Previously in "I am the Tower Around Which You Orbited"

"I can't talk, Lane. I can't… talk."

"Just let the words roll off your tongue. It'll work, trust me."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

Chapter Twenty-Four: It is too delicate for words

I took a deep breath and knocked on the door steadily.

"Coming," shouted Lorelai from inside. She swung the door open and her enthusiasm dropped like a fly when she saw who was standing in her doorway.

"Rory's not here yet, is she?"

"Uhm, no, but you can come in if you like. She should be here pretty soon."

"Good, thanks." I stepped inside, awkwardness riding the air like a scent. Lorelai sat me down at the couch and then disappeared into the kitchen.

"So… are you excited about college, Jess?" Lorelai called from the next room.

"To an extent, I suppose."

"That's good. That's really good. Listen, when Rory gets here, I imagine the conversation you're going to have you'd like to be private, so I'm going to be on the patio thing. It's part of the porch, so it might not be a patio. I don't really know what to call it, but I'll be there."

"Okay then."

The front door opened and Rory shouted, "Hi Mom!" She entered the house and saw me sitting on the couch. "Jess?" She dropped her backpack and walked over to where I was sitting. I stood up and she just had this look of surprise on her face.

"Rory, sit down, please."

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"Rory I really need to talk to you about something, so please just sit down." She looked at me intensely and sat beside me. I kissed her and she returned the feeling. I had to get a grip on reality here, but I felt like I loved Rory too much for words. "Rory, wait." I pulled away. She grasped my hand in hers.

"You sure you aren't breaking up with me? Because you've just got this sad look on your face and you just kissed me like it would be the last time I'd ever see you."

"I'm not good at talking."

"You've been better lately."

"But I'm still not good at talking. I can't just sit down and voice my feelings about things with, well, anyone. And I try. I try really, really hard, but the right words never come out. However, right now I need to right words to come out, so I'm going to try my damnedest to make you understand our situation."

"We have a situation?"

"Rory, just, listen. Please? What I'm doing right now – talking - its pretty much tearing me up inside, okay? So, please, just listen."

"Okay."

I took a deep breath closed my eyes and when I opened them looked directly at Rory. I squeezed her hand and said, "I love you. I have never loved anything more than I love you. The other night, when you said that you felt like you have a hole in your heart when I'm not around – it's the same for me. I need you to understand that I feel like, maybe I can't live without you." Rory smiled sadly and her eyes welled up. I returned the smile and continued. "I love you. But I screwed up. It's just… something – someone – happened. Her name is Aerin and I just, I wanted to be her friend 'cause she reminded me of myself from last year, and she's lived here since she was five. However, she wants something more than just friendship, and that night, the night - you know which one - she kissed me." Rory looked shocked, kind of like someone had just shot her in the lung.

"What?"

"Listen to me, Rory, please just listen. I explained to her that I am not interested in her at all, and I thought it got through, but it didn't. Here's the twist. Dean saw. He thought that I kissed her, but I swear to god I didn't. I don't want anyone except you, I don't know if I ever have. Then, today, Aerin kissed me again, but just barely, and she did it to cause a scene at school. I swear to god, I would've hit her, but she's a girl and that's just not right, or something, and I really needed to tell you and now I have. I'm so incredibly sorry, Rory, none of this was supposed to happen. It was just supposed to be you and me and I don't know what happened." Rory looked like she was about to cry, but instead sighed, and kissed me concernedly.

"Jess, I love you, but I need to be able to trust you, and right now, I don't. I'm not sure if I can. I want to, but – it hurts, that's all."

"I'm sorry, Rory."

"Jess…"

"I'm a screw up, I know I'm a screw up and I've been a screw up my whole life, and I don't want to screw up what we have here."

"Jess, stop. Just… stop." She kissed me lightly and held my face gently in her palms. "You need to stop beating yourself up about this. I love you with all my heart, and it means a lot to me that you told me. I understand that it's not your fault but I just feel like, maybe there's something wrong here that neither of us can see."

"Yeah."

She kissed me again. My hands slid up her back to rest at the nape of her neck. She moved to sit on back on her leg and wrapped her arm around my neck as I held the small of her back. She was warm and smelled good, but I had to try to block that out of my mind. Rory pulled back and looked away.

"What?"

"Its nothing."

"Rory?"

"Its just… is she better?"

"Rory, nobody could ever replace you, I promise you that." I kissed her and she settled into my arms, laying back on my chest. I twirled her hair in my fingers and she shut her eyes.

"We'll be okay," she mumbled. "I think we'll be okay."

"Yeah. We'll be fine."

THE END of chapter twenty-four

I know its really short, but I have pretty much wrung this chapter dry. Next one will be longer, I hope.