Birthday Reflections
Chapter 8: Questions, Answers, and Checkers
BeastBoy was deep in thought, analyzing what he'd been through thus far. He'd asked Raven for a kiss, a seemingly harmless gesture. She'd sucked him into her mirror, and now he'd walked hand in hand with one emotion, and sparred with another. What was next?
He couldn't make heads or tails of the situation. And he was still no closer to finding out why Raven had brought him here. If she was mad, he could deal with that. But he would rather one of her emotions just tell him straight out that she was mad and he'd be here until he learned his lesson. But it was not knowing that was stressing him out. He was now starting to wonder, not only why he was here in her mind, but also for how long would he be here.
He didn't concern himself too much though. After all, had the whole thing been truly 'bad' since he'd arrived? If nothing else he was spending time with Raven, and he was doing it in a way he had always wanted to. Sure it was a bit awkward, going from one emotional extreme to another, but it was the way he'd always wanted to see Raven. The way he'd always wanted to bring out of her. See her feel, expressing herself without restraint or limitation. It was a good feeling to see her break away from her usual depressive tone and quiet, passive nature.
BeastBoy continued to move forward. The path before him became brighter, much brighter than before. He exited the doorway into a large, wide-open room. It was massive beyond any scale to measure. The entire room was bathed in a golden glow, as if the sun was right outside what few windows were visible. In front of him were countless bookcases. They seemed to stretch for a mile each, one after another. On the shelves were books of all different shapes and sizes. He casually walked along side one of the shelves, trying not to be so overwhelmed by the size of this place, which seemed comparable to a library.
"Whoa" he said. "Wonder if this place has got a comics section?" he asked himself musingly.
He came to a stop, pulling a random book from the shelf. He opened the book, thumbing through the vast pages.
"Hey! I remember this." he said analyzing a few pictures in the pages. Among them were several images of the Titan's adventures. One picture was of Raven and the others, depicting the time they escaped from Mad Mod's school. Another was from the time they were fighting Red X. Apparently, each book contained memories over the course of Raven's life. The books weren't really labeled, at least not in a traditional sense. The sides of the books were all numbered, indicating day, month, and year.
He closed the book, not even bothering to read the text beside them. Reading wasn't exactly the most thrilling thing for BeastBoy. Besides, he wasn't so sure if going through Raven's memories would better his predicament. He was tempted. Seeing as how he believed he was already in trouble, why not run with it? He finally decided it would be best not to pry and replaced the book back onto the shelf. and continued to journey through the jungle of books.
He went down aisle after aisle, trying to find any sign of an exit. After continued searching, BeastBoy arrived at the conclusion that he was lost.
"Aw, man!" he muttered. "I couldn't have gotten lost in an arcade or a food court in Raven's mind. No, I had to get lost in a library!".
He kept walking, looking around the end of every shelf, hoping just around the next would be the way out.
"HELLO?" he called.
"HELLO?" an echo repeated.
BeastBoy chuckled.
"YO!" he called.
"YO!" came the echo again.
He was starting to enjoy this.
"HELLO!" he called once again.
There was an uncomfortable silence.
BeastBoy gulped.
"U-um? H…H-Hello?" he stuttered nervously.
"Ssssssshhhhhh" came a ghostly hushing sound.
"Okay, I'm officially freaked out now." he whispered to himself, slowly backing away.
He continued walking backwards, confused and slightly alarmed at the possibility of what might be in the library with him. No sooner had that thought crossed his mind, did he bump into something, coming to a stop. He turned his head slowly. Out of the corner of his eye he was able to make out a figure reaching for him.
"YAAAAAA!" he shrieked, falling forward.
He scrambled to crawl away, but suddenly he was unable to move. It felt like something had a hold on him. He struggled, trying to move his arms or his legs, but to no avail. He felt himself being lifted off the ground into the air. He levitated only a few inches off the ground. His eyes were closed and his teeth chattered in fear, hoping his end would be quick and painless.
"BeastBoy." came a calm voice.
Recognizing the voice, he slowly opened one eye.
"Raven." he said perplexed.
He looked down to see his entire body, from the neck down, was encased in a black aura. With a wave of her hand, the aura faded, dropping him to the ground with a thud.
"I apologize if I startled you." she said helping him to his feet. "I meant only to lower your voice."
BeastBoy looked her over. There were two key differences to this particular Raven. First of all, her cloak was yellow. Secondly, she wore a pair of glasses. He didn't recognize her like he did Timid and Brave. He hadn't met this particular emotion before.
She walked past BeastBoy, turning her head, signaling him to follow. He trailed behind her, following her through the aisles. After a minute or two, they reached an open spot between the many bookcases. There was a long wooden table with several chairs, almost like a study area.
With a flick of her wrist, a chair on the other side of the table was pulled out telepathically.
"Please." she gestured with her hand, offering him a seat.
Beastboy sat down.
"We haven't been properly introduced." she began, sitting across from him, adjusting her glasses. "I am Knowledge, the representation of Raven's logic and understanding."
"What is this place?" he asked
"This domain is a manifestation of all things relevant to Raven's conscious thought. Within every book you see here is a fragment that makes up her mind. For every thought, every memory, every ambition, every desire, and every dream, there is a book."
"So…this place is sorta like her memory bank."
"For lack of a better word…yes."
BeastBoy understood, but his face still gave a hint of confusion.
"Is something the matter?" she asked.
"Well, it's just that…you're Raven's smart half. I guess I'm just a little surprised I can understand what you're saying." he said with a small smile.
"I am aware of your limited cognitive faculties, and have lowered my vocabulary in order to better accommodate your feasible grasp of reasoning and understanding."
"Huh?" he said blankly.
"I've dumb down my word power for you to comprehend."
"Come again?" he asked raising an eyebrow.
She gave a small sigh. "I am talking with smaller words so you know what I'm saying."
"Oh" he said with relief.
BeastBoy noticed that on the table were several books. They were much larger than the ones on the shelf. Trying to take his mind off the awkward situation, he picked one up. It was a fairly thick book, with a bright shade of orange on the cover. He opened the book, revealing numerous pictures of Starfire.
"Cool" he said glancing through the pages.
The book was apparently a thorough guide to Starfire. Or at least everything Raven was aware of. It listed her favorite color, personality traits, favorite activities, and other knowledge commonly known about her.
BeastBoy put the book back down on the table, next to the others.
"So, what are these?" he asked.
"I would have thought that would be obvious. Those are the periodicals…" she stopped in mid sentence seeing his head begin to tilt in confusion. "Uh…guide books to those who Raven interacts with and thinks of most frequently."
Beside the orange book of Starfire, there was another just as big. It was a shade of blue, everything pertaining to Cyborg. And next to that, a red one, making reference to Robin. And lastly there was…nothing.
BeastBoy expected to see another book colored green, with all the details about him. He did spend just as much, if not more time around her. Even if it was all annoying behavior and childish pranks, there should've been something.
BeastBoy hung his head. He must've really annoyed her for her to not acknowledge him in her mind. He tried to hide is disappointment. However, Knowledge picked up on it.
"You're wondering where your book is?" she asked.
"Huh?" snapping out of his depressed funk.
"Your book."
"Oh! Uh…that. Well…I…um" he tried to sound like it made no difference to him.
"Don't bother. You won't find it here." She said getting up to put the other books away.
It was true. Now he really felt depressed.
"I couldn't keep that book on the shelf if I tried."
"Yeah, I…HUH?" he asked surprised.
Knowledge sat back down.
"Don't act so surprised. Of course you have a book relating to you. It's just I can't keep it around here for very long."
"Okay, I'm back to confused." he said shaking his head.
"In many ways, this place is like a library. Things aren't just cataloged and left in here for future reference. I am the keeper of this part of Raven's mind. As such, I maintain this realm and every book in it." She explained removing her glasses, wiping them.
"However, that doesn't mean I am the only one with access to these books. Raven's other emotions, because they are not used as frequently, are not completely aware of everything that transpires on the outside. And it is for this reason that this place is their main source for learning everything that goes on around Raven." Knowledge continued.
"That's kinda sad. I mean not knowing and all."
"Yes, it is. But don't feel too bad. It isn't like they're prisoners."
"But…what does all this have to do with my book?" he asked.
"Your book is rather…how shall I put this? Popular." she said hiding a smile.
BeastBoy dwelled on Knowledge's words. So his book not only existed, it was a best seller. But there was still so much he didn't understand. Knowledge however decided it might be best to move things along. It wasn't every day a chance like this would come along. Plus, she didn't want to give him a swelled head by telling him just how frequently and how many emotions had checked out his book.
"How about a game?" she asked.
"A game?" he replied breaking his train of thought.
"You've had a rather eventful day, walking with Timid and wrestling with Brave. Perhaps it would be best to ease things down a bit. Besides, it isn't as though I get much company here."
"What about all of Raven's other emotions?"
"Let me rephrase that. Tolerable company."
Knowledge was usually quiet and kept to herself. Some of Raven's emotions weren't exactly the most well suited to occupy a library.
"O…k. So, what are you up for? Mega Monkeys 5? Lone Samurai Journey? Zombie Slayers 3?" he listed excitedly.
Knowledge stared at him.
"Um…I'm guessing you're not big on video games?" he asked sheepishly.
"Very perceptive."
"Well, what would you suggest?" he shrugged.
Knowledge waved her hand across the table. A small mass of black energy rose from the table, beginning to take shape. The energy settled into the form of a chessboard.
"Do you play chess?"
"Oh…uh…sure. That's the one where you knock the other person's pieces down shoots and ladders and you build hotels on the squares, right?"
Only BeastBoy could confuse the workings of chess with Shoots and Ladders and Monopoly.
Knowledge rolled her eyes. "How about Checkers?" she asked, morphing the chess pieces into checkers.
"Now, THAT I can do!" he exclaimed rubbing his hands together in anticipation.
BeastBoy's hands hovered above the checkers. He was designated the red pieces, Knowledge the black. He scrunched his nose, deep in thought, trying to choose his first move. He was no tactician, but he at least felt he stood a chance in a game he was familiar with.
"Before we start…" she held out her hand instructing him to cease " What say we make things more…interesting?"
"What do you mean? Like strip checkers?" he said jokingly.
"In a way, yes."
"Ha ha. You should see the look on your…WHAT!" he exclaimed. She couldn't be serious. "I-I-I…was only joking…"
"No, what I mean is something along that idea. Except, instead of removing clothing, we exchange information. I'm sure you have questions you'd like answered."
BeastBoy chuckled nervously for jumping to conclusions.
"Each time you jump a piece, you may ask a question, and I'll answer it. Every time I jump a piece, I'll ask a question, and you answer it. Fair enough?"
"Um…I guess so" he scratched his head.
BeastBoy had his fair share of questions. Maybe now he could finally get some answers. Knowledge had her own queries to put to him. Questions both she and Raven had been curious about. And what could be more valuable to a being of knowledge than information?
The game began. Minutes slowly passed, as BeastBoy maintained a determined look on his face, sweating over his every move. He hesitantly moved his hand from piece to piece, about to move, but reconsidering at the last second.
Knowledge on the other hand was completely calm. She hovered over her chair, cross-legged, and her arms folded. She was mentally chuckling at BeastBoy being overly serious. And over what? A game of checkers? What did Raven see in him?
CLAK!
BeastBoy slammed the checker onto the board, jumping one of Knowledge's pieces. He had actually gotten the first one. Knowledge had been so preoccupied analyzing his actions, she'd lost track of the game.
"GOTCHA!" he shouted triumphantly, flashing a cheesy grin.
Now she remembered.
"Very well." she said in a calm tone, adjusting her glasses. "What is your question?"
"Why did Raven send me here, into her mind?"
"I cannot answer that."
"Hey! No fair! You can't choose which questions you wanna answer."
"I never said we couldn't."
BeastBoy crossed his arms, brooding. "Yeah! Well…you should've." he pouted.
"I apologize. However, you may ask another question."
"Okay." He thought for a moment. "Is Raven mad at me?"
"No, Raven is not angry with you." She replied. "Why would you assume she's mad?" she asked raising an eyebrow.
"Uh uh" he waved a finger. "You have to jump a piece if you want me to answer that."
Knowledge couldn't believe it. BeastBoy had countered her by saying the exact thing she would've said. She didn't think he would've picked up on that. She thought he would've just answered without thinking.
The game continued. BeastBoy couldn't shake the gleeful look on his face. He squirmed, doing a little dance in his seat. "Go BeastBoy! Go BeastBoy!" At the very least, he could rest easy that Raven wasn't mad at him.
CLAK!
His victory was cut short. In his moment of triumph, he had taken his mind off the game. Knowledge gave a small smile, her equivalent of BeastBoy's victory dance.
"Heh heh." He laughed weakly, the victory dance wearing off. "Ask away."
"Why would you presume Raven is mad at you?"
"Well, I kinda thought asking her for a kiss got her mad. Like…I dunno…like she thought it was a cruel joke or something. And honestly, sucking someone into a magic mirror sounds like a 'time out' to me."
Knowledge hadn't looked at the situation like that. She could see why he would assume that Raven would be angry towards him.
"BeastBoy, I can assure you anger has nothing to do with you being here."
BeastBoy looked at Knowledge. He could tell she was sincere, and he felt a great deal of comfort.
"Think about it. Would Raven let just anyone into her mind?"
This was true. Who knows what kind of damage someone could do inside Raven's mind. All the mischief, all the chaos. And she willingly gave HIM entry?
The game continued.
CLAK!
Knowledge had taken yet another of BeastBoy's pieces.
"Why do you associate with Raven so much? It can't be for her 'playfulness', nor do you share any common interests."
"Well, see…Raven's…different. I don't know why, but I get this feeling around her. Like even though she teases me, pokes fun at me, and makes cracks about how un-smart I am, I feel sorta like…she understands me."
Knowledge was caught off guard by his insightful answer.
"Like she can see something no one else can?" she added.
"Yeah, kind of." he blushed. "But don't spread it around, okay?"
"Who am I going to tell?" she said glancing around the empty library.
He smiled, as they continued their game.
CLAK!
BeastBoy jumped another one of Knowledge's pieces.
"Raven's been acting strange all day. Tell me, does my birthday have something to do with it? I mean…does the idea of me enjoying my birthday make her sad? Or angry? I wouldn't blame her." he leaned back into the chair. "It's kind of unfair that everyone else can enjoy themselves and she remembers nothing but bad memories."
"She came to terms with her birthday, and does not wish to dwell on the past any more than she already has. I suppose she has been acting a bit peculiar, but there is no need to be concerned." she said pushing up her glasses.
"That doesn't really answer the question. Can you be a little more specific as to why?"
"I can't get into much detail without revealing certain things I should not. All I can say is it has to do with your birthday present."
She waved her hand in the air, materializing a cup of herbal tea, taking a sip.
"My present?" he asked himself. He thought about the events of the day. Remembering Raven coming to him to earlier asking for gift ideas, he snapped his fingers. "She forgot to get one?"
"No."
He smiled inside. At least she didn't forget his birthday altogether.
"She…got me something she didn't think I'd like?"
"Not quite."
"Uh…she couldn't afford one?"
"Be serious. Raven does not spend her money recklessly on tofu and comic books."
"Well…what then?" he asked giving up.
"She was unsure of what to get you."
BeastBoy opened his mouth to speak, but decided not to press further. Raven remembered his birthday, and wanted to get him something. That was good enough. He could've asked what she had gotten him, but that would be an entirely different question, and he was beginning to run out of pieces. Besides, it would ruin the surprise.
The game carried resumed. Before he knew it, time had gone by faster than he realized. Then again, things always went by quicker for BeastBoy during games. Especially when he was losing. He was down to his last piece. It didn't really come as a surprise to loose to Raven's smarter half. But he was at least hoping it would've been close.
CLAK!
Knowledge jumped the last of BeastBoy's checkers, capturing victory. BeastBoy slumped into the chair, admitting defeat.
"Last question" he sighed. "What's it gonna be?" resting his head on one arm.
Knowledge carefully thought of what to ask. She did not wish to waste her last question. Who knew if she would ever get this kind of opportunity again? What did she want to know? What did Raven want to know?
"Well?" he asked.
She gave no immediate response, aside from looking at him.
"How do you feel about Terra?" she asked plainly.
BeastBoy's face went blank. He had all but blocked those memories from his mind. He was a bit shocked to have heard that name again, and from a part of Raven to boot. He cast his eyes to the floor. He couldn't think of what to say. What was there to say?
"I realize this may come as somewhat of a shock, bringing up the past and all. You two were…very close." Knowledge said as a sudden wave guilt overcame her. "You do not have to answer if you do not want to."
Now BeastBoy was silent. He didn't even face her. He just continued to look down at the floor.
"I apologize." Knowledge bowed her head, closing her eyes. She had been curious. He never spoke much of her after the…unpleasantness. And perhaps a tiny flare of jealousy or envy in Raven's mind had brought the question out of her. Did Raven like Terra? No, she didn't. But she didn't hate her. She didn't hate her to the point where she would've wished what had happened to befall her.
"I…" BeastBoy began.
Knowledge looked up.
"I don't really know what to say about her."
"It's alright. You don't have to…"
"No. It's okay." He said calmly, taking a deep breath. "I didn't know her for very long, and after she turned on everyone, I didn't really know what believe was real about her. But despite everything…I…I guess…"
Knowledge just watched him, knowing this must've been very hard for him to do. She watched him try to force a smile.
"I guess…I love her." he finished.
Back in the real world, the T-Car had just come to a stop in the middle of downtown. Cyborg and Raven got out of the car rushing towards Robin and Starfire, who were in the midst of struggling with a small group of armed thugs.
Cyborg was running at top speed to assist his friends, his arm configuring to his sonic cannon. However he was too preoccupied to notice Raven decrease in speed, hanging back from the fight. Raven stopped for a minute, kneeling on one knee, and putting her hand over her chest. For some reason she felt short of breathe.
The feeling didn't last long. As quick as it had come, it was gone. Shaking off whatever had disoriented her, she continued towards her teammates.
Inside Raven's mind again, Knowledge maintained her passive expression. She was silently berating herself for bringing up the whole thing. Still, it was probably for the best. It would help him to put it behind him. She hung her head in a combination of guilt and sadness.
BeastBoy exhaled, as his cheery nature began to return.
"Well, glad I got that off my chest." He said in a carefree tone.
Knowledge raised an eyebrow. "I'm glad." She adjusted her glasses once more. "You truly love her." It was taking everything Knowledge had not to sound depressed.
"Of course I do." He said. "I love Terra…"
It felt even lower the second time. She sighed.
"And I love Starfire…"
What! Did he have feelings for her too?
"I love Cyborg…"
Knowledge was now flat out confused.
"I love all of em'" he smiled. "The Titans are like family to me. How could I not love all of them?"
Knowledge started to make sense of his words.
"So…you love Terra…on the same scale you love…everyone else?" she asked.
"Yeah. I mean…Terra's just like the rest of us. Her life for the most part was like the rest of ours, no better, no worse. Besides, she laughed at my jokes. How could I not love her for that?"
Knowledge was relieved beyond belief. He loved her. But he didn't 'love her' love her. Terra was a fun loving person. A person BeastBoy felt comfortable around.
"You looked surprised." he said.
"Well, at first glance between the two of you, I would've guessed you had some kind of relationship. At the very least a crush of some sort."
"When we first met…yeah. I did sorta crush on her." he nervously scratched the back of her head. "But I guess after a while…I dunno. There are lots of ways you can like someone."
BeastBoy recalled Terra's last words to him. "You're the best friend I ever had."
"In the end, the way I liked her was fine just the way it was." He smiled.
Knowledge smiled back. He loved her. But, he wasn't in love with her.
"Why? You weren't…jealous? Were you?" he asked.
Knowledge's eyes glanced to the side.
"You WERE! Weren't you!" he grinned.
She just looked blankly at him.
"You Were Jealous! You Were Jealous!" he sang, pointing at knowledge. "You Were…"
Knowledge was now standing, her hood over her head, casting a shadow over her eyes which were now glowing an eerie white. "BeastBoy?" she started. "We can finish the game or I can finish you." She said in a surprisingly passive tone.
BeastBoy looked around to see he was surrounded by checker pieces circling him, glowing in black energy. He swallowed hard.
"Uh…then again. I really wouldn't know how Raven's emotions think so…I'm sure it was just some stupid impulse that got into my tiny little head." He laughed nervously.
The pieces gently lowered back onto the board.
"That's what I thought." She said clearing her throat.
That was that. The game was over.
"You played well." She complimented, extending her hand. "Much better than I expected." In truth he played twice as much better than most of Raven's other emotions, and only half as aggravating as them with his victory celebrations. But why ruin the moment?
He shook her hand. "You too."
"Well" she began leading him away from the table. "You should really be on your way."
She waved her hand, causing two shelves to separate from one another, revealing a doorway. He took a step towards the door, about to embark on the next trip through Raven's mind.
"Hey" he paused turning back to her. "You wouldn't happen to know how much longer Raven intends to leave me in here, do you?"
"As soon as she returns with the others. But even so, you have not much farther until you reach the forbidden door. Either way, you won't be here much longer."
"Ok. Well…um…I had fun." He smiled taking a step towards the door. "We should do it again sometime."
"That would be…acceptable." She said adjusting her glasses.
"Cool. But, next time? I choose the game."
BeastBoy and Knowledge just looked at one another. He observed her face one last time, causing him to grin. Walking towards the doorway, she watched him leave, smiling to herself as she read the sign she'd stuck on his back while he wasn't looking. It read in big bold letters: CLUELESS FOOL
He stepped through the doorway, vanishing from Knowledge's line of sight. She walked back to the table to resume her reading.
"Humor." She said to herself. "Most amusing." She smiled.
Little did she know about the sign he had stuck on her back. It read: KICK ME
Next Chapter: BeastBoy's journey is halfway over. But there are still a few more stops on his way to the forbidden door. And how will Raven react due to his interference? And what of the letter Raven sent? And for Knowledge's sake, I hope she discovers that sign before Happy does.