I'll Cry These Tears
Chapter 7 – Distrust
"Remember your promise," Lily reminded Remus grimly as they waited patiently for the carriages to finally reach the castle. The first of the carriages carrying students to Hogwarts from the station had began appearing round the corner some ten minutes ago.
And, for the first time in her life, Lily saw what she thought looked like genuine regret shine in Remus' eyes.
"I mean it, Remus," she probed gently. "You promised not to say a word."
"That I did, Lily," Remus answered her bleakly. "And I genuinely wished I hadn't."
Alarmed, Lily tore her eyes from the nearing carriages to look Remus in the eye. "I-I'm sorry that you had to bear this on your shoulders, Remus. I really am." Tears filled Lily's eyes and she turned away for a second before continuing. "I really wish that I could take it back, somehow. But I can't, and you mustn't tell anyone!"
Remus seized Lily's shoulders and pulled her in for a hug. "You have nothing to worry about, Lily. I had no intention of breaking my promise. None at all." He held her at arms length away and brushed a lock of amber streaked hair behind her ear. "I just wished that I'd never made the promise, is all. Dumbledore deserves to know and Malfoy deserves to be punished," Remus finished, malice entering his voice as he glared over Lily's shoulder.
Lucius Malfoy was standing no more than 30 yards away, watching the slow progress of the carriages towards the castle; awaiting his own friends to join him. Every now and then he glanced over at Remus and Lily, making Lily on edge and Remus extremely incensed.
Remus pointedly glared at Malfoy, who simply smirked back in a vexatious manner. At that moment, the first horseless carriage pulled up and emitted several squealing and excited second years, running to greet their comrades who had been left behind over the break. Carriage after carriage arrived at the front steps of Hogwarts, dumping their loads and trundling away. Lucius and his friends disappeared after about four carriages had dropped off students, and Remus and Lily waited in a fair bit more ease until the very last carriage pulled up and the door swung open.
"Lily!" Amelia cried, running up the stairs and hugging Lily with bone- jarring force. "Why on earth did you stop writing me?" she questioned heatedly, and Lily didn't get a chance to thank Remus for keeping her company over the break as Amelia dragged her into the hall, talking animatedly.
"So," Sirius chuckled, waggling his eyebrows as he watched Lily and Amelia walk away, arm in arm. "What was it like, having Lily to yourself for the whole holidays?"
"I was interesting," Remus replied, somewhat subdued.
"Interesting?" Peter repeated, dubiously. "Sometimes your kind of interesting is a lot different than ours!" James laughed and inclined his head towards Remus.
"Did she keep you locked up in the library all Christmas?"
"Actually, no." Remus smiled wryly at James. "It was the other way around. I dragged her down there almost everyday."
Sirius seemed to notice something distracted about Remus, and was about to question him as they sat down but was cut short by the sound of Dumbledore clearing his throat.
"Good evening!" he greeted them cheerfully. "I trust you have all had an enjoyable and rested Christmas break?"
There were a few nods of agreement, choruses of 'yes' and 'quite', yet both Lily and Remus remained quiet and restrained.
"Good, good," Dumbledore continued, his bright blue eyes twinkling behind his half-moon glasses. "Rested enough for some good hard work on Monday?"
Again, there was a mixed reaction. A few yes's, quite a few 'oh, I don't know's' and the occasional bold student shouting their protest. Dumbledore chuckled. "Well, enough of this meandering. Dinner, everyone, is served." And with a wave of his hand, it was.
Sirius instantly jumped to attention, grabbing anything and everything that he could reach and piling it on top of his plate. When he was satisfied with his plunder he looked about the table to see what everyone else had decided on, hoping that he had not missed anything.
Eyes coming to a rest on Lily's almost empty plate, he looked at it dismally. "Surely," he said, waving his hand at all the food, "you can do better than that? In light of the occasion?"
"What occasion?" Peter chuckled, sneaking the sprouts that Remus had insisted he eat onto Sirius' more than full platter.
"Why, Sirius Black's homecoming, that's what!" Sirius replied heartily, puncturing one of his roast potatoes with his fork and stuffing it into his mouth whole.
James rolled his eyes. "That seems like a reason not to celebrate if you ask me."
"Well," Sirius retorted bitterly and glaring at James across the table, "No one did ask you, did they Prongs?"
A silence crackling with suppressed laughter passed and Sirius smiled smugly. "No, I thought not." He turned pointedly back to his meal and looked at it in dismay. On it, in addition to what had been there before, Sirius found six sprouts, two large bits of pumpkin and a large of mashed peas. He looked suspiciously at Peter who was sitting on his left, looking completely innocent. Lowering his eyes to Peter's plate, he took in the lack of anything except mashed potatoes, shepherds pie and a delicious looking casserole that Sirius had obviously missed.
Sighing loudly, he stabbed each of the sprouts in turn, flicking them as far as he could in the direction of the Slytherin table and not even bothering to check if they had hit their targets. Next, he began on the pumpkin. Mashing it up a bit, he proceeded to pile it onto the biggest spoon he could find and projectile that to the Slytherin table also.
Finally, he began to scoop up the mashed peas expertly, suggesting that he had done this many times before. Turning in his seat to aim this, also, at the Slytherin table, he realized far too late as he pulled the spoon back and let it go, that one fuming Professor McGonagall was standing right in front of him.
"Oh! Professor! I-I- you gave me a fright!" This didn't seem to please the Professor overly much, and she continued to glare as she reached up and wiped the mashed pea from her spectacles. The Gryffindor table was completely hushed. "I-er, you gave me such a fright that I accidentally let go of my spoon... it doesn't stain," he added consciously, eyeing her pea- splattered robes dubiously.
Professor McGonagall nodded curtly. "And I suppose, Mr. Black, that these boys also gave you a fright," she said, moving to the side and revealing six or seven Slytherin boys, "causing you to projectile items of food across the room?"
Sirius, going red in the face, took a closer look at the boys. They all seemed to be covered in some form of sprout, pumpkin or gravy. Peter and James were desperately trying to keep quiet, holding onto their sides as their faces went bright red and their eyes watered with the effort. Even Remus had an amused look on his face and a red tinge in his cheeks.
"Uh," Sirius said, floundering for some excuse. "What if I said it wasn't me?"
"Not going to work, Mr. Black," McGonagall said blandly, a twinkle of amusement in her eyes. "Come with me."
"But--" he looked down at his almost full plate and the yummy looking casserole he had yet to try.
"Not today. You brought it on yourself." She tapped her foot impatiently and glared. "Now, Mr. Black!"
He got up reluctantly and looked sadly at all the food begging for his attention. Walking down the table towards the back of the hall, he quickly grabbed a large stick of French bread and skillfully dipped it into a first years' plate of shepherd's pie on his way. "Thanks mate!" he called back as the first year looked at his plate, not quite sure whether to be dismayed or amused.
"You'd think that he hadn't eating in months!" Amelia commented in-between fits of giggles.
James agreed, drinking deeply from his pumpkin juice. "I feel sorry for the poor sod. He's going to have to endure at least a weeks worth of detention for splattering McGonagall with pea mash on the first day back!"
Amelia and Remus laughed heartily, but Lily didn't join in. She was trying to enjoy herself, but the picture of Lucius Malfoy covered in pumpkin and looking as menacing as he had that night some weeks ago was haunting her. And knowing her luck, it would haunt her tonight, in the confines of sleep.
"Lily, what's the matter?" Amelia asked, watching the pain in Lily's eyes. Instantly, Lily guarded her look, denying anything was the matter.
Deciding that she didn't much feel like being on the receiving end of any more puzzled or sympathetic glances, she stood up and announced that she was tired and going to retire.
"But you've barely touched your dinner!" Amelia protested, waving at the almost untouched food.
"I'm too tired to eat, Ames. I promise I'll eat in the morning."
"No, you should eat now. You look thinner since the last time I saw you. You need to eat something to keep up your energy."
Lily gave an exasperated sigh and tried to argue, not getting very far.
"If she says she's tired, then she probably knows what she's talking about," James said, coming to her rescue.
"'She' is the cat's mother, Potter," Lily snapped, getting annoyed. She wasn't a damsel in distress. She didn't need some knight in shining armor to rescue her and could fight her own battles. And she said so. "I can fight my own battles, Potter. I don't need your help!" Then she stormed off out of the hall, Amelia hot on her heels.
James sighed loudly. Looking at Remus, he said, "You know, sometimes I just don't understand women."
Remus chuckled light heartedly. "You and every other male in the universe, mate. You and every other male."
"But at the end of last term she was actually civil to me. I thought I was finally getting somewhere!" He pushed his food around on his plate. "I just don't see what could have happened over the holidays that changed her mind."
"A distrust in the entire male species?" Remus asked blankly, before realizing that he shouldn't have said that.
"What are you talking about, Moony?" James asked, looking at Remus, puzzled.
"Nothing," Remus replied, a little too quickly. He wasn't good at lying to his best friends. "I mean, well, my minds preoccupied with something else. I was just rambling."
James looked at Remus skeptically. "Remus," he said, "you've never just 'rambled' in your life. What's going on?"
"Nothing at all's going on, Prongs. Maybe Lily's just afraid that your relationship is changing into something more friendly after all these years. You must remember that she is probably used to being snarky and mean to you. It's hard to overcome basic instincts that you are used to, and it scares her that things are changing."
"Yea, you're probably right," James agreed, turning back to his plate. Remus smiled proudly at his own inventiveness. Boy, was he good.