~Authours Note~ Sorry about the strange punctuation mistakes in the last
chapter, I'm working on getting that fixed :)
***
I'll Cry These Tears Chapter 3 – Denial
***
"Lily?" James shouted as he came bounding down the stairs from his dormitory. She was just about to step out of the common room and it was only curtesy that stopped her from ignoring James and continuing on her way.
"What do you want, Potter?" She rolled her eyes impatiently as he strolled up nonchalantly.
"I was just wondering if you'd consider escorting me to the Halloween dance next week?" he asked, waiting for her response anxiously and running his hand through his hair, messing it up more. He was hoping very much that he looked cool and aloof to any onlookers. To Lily herself.
In all truth he was a bag of nerves. Being so close to her was wreaking havoc on James' senses. All he could smell was her... her signature scent that haunted his nostrils. The contours of her mouth, chin and nose were proving unbearable to look out with touching...
Her beautifully vibrant voice brought him back to the present day, although not with the tone he had in mind.
"Are you joking, Potter?" She scowled at him, turning her lip up in disgust. "I wouldn't accompany you anywhere, much less the Halloween dance!" She turned on her heel and pushed out of the common room, almost bowling over a group of second years who glared after her.
Slightly shocked at Lily's reaction towards his invitation, James shook his head and ran his hand through his hair. He felt someone clap a hand on his shoulder supportively.
"Well, you can't say you didn't give it your best, mate," Sirius reassured, yet somehow it didn't make James feel any better. He feigned a look of indifference on his face.
"Oh well.. Another day, another girl. You know how it goes."
Sirius nodded knowingly. "Yeah, except that one won't fall for it. She's proving harder to sway than you originally thought."
James winced inwardly at Sirius' choice of words. Yes, he was trying to sway her, but it wasn't so he could go out with her for a week and dump her. He really liked Lily Evans. Really.
***
"Rose tells me that James Potter asked you to the Halloween dance," Amanda said later that afternoon. Lily fidgeted uncomfortably and gazed out over the lake.
It had been the first nice day in weeks. It was getting closer and closer to Christmas and Christmas was bringing with it the nippy weather. Both Lily and Amelia were bound tight in warm robes and Gryffindor scarves.
"So?"
"What did you say?" Amelia asked, turning to look at Lily. She swatted at the dragonfly that flew beside her face and it buzzed off angrily, leaving them in silence apart from the whisper of the trees from the Forbidden Forest.
"What do you think I said?" Lily snapped defensively. "I despise James Potter. That's a good enough reason not to accept his invitation to go to the dance with him."
"Is it?" Amelia asked cryptically and Lily looked at her, mystified.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing," Amelia muttered, watching some good looking seventh years make their way over to the two girls. She nodded towards them and Lily vowed to ask Amelia what she meant by her comment later.
"Hi!" one of the boys greeted, venturing forwards. He stood beside Lily and looked down at her admiringly. "I... I've seen you around," he stuttered uncertainly and looked back at his friends for help. He was definitely cute, Lily concluded. A shock of blonde hair, docile blue eyes and a lopsided sort of smile. He looked friendly, and his friends, though a little more imposing looking, seemed genuinely excited for him.
They nodded encouragingly and he turned back to Lily. "I... um, my name's John. I was wondering if you'd... well, if you'd like to be my date. To the Halloween dance that is." He watched Lily think, his face crumpled up in anticipation.
Lily looked over to Amelia and she nodded fiercely. Lily smiled at the boy. "I'd love to, John," she answered with more confidence than she felt. At least this would show Potter she meant it when she said she didn't want to go to the ball with him. He smiled happily and pulled her up from the ground.
"Um, I'll meet you outside the hall at... seven?"
"That will be fine," Lily answered sweetly as he turned to leave. She sat back down on the grass a little shakily. Nothing like that had ever happened before. I wonder what house he's in, she pondered and turned to get another look at him. He was laughing heartily with his friends as they made their way back up to the castle.
"That was very random," Amelia interrupted, looking at Lily proudly. "But I have to admit, I would give anything for some random person I've never seen before come up and ask me out." She looked out over the grounds in hope that perhaps another group of boys were coming over to ask her out. No such luck.
"There's still time," Lily told her, a pang of happiness building in her stomach. She didn't even know the guy but the idea that he had asked her out gave a warm fuzzy feeling. No matter how hard the logical side of her told her to stop reacting to something so primitive as what she was feeling, she couldn't help it. She was only human, right?
***
James watched Lily from a seat on the far side of the common room as she wrote another entry into her diary. He couldn't help but think about the small part of the entry he had seen. He had simply assumed it was about him, but what if it wasn't? He had had it pretty easy when it came to Evans. He hated to admit it, but he would be gutted if she ever started a relationship with another guy. Luckily she never had and he was grateful.
But if the entry had been about him, it didn't make sense. Why was she so against going to the ball with him? Perhaps she felt guilty because of all her years of hating him, mistrusting and despising him she felt that she couldn't change it? Couldn't make it different?
And if it was really about someone else? Well, he hated to think about it. He didn't know why he cared so much. The pang of jealousy hadn't been created by anything, placed there by anyone or caused by something. It just... was. It simply existed in the pit of his stomach.
He quickly looked away from Lily as Amelia caught him staring. She smiled slightly but didn't say anything before slumping down next to Lily. They started having an animated chat that Lily seemed to be very enthralled in. He loved the way her eyes danced in enthusiasm. Then it hit him... What was she so excited about? The only thing coming up was the ball and she didn't have a date anyway. Or at least not with him. What if she did?
James shook his head vigorously, trying to shake the thought from his head. He listened hard, trying to catch some of the conversation but he couldn't hear a thing. He gave up resignedly and went up to his dormitory.
"Oh well, the weekend didn't last as long as they usually do," Amelia sighed, gathering up her notes for Potions and standing up. "We have classes tomorrow, come on, we should get some sleep."
Lily nodded in agreement, stifling a yawn. "Sure thing, Miss Dateless."
Amelia scowled. "I'll find a date by the time the dance comes around, don't you worry about. What you should be worrying about is what you're going to wear so that your date falls absolutely head over heels in love with you."
Lily chuckled and followed Amelia up the stairs, not seeing James Potter as he bent over to pick up his dropped quill, look utterly scandalised.
***
"You look lovely," John sighed as Lily clung to his arm, steering her inside the hall. Lily looked down at herself self-consciously, mentally cursing Amelia for making her wear what she was. Sure, the emerald green silk her dress was made of brought out her eyes and accentuated all the right curves, but she thought that the long, flowing sleeves and jewelled green mask were going a little over board.
Especially when she was attending the dance with someone she had met only once AND he wasn't whom she would prefer to go with. She stole a glance over to where the Marauders were standing, blushing as she saw Sirius look her way. She looked away hastily, catching Amelia's eye in front with a group of other girls. Amelia gave Lily the thumbs up, her eyebrows waggling suggestively. Lily simply glared back. Then John pulled her attention away from Amelia by taking her hand and smiling shyly down at her.
"Dance?" he asked, nodding towards the center of the Great Hall.
"Hey Prongs," Sirius said, nudging James in the side. James turned from his animated argument with Remus about full moons to look at Sirius with annoyance.
"What?" he snapped.
"Look who's just walked in..." Sirius nodded on the direction of the dance floor.
James took a large gulp from his glass of pumpkin juice as he watched Lily crossing the dance floor with her date. It was all he could do to stop from crying out. She was more beautiful than ever in her vibrant green robes, her bright auburn hair left loose and hanging down her back.
She danced expertly, as if she had been doing it since she was an infant, her feet following the lead of her partners with ease. James' eyes darkened. The partner that was not him. It should be him in her arms. Him leading her across the dance floor. Him twirling her around in ecstasy. Not him standing on the sidelines brooding as the jealousy built up inside.
He nodded gruffly to whatever it was Wormtail said to him, and watched Lily with her partner, enthralled by her grace, her beauty, her flawlessness. And her partner.
He frowned, looking closely at him. James had seen him somewhere before.
"You need to get your mind off of her," Remus whispered to James while Sirius and Peter were off getting drinks. "It will do you no good staring at her the whole night."
James smiled wryly. He knew Remus was right. When was he ever wrong? He gave a resigned sigh before pointedly turning away, his back to the dance floor. And to Lily.
Remus chuckled. "Well done, mate. You've taken the first step."
"The first step to what?" Peter asked, confused as he handed James his drink.
"The first step to recovery," Sirius grinned. "He has a problem. An obsession with Lily Evans."
"I do not!" James answered defensively. "It's not an obsession!"
"First stage," Remus said, a monotonous tone in his voice.
"DENIAL!" Sirius, Remus and Peter said loudly together, attracting a few curious glances in their direction as James blushed furiously.
The other three eventually changed their topic of conversation: the next series of pranks to pull on the Slytherins but strangely enough, James wasn't the slightest interested. He had gone back to watching Lily. He watched her laugh self-consciously with her date, watched her glare at Amelia while she made funny faces behind his back, and throughout it all, she still managed to be the most beautiful girl in the room, even when she pulled a face at the funny tasting seafood. Especially when she pulled a face at the funny tasting seafood. Ok... the other three were right. He was obsessed.
But if this was obsession, he could live with it. If it meant being able to stare at Lily Evans day after day then he would probably live /i it.
Then something else caught his eye for the first time that evening. A shock of long blonde hair, aristocratic features, evil smirk... Lucius Malfoy, seventh year. It wasn't so much that it was Lucius, but that it was Lucius laughing at Lily.
Now why would Lucius laugh at Lily on tonight of all nights? When her beauty was flawless, her movements elegant? Unless...
James jerked his gaze over to Lily's date. Where had he seen him before?
"Would you accompany on a walk outside?" John asked Lily, a little bit more confidently and she nodded happily. Despite her worries about being stuck with John for a whole night and having nothing to say, he had proven a very interesting companion. There had been no shortage of conversation and none of the awkward silences that she had been dreading.
John took her hand, leading her outside and onto the steps that usually lead down to the school grounds. Tonight though, it had taken on a transformation. There were waist high hedges all around, creating small places where people could sit and chat and little alcoves. Most every alcove had an elegant look ing stone bench, and in the middle, standing tall was a large stone figure of a dragon, water spraying from it's mouth like a river of fire.
"Wow," she murmured looking around her in amazement. "They've really outdone themselves this year."
"Really," John repeated, looking at Lily intently.
Lily looked up into his intense gaze, blushing slightly. "That's what I said."
He wants to kiss me! She thought frantically. She wasn't sure if she was up for this... she didn't go around letting people kiss her for meaningless thrills. It just wasn't her style. Maybe what John felt about her was more than meaningless? But that didn't matter, what she felt about him was! She wasn't after a relationship, or not with him at least. Maybe she was looking into this too much? It was just a kiss after all...
"You're very beautiful," John said quietly, after she remained silent. He lowered his head towards hers and at the last moment Lily dodged out of the way, causing John to look at her in confusion. "I... I thought you liked me?"
Lily frowned in frustration. "I do, it's... it's just that..."
John let out a annoyed sigh and looked at her in contempt. "If that's the way you're going to be then I'll just have to take another approach." Lily looked at him in confusion.
"Another approach to what?"
"To utterly humiliating you in front of everyone." He grinned evilly and turned to go inside. Stupidly, Lily ran to follow him, her curiosity getting the better of her.
"John, wait!" she called after him, about to ask him what he meant. He whipped around taking her by surprise. By now, quite a few pairs of eyes were on them.
"I don't want you, Mudblood!" he said loudly, widening her eyes in surprise. "I would NEVER want to be with you, not in a million years! Go crawl back into the hole you came out of, you filth!"
Then he stalked off, shooting a triumphant glance back at her. She stood, completely shell-shocked as the people around her began to whisper frantically.
***
***
I'll Cry These Tears Chapter 3 – Denial
***
"Lily?" James shouted as he came bounding down the stairs from his dormitory. She was just about to step out of the common room and it was only curtesy that stopped her from ignoring James and continuing on her way.
"What do you want, Potter?" She rolled her eyes impatiently as he strolled up nonchalantly.
"I was just wondering if you'd consider escorting me to the Halloween dance next week?" he asked, waiting for her response anxiously and running his hand through his hair, messing it up more. He was hoping very much that he looked cool and aloof to any onlookers. To Lily herself.
In all truth he was a bag of nerves. Being so close to her was wreaking havoc on James' senses. All he could smell was her... her signature scent that haunted his nostrils. The contours of her mouth, chin and nose were proving unbearable to look out with touching...
Her beautifully vibrant voice brought him back to the present day, although not with the tone he had in mind.
"Are you joking, Potter?" She scowled at him, turning her lip up in disgust. "I wouldn't accompany you anywhere, much less the Halloween dance!" She turned on her heel and pushed out of the common room, almost bowling over a group of second years who glared after her.
Slightly shocked at Lily's reaction towards his invitation, James shook his head and ran his hand through his hair. He felt someone clap a hand on his shoulder supportively.
"Well, you can't say you didn't give it your best, mate," Sirius reassured, yet somehow it didn't make James feel any better. He feigned a look of indifference on his face.
"Oh well.. Another day, another girl. You know how it goes."
Sirius nodded knowingly. "Yeah, except that one won't fall for it. She's proving harder to sway than you originally thought."
James winced inwardly at Sirius' choice of words. Yes, he was trying to sway her, but it wasn't so he could go out with her for a week and dump her. He really liked Lily Evans. Really.
***
"Rose tells me that James Potter asked you to the Halloween dance," Amanda said later that afternoon. Lily fidgeted uncomfortably and gazed out over the lake.
It had been the first nice day in weeks. It was getting closer and closer to Christmas and Christmas was bringing with it the nippy weather. Both Lily and Amelia were bound tight in warm robes and Gryffindor scarves.
"So?"
"What did you say?" Amelia asked, turning to look at Lily. She swatted at the dragonfly that flew beside her face and it buzzed off angrily, leaving them in silence apart from the whisper of the trees from the Forbidden Forest.
"What do you think I said?" Lily snapped defensively. "I despise James Potter. That's a good enough reason not to accept his invitation to go to the dance with him."
"Is it?" Amelia asked cryptically and Lily looked at her, mystified.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing," Amelia muttered, watching some good looking seventh years make their way over to the two girls. She nodded towards them and Lily vowed to ask Amelia what she meant by her comment later.
"Hi!" one of the boys greeted, venturing forwards. He stood beside Lily and looked down at her admiringly. "I... I've seen you around," he stuttered uncertainly and looked back at his friends for help. He was definitely cute, Lily concluded. A shock of blonde hair, docile blue eyes and a lopsided sort of smile. He looked friendly, and his friends, though a little more imposing looking, seemed genuinely excited for him.
They nodded encouragingly and he turned back to Lily. "I... um, my name's John. I was wondering if you'd... well, if you'd like to be my date. To the Halloween dance that is." He watched Lily think, his face crumpled up in anticipation.
Lily looked over to Amelia and she nodded fiercely. Lily smiled at the boy. "I'd love to, John," she answered with more confidence than she felt. At least this would show Potter she meant it when she said she didn't want to go to the ball with him. He smiled happily and pulled her up from the ground.
"Um, I'll meet you outside the hall at... seven?"
"That will be fine," Lily answered sweetly as he turned to leave. She sat back down on the grass a little shakily. Nothing like that had ever happened before. I wonder what house he's in, she pondered and turned to get another look at him. He was laughing heartily with his friends as they made their way back up to the castle.
"That was very random," Amelia interrupted, looking at Lily proudly. "But I have to admit, I would give anything for some random person I've never seen before come up and ask me out." She looked out over the grounds in hope that perhaps another group of boys were coming over to ask her out. No such luck.
"There's still time," Lily told her, a pang of happiness building in her stomach. She didn't even know the guy but the idea that he had asked her out gave a warm fuzzy feeling. No matter how hard the logical side of her told her to stop reacting to something so primitive as what she was feeling, she couldn't help it. She was only human, right?
***
James watched Lily from a seat on the far side of the common room as she wrote another entry into her diary. He couldn't help but think about the small part of the entry he had seen. He had simply assumed it was about him, but what if it wasn't? He had had it pretty easy when it came to Evans. He hated to admit it, but he would be gutted if she ever started a relationship with another guy. Luckily she never had and he was grateful.
But if the entry had been about him, it didn't make sense. Why was she so against going to the ball with him? Perhaps she felt guilty because of all her years of hating him, mistrusting and despising him she felt that she couldn't change it? Couldn't make it different?
And if it was really about someone else? Well, he hated to think about it. He didn't know why he cared so much. The pang of jealousy hadn't been created by anything, placed there by anyone or caused by something. It just... was. It simply existed in the pit of his stomach.
He quickly looked away from Lily as Amelia caught him staring. She smiled slightly but didn't say anything before slumping down next to Lily. They started having an animated chat that Lily seemed to be very enthralled in. He loved the way her eyes danced in enthusiasm. Then it hit him... What was she so excited about? The only thing coming up was the ball and she didn't have a date anyway. Or at least not with him. What if she did?
James shook his head vigorously, trying to shake the thought from his head. He listened hard, trying to catch some of the conversation but he couldn't hear a thing. He gave up resignedly and went up to his dormitory.
"Oh well, the weekend didn't last as long as they usually do," Amelia sighed, gathering up her notes for Potions and standing up. "We have classes tomorrow, come on, we should get some sleep."
Lily nodded in agreement, stifling a yawn. "Sure thing, Miss Dateless."
Amelia scowled. "I'll find a date by the time the dance comes around, don't you worry about. What you should be worrying about is what you're going to wear so that your date falls absolutely head over heels in love with you."
Lily chuckled and followed Amelia up the stairs, not seeing James Potter as he bent over to pick up his dropped quill, look utterly scandalised.
***
"You look lovely," John sighed as Lily clung to his arm, steering her inside the hall. Lily looked down at herself self-consciously, mentally cursing Amelia for making her wear what she was. Sure, the emerald green silk her dress was made of brought out her eyes and accentuated all the right curves, but she thought that the long, flowing sleeves and jewelled green mask were going a little over board.
Especially when she was attending the dance with someone she had met only once AND he wasn't whom she would prefer to go with. She stole a glance over to where the Marauders were standing, blushing as she saw Sirius look her way. She looked away hastily, catching Amelia's eye in front with a group of other girls. Amelia gave Lily the thumbs up, her eyebrows waggling suggestively. Lily simply glared back. Then John pulled her attention away from Amelia by taking her hand and smiling shyly down at her.
"Dance?" he asked, nodding towards the center of the Great Hall.
"Hey Prongs," Sirius said, nudging James in the side. James turned from his animated argument with Remus about full moons to look at Sirius with annoyance.
"What?" he snapped.
"Look who's just walked in..." Sirius nodded on the direction of the dance floor.
James took a large gulp from his glass of pumpkin juice as he watched Lily crossing the dance floor with her date. It was all he could do to stop from crying out. She was more beautiful than ever in her vibrant green robes, her bright auburn hair left loose and hanging down her back.
She danced expertly, as if she had been doing it since she was an infant, her feet following the lead of her partners with ease. James' eyes darkened. The partner that was not him. It should be him in her arms. Him leading her across the dance floor. Him twirling her around in ecstasy. Not him standing on the sidelines brooding as the jealousy built up inside.
He nodded gruffly to whatever it was Wormtail said to him, and watched Lily with her partner, enthralled by her grace, her beauty, her flawlessness. And her partner.
He frowned, looking closely at him. James had seen him somewhere before.
"You need to get your mind off of her," Remus whispered to James while Sirius and Peter were off getting drinks. "It will do you no good staring at her the whole night."
James smiled wryly. He knew Remus was right. When was he ever wrong? He gave a resigned sigh before pointedly turning away, his back to the dance floor. And to Lily.
Remus chuckled. "Well done, mate. You've taken the first step."
"The first step to what?" Peter asked, confused as he handed James his drink.
"The first step to recovery," Sirius grinned. "He has a problem. An obsession with Lily Evans."
"I do not!" James answered defensively. "It's not an obsession!"
"First stage," Remus said, a monotonous tone in his voice.
"DENIAL!" Sirius, Remus and Peter said loudly together, attracting a few curious glances in their direction as James blushed furiously.
The other three eventually changed their topic of conversation: the next series of pranks to pull on the Slytherins but strangely enough, James wasn't the slightest interested. He had gone back to watching Lily. He watched her laugh self-consciously with her date, watched her glare at Amelia while she made funny faces behind his back, and throughout it all, she still managed to be the most beautiful girl in the room, even when she pulled a face at the funny tasting seafood. Especially when she pulled a face at the funny tasting seafood. Ok... the other three were right. He was obsessed.
But if this was obsession, he could live with it. If it meant being able to stare at Lily Evans day after day then he would probably live /i it.
Then something else caught his eye for the first time that evening. A shock of long blonde hair, aristocratic features, evil smirk... Lucius Malfoy, seventh year. It wasn't so much that it was Lucius, but that it was Lucius laughing at Lily.
Now why would Lucius laugh at Lily on tonight of all nights? When her beauty was flawless, her movements elegant? Unless...
James jerked his gaze over to Lily's date. Where had he seen him before?
"Would you accompany on a walk outside?" John asked Lily, a little bit more confidently and she nodded happily. Despite her worries about being stuck with John for a whole night and having nothing to say, he had proven a very interesting companion. There had been no shortage of conversation and none of the awkward silences that she had been dreading.
John took her hand, leading her outside and onto the steps that usually lead down to the school grounds. Tonight though, it had taken on a transformation. There were waist high hedges all around, creating small places where people could sit and chat and little alcoves. Most every alcove had an elegant look ing stone bench, and in the middle, standing tall was a large stone figure of a dragon, water spraying from it's mouth like a river of fire.
"Wow," she murmured looking around her in amazement. "They've really outdone themselves this year."
"Really," John repeated, looking at Lily intently.
Lily looked up into his intense gaze, blushing slightly. "That's what I said."
He wants to kiss me! She thought frantically. She wasn't sure if she was up for this... she didn't go around letting people kiss her for meaningless thrills. It just wasn't her style. Maybe what John felt about her was more than meaningless? But that didn't matter, what she felt about him was! She wasn't after a relationship, or not with him at least. Maybe she was looking into this too much? It was just a kiss after all...
"You're very beautiful," John said quietly, after she remained silent. He lowered his head towards hers and at the last moment Lily dodged out of the way, causing John to look at her in confusion. "I... I thought you liked me?"
Lily frowned in frustration. "I do, it's... it's just that..."
John let out a annoyed sigh and looked at her in contempt. "If that's the way you're going to be then I'll just have to take another approach." Lily looked at him in confusion.
"Another approach to what?"
"To utterly humiliating you in front of everyone." He grinned evilly and turned to go inside. Stupidly, Lily ran to follow him, her curiosity getting the better of her.
"John, wait!" she called after him, about to ask him what he meant. He whipped around taking her by surprise. By now, quite a few pairs of eyes were on them.
"I don't want you, Mudblood!" he said loudly, widening her eyes in surprise. "I would NEVER want to be with you, not in a million years! Go crawl back into the hole you came out of, you filth!"
Then he stalked off, shooting a triumphant glance back at her. She stood, completely shell-shocked as the people around her began to whisper frantically.
***