Let me apologise again for the long wait for this chapter! I actually wrote two thirds of it in two days, but the beginning part was written ages ago. A huge amount of work forced me to abandon it for a while though unfortunately, and it's only recently I've had a chance to complete it. I quickly decided to morph two of the chapters together as well, so hopefully this won't read too "disjointed."

Can I say thank you, as always, to everyone who reviewed: Princesspepper, AmethystxX, HPfreakout, Reptilian Goddess, Malfoy's Kitten, InsideMyWorld, ura-hd, Chilton Puff, Mistress Vamp, ChronoClockXVII, Bre, mou, CaramelAriana, dianashirly, Lyra Skywalker, Faite, Gya, dracoslilmuggle, MelaminEstel and Lucine! Thank you guys, you know I always appreciate reviews of any kind!

And now, on with the show! Enjoy!

Dying seems less sad than having lived too little

It was like a car crash that was taking place right in front of your eyes. You didn't want to look, but you just had to. And this is what today felt like. I didn't want to see Katy's condition but I had to. I knew that she would be in worse shape and I tried to mentally prepare myself for it but I knew that as soon as I set eyes on her I'd break. I'd see her mother, wasting away too and break down more. And I'd see Jake... But that wasn't such a bad thing...

I hated myself for it - I felt like the lowest kind of shit. How could I be fantasising about a guy when his little sister is in hospital? I needed to stop thinking with my dick, but I couldn't help it. I was feeling sorry for Katy, and that was no fucking lie, but all the same I couldn't help feel a twinge of excitement whenever I saw Jake. I tried to justify it in any way that I could but when it came down to it, there was nothing I could justify it with. It was wrong to think this way and I needed to stop. Easier said than done. My now fully erected dick was straining against the fabric of my pants and try as I might to ignore it, it kept on throbbing until I finally had to give in and sort it out.

But upon reaching down an impatient hand to my member, I felt a sharp pain shoot through my dick, which brought me to my knees. My balls were squashed mercilessly against the floor, which hurt me even more. After drawing in a couple of sharp breaths, I slowly managed to wriggle myself out of my pants and inspect my balls carefully. They appeared to be a little bigger than usual. Was that because I hadn't wanked off in a while? It had been a couple of days now... I felt them with delicate fingers but had to draw them away immediately - they caused too much pain. They hadn't felt like this yesterday, it must have just come on recently. Maybe another reminder of what I was suffering from ...?

In a twisted fucked-up sort of way, the irony of the situation was hilarious.

"Can I speak to you?"

"You already are."

A pause. Shifting from foot to foot.

"So ... Is it okay to talk then?"

"Well if it wasn't I couldn't do anything about it now, could I?"

I was being rude. If anything, it was Potter that should have been rude to me. I should have been the one to approach him, I should have been the one to ask if it was okay to talk. He had been nothing but helpful to me and I had thrown that back into his face completely. But as usual, my fucking Malfoy pride stood in the way of the situation and I continued to cross my arms and remain stony-faced sitting against the trunk of a tree in the school grounds. If I was brave it would have been the whomping willow, crushing me too death right now.

Potter sat down next to me. I huffed loudly.

"I er ... well, I was thinking that, well ... "

I made it harder for him to spit out what he was trying to say by glaring at him, my arms still folded.

"Draco, I -"

"On first name terms now are we, Potter?" I sneered, emphasising my distain.

"I don't know what you're going through," he said, ignoring my jibe, "but I want to try and -"

"Yeah you don't know," I interjected. "Nobody fucking does."

"We still want to try and help," he pressed earnestly.

"We who?" I asked sharply.

His floundering face devoid of earnestness and filled with confusion said it all.

"Nobody wants to help me," I said bitterly, casting my gaze to the grass.

It was silent for a moment.

"I do," he spoke up softly.

"That's because you want to poke your nose into everybody's business," I lashed out. "You probably just want to make sure I die properly."

It was silent again.

"Do you really believe that?" he asked.

The words were reminiscent of what Dumbledore had said to me. And when I had replied to old Dumbledore, I had rather enjoyed telling him the truth; that yes, I truly did believe it. But when it came to Potter, the lies couldn't roll off my tongue.

So I stayed silent.

"So that's a no," he said. His voice had no signals of cockiness in it but it infuriated me nonetheless.

"What is your fucking problem?" I roared, scrambling up from my spot and storming away.

"What the hell is yours?" he hit back, getting up and following me. He jogged up to me and walked at my pace. "Why can't you just see that I'm trying to fucking help here?"

"I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP!"

"YES YOU DO!"

"AND HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW?"

"BECAUSE IT'S WRITTEN ALL OVER YOUR FACE!"

I stopped abruptly and turned to him. He was shaking slightly.

"Your so-called friends might not have noticed, but I have," he continued. "The sneers, the smirks, oh they're all still there. But not as profound as they were before, are they Malfoy? You're keeping them all hidden." His eyes flickered upwards. "Under that hat."

I blinked stupidly. He stared at me through those fucking green eyes and I felt a strong urge to gouge them out with my fingernails. Instead I settled with a lame, "perceptive, aren't we?" I finished it with a smirk.

He shook his head, almost disgustedly. "Still not the same old smirk, I'm afraid."

"Fuck you," I spat, walking away again.

"Do you know what your problem is?" he shouted, jogging to catch up with me again.

"That you're around?"

"That you're too fucking proud."

I stopped again to face him. "What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing," he said blankly.

I smiled triumphantly and began to walk away.

"Except for the fact that you're dying," he finished.

I stopped in my tracks and stayed rooted to the spot. I didn't want to turn around in fear of bursting into tears upon looking at him and when I heard his footsteps making their way towards me, I put on my best don't-give-a-fuck façade to fool him.

"So what?" I snapped.

He shook his head, definitely disgusted this time. "I always knew you were weak Malfoy, but this is pathetic. You don't care that you're dying?"

I missed a beat.

"No," I lied. The pause was too long to trick him.

"You're fucking weak Malfoy," he hissed, acid dripping from his tongue. "I don't have any idea what you're going through but I would never -"

"NO YOU FUCKING DON'T!" I cried.

He flinched slightly.

"You don't have any fucking idea what I'm going through so quit acting like you do!"

"I'M NOT ACTING LIKE I DO," he roared back. "I JUST WANT TO HELP. WHAT, DO YOU WANT ME TO GET YOUR ILLNESS TOO SO I'LL UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL?"

"NO!" I roared.

He flinched again much more visibly.

"No I fucking don't," I cried. "I wouldn't wish this on anybody - not even you, and believe me, that's saying something."

He stayed silent and I used the opportunity to let out the feelings I'd been holding in. It often felt like I had to be pushed to let them out.

"I'd rather suffer from this a thousand times over than let anyone else go through it, and do you want to know why? Because it's too fucking painful. I don't just mean physically either, but believe me, that's excruciating enough for anyone to go through. But the real pain is the emotional pain. Knowing that you're going to die and nothings going to help. Having to watch all the people grow up around you enjoy life while you know that you're not going to live out yours. Do you know Potter, there's a nine year old muggle girl who made friends with whose suffering from leukaemia. Nine fucking years old. Is that just? Is that fair? Of course not. And not only is she suffering, but her mom and her brother is too. See, I'm lucky in the fact that my parents would sooner disown me than go through suffering a muggle's disease with me, but she and her whole family is going through it together. And it's certain that she's going to die. That's pain Potter, and that's why I'd never let anyone go through it. It's undeserved."

Everything was silent. Even the sounds of nature had fallen. The wind levels had dropped, the birds had stopped singing and even the whomping willow in the distance stood still long enough for every distinct word that Potter was going to reply with audible enough for me to hear. But the wind could have been going at speeds of ninety miles per hour, the birds could have been screeching until their beaks bled and the whomping willow could have been bashing everything in sight, because I didn't need to hear the next words as there weren't any. I had something better, something more comforting.

He hugged me.

And not a consoling 'there-there, you poor thing, you'll get through this' hug. He threw himself onto me and squeezed me tight, reluctant to let go. And before I could stop myself, I was hugging him back, squeezing him just as hard, just as reluctant to let go.

We stayed like that for a long time.

"So what is it like?"

I looked at him sharply but found that his emerald eyes were bright and earnest. He wasn't being nosy, he wasn't being rude, he just really wanted to know.

"Well," I sighed, "I can't explain it fully. But it hurts. Some mornings I just wake up and my bones fucking kill so much. Every time I move them - even move them an inch - they can really hurt."

He nodded, his eyes shifting downcast. "And um, is your er ... hair ...?" His voice trailed off.

"It's growing back really slowly," I replied. "But still not long enough for me to take this off," I said, indicating my hat.

There was an silence that had an air of awkwardness about it, but at the same time, I didn't feel compelled to have to say something to start up a conversation. In fact, it was nice just to be able to sit here with Potter and chat.

"I think you're so brave."

I snorted slightly. "Coming from 'the boy who lived?' Come on now, loads of people go through what I do. How many people can say they've been through what you're going through?"

He gave an embarrassed shrug. "Dunno," he mumbled softly. He concentrated hard on tugging blades of grass out of the ground.

"And what's that like?"

He turned to me. "Huh?"

"What's it like being Harry Potter?"

He gave an embarrassed shrug again. "I don't know. I'm just me."

"Come on," I chuckled. "You've got to feel something about it! That scar isn't just an ordinary one! So tell me, what's it like?"

He looked to the sky for the moment and I saw the reflections of the clouds in his glasses. "It's ..." He shrugged again. "I really don't know." He turned to me. "But it's probably nothing like what you imagine."

"Having the whole weight of the world on your shoulders?" I offered.

He gave a small grin. "Okay, that's a pretty good description."

I grinned back, before slowly letting it fade. The situation that I was in dawned on me. I was talking to Potter like he was a normal person and he was talking to me in the same manner. This was ... this was fucked up. Why did it feel so normal to do when it was wrong in every sense? I've hated him for so long and now I don't? What the hell is wrong with me?

I think he realised what was taking place at the same time I did, but his expression didn't disappear like mine. Instead, he looked to the sky again, the small grin now turned into a pleasant, relaxed smile.

I looked down at the ground. Why exactly did I hate Potter before? Well, first of all because my father told me to. Well, that's not strictly true. My father told me to believe in you-know-who and as Potter almost defeated him, it was just a given that I was to hate him. But even so, I offered my hand to him on that first day in the carriage to Hogwarts. I guess I just wanted to be a part of him, to wallow in his celebrity status. Because although I was a Malfoy, it was nothing compared to being a Potter. When he shunned me, I was jealous. I was hurt and humiliated. I was angry and livid, but it all boiled down to jealousy. I was jealous that he was Harry Potter and I was jealous that he didn't want to be my friend. But now, did I still have cause to be jealous? I'm going to fucking die in a matter of time, I probably won't even be around to see the war.

"Hey Draco?" His voice was soft.

"What?" I replied.

His voice was soft again, with a hint of carefulness. "Do you know that girl that you mentioned? The muggle girl? Is it true?"

"Is what true? That she's suffering from leukaemia?"

"No no, I meant is it true that you've made friends with her?"

I thought for a second before answering, "yeah."

He looked me in the eyes. "But I thought you ... well, I always thought you hated muggles."

"So did I," I said evenly. "But I guess things change."

He gave a wide smile. "I guess they do."

"Do you always agree with me, or is it a new found thing? I mean, I know you find me beautiful and all ..."

He rolled his eyes at this remark. "Or maybe they don't."

I smirked. "You said it, Potter."

"Harry."

I let it pass for a second. I had a dozen snappy comebacks in my head, but I didn't use any of them. Instead I just nodded. "Right."

"And you promise to use your invisibility cloak?"

"Yes."

"Even when we're inside?"

"Yes."

"And you can't say a word, right?"

"Yes Draco, I've got it."

I sighed. "I don't know ..." I said, changing my mind for the fifth time.

"Oh please Draco, come on, let me come."

I let out a huff of air. "But why? Why do you want to come so badly?"

"Because I want to see her," Harry explained impatiently. "Hearing that Draco Malfoy has made friends with a muggle isn't a sight to be missed."

I looked at him sharply. "This isn't a fucking spectacle you know," I snapped.

"You know I don't really mean that," Harry said honestly. "I just want to meet this kid, she sounds cool."

I sighed. "Fine. But you wear the invisibility cloak at all times and you don't talk at all. Got it?"

Harry gave me a thumbs-up, pleased that he'd won. I scowled back at him, slightly angry with myself for backing down, but at the same time slightly pleased that he'd be able to see how brave Katy was.

"Stick by me," I said, doing my best to talk like a ventriloquist.

"I am," I heard him whisper. I didn't reply as I walked to the elevator that would take us to floor five. I walked into the back of the elevator anxiously and looked around the space that the businessman and the nurse that had followed in behind us had occupied. I lifted up my arm to an appropriate clear space and pinched as hard as I could. I listened out for a gasp but heard nothing. Half angrily yet half relieved , I waited until we reached the fifth floor, acting like I was waiting for someone before the elevator doors had closed. After looking down both ends of the corridor I hissed, "Potter!"

A cheeky head suddenly appeared out of nowhere and I had the sudden desire to smack it around the face.

"Hide!" I whispered loudly.

The head disappeared. "That pinch hurt you know."

"You'll get another one if you don't shut up."

A doctor passed me and flashed me a harried smile. I grinned back weakly, my heart thumping in my chest. When he'd passed, I whispered, "Come on." I made my way to the reception desk of the fifth floor and smiled at the lady at the desk. I recognized her from coming here for a while now.

"Hi, is Katy Hull in today?"

The receptionist looked crestfallen. "I'm sorry, she's not."

I sighed disappointedly. "When is she next in?"

The receptionist looked close to tears. She opened her mouth and I shook my head hurriedly to shut her up. "N-No," I stammered. "No she's not. She's not." Angry tears brimmed up in my eyes. "She's not tell me that she's not." I burst into tears and started howling maniacally. I felt an invisible hand grip my arm and I pulled it away angrily. I didn't want to be touched, I didn't want to be sympathized, I just wanted Katy back.

"She passed away a couple of days ago," the receptionist said quietly.

"You're lying," I spat angrily, wiping away the tears roughly with my sleeve. "She's not gone, she can't be."

"Draco."

I turned to see Dr. Warner standing behind me. "She's not gone," I told him.

His head lowered. "She has," he replied gravely.

"YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO MAKE HER BETTER," I screamed. Security guards were beginning to walk over but I didn't care. "YOUR FUCKING MEDICINE DIDN'T DO SHIT. YOU FAILED THAT LITTLE GIRL."

I spat in his face before security detained me.

"He's just upset," I heard Dr. Warner say quietly and the next thing I knew I was sitting on the side of the road outside of the hospital, screaming my pain away.

"Draco," a voice whispered.

"FUCK OFF," I screamed, knowing it was an invisible Harry. I drew a lot of puzzled stares but I didn't care. I wanted to fucking kill them all. See them writhe under my power. I wanted to control life and death and I wanted to bring Katy back. She couldn't have fucking died, she was just a little kid. It wasn't fair. This fucking evil cunt of an illness had killed her. Why did it have to exist? It wasn't fucking fair. I felt a hand squeeze my shoulder and I wrenched it away before getting up from my sitting position and running. I didn't know where I was running to and I didn't care, I just had to get away. I had to get away from Harry, get away from the truth, get away from myself, the world and everything. I just needed to escape.

Faster and faster I ran, the streets morphing into one big blur before I threw myself down a little side part of the road that led into a dingy alleyway. I roared loudly, kicking a lone dustbin for angry measure before whipping out my wand and blowing it into a million pieces.

"Draco, you need to be careful. Someone might see."

I whipped around and pointed my wand at Harry's heart. "Fuck. Off. Now." I trembled with every word I spoke.

He looked at my wand and then brought his gaze back up to my eyes. "I know you're upset, but landing yourself in Azkaban is not worth it," he said quietly and directly.

I dropped my wand on the floor and walked over to him quickly, my fist raised. He didn't flinch. I lowered it slowly and submissively. He walked past me and picked up an old flea-ridden mattress that had been left at the end of the alley.

He walked back over to me, carrying it with both hands.

"Hit it."

I didn't move.

"Go on, hit all your anger out."

I didn't move.

"HIT IT," he roared.

I curled up my fists and hit it as hard as I could, delivering blow after blow to the spongy material. I imagined it was leukeamia and I hit it hard in the gut for every fucking life it had stolen.

"Let it out, let it all out," Harry ordered.

And I did. I punched and punched until my energy had been spent at which point Harry threw the mattress on the floor and swooped me into a hug, which I gladly collapsed into in tears. He brought us both down to sit onto the mattress, my face still buried into his shoulder. He stroked my hair therapeutically and made soothing noises.

Before long my crying had been reduced to sniffs and hiccups.

"It's going to be my turn next," I whispered. I waited for a reply but I didn't receive one and the next thing I know, my eyes were closing slowly.

" ... him alone ... fucking hate you ... away."

My eyes slowly stirred open and I found myself in unfamiliar surroundings. I was in a bed of some sort however, and I felt my stomach being stroked softly while Harry spoke to it. He was crying bitterly, so I shut my eyes, feigning sleep, and listened.

"Just leave him alone," he wept, fingering my stomach. "Just go away, I fucking hate you. Just leave, please. I'm begging you, please just go. He's suffered enough. Please, just fucking go away and leave him the fuck alone."

As the tears ran down the cheeks of my silent face, they came cascading down Harry's as he cried loudly.

Gold meets silver. Ice is Fire. We were one.

And another chapter over! We're nearing the end of the story guys. Well, not straight away, there's more updates to come yet but this story is shortening every time I update and I'm just itching to get the last chapters out. I know exactly how it's going to end (always have done) but I'm not sure if anyone will be pleased with it (I'm starting to think whether I should change it – not for anyone else, but for myself mainly because I'm starting to think it might be a little twisted.) Ah, who knows. Anyway, please review! Love you all! Jords x