Previously in "I am the Tower Around Which You Orbited"

Jess tells Rory about the accidents with Aerin, and Rory calms him down.

Chapter Twenty-Five: The Start of Something New

Finals were finally over. Everything seemed fresh and new. I had actually worked pretty hard on finals, surprisingly. Maybe it was Rory's newfound "trust" in me, but for some reason, I had tried on finals – and, I imagine, succeeded. I felt the need to run through the town with my arms in the air, but instead, I went to a somewhat hidden spot behind the school for a celebratory smoke.

Gotta stop doing that soon.

Anyway, as I lit my cigarette, which was my last one (I guess I really was going to quit), I heard rustling behind me, and so I spun around to lay eyes on Aerin.

"Can you spare a ciggy?"

"My last one. I'm planning on quitting, cold turkey so, whatever."

"Well then, I'll make this brief. Listen, graduation is on Friday and we have this weird chemistry thing going on here, I don't know what to call it, but after Friday we probably won't see each other again. I was just wondering if there was any way I could say a private good-bye?"

"Aerin, I've already said good-bye to you. Anything you have to say to me you'd just be screaming into the wind."

"I understand your feelings of animosity towards me, but you can't deny that we really do have something here, and it needs closure – more closure than we would've given it. I mean, as soon as the ceremony finishes, I'll be catching a plane to Quebec City. I just think it might be better if we just, had closure."

"We don't need closure because there's nothing to close between us, Aerin. I don't think you understand that completely. There is nothing between us. We were friendly for, what, a day? Then you kiss me and this whole roller coaster of shit starts and we don't need closure."

"You're denying it. Despite some bad feelings between us, there is something between us, there is an 'us.' However, you are the only one who is incapable of understanding everything that has happened. And Jess, I just don't want to leave Stars Hollow without a proper good-bye from you. I don't really know why – I just do."

"Good-bye, Aerin," I said smugly and turned away, taking a drag on my cigarette.

"Jess, c'mon, we both need more than that."

"I have nothing else to say to you Aerin, so just back off."

"I'm sorry, alright? I have just been thinking, and I'm sorry."

I scoffed and turned to her, "You're kidding me, right? You tried to ruin the only good part of my life, the only woman I have ever truly been in love with and I wish to god I hadn't ever been nice to you so that I didn't have to spend hours wracking my brain for an answer to whether or not I belonged with Rory. Guess what? After several hours of wracking my brain for said answer, I have it – I belong with Rory. Not with you. I have never had feelings for you the way you want me to, I'm sorry. I thought about it, about everything, and I don't have any other answer for you. The only feeling I have towards you is pity and I'm not too keen on changing that opinion anytime soon. I know you want closure so I hope this is good enough for you."

"Can I do my schpiel now? Are you finished, because I have to right to justify myself."

"Not in my mind."

"Listen, will you? Jess, I liked you, I like you still, I think. I let petty jealousy and my bursting teenage libido explode into that kiss and then the other kiss. I'm trying to apologize here because its only now that I realize that you and Rory do belong together and that I'm not in any part of that picture. I need to let you know that I'm not really over you, but I'm not going to stand in your way. You and Rory deserve each other and I deserve some manwhore."

"Well, you are the opposite sex version of me," I said, laughing a little bit.

"I have nowhere near enough mystique." We both were silent. "Lane was right the other day – I think I liked me better when I didn't talk."

"Maybe you just need to find the right thing to say." I flicked my cigarette butt on the cement and ground it out. "A few days ago, hell, a few minutes ago, I would've sold my soul to give you a good thwacking."

"A good thwacking? What the hell does that mean?"

"I'm not entirely sure."

"I just figured I'd let you know that I am truly sorry for everything I did to you and Rory."

"I appreciate that somewhat." We stood there in another moment of silence. I couldn't explain why, but my malice towards Aerin had flown out the window. "So, is this closure?"

"Almost." She leaned in a little bit, but I leaned back.

"No kissing. It's a- bad karma and b- something I've sworn against." Aerin just laughed and gave me a little hug.

"Actually, I can't even be at the ceremony. They're giving me my diploma tomorrow because I won't be at the ceremony."

"Why not?"

"Because, I'll be halfway out of America by noon on Friday." She started to pull out of the hug we st6ill held and I had the overwhelming urge to kiss her. I could tell she had the same sudden urge, even if it wasn't so sudden for her. I looked away and she frowned, moving away from me as slowly as possible. "I'm… I didn't mean to that time."

"It's okay. Nothing happened." She looked kind of distressed, I imagine due to my own distress. She turned away, leaving the shadows, and the sunlight hit her black hair perfectly, making it look red. Her sullen skin and shadowed eyes were bathed with light and she seemed more angelic than zombie-like. Today, she was wearing form-fitting jeans and a tee-shirt that wasn't so baggy that she could fit five more of her in there. She was surprisingly different, like a completely different person. She smiled back at me and her teeth seemed normal. "Hey, Aerin, have fun in Quebec."

"Have fun in Stars Hollow." That was the last line I ever heard from Aerin, this complete stranger who turned my world around completely.

Before I could stop myself, I ran over to her and gave her a soft, quick kiss on the lips. It wasn't my best judgment ever, but it was something I had to do. It was closure. Aerin looked shocked and a tear formed in her eye, which she blinked away. I took a step back. "Bye, Aerin." She just nodded and left.

I wandered over to the bus stop, and sat there, waiting for Rory's bus to arrive. When it did, she hopped off merrily and stood in front of me. "Hello there."

"Hi Rory." She kissed me slowly and I held her close to me.

"If we're not careful, we may end up in a lake," she said jokingly. I laughed and took her hand, leading her off to the diner.

"Wouldn't that be fun," I mumbled as I kissed her ear.

"Okay, so my graduation is Friday at three, so you might be a little bit late, but you and Luke can rush over to Chilton and mom will save you guys seats and then you all get to watch me give my Valedictorian speech."

"You're feeling much better, aren't you?"

"Exams are finito. It makes me very happy. Summer starts after Friday, and that means I get to go to Europe with my mom and when I get back, there's a Yale to look forward to and," before she continued she caught my lips quickly. "And a loving boyfriend."

"Who will still want you the moment you get back."

"You'd better. I don't want some blonde bombshell nitwit like whatsherface taking my place, okay? Or any other girls." The first part was joking, but the addition was very, very serious.

"Aerin is moving to Quebec City. I don't want you worrying, even if she were staying all summer."

"Good. Because I don't want to worry." I kissed her and she turned to face me full on, sliding her hands beneath my arms. I smiled at her and she kissed me again. We walked into the diner and Luke immediately spilled the coffee he was pouring for Lorelai.

"Jess, Jesus, what are you doing?"

"Walking into my place of employment and living with my girlfriend?"

"Hey Rory, Jess," Lorelai chimed in. Rory smiled and sat down next to her mother at the counter. I walked to stand behind it and Rory gave me a look. Unfortunately, so did Luke.

"I think we need to talk," Luke said, trying to sound calm.

"Geez, Luke, they're dating. They're doing other things. They're young. Let them flaunt it for once." Luke huffed and went into the kitchen.

"Thanks, Lorelai."

"Anytime."

"I probably have to actually work now, so I'll call you, okay?"

"Okay," Lorelai said in a high-pitched voice. Rory hit her shoulder lovingly and I rolled my eyes, ready to work.

As the girls gabbed while I worked, I ran through the exchange between Aerin and I. I had kissed her of my own free will, not simply for closure, but to root my own thoughts about her. I knew that I didn't have any real feelings for Aerin, and I never would, and kissing her let her know that. I wasn't intending to hurt Rory, and I knew Aerin wouldn't talk, but I just needed to solidify everything I had said to her. I needed to show her that I couldn't feel the way I felt about Rory with her instead.

And I knew, from the way she had looked at me, that she got the message.

THE END of chapter twenty-five