomise. i was originally intending for hao to be a homophobe, but no. so many people, (like you), wouldn't like that. so i decided against it! lucky you, ne?
END REVIEW REPLIES
Rayne-kun: right. sooooooo REVIEW! those who don't review... WILL BE HUNTED DOWN AND KILLED WITH SPOONS! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!